II

"Are you going to bring me a present?" Mei asks, excitedly.

"I'm leaving you with the best present already, hun," Jinwoo replies to a confused girl. She frowns, looking up at Minho.

"Is dad the best present?" she inquires, surprised and innocently, blinking at them, curiosity shading the brown of her eyes.

"For me he is," Jinwoo says kissing Mei's curly hair and tickling her until she is crawling in laughter on the floor, kicking Jinwoo to stop. "Anyway, I'll be back in two days, do you think you can manage?" he smiles at Minho, who looks at him outraged.

"Of course I can! I took great care of Danha before," he replies. Jinwoo laugh medley with Mei’s, who is now up, a bright, joyful smile spreading on her petite face.

"So I've heard," and smirks before kissing him, too.

"Maybe we should leave Mei with granny," Jinwoo ponders, unsure, on his way out. Mei is holding one of his hands, the other is folded around Minho's, who glances at him offended.

"Yes, please, granny!" cheers Mei, bouncing at the thought. It's not a good beginning, Minho thinks, locking the car’s door. Jinwoo sits Mei on her carrier and then takes the co-pilot seat despite that Mei is waving, beckoning him to her side instead.

It's not a good way of going.

"We will be alright, don't worry love," Minho assures him. But it doesn't work, Jinwoo is still preoccupied, video-calling them even from the plane – it hasn’t been ten minutes of separation but Jinwoo already feels unsettled, worried about Mei.

Minho shows more confidence than he feels. This will be the first time he will be alone with Mei. Usually, it's the other way around: he spending a few days away for work but this time Jinwoo couldn't avoid it. It was clear that he didn't want to go either. Jinwoo has tried to ask Minho's mother, but she was busy running her coffee shop to bother. And Jinwoo's family was too far to go only for a weekend. Minho was the only option left, which was disappointing for Minho - he should be the first, he can be trusted to take care of Mei.

"It's not like I don't trust you but Mei... she isn't comfortable with you...," Jinwoo had said, blunt, direct, breaking Minho's heart. It is true: Mei dislikes him somehow. Maybe it's because he is barely around when she is awake, perhaps he should spend more time home. He has to work it out because she is her daughter as much as she is Jinwoo’s and he wants for nothing but for her to love him, to feel save with him – for Jinwoo to don’t have to be reckless staying home all day just so Mei doesn’t have to be alone with Minho.

"You know I trust you with my whole life," Jinwoo has promised him, swallowing any protest he could manage to say. He kissed him with force, with all the meaning. But as much as Jinwoo said, Minho was totally at lost with Mei. Jinwoo smoothed the tired lines of his forehead, his hand on his chest, a lightweight that was a pledge of unending love, a bond that meant forever and beyond. With his fingers dancing on his skin and his voice vowing to him, he could sleep at night, Jinwoo’s frame pressed between his arms, his head nestling next to him, his lips smiling in precious dreams, gushing their family name.

Back home from the airport, Minho finds a bunch of papers with detailed instructions about Mei. There are schedules and annotations about food and TV shows and other activities they can perform later on. There is a list of contacts in case of an emergency – as if something could really happen under Minho’s hawk watch, - and reminders to read her bed-time-story.

"We don't need them," he says, eyeing at them, smiling hopefully at Mei. She nods, contradicting him.

"Please, Dad, can I go with granny?" she begs, using her pretty, round eyes. This is not going as planned.

Mei nearly never refers to him as "Dad"; she uses his real name instead, which is already upsetting – as if she refused to acknowledge him as his parent. If she calls him "Dad" it only means one thing: that she wants something from him - in this case to not be there with him. Minho wants to cry, wishing that Jinwoo were here by his side.

It is amusing, though, how she knows how to persuade him, how to get what she wants when she is only five. She blinks twice and her eyes shine and she looks so adorable Minho can’t resist it – and this has all to do with Seungyoon who probably has taught her that.

"OK, my little butterfly, I'm leaving you with dad. Take care of him, he can be a little dense and stupid, but I love him as much as I love you," has been Jinwoo's goodbye words. He has tugged Mei into one last hug, ruffling her hair. They linger still in Minho's heart, he wants to press them deeply, keep them save. He will need them for the time that Jinwoo won't be around, for the time he will be missed. Needed, too, because Mei is starting at him bored and he doesn't know what to do to keep her entertained. Maybe she would like to help him with work? What does Jinwoo do with her all day long? For the first time, he regrets his crazy working hours, the amount of time he spends out; if he only has stayed home more often he would know what to do, he would be a better parent – a parent that could be trusted, a partner that could be loved and in who you could lay on.

He looks at the stack of papers with a Jinwoo’s tinny handwriting letter. He has jokingly set them aside, discharging them, but maybe, he will need them, maybe in them, there is the way to make Mei love him since she is so distant and unattached to Minho, always laced with Jinwoo, always his little shadow, a tiny butterfly revolving around Jinwoo.

Minho ignores rule number 2 and allows Mei to watch TV and Youtube videos while he tries to get some work done. He rules a business so he is always occupied, unable to rest even on weekends. It’s a blessing that Jinwoo is by his side, taking care of everything, remembering him that, even when he is barely home, he is loved. Jinwoo has sacrificed his career to stay home, now working from home for Seungyoon’s graphic design company. He has done it all for the sake of his family – he has allowed Minho to be the sole bread-earner, while Jinwoo is this family’s heart and sustain.

For a few hours, Mei keeps herself happy with animal documentaries, throwing casual questions that Minho can’t solve about nature and plants and the name of birds he can’t even recognise. But she laughs at his frowning face and doesn’t complain and Minho can get what he has left done.

The afternoon goes by so quick that Minho hasn’t the chance to do anything with Mei – he has been working and she has been watching TV alone. Around seven he thinks about preparing dinner. According to Jinwoo should be some delicious homemade leftovers ready for them but, when Minho opens the lid, it smells rotten. Mei comes to the kitchen, sniffs at it and makes a face.

“Not good. Dad made it a week ago,” she explains while Minho is throwing it straight to the bin. A waste because Jinwoo’s food is always delicious – when it hasn’t gone bad.

“What are we going to eat?” Minho asks while rummaging around the supplies stored in the fridge. There are lots of things to cook but Minho hasn’t done any cooking in years and, even then, he wasn’t a chef by any account. “Maybe delivery?”

He is about to call when someone rings the door.

“Food!” exclaims Mei excitedly, swirling around Seunghoon. He is carrying a bunch of paper boxes and containers with his restaurant’s logo printed on them – Jinwoo’s design.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Minho inquires happily. The smell that comes from Seunghoon’s food is mouth-watering, makes his stomach growl hungrily.

“A got a call from Jinwoo hyung. He thought that you would need it,” he says, laying the containers on the counter. As usual, Jinwoo is here to save the day even miles away, even when he has left dinner prepared.

Mei jumps and runs around Seunghoon, pleading him to stay but Seunghoon is only on his way to the restaurant and has to go. Mei pouts and shouts and hangs on Seunghoon’s leg, crying. It takes five minutes for her to stop fighting and letting him go and a whole lot of promises that Minho is aware he can’t keep.

Mei eats with gusto much to Minho’s expectations. He has no energy left to force food down – and he doesn’t want to. She eats deliciously Seunghoon’s pasta, getting sauce all over , the spaghetti tangled around her fingers. And then she grabs strawberries and eats them raw, straight from the bowl, letting the juices blend with the tomato from the pasta.

“Come on, we have to clean this little face,” Minho tries to coach her to the sink, but she doesn’t move an inch. Stubborn kid. He wets a cloth to wash her, but she flinches, running away from him. She is troubled. He runs after her, chasing her, making her laugh for the first time, with glee. When he gets her – hiding under the table, - he presses the cloth to her face, and she giggles, trying to escape again. Minho lets her go once she is fully clean, giving Mei time to hide again.

It takes four books before Mei falls asleep. Minho sighs, exhausted. They have been running around for an hour before bath time. Then he has dried her hair and it was, again, a problem. She winced at the mere sight of the comb and then he had to battle against a bunch of tangles until he could dry it and braid it nicely for her. She smiled at her reflection, bitting the end of her fair hair.

“Dad is good at reading, but I like dad more, you do funny voices,” she had said before closing her eyes finally. Minho’s voice is totally gone after role-playing ten differents characters to Mei’s delight – high pitch princesses, rough dragons.

“Sleep well my butterfly,” he kissed her soft, warm cheek, tugged the duvet and closed silently the door, leaving a tiny gap for light to come in, to reassure her dreams.

Minho is so tired he doesn’t even answer Jinwoo’s calls. He texted him, sends him a picture of Mei and goes straight to sleep. It has been a tough day – difficult enough that he hasn’t time to miss Jinwoo resting next to him.

The mattress bounces and there is a heavyweight on top of his chest, screaming. And punching. And slapping. At first, he thinks that it’s Jinwoo who wants a bit of attention and affection before getting out of bed – but Jinwoo would never be this rough, this savage.

He yells, too, when he realises that he has Mei sitting on him, her hands squashing his cheeks.

“You wake up, breakfast!” she exclaims, jumping to one side to the other. He has to grab her to prevent Mei from falling from the bed. The prospect of making breakfast is unappealing but he gets up, washes quickly his face – with Mei sticking to his leg, - and walks to the kitchen. What does she usually have for breakfast? It’s only eight and Minho can’t with his life, how does Jinwoo survive? Has parenting always been this hard? It just has been one day and he can’t wait for Jinwoo to come back home.

Minho makes a mess and Mei doesn’t help. She demands Jinwoo’s pancakes and Minho refuse to even try. They have an argument and both end ordering food from the café.

“I want dad,” Mei pouts, sulking, holding tight her teddy bear. She doesn’t want Minho around and she has retreated to her room, slamming the door.

“I want dad, too, don’t feel so special!” he yells her back. Childish. He can’t function well without Jinwoo, without his anchor, the greatest part of his heart and soul. Because he adores Mei, he truly does, but Jinwoo is his everything, the sun and the stars that light his universe, the constant that keeps his chest throbbing.

Mei stays locked for an hour before having to go to the toilet. She feels apologetic, sorrowful. She decides to sit on Minho’s lap and annoy him while doing nothing.

“Mei, stop,” he says but it falls to deaf ears since she blatantly ignores him.

“When dad will be back?” she asks a while after. She is now busy kissing Bei’s tummy and the cat lets her, looking pitiful at Minho.

“I don’t know, but stop annoying the cats,” he commands. His voice must be too strict because Mei automatically lets Bei go and sits squarely on the couch.

“But when will he be back?”

Minho sighs. She has been asking it all day long.

“Soon,” he replies.

“How soon?” she restores, expectantly, her face lit up.

“Very soon,” a voice that isn’t Minho’s says.

Mei is up, running madly to the door. Minho joins her in a heart-beat. Jinwoo is smiling at them beatifically. Mei jumps to his opened arms and swirls around, giggling, peppering kisses to Jinwoo’s loving face.

“My butterfly! Have you been a good girlie?” he asks, already knowing the answer. She is still wearing her unicorn pyjama and her hair, once a perfect braid, is now a disaster. Her hands are disty with crumbs from breakfast and Jinwoo can feel the sulking between them. But, with him, she beams.

“It’s unfair. I was the one working hard, where is my price?” Minho actually pouts, breaking their hug, sneaking in.

“Minho has done nothing but work. He let me watch telly, he hasn’t been good at all,” Mei snitches him, smiling all innocently. Jinwoo looks surprised. “But dad is back!” she says, climbing back to Jinwoo’s arms. He holds her tight and avoids Minho, disappointed.

Jinwoo gets dinner ready, feeds Mei, plays with her, takes a shower with her and puts her to bed. There hasn’t been a single yell or tear. Mei has been nothing but a perfect baby girl, clinging to Jinwoo, giving him all her love. And Jinwoo has done his best to ignore Minho.

When Minho goes to bed, later, Jinwoo is still awake.

“Mei is not that difficult, you know,” his voice is accusative, he looks at him sternly, upset. “She is five, she wants to play and to have your attention. Was it so complicated?” he nags, exasperated. He doesn’t even kiss him. He turns to face the wall and leaves Minho hanging, longing.

“Jinwoo, honey...” Minho says, shaking him. Jinwoo doesn’t bother but Minho is sure that he is awake, listening. “I’m sorry. I really tried but she keeps pushing me out,” he tries to explain. “She hates me most of the time and I know it is an excuse, but what I am supposed to do?”

“Try harder, that’s it,” Jinwoo kicks him, “she is your daughter but you haven’t had the time to know her. I bet you can’t name her favourite teddy,” Minho’s eyes look dejected, about to tear up. “She named it Minho because it reminds her of you. And she sleeps with it every day. She doesn’t hate you, she wants you to make an effort to be with her. An effort to be her dad.”

Minho remembers Mei, running, playing with him last night. That was the only moment they spent together, really together. Now he realises how sad it is, how little he has done, how little he knows about her own kid, how right is Jinwoo – and how he hates that he is right about this.

It hurts, the truth cutting him, reaping his heart. But he can change it. He can come home earlier, rely on his workers more, stay with Mei and Jinwoo, be part of the family, not a complement but an indispensable piece. And he will, starting now. From now on until forever, he promises to the sky, he will do better, he will gain Mei’s love, make Jinwoo proud.

“Stop sulking, just do better next time and follow my tips, stupid!” Jinwoo pinches him, kisses him, too. “I know you will succeed. After all, you won my heart,” he says, lips on Minho’s. “you can win hers,” he adds hands in his frame, pulling him in for another round of kissing.

“Missed you,” Minho gasps, the air from his lungs drowning straight on Jinwoo’s mouth. “Missed you a lot, don’t know how much,” his voice is raspy, his hands travelling to his navel, dancing to dangerous places.