I never realized that choosing Cheol over you was the biggest mistake I had ever made. I didn’t know that he would never treat me the way you did. I didn’t think about how my heart only yearned for you. I never thought that I would love you this much. I never knew that my heart would open up to you to the point of not wanting to let you go. I never considered that our time together would be cut short. I never accepted that our little arguments were your way of showing your love for me. I never wanted to think about how you were struggling and that I could have helped.

I never wanted to let you go without saying goodbye.

In a small, dark room housing 3 beds and 2 young men somewhere in Seoul, the glow of a phone screen escaped from the thick covers, a soft, wet sniffle breaking the early morning silence.

The warm body across the room stirred and a head peeked out from the covers with bleary eyes.

"Wha- Hannie-hyung? Who are you texting this early in the morning?" Seokmin's quiet, groggy voice fell gently on Jeonghan's ears in the silence of the cool room as the younger stirred from his sleep and noticed the other typing away on his phone at 3am.

"It's nobody, Seokmin-ah..." Jeonghan pressed his lips into a despondent attempt at a smile, dropping his phone to the mattress.

Seokmin frowned at the somber tone and the familiar thickness in his voice; Jeonghan was crying. Throwing his comforter off and padding across the room to older's bed, Seokmin sat down carefully, Jeonghan scooting towards the wall to make room.

"Hyung, are you talking to him again...?" Jeonghan's stomach flipped unpleasantly at even the indirect mention of Jisoo and turned away from the younger to hide the tears in his eyes, shaking his head slightly. Seokmin settled down beside Jeonghan, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder to turn him around again. Jeonghan did so reluctantly and let out a shaky breath as he met Seokmin's sorrowful gaze with watery eyes.

"You know, sometimes I still check my messages with him, as if I expect him to send me something back," Jeonghan picked up his phone again with trembling, unsteady hands and revealed the many messages he had sent to his former love that morning. Seokmin's eyebrows furrowed and he bit his lip to keep from crying as he read all the desperate, distraught, and sometimes hopeful messages Jeonghan had sent.

"Something, anything," Jeonghan whispered, his voice quivering with grief. "I always wait for him to reply with a snarky comment like 'I love me, too' or 'You're up too late, go to sleep you dummy'. But nothing ever comes." Seokmin looks up at Jeonghan and his heart drops at the anghished expression he wears; his eyes were glassy and seemed to stare at something far away that Seokmin couldn't see.

"I'm sorry, hyung. I miss him too." Seokmin wrapped his arms around Jeonghan and rocked him back and forth slowly as tears fell from both their eyes, staining their cheeks as they huddled together in an attempt to ignore the empty space on the other side of the room where Joshua's bed used to be.

-Shua?

-I miss you

-I feel so alone without you

-There’s a hole in my heart where you used to be

-I don’t know what I’m doing anymore…

-Why didn’t you say goodbye before you left?

-I never really believed in God, you know that Shua, but I’ll do anything if it means that you’ve found a happier place in the sky.

-I love you, my precious baby Shua.

-I hope to see your beautiful smile again someday...