I was staring outside through the window reminiscing the past when someone message me and disturb the peace that I have only felt right now. 

 

From: 🖤

 

Where the are you!?!?

 

Why are you not answering my calls!?!?

 

Jisoo please...

 

Talk to me 

 

Im sorry

 

 

I choose not to reply to any of those messages from her, I choose to ignore her for the very first time in my life just to save myself, because it was too much, the pain was unbearable.  

 

 

I continue to stare outside and I notice that there is a storm coming. 

 

I guess the weather notice my mood and just decides to make me feel worst than what I am feeling right now. 

 

It made me remember everything about us, those memories once full of laughter and smiles and now it became tears just because I fall in love with her. 

 

And I never knew falling in love was this painful, but I still want to believe that something good can still come from all of this. That my pain can be transformed into something beautiful.

 

So I confessed.

 

And she rejected me. 

 

It was like the feeling of being inlove today and being broken the next day.

 

I accepted that she don’t love me like how I love her, because thats what love is, accepting when to give up. 

 

I learned how to endure the pain so that I will survive, because even if she doesn’t love me, she still needs me as I am her bestfriend. 

 

I look at the moon and I remember what she told me, that God made the moon for those lost in the dark. 

 

Indeed I am lost, I don’t know how to rise from drowning from this sorrow, and I don’t know how to find myself again for the Kim Jisoo I know is nowhere to be found. 

 

I decided to go home when I hear the rain stops falling. 

 

I silently laugh at my thoughts when I remember...

 

“Is it still my home?” 

 

While going home I decided that I won’t fight my feelings to her, I won’t stop myself from loving her because you don’t simply terminate love, its either you nourish it or you leave it be. 

 

 

From this day onwards, I will smile like nothing happened, I would continue being my old self like I’m not hurting.

 

Like I’m not lost, like I’m not inlove with Jennie Kim.

 

Because I can’t afford to lose her, losing myself is enough.