There are many reasons why Yongsun chose to be an Architect. 

When somebody asking her about it, they tend to be stuck with her for hours. Like a mad person, she will give them every detail of every what and why. But if the circumstances force her to only give one answer, then she will choose this particular reason.

It’s an art of problem-solving. 

Whether the building is for an individual or a big company, the design process will start from a specific problem that she has to solve. To do it, Yongsun needs to sort out every possible option first before she can decide what she will choose later. 

And that is always the most exciting part of the job. 

But also, the hardest one.

Because every option, no matter how small it is, will always have its impact. That’s why, the clearest path to do the job is to always go back to its problem, and ask: Does this particular element will solve the problem?

If yes, use it.

If not, eliminates it.

As simple as that. 

Ironically, years of implementing this way of thinking at her work have never influenced Yongsun at solving her love-life problem. Rather than thinking logically about what should be done, she let her feeling to possess her. Over and over again, she chooses to be floating in seas of uncertainties. 

Because love shouldn’t be technical.

She believed it’s an area without filtration because when you love, you simply love. 

But, this morning event, changes her mind.

If someone who declares wants to promise her forever could testing her for years before deciding to reach her, then probably, Yongsun’s idea about love is wrong.

Because it turns out, love is all about choosing what’s best for you.

And if Byul can do it, so does Yongsun. 

Yongsun is currently on her way up at the elevator to see Joo Young. Despite her girlfriend’s disagreement to meet at the hotel room, Yongsun insists to go up by herself. Being hard-headed is never Yongsun’s cup of tea, but somehow, the agenda she has for today can’t be done without private space. 

Once the elevator gets to the right floor, the metallic door starts to opening up and serves her with the sight of her girlfriend in a bathrobe. Moreover, she can’t help but noticing her girlfriend freshly washed-out hair. 

“Yongsun.”, says Joo Young in frustration. 

She smiles, “Joo Young.”

Her girlfriend sighs, “I never took a shower this fast before. Why can’t you wait for me in the restaurant?”

Yongsun shrugs her shoulder.

Like she can read Yongsun’s mind, Joo Young asks another question, “What is it?”

 “Nothing. I just… I don’t want to be alone.”

The short-haired woman gives her a long look before telling Yongsun to follow her which she obeys without debate. 

---

“Just sit anywhere.”, says Joo Young while both of them walk into the room. By habit, Yongsun stands at the center of the room to observe the place. Meanwhile, Joo Young gets into the bathroom while telling her to wait as she will be dressed up.

Once she can hear the bathroom door being closed, Yongsun’s mind starts to fill with her plan for Joo Young. A moment of solitude that she has stops immediately as soon as her girlfriend stands beside her, “What do you think about it?”

Without bothering to turn her head around to see Joo Young, Yongsun smirks before answering the question that refers to the room design, “Boring. It can be better.”

Her girlfriend chuckles, “Oh hello, South Korean Zaha Hadid.”

Yongsun rolls her eyes, “Oh, shut up.”

Joo Young shakes her head in surrender. Suddenly, she pulls Yongsun’s arm to make them sit side-to-side at the bed, “So, what do you want us to do today, Girlfriend?”

If this morning’s event with Byul didn’t happen, Yongsun will definitely get surprised by Joo Young’s sudden act at calling her a Girlfriend. But then, it did happen. 

So, it’s hard to top that. 

With that in mind, Yongsun chooses to use this opportunity to starts the talk. Yet, no matter how sure she is right now about it, she can’t help but feel nervous. 

“How about… in here?”

Her girlfriend’s eyebrows rise, “Here, here?”

Yongsun nods, “Um, here. I’m in the mood to talk.”

“We can talk in the restaurant, though.”

Yongsun shakes her head, “But, I’m okay with this. I mean, we can also call the room service to bring us food instead.”

Joo Young is questioning her in silence before confronting her right away, “Tell me, did something happen last night?”

Unlike what she usually does, Yongsun doesn’t dodge the question, but answer it straightforwardly, “Yes.”

Before her girlfriend asks her another question, Yongsun adds more,” And also, this morning.”

“Byul’s stuff?”

“Byul’s stuff.”

“Does it something I will hate?”

Yongsun nods weakly. 

Joo Young sighs, “In just our second day?”

It startles Yongsun to hear the truthfulness behind Joo Young’s words. She did make a big mistake in their only second day together. The fact can’t be denied, but it didn’t mean it’s not hurting Yongsun’s heart. 

At last, after trying her best to dismiss her instinct to escape from this conversation, Yongsun nods once again.

The other woman massages her temple in disbelief but gestured Yongsun to start speaking. 

Yongsun takes a deep breath before throws out the news, “She said she loves me.”

Now, Joo Young stares down on the floor while smirking, “So, you knew now. Is that all?”

“…No.”

“What then?”

“We- We kissed.”

“And?”

“I said I love her too.”

Joo Young laughs at Yongsun’s answer. Just like what Yongsun expects, Joo Young will pretend she is fine by making fun of it, “Well, congratulation, Kim Yongsun. Your dream finally comes true. Your best friend loves you back.”

Yongsun observes her girlfriend who still hiding her face from her in silence before calls her name, “Joo Young.”

Unmoved from her current position, she answers, “Should I get lost now?”

“Look at me.”

Joo Young chuckles before straightens her back to stares at Yongsun’s eyes back, “Hm, end us now.”

She stays quiet for a second to prepare her heart for the worst. At last, she finds her bravery and throws out her thoughts, “I don’t want us to break up.”

With those seven words, Yongsun flips Joo Young’s mood instantly.

“ you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Joo Young intensifies her voice, “Can you be more selfish than this?!”

“I don’t know, but still, I want you to keep dating me.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t date a cheater, Yongsun. When I said I want you to take this relationship seriously, it includes this aspect.”

The words hit Yongsun hard, so she shut herself up.

“Say. The. Word. Now.”, says Joo Young in a threatening tone.

With every last bravery she has, Yongsun shakes her head, “No.”

Quickly, Joo Young stands herself up in frustration while pulling Yongsun’s arm towards the front door. To drive her out from the room. Half-way to the destination, Yongsun is finally succeeding at releasing herself from Joo Young’s grip, “No!”

In the small corridor, Joo Young gives her a disgusted look, “YAH! STOP BEING A !”

“I DON’T CARE!”

“GET OUT!”

“NO!”

After minutes of shouting at each other, it’s finally Joo Young who gives up and leaves Yongsun in the corridor to walk towards the main space of the room. She lays herself down on the bed while ignoring Yongsun. 

It takes another minute before Yongsun carefully joins Joo Young in bed. She places herself to lay beside her girlfriend. While staring at the ceiling, she calls Joo Young gently. 

No responses.

“I made mistake. I know. I’m sorry.”

Another silence.

“I want to stay with you.”, pledges Yongsun towards Joo Young. 

She can hear the big sigh that comes from her girlfriend, “How about your best friend?”

“She doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I choose you.”

Her girlfriend remains unmoved. Like she’s thinking hard about Yongsun’s word. As the silence starts to suffocate Yongsun, at last, Joo Young changes her positions by moving herself up towards the cupboard and leans on it. 

She’s staring down at Yongsun, “It’s not enough to make me want to stay.”

“How to make it enough, then?”

“Answer it yourself.”

Being rejected, Yongsun moves her eyes down from Joo Young’s. Not to give up, but to prepare her heart because she decides to act on something that she never did before. Lead by her determination, Yongsun sits herself up before starts to take off her dress and leave only her undergarments. 

Joo Young says nothing while eyed her in indifferent expression.

Like she’s not interested.

But, when Yongsun put herself on her laps, Joo Young sighs tiringly, “Really?”

Yongsun ignores the remarks and says, “Make me yours.”

Joo Young laughs in disbelief, “What should I?”

“No one had me before.”

Lack of enthusiasm from the other woman makes Yongsun does something brave. She kisses her first. Blame it on her minimum experience, but somehow Yongsun can’t make Joo Young react. The woman she kissed does nothing but seeing at her between kisses with judging eyes. 

In frustration, Yongsun starts to open her bra.

At last, her girlfriend reacts, “Stop it.”

Yongsun rolls her eyes in annoyed, “Am I so hard to love that people need to humiliate me first before they give me what I want?!”

“No, it’s not that.”, says Joo Young calmly.

“Then what? You need to test me out too?”

Joo Young shakes her head.

“Show it to me.” 

Being challenged by Yongsun, her girlfriend snaps. 

It’s such an aggressive kiss with so much anger in it. There are no soft touches or even a little bit of love in it. Unlike her strong persona, Yongsun can’t help but feel clueless with the sensation. Even when she grips Joo Young’s shirt to ask her to give her time to take a short breath, Joo Young ignores it. 

In fast motion, she grabs Yongsun's waist to make them closer. At that time, Joo Young’s anger has finally turned down. 

Her kind girlfriend is back. 

And now, she’s showering Yongsun with light kisses on her neck that makes her trembling all over her body.

Yongsun sighs as she finds herself feeling nice. 

But suddenly, her girlfriend stops and asks, “Are you sure, Yongsun?”

To be asked that question, Yongsun can’t help but thinking it through.

Am I?

After years of saving herself for Byul, is she ready to give her all to somebody else? Even though, that somebody is her girlfriend. 

Am I?

She should be ready because Byul who says she loves her can also find another warmth with other people easily. 

Am I?

Of course, she is. 

“Yes.”, answer Yongsun clearly.

Yet, her girlfriend does nothing but stares at her, “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

Being judged so hard by Joo Young, Yongsun gets angry, “I said yes, aren’t I? People really need to stop deciding for me!”

First, Byul, and now you?

It takes another moment of silence of unspoken conversation between them before Joo Young gives in and touches her again.

At last, someone loves Yongsun right. 

---

I did it.

In the bathtub filled with warm water, Yongsun closes her eyes to find some peace. As her tensed body starts to loosen up, she sighs in relief. 

Once again, she said to herself.

I did it and it was… nice.

It’s actually more than nice because Joo Young is really saying the truth when she said she’s a good lover. 

Her touch wasn’t entirely gentle, but not so aggressive either. Yongsun can say, it’s just right. She can’t help but realize that her girlfriend does know how to read signals. Without asking, she knew what Yongsun wants or needs at the moment. 

If Hyejin hears this story, then she might congratulate her on having a perfect first time. 

But whether it’s actually perfect or not, Yongsun doesn’t care because it is for her.

How can it not be when Yongsun feels loved by Joo Young in every second of it? 

So, it’s enough.

Suddenly, the bathroom door is being opened. 

Of course, it’s Joo Young.

“Your food is getting colder.”

“Five more minutes, please.”, begs Yongsun with a pouty mouth.

Her girlfriend sighs in surrender towards her stubbornness. Instead of prolonging the conversation, Joo Young walks into the room completely and walks towards the vanity unit. To be able to predict what will happen later, Yongsun gets startled with the action, “Wha- What are you doing?”

The short-haired woman glances at her, “Brush my teeth?”

“That’s it, right?”

While brushing her teeth, Joo Young laughs, “I want to clean myself first before getting going to the airport, Yongsun.”

Ah, right. Joo Young will go back to Japan tonight.

“You don’t want to get out, so I’ll join you instead. It’s big enough for both of us.”

Feeling panic, Yongsun tries to escape from the situation she’s still not ready yet, “I’ll finish it quickly. Wait for me-“

Joo Young smirks, “Na-ah. Just wait for me.”

“It’s embarrassing, though…”, mumbles Yongsun while soaking herself more into the water. 

Despite the awkwardness, Yongsun can’t help but take a peek towards her girlfriend due to her curiosity. Even though they look fine now, but Joo Young doesn’t answer her yet regarding their relationship status.

Without realizing, Yongsun speaks out her mind, “We’re not breaking up, right?”

Surprisingly, the response is quick, “To be honest, I don’t know. I feel like it’s useless to keep going with our agreement, but at the same time, I don’t want to lose you either.”

To hear such an honest answer, Yongsun says nothing.

It takes another second before Joo Young starts to speak again, “How about you tell me first about what’s really bothering you? After that, we'll decide  us.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not the type to do a reckless thing, Yongsun. For you to act like today… you must be having some reasons behind it.”

Yongsun smiles sadly, “I do.”

Her girlfriend starts to walk closer to her. Instead, join her right away, Joo Young chooses to sit on the toilet’s lid beside the bathtub, “Go on.”

She takes a deep breath before spill everything out, “I feel like .”

Joo Young gives her a questioning look.

“I feel like after I told her I love her. The love is still there, but the hatred of being clowned for years is stronger. I… I ing wasted all my tears for something that… totally unnecessary. I mean, if only we both were honest with each other, I wouldn’t need to feel those horrible emotions. But, Joo Young, that 10 years full of pain, jealousy, hopelessness did happen. I went through that. It’s not something that I can easily erase. I-“

She stops for a bit to calm herself down.

“I did not blame her, though. It’s perfectly fine to be wanted certainty, but I also can’t just accept that she let me live in the dark for so long. Alone. Secretly, putting the responsibility of our future to me while waiting in silence.” 

“Meanwhile, you- “, she glances towards Joo Young, “You choose me. Regardless of not knowing myself enough. You choose me. I… I want to have it, that kind of blind love, Joo Young.”

Please, choose me again. 

Joo Young stays quite like she’s currently thinking hard over something. Meanwhile, Yongsun looks at her with hopeful stares. 

Suddenly, her girlfriend moves from her current position to take off her bathrobe. Without saying anything, she guides Yongsun to slide a little bit so she can join her. Feeling shocked and embarrassed, Yongsun can’t help but hides her face with her hands. Once the other woman settles in, she chuckles,

“Hey, relax. Lean your back towards me.”

Awkwardly, she does what Joo Young tells her. 

“Nice?”

Yongsun nods quickly. 

 “Yongsun, I think I need you to know my story too. What I feel towards you… is not as blind as you think it is.”

To be honest, Yongsun also thinks the same. She’s not that naive, okay?

To having this comfortable relationship that gives her the freedom to be this ed up is only happening in movies. It’s almost felt like a dream. That’s why, deep down, Yongsun knows there is more about Joo Young than what she shows. 

It’s just that, she doesn’t know if she wants to know it or not.

But, if that what it takes to make the other woman stay, then Yongsun won’t mind, “Tell me.”

Joo Young hugs her from behind and sighs, “I knew you before we met each other.”

What?

“Of course, not personally, but through Mino. I think, since the day you become his other best friend, I feel like I’ve known you too. So, that's why it's easy for me to understand you.”

She sighs and starts to speak again, “Mino always talk about you. He keeps telling me how he worried about his best friend’s well-being and I can only advise him to stick with you. To be there when you need him. But… unknowingly, I’ve started to have a crush on you.”

Yongsun can’t help but crack a smile, “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s silly, I know. To like someone that you don't really know. Even sometimes I asked Mino to send your new picture to me… Gosh, I'm sorry. ”

To know that Joo Young can act like a teenager, Yongsun laughs, “You’re so cute.”

Joo Young laughs with her too.

“When we met each other for real, I thought it will end this weird crush I have towards you. But no, it didn’t. It actually grows into… okay, it’s not important. What I want-”

It is. 

“Say it.”

Yet, her girlfriend ignores her. 

“Anyway, what I want to say, based on my experience, is you’re not hard to love, Yongsun. In fact, it’s the opposite. So, I think what makes Byul did what she did is because she scared of not be able to treat you right.”

It doesn’t matter anymore. 

Feeling slightly annoyed to hear Byul’s name, Yongsun snaps, “It’s about you and me. Stop talking about her.”

Her girlfriend starts to her in gentle motion to calm her down, “Yongsun, listen to me, okay? You need to realize this first before we can decide if we want to continue this relationship or not. I’m the same as her. I am also afraid to this thing up too. The difference is unlike her, I take the chance. But the fact remains, to choose me or chosen by me, doesn’t give you a guarantee that you will be happy.”

Like someone slaps her into reality, Yongsun feels starts to choke up. 

“Because, Yongsun…”, as she hugs her tighter, “ the one that should love you right is yourself. Not me, not Byul. You.”

Yongsun’s shoulder starts to get shaky.

“Do you understand?”

She starts to sob hard. Meanwhile, Joo Young stays there without saying anything but comforting her. 

___

A/N:

First, I want to shout out to justaFreader-nim for telling me about Zaha Hadid. Thank you ^.^

And second, hope you like the chapter as much as I do!

Stay safe, everyone!