200418

It’s for the best. Joohyun sighs deeply, looking at the lunch buffet in front of her though not really seeing it. It’s obviously for the best. She reaches for the pre-prepared plate with meat and adds a few veggie options on top of it before sighing again.

She’s made the right choice. She wants to be a good unnie and sunbae to Seungwan and the last thing she needs to worry about is whether the younger woman perceives her to be some sort of predator. That she will go around trying to hit on any woman she sees. Joohyun’s talked about it just to be sure and to reassure, too. So that both of them know where they stand and that it’s all exclusively work related. It all should be alright now.

So why does it suddenly feel so awkward?

Ever since their conversation nearly a week ago, things have not been the same. Maybe on the surface, yes – they keep working harmoniously and they don’t exactly avoid each other or anything. But… Joohyun would like to think that she knows Seungwan a little better now. Seungwan averts her eyes just a second or two earlier than usual and she also doesn’t maintain the conversation longer than necessary. Something is obviously wrong and Joohyun soon begins to wonder whether it was the right decision to bring up such an old issue so straight-forwardly. She cannot understand whether she’s made the situation even more uncomfortable or whether it’s Seungwan who assumes that Joohyun needs to have her space.

But Joohyun thinks that she did not exactly have much choice, either. With Seungwan’s popularity skyrocketing the way it did, the younger had little time to prepare for whatever came with being associated with Bae Joohyun. People never listen, not really. They don’t want to, Joohyun contemplates bitterly, stabbing her sausage with too much unnecessary force. She’s already done everything she could. She apologised sincerely to everyone involved because in her opinion, it was an honest mistake. On her part, at least. The longer the issue drags behind her though, the more she is convinced that she wasn’t the only one to blame in the matter.

For one, she still cannot understand why the other woman did not reject any of Joohyun’s actions towards her when she must have been perfectly aware of Joohyun’s feelings. Seulgi was, the fans were… There is no way that the person directly involved couldn’t understand what Joohyun was getting at. Why did she keep coming over to Joohyun’s, why did she stay overnight, why did she accept all of Joohyun’s affections when it wasn’t something that she welcomed…

Some people just like to receive but never give anything in return, is what Seulgi said that same night the video dropped and the hate started. They like the attention more than the person who gives it to them.

But it isn’t really even that. Joohyun can forgive having been led on for so long, even betrayed in such a cruel matter. Some other lies that were said in that video, probably just for the heck of it. But what hurts the most is that she was outed to the entire country before she had a chance to tell her mother in person. That because of one action which she had thought was encouraged, she was made out to be disgusting and repulsive. Her career is one thing but her family and privacy – a completely other, more important issue.

It’s been a long, tough year and Joohyun’s just getting back on her feet, reigning in her anxiety every time she has to face the camera. She can’t let that effort go to waste just like she cannot let Seungwan, who is the major reason behind this second chance, to be harmed in the process. She likes Seungwan’s company – she actually begins to like it a little too much. But that’s precisely why the younger has to be shielded no matter what. Whether or not Joohyun likes her has nothing to do with it. What’s paramount is that Seungwan not have to face any of the consequences of Joohyun’s emotional baggage.

Joohyun looks to where Seungwan and Sooyoung, the other supporting actress run their lines for the next scene, occasionally laughing when they lose plot amidst their characters’ argument.

Joohyun sighs again. It’s for the best.

‘You’re downstairs?’ Joohyun echoes the words she has just heard in the receiver, a little stunned. It’s late afternoon, one of the few she has had off since the shooting of the drama started. The past two weeks were a little awkward and Joohyun couldn’t help but feel that both she and Seungwan walked on eggshells around each other. That in turn caused Joohyun to start mentally preparing herself for what the rest of the schedule and promotions might be like for them.

Tiring. Perhaps a little miserable, too.

The last thing she expected was Seungwan to come over unannounced in the time they actually do not have to see each other at all. But she presses the buzzer to let the girl in through the front door and then nervously sweeps her small flat with an assessing gaze. She’s generally rather tidy but she’s still thankful she thought to clean up the night before.

When Joohyun opens the door, she is welcomed by the sight of an obviously extremely happy Seungwan and a big bag in her hands. It smells like kimchi and sugar. There’s food, too.

‘You haven’t eaten yet, have you, unnie?’ Seungwan carefully sticks her head into the door frame, looking around though not crossing the threshold just yet. Belatedly, Joohyun realises that it’s quite impolite to keep the guest waiting so she hastily invites the girl in, handing her a new pair of slippers and gesturing for her to make herself comfortable.

Which Seungwan apparently takes literally for she immediately beelines for the kitchen space, unpacking the containers she’s brought and starting up the counter oven that Joohyun received from Seulgi as a house warming gift two years ago and has probably used the total of three times since.

‘I should be the one to do these things…’ Joohyun mumbles but she makes no move to help, still overwhelmed with both Seungwan’s presence and the cooking suddenly taking place.

‘Unnie, you just rest,’ Seungwan reassures. ‘I just need to re-heat the casserole. By the way, do you like chocolate muffins?’

Joohyun nods rather dumbly, dropping onto a chair at the same time.

‘What… What brings you here?’ How do you know my address?

Seungwan shrugs.

‘I made too much for lunch, thought I’d share.’

There’s not much talk in the next few minutes and probably for the best. Seungwan strolls around, multitasking between the bowls and the heating plate, and humming a tune from a popular drama on top of all that. From time to time, she turns around to send the elder another one of her toothy grins to which Joohyun replies with a much bleaker one of her own.

Should she feel suspicious now? Is there something going on that she is not aware of? First they were fast friends, then Joohyun seems to have made them uncomfortable strangers and now all of a sudden, Seungwan is visiting her like she’s always belonged in the space.

Joohyun doesn’t want to admit that she kind of does, actually.

Eventually, the table is set and the dishes laid out between the two.

‘I like fusion cuisine,’ Seungwan announces, moving the biggest bowl closer to Joohyun and looking at her with anticipation. Oh, right.

Joohyun takes a forkful of the mix, finding it surprisingly flavourful. Still chewing, she gives Seungwan a big thumbs up to which the girl brightens up even more. She then takes a bite of her own.

‘So you probably wonder why I’ve gathered you all here,’ Seungwan says lightly, a smile still on her lips but the lame joke causes Joohyun to choke because of how accurate the sentence is. It’s been more than twenty minutes and she has been unable to relax, wracking her brains for the reason behind such visit. ‘I’m so sorry!’ Seungwan panics, handing Joohyun a tissue. ‘I didn’t mean to…’ Do what? Be the cause of Joohyun’s premature grey hair?

‘It’s fine.’ Joohyun’s voice comes out a little strangled as she wipes with the paper towel. Then she sighs. ‘I was just surprised, is all.’

Seungwan has the decency to finally look a little embarrassed at her own intrusion but she shrugs, trying to look unaffected.

‘I’m sorry if my being here makes you uncomfortable. I guess we’re not really that close, are we..?’

Joohyun’s eyes widen at the drastic change of mood. That is the last thing she was trying to imply with her behaviour.

‘Oh no, of course we are,’ Joohyun quickly reassures. ‘How many months has it been since we started this project together? I really like you, Seungwan. I couldn’t ask for a friendlier and more co-operative person to work with if I wanted to.’ Joohyun sighs, knowing where this is going. ‘The things I said to you the other day… I didn’t mean to make you a stranger. If anything, I explained them to protect you.’

‘I suppose that’s partly also why I’m here,’ Seungwan admits in a small voice and Joohyun can feel the shift of the mood surrounding them.

‘What about it?’ Joohyun replies with a question, feeling mildly anxious at the topic being brought back so suddenly.

‘I just… I never had a chance to respond to what you said. I was unprepared for that conversation and then it was cut off so abruptly that I couldn’t tell you how I felt about all this.’

Joohyun hums in confirmation, trying her best to face Seungwan’s judgement but eventually averting her eyes. It is true that after she said what she did, she didn’t really feel like discussing it any further so Seungwan didn’t press, probably out of politeness. Joohyun should have known that by bringing up the subject she only furthered aggravated the wound. It felt like putting a plaster over a bone sticking out of one’s arm.

Her silence must be telling because Seungwan’s hands find her own on the table and give them a light, comforting squeeze.

‘I hope I’m not being too forward but I’ll just say this.’ Seungwan nods, as if to convince Joohyun. ‘I have been your fan for a long time and I have never once regretted it.’ Joohyun looks up, visibly confused. That truly is the last thing she expected to hear. ‘I don’t know what really happened between you and the other person but you have never disappointed me. If you say that you didn’t have any malicious intentions then as your fan – and more so as a person who now knows you – I believe you.’

‘I…’ Joohyun is at a loss now. It’s probably a little silly to get emotional over such simple words but it’s been a very long time since anyone who isn’t family said them to Joohyun. ‘T-Thank you. Truthfully… in the recent days I’ve been feeling like I’ve actually ruined your good opinion of myself with my confession.’

Seungwan dismisses the gratefulness with a sheepish smile.

‘I was trying to give you some space… I thought you might need it. But here I am again, anyway.’ She laughs, embarrassed. ‘So… I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you don’t have a problem with me then I definitely don’t have a problem with you. I’m not uncomfortable or anything. In fact… Since you shared your secret, it’s probably only fair that I share mine, too.’

Joohyun frowns, sceptic. Whatever the secret is, it’s probably not a necessary or even balanced exchange. Joohyun’s secret feels like everyone’s possession at this point and she tells the younger as much. Seungwan shakes her head in disagreement.

‘It’s still your secret to give away. You chose to tell me about it though you didn’t have to. So I can give you mine in return. See, I’ve had a girlfriend before.’

Joohyun’s lips still over the edge of her water cup, unable to move either way. She doesn’t have enough time on her hands to decide whether this really is news to her. But Seungwan choosing to mention it, is – isn’t it always, though? Joohyun herself only knows how deeply in the closet she was during the time she dated Yongsun. She was definitely not ready to share her beloved with anyone, not even her closest family. She’d never casually bring it up in front of a co-worker, not even in similar circumstances. In the end, after her second drama with Kim Junmyeon hit high ratings, Joohyun became so busy that she ended her relationship with the other girl. However, both she and Yongsun knew that it was just a convenient excuse – Joohyun didn’t feel ready to come out and Yongsun got tired of waiting.

Seungwan sharing Joohyun’s preferences probably made sense. Joohyun knows that Seungwan has a lot of male friends in their company – but it’s not exactly what one would call popularity. She’s closer with those who are either taken or clearly not straight, no matter what they insist on. She avoids those who give her too much obvious attention, like that tall singer in whose music videos Seungwan has acted before. Finally, she doesn’t seem to have that many female friends.

She’s probably tired of feeling self-conscious over possibly be treated like a menace to other women. Joohyun sighs. She’s been there before. Before it blew up in her face, that is.

Joohyun eventually nods lightly at Seungwan’s confession and takes a sip of her drink.

‘We broke up because she thought that I was too obsessed with you,’ Seungwan then adds.

Joohyun chokes again.

‘It’s already rolling, right?’ Seungwan makes sure before she takes a seat in front of the camera.

Joohyun has been waiting on the side, this time choosing not to interfere too much and instead purposely let the other girl shine. They’ve finally got round to shooting the music video for Seungwan’s original soundtrack which was partially revealed in last night’s episode. The weather is nice for an outdoor recording and the premise simple enough – being as cute as possible. Joohyun looks back to the cleanly cut green lawn and multiple colourful balloons sticking out from it on long plastic stems, and then back to her and Seungwan’s pastel dresses.

The effect has probably been achieved before they even really began.

‘A short introduction for the song and the behind the scene footage will be enough. Feel free to add whatever,’ the camera man nods, making sure both women are within the shot. ‘Anytime you’re ready.’ The sound technicians are on standby and the makeup crew are preparing at their table, knowing full well there will be a need for re-touch at least a few times more.

Seungwan smiles widely and Joohyun cannot help but look at her fondly. It really feels like Seungwan’s day. Her first original song. No wonder she feels particularly excited.

‘Hello!’ Seungwan waves. ‘Today we are…?’ She performs a ceremonial drum against her lap, looking at Joohyun expectantly. The elder chuckles.

‘Shooting the video for Seungwan’s first song,’ she speaks up almost shyly. She’s still amused at the energy.

‘That’s right!’ Seungwan seconds her loudly. ‘Our series obviously needs a theme and since Wendy plays guitar – just like me, may I add,’ she moves her eyebrows for an exaggerated effect. ‘It fits very well. You haven’t heard the song yet, have you, unnie?’ She turns back to her companion and Joohyun shakes her head.

‘No, I haven’t but I know two things.’ Joohyun keeps laughing but she is also progressively getting into the cheesy mood. ‘Firstly, it’s called We belong together. And secondly.’ Joohyun puts her hand on Seungwan’s shoulder and squeezes it lightly. ‘It’s the best song I’ll have ever heard in my life for sure.’

‘Unnie!’ Seungwan protests with a shriek though she seems pleased out of her mind so Joohyun doesn’t feel bad.

‘Korean song of the year,’ Joohyun adds and laughs some more at Seungwan’s weak embarrassed protests.

‘Thank you so much for the support so far and do stay tuned for more content every week on Fridays on Channel 3 and for international fans, on our official YouTube channel.’ 

‘See you there,’ Joohyun ends softly and both wave enthusiastically until they hear cut! and then are ushered to the set.

Seungwan with a guitar hung over her shoulders reminds Joohyun of those American country singers her mother used to follow when Joohyun was still a pupil. With her short hair elegantly styled, she gives off a different charm to the tomboyish look her character is usually all about. Joohyun averts her eyes, looking down at her own attire. It’s better not to go there, especially not now. Seulgi has always told her that she is quite emotional, despite the often cold exterior she carries herself with. It is just like her to announce that she was done with love and then give in to the first girl that offered her a kinder word.

Joohyun tries to shake herself off the dark thoughts. Her wavy hair are adorned with flowers and she can already tell that it’s going to be a challenge to be romantic and make sure everything stays in place with this rapidly raising wind.

The premise is simple – Seungwan is going to play her guitar and Joohyun will walk around, interrupting her in every way she can. The latter can already tell that with Seungwan, it’s going to quickly turn into a chaotic exchange, though a sweet one.

They do individual shots first, simply looking into the camera or twirling around – or trying to fight all the balloons, in Seungwan’s case. They keep laughing at the ridiculousness of such play pretend but simultaneously having almost too much fun. A guitar, a bench to sit on, a vintage hand held camera – all the props are there and the two make sure to make good use of them. Joohyun has always had to act romantic with her previous drama partners so it isn’t anything new for her. What is, though, is the feeling of complete relaxation and seeming lack of effort she needs to put in her work. She’s certainly never felt so comfortable with any of the actors she’s had to work before.

Sometime later during the break, when she has the opportunity to check her own performance through the lens, she realises that she looks especially radiant today. Not because she’s so beautiful – but because she is so happy. It’s the contentment which gives her that extra sparkle.

‘Unnie…’ Seungwan appears over Joohyun’s shoulder, dramatically shaking her head before placing her own hand over the heart. ‘I’ll keep streaming my own music video just to look at you.’ She exclaims loudly.

Joohyun laughs awkwardly but looks away, lest her blush will be discovered. On the other side of the set, Seulgi gives her a knowing look and Joohyun sighs. She’s conflicted and her manager slash best friend can see right through her – but it’s not the time to think about it.

The last closing frame is the two of them lying on the grass, looking up before slowly turning to look at one another. Joohyun thinks that there is no need to fight the colour on her cheeks any more – both Wendy and Seungwan are too charming for Joohyun and her character to resist. It’ll probably look good on camera, too.

While they are holding the eye contact waiting for the end of the scene, Joohyun cannot help but think back to the conversation they had two days before.

‘You did what?’ Joohyun asks once she’s wiped with another tissue handed to her by an equally agitated Seungwan.

‘I think I phrased it awkwardly, I’m so sorry.’ Seungwan bows her head in a short movement, her face dusting red as well. ‘I just meant that I’d been a big fan of yours. I had a big poster above my desk and I went to see you at the company’s building two times… I’d watched all your dramas multiple times.’ Seungwan laughs at her own silliness. ‘Then I saw that Channel 3 was holding auditions and I started preparing for those. My girlfriend at the time didn’t like it, she thought I was turning into a stalker. So we broke up.’

Joohyun nods slowly, processing the answer. She shouldn’t have reacted so strongly. She is just being sensitive.

‘Which I’m not, I promise! A stalker, I mean.’ Seungwan adds, looking alarmed. ‘I just... You just encouraged me to audition for our company over others. I hoped that maybe one day I could at least shake your hand or play an episode in your drama… I’d have never guessed that we’d be cast together. As girlfriends.’ Seungwan looks torn between feeling abashed and wanting to stupidly grin to herself.

Joohyun smiles at that. She knows that she has her share of fan girls. Or at least, she used to.

‘That’s very flattering. More so that a lot has changed since then,’ she admits.

‘The only thing that’s changed for me is that now I know you personally so it’s no longer a celebrity crush, I guess.’ The words are a little ambiguous so Joohyun clears , not sure how to interpret the sentence.

‘I hope I didn’t disappoint,’ she jokes, reaching for her chopsticks again to occupy her hands with.

‘On the contrary. You’re one of the smartest and kindest women I’ve ever met,’ Seungwan reassures. When Joohyun looks up again, she notices that there is something intense in the other’s eyes though she’s still smiling. ‘I don’t know how anyone could’ve rejected you. I would never… If it were me, I would never.’

Seungwan looks away immediately, appearing to look embarrassed at having said too much. Joohyun gapes, feeling her face become hotter by the second. Just when she gathers enough wits to address the statement somehow, Seungwan beats her to it, clearing her own throat and putting on another bright grin.

‘I’ve made so much, you have to eat more.’ She gestures at the food. ‘And then we can do a short live for the fans while we share the dessert. If it’s alright with you, of course.’

Joohyun nods in agreement, trying to reign in the chaos that their exchanged has just caused in her heart. Chocolate is probably the easiest temporary solution.

Joohyun looks away, unable to take the self-created tension. She can only hope that the director has enough of the footage to edit it the way it deserves to be edited. Her own heart is beating too fast to endure more for much longer.

Two days later, they shoot the scene in which Irene visits Wendy at her university music club for the first time and Wendy tries to teach the other how to play the C chord on her guitar. It just so happens that they almost kiss before Wendy breaks away, the feeling of panic getting the better of her.

Joohyun is in her volleyball outfit, her character supposedly coming to see Seungwan’s straight after her own sports practice. Joohyun smiles – she graduated with a degree in architecture two years prior but never really got to have the full campus experience since she’s worked almost uninterruptedly for the last six years. In all those years, this is only the second time she’s played a university student, too.

Seungwan is seated on the side, strumming her acoustic guitar as the last of her natural looking makeup is being done.

‘Unnie, play your song from our show,’ Sooyoung asks in her cutest voice and Seungwan grins shyly, apparently still not used to the attention she’s begun receiving for her voice. But Sooyoung is relentless and worse, she’s extremely irresistible while doing so. She’s barely eighteen and the youngest in the cast so it’s difficult not to coddle her. The brat knows it too well and often takes full advantage of it, Joohyun shakes her head fondly.

I don’t know when it started or who started it exactly,

I don’t know if you came into my life or whether I came into yours.

Seungwan’s voice is sweet as she starts the song. She looks like she really enjoys the activity and Joohyun stops fidgeting in place and starts listening carefully. She remembers the girl saying that she’s the author of the lyrics.

I still can’t figure out if it’s all just a coincidence.

All I know is that you’re already in my heart.

Joohyun sighs. Her stare turns empty as she spaces out. She can’t help but remember hers and Seungwan’s first meeting and then the week-long workshop they did, as well as the subsequent script readings. The drama doesn’t even have that many scenes which the director would consider potentially uncomfortable for actors, like she knows some of their company’s boys’ love series do. There is no rolling around in bed or heavy make outs. Rather than settling in physically, the workshop ended up being more of an ice breaker for the main couple. Especially Seungwan, at the beginning she had a hard time being next to Joohyun for more than five minutes without freaking out.

Seungwan has been a big fan, that much was clear to Joohyun from the start.

Destiny or not, if it’s made us fall in love then it must be right.

Could it be that Seungwan really has a crush on Joohyun? She basically admitted it herself so there is probably no use denying. Joohyun hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her words, no matter how many times she tells herself that just because somebody likes her, doesn’t mean she needs to pay them any attention.

Except that it seems to have completely tilted the axis for Joohyun because there is a reason why she forced herself to step forward and tell Seungwan the whole truth. To reassure her the best way that she knew how. It is exactly because somewhere along the way, she’s started having more than friendly feelings for her co-star.

Not again, Joohyun winces, turning away from the small crowd gathered around Seungwan. Just because Seungwan’s been so attentive and receptive, doesn’t mean it will end any better, stupid. Just because you could feel something mutual, however friendly and comforting, doesn’t mean you have any right to chase it.

And now Seungwan’s ambiguous confession only opened the floodgate further.  

I don’t want anyone to come between us,

Just the two of us, side by side.

‘Don’t look at anyone else.’ Joohyun briefly shivers at the proximity of the voice by her ear and she turns around. Seungwan is still playing the guitar, except that she must have noticed Joohyun’s behaviour for she moved closer, now singing to Joohyun directly. ‘I own the space beside you because we are meant to be together.’

Seungwan stops after the chorus and the two look at each other for a moment before Seungwan smiles.

‘Time to shoot the scene, unnie.’

Joohyun nods, first unsurely and then with more conviction and leaves before her blush catches up to her.

There’s not much dialogue. It’s just sitting together and trying to learn the chord. Earlier in the series, Irene tried to teach Wendy how to play volleyball which resulted in a lot of injuries for the character. Here, Wendy tries to introduce Irene to the world of music.

Joohyun empties her head of thoughts, concentrating on her protagonist. She is in love with Wendy and she’s not afraid to admit it. It’s Wendy who’s unsure of herself though is slowly evolving as a person capable of loving herself and giving love to others.

They start the scene.

‘You have to grab it like this and press the strings harder,’ Wendy instructs. Truthfully, Joohyun has never learnt how to play an instrument so she doesn’t even have to feign cluelessness. Predictably, when she strums it, it sounds off.

‘What are we doing again..?’ Irene asks, huffing because she’s not used to not picking up immediately on things she chooses to do. Wendy laughs.

‘It’s just the C chord. The most basic note.’

‘Is it useful though?’ Irene questions her teacher, more interested in watching Wendy than playing the guitar. Wendy nods, surprised.

‘Of course. It might look plain but don’t underestimate it. It’s very important.’

‘It’s like you, then.’

‘Huh?’ Wendy stops strumming, looking at Irene surprised.

‘You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re so important to your friends… to me,’ Irene responds, her voice quiet. They look at each other for a moment.

Remember about the blockings, the director’s words echo in Joohyun’s mind. We have to see Seungwan’s face too so don’t turn too much to the left. Both of you stay still for a moment and then Irene will move forward as if to kiss Wendy.

Irene leans in, looking at Wendy’s lips, unsure but anticipatory. Stop just a breath away, Joohyun tells herself, now able to sniff at the minty toothpaste Seungwan used just before the shooting. Just a moment longer.

Just a moment-

Suddenly, Joohyun feel Seungwan’s lips on hers.

A/N: Hello, good news is that I managed to edit this much but the bad is, you'll have to wait a few more days for the last (?) part.

I hope you're all staying healthy, considering the current circumstances. I just realised I didn't even say a word about covid in my last A/N. Has it really come to the point when the pandemic is being normalised...? I hope not.

Both title and lyrics quoted are from a song called "Because we belong together", sung by Bright Vachirawit for 2gether OST. Do check the mv for it as well, it's cute as hell and is a hard reference for the one described in my story.

Thank you for all the feedback and as always please upvote and comment if you liked. Have a good day!