Twelve
Ironic BindAfter Daniel ushered Hyun Ae to sit on one of the camping chairs, he placed his grocery plastic bag on the table. Then, he took out a skewered fishcake before he headed to Chanhee, who was still sitting on the mat.
“Lion-ah,” Daniel fondly addressed the puppy in front of Chanhee. “You like walking by the riverbank, don’t you?” He said as he squatted in front of the pet’s body. “Let’s go, it’s been a while since we walked together.”
It all happened in a split moment. Daniel scooped up the puppy, stood up, carried the small dog’s body in one arm, and scurried away from the hangout spot.
It had left Chanhee gaping in disbelief. At least that was what Hyun Ae read through his eyes.
Because that was what she was feeling, too. She did not want to be left alone with Chanhee.
She even thought of following Daniel suit. But what would that make of her, leaving Chanhee all alone? She bet that Chanhee also thought the same thing. That it was not wise to leave the other alone at the hangout spot.
For a few minutes, only mild breezes of wind filled up the space between them. Even though they were in the middle of summer, Hyun Ae felt like there was a specific coldness to this place. Particularly after Daniel scurried away with his pet.
Hyun Ae was gauging who was going to initiate a conversation. Or, if there would be any.
She looked at Ricky’s older acquaintance.
Chanhee remained seated on the mat, legs crossed. His eyes were fixated on the riverbank, perpendicular to his body. His sharp jawlines looked clenched. Considering that the mat was placed a few steps ahead of the camping chairs, Hyun Ae was naturally sitting a few steps behind. At her angle, she could only see Chanhee’s left side profile. Even at the littlest exposure of his face, Hyun Ae still studied Chanhee.
She recalled the details from her conversation with Daniel earlier. Chanhee was living together with Daniel. They were going to the same university. He was a final-year student. Enrolled in Vocal course, and was particularly excellent at venting out high notes. He also did a minor in Dances, which he did fairly well that he could be on par with the ‘dancing machine’ of their group, Jonghyun. He had the softest spot for the youngests—Ricky and Jonghyun.
Seeing how Chanhee stayed voiceless even after a few minutes flew by, Hyun Ae began to feel that she might not be welcomed at the hangout spot. Even though she was brought as a ‘guest’ by Daniel, she felt like she was an intruder in Chanhee’s eyes.
Nonetheless, she decided to initiate a conversation. In the midst of her monologue, she began to question if it was necessary to introduce herself. ‘If I did so, will I get his attention?’ Braving herself, she cleared , making sure it was audible enough for Chanhee to hear. Hyun Ae looked at him again, but he did not seem to budge with the sound she had made.
“Chanhee-shi…” Hyun Ae started with a small voice. She could tell that the other was listening, she took it as a positive sign. She tried again, “Chanhee-shi—”
“Call me Chunji, please.”
Hyun Ae was taken aback. She got reminded of what Daniel told her about Chanhee’s preference in addressing his name. “Chanhee Hyung is a rare case. He insists that people should address him as ‘Chunji’; only his family and closest friends are allowed to use his real name. Maybe he finds it intimate that way.”
Now she knew which boundary Chanhee had placed for her. That she was not in his comfort zone. Or maybe, she would not be allowed to be in it?
Hyun Ae gulped. But she did not want to give up. She shot a glance at Daniel’s silhouette walking Lion by the riverbank. Even though she was initially reluctant at Daniel’s absence at the hangout spot, especially with the current set-up, Hyun Ae wanted to take the opportunity that Daniel had given to both of them. She wanted to clear the air. Why was Chunji giving her a cold shoulder from the start? Did she do something wrong?
“Chunji-shi, it’s—it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Hyun Ae stuttered, but she did not let it overcome her determination.
Chunji did not respond.
“How was the cleaning campaign earlier, by the way? I hope you found it hospitable,” Hyun Ae gauged Chunji’s reaction. Seeing how he still stayed silent, she continued, “Daniel-shi told me that your university requires you to be active in co-curriculum activities. I hope the event earlier could contribute to your assessment marks.”
No responses. Chunji remained like a statue. He was still fixating his eyes on the riverbank in front of him. Hyun Ae could mistake him for not blinking at all.
Hyun Ae felt suffocated. She was determined not to give up, but even she had her own limits. She wanted to heave a long sigh, but she was worried that the sound might annoy the other person. Hyun Ae resorted to pressing her lips together in sheer desperation, lifted her head to look to the sky, and gathered her patience.
‘Is he not going to talk?’
As if a miracle, Chunji briefly turned his head to his right and heaved a long, quiet sigh. As if wanting to relieve the tension between them.
Hyun Ae looked at him; grateful that finally there was a response, but also wary about what to come after.
“Hyun Ae-shi,” Chunji’s low, deep voice resonated, “You must have been wondering why I’ve been avoiding you.”
Hyun Ae stiffened. Truth to be told, that was the very thought that had been dancing in her mind every time she came to think about Chunji. Did she do anything wrong? If she did, why did Daniel appear to be more welcoming? Was there something that she did not know?
“I’ll get straight to the point. It’s about Changhyun.”
Silence filled up the air; Hyun Ae did not wish to interrupt.
“He used to be with someone; but that someone has left him.”
Hyun Ae did not know that. But even so, she did not see how that was a huge matter.
“You must know something, Hyun Ae-shi. He hasn’t completely moved on from her yet.”
Hyun Ae waited for a while, for Chunji to continue talking. When she saw that Chunji was waiting for her response, she asked the first thing that played in her mind, “Is the break-up recent?” Her voice was defensive.
“If you count below a year is recent, then yes it is.”
Hyun Ae, fuelled with boiling curiosity, asked, “Is that person, ‘Aeri’?”
For the first time that evening, or even for the whole day, Chunji looked at Hyun Ae straight in the eyes. For a part, Hyun Ae felt accomplished that she could fish such a reaction from Chunji. But another part, she was embracing for what was about to come.
“Yes, that someone is Aeri.” Chunji locked his eyes on to Hyun Ae’s face. “Has it not disturbed you that I said he hasn’t moved on from Aeri?”
Hyun Ae refused to back down from Chunji’s stare. She felt like if she looked away, she would be seen defeated, or even, Chunji was unwilling to look at her again.
“How are you sure that Ricky Oppa has not moved on from her?”
“Changhyun is my childhood friend, I know him.” Chunji got to his former posture, looking back at the riverbank. “If you allow me to be direct with you, Hyun Ae-shi: he may be dating you right now, but his heart isn’t with you.”
Tears welled in Hyun Ae’s eyes. She felt ashamed, . All of the sudden, the feelings that she had been ignoring in the past week were played in flashes in front of her eyes. The phone call with Ricky’s mum had left her feeling confused. The notes on Ricky’s phone had made her upset.
Hyun Ae looked down at her hands. She was holding the plastic bag that contained the instant rice pack and two boiled eggs that she had intended to have for dinner. Her hands—they were trembling. The trembles were mild, but she got reminded of a recent incident where her hands were also shaking. It was the night when she discovered the notes on Ricky’s phone.
In the attempt to gather strength, she fisted, further crinkling the handle of the grocery plastic bag that she was holding.
“Also,” Chunji said, making Hyun Ae look at him through her blurry eyes. Even though all she could see was shadows, she could tell that Chunji’s eyes were still fixated on his front, not on her, “I see that you’re addressing him as ‘Ricky’.”
Hyun Ae blinked. It was the same comment that Daniel made earlier. Now that Chunji had pointed it out, it seemed like it was a huge deal. ‘Wasn’t the nickname given by Byunghun?’ Hyun Ae wondered, ‘What now? Am I not allowed to use it?’
“Didn’t Byunghun come up with the nickname? I thought all of you are using it.”
Chunji turned his head to his right, away from Hyun Ae. But she could see that he was weighing his next words. Hyun Ae patiently waited. She genuinely wanted to know why Daniel and Chunji seemed to be surprised when they discovered that she was using the name; even Daniel stopped walking when he made the comment.
After what she felt like an eternity, Chunji spoke, “Byunghun didn’t come up with the name, because Changhyun insisted to use his real name.”
Hyun Ae froze on her spot. It dawned on her; that Daniel never said that the nickname came from Byunghun. Now that Chunji had pointed it out, both Daniel and he had been addressing Ricky as Changhyun, his real name.
“‘Ricky’ did not come from Byunghun, Hyun Ae-shi; it came from Park Aeri. And if you must know, none of us is allowed to use that nickname.”
Silence filled up the space between them again, for the umpteenth time. It seemed as if Chunji was letting the message sink into Hyun Ae’s mind. Which it did, she felt as if it kept resonating in her head. Speaking volumes to relay the message that ‘Ricky used to be with someone, and he hasn’t moved on from her’.
If earlier, Chunji remained still like a rock. But now, it was Hyun Ae who was stiffened in her seat. She felt overwhelmed. Everything seemed to be crashing down on her. Even life was jeering at her.
“In case you were wondering,” Chunji uttered, “Park Aeri was at the cleaning campaign earlier. You also talked to her, just before she left the event venue.”
‘That ‘someone’ even made an appearance before me,’ Hyun Ae thought, ‘How pathetic.’
“Then,” Hyun Ae croaked out the voice that she had left. The last bits of strength that she had left. She did not want to stomp away, or run away crying. Somehow, at that moment, she thought that it was wise to ask for advice from this childhood friend of her partner,
“What should I do?”
“Hyun Ae-shi.”
She looked up. With her eyes glistening with tears, she met Chunji’s eyes.
‘Do you want me to leave him? Leave Ricky Oppa?’
Chunji seemed to get the message that Hyun Ae was relaying. His face looked determined.
******
Daniel looked at his wristwatch; it had been almost 30 minutes since he left Chanhee and Hyun Ae together. He knew that it was crazy to come up with such an idea. He knew that his friend-hyung would curse at him for doing so—he could tell from Chanhee’s eyes shooting daggers at him when he left with Lion—but Daniel was willing to risk it.
When Danial recognized Hyun Ae during the registration earlier, he was elated that he got to see his younger friend’s girlfriend face-to-face. When Daniel pointed Hyun Ae out, Chanhee did not look as excited. In fact, he tried to drag Daniel to another committee member, muttering along the lines of “we can still get registered either way”. But Daniel, being the stronger of the two, forced Chanhee to join him at Hyun Ae’s line.
He noticed how cold Chanhee was towards Hyun Ae. He felt bad towards her. He figured that Chanhee should be transparent towards Hyun Ae about what he felt towards her, especially when he made his cold treatments apparent to the said lady.
Being among the older members of their circle, Daniel understood what Chanhee felt—about Changhyun and Hyun Ae’s relationship, about how they were not on the same page, and how they were bound ironically. But did Chanhee have to go to such an extent to show how much he hated the situation? Daniel honestly felt that it was a bit of a stretch.
Hyun Ae did nothing wrong. That was what Daniel believed.
“Lion-ah,” Daniel addressed his pet, “I’m doing the right thing, right? Will I be fine later, though?” Daniel asked. Despite his bold decision, he was worried that Chanhee would extend his cold shoulders to him. It would be a disadvantage for him since they were living together, which meant that they had to see each other the whole time.
Lion fondly barked at him, as if assuring his owner that he would be fine.
Daniel his dog’s body, eventually letting his mind wander aimlessly. ‘I hope they’re fine. He’s not making her cry, is he?’
Just as his mind was about to fleet away with worries, his phone rang. It showed Chanhee’s name. He hastily brought the phone to his ear to answer the call, but the other person ended it almost immediately. Daniel pouted. It was then he received a Kakaotalk text from his hyung.
‘She’s going home. Come here. Right now.’
That prompted Daniel to spring to his feet and scoop Lion into his arms. He jogged towards his and his gang’s hanging-out spot. At the same time, he prayed that nothing bad happened between Chanhee and Hyun Ae, and also that nothing bad would happen to him when he arrived.
As he was reaching the spot, he slowed down his pace and stopped in front of Chanhee. Hyun Ae was already standing. Daniel managed to take note that the lady seemed more solemn than ever. If anything, she looked dejected.
“Are you going home, Hyun Ae-shi? Aren’t you having dinner with us?” He knew what the answer would be, but he tried his luck anyway. Because genuinely, he wanted the lady to feel welcomed.
Hyun Ae offered a stiff smile. “No, thank you Daniel-shi. I have to microwave my food if I want to have it.” Then, she bowed to Daniel and Chanhee. “Thank you for inviting me here. I can see why it’s become your favourite spot for hangout.” She looked around the scene. Daniel could tell that it was only an act to mask her solemn face, making it seem like she was appreciating the beauty of the place.
“No biggie, Hyun Ae-shi. We’re also glad that you find it pleasant,” Daniel replied. He intentionally said ‘we’, as a way to include Chanhee in the expression of gratitude. But at the corner of his eye, he noticed that Chanhee already had his back towards Hyun Ae, pretending to tend to his and Daniel’s dinner. ‘Tsk, this hyung, really.’ “Please have a safe journey home. Hyun Ae-shi. Don’t forget to have your dinner!”
Hyun Ae bowed again, offering a grateful smile to him before leaving the place. Daniel did not miss how she also managed a small bow towards Chanhee, even though she was aware that the latter was not looking at her. As she turned around and walked away, Daniel looked at her receding figure and made sure that she was safe until she was out of his sight.
Then, Daniel tried to read Chanhee’s face. How was he feeling after being left alone with Hyun Ae? Was he getting angrier? Was he calm? Would he snap if Daniel spoke? It was hard to tell. His expressions remained unreadable.
‘This hyung,’ Daniel thought, ‘could become the scariest monster on Earth if he explodes.’ But if Chanhee gave a silent treatment to him, it was also scary. Daniel instinctively shuddered at the possible outcomes.
However, when Chanhee wordlessly offered him a cup of ramyeon and gestured for him to take his seat on a camping chair, Daniel could tell that it was safe for him to talk to his older companion.
He took a seat and carefully began, “Hyung.” Chanhee simply hummed, as he was slurping his noodles. “I saw how you were cold towards her. Have you disentangled…whatever you’ve been feeling?”
Chanhee did not answer, but Daniel could tell that it was a green light for him to continue.
“You know that it’s not her fault, right?” he pointed out, “I know you’re protective over Changhyun, but what you did to her was unnecessary. I feel—I feel bad for her.”
Chanhee remained silent until he put a fried chicken on Daniel’s plate. “They’ll be fine,” he said, referring to Changhyun and Hyun Ae.
‘How fine would they be? How are you so sure?’ Daniel wanted to retort, but the words stayed lumped in his throat. Daniel was reluctant to believe his hyung’s words but he also did not wish to worsen his hyung’s mood, so he put an end to his ‘interrogations’.
All he could do at that moment, was sincerely wishing that Hyun Ae would be okay after their encounter.
[ A/N ]
I found it difficult structuring Chunji's part in this chapter, particularly because I'm still lacking in writing serious situations. Daniel's part, on the other hand, was finished in a day ^.^"
Let me know what your thoughts are. Kindly look forward to the following chapters!
(I'm glad I didn't have to disappear for a few months again. Hopefully I can maintain this momentum.)
31st July 2022. 18:55 GMT+8
[29.10.2021]
I just finished looking at the previous chapters and made a few additions and changes. I'm having a brief hiatus soon, but I'll try my best to post at least a chapter before November ends.
I just finished looking at the previous chapters and made a few additions and changes. I'm having a brief hiatus soon, but I'll try my best to post at least a chapter before November ends.
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