NamSeok

Namjoon : Hobi, where r you?

 

Hoseok : I'm just done with my shift

Hoseok : On my way back to the dorm. Why?

 

Namjoon : Did I try too hard on the selfie I sent to the group chat?

 

Hoseok : a little

 

Namjoon : ☹️

 

Hoseok : it's okay. You want to get someone attention, although you failed miserably. 

Hoseok : we've all been there before

 

Namjoon : and that suppose to make me feels better?

 

Hoseok : I was just being honest

 

Namjoon : 😔

Namjoon : I need to get a drink

Namjoon : join me, pleasee..

 

Hoseok : I have morning class tomorrow 

 

Namjoon : but you have just one class tomorrow 

 

Hoseok : but I still need to get up early damnit 

 

Namjoon : please🥺

 

Hoseok : fine

Hoseok : Meet you at the usual place in 20 minutes

 

Namjoon : See ya

Namjoon : thanks Hoseok ah

 

Hoseok : don't mention it

 

                                                                                            

 

"Jin hyung didn't mean what he said in the group chat, he's just upset you know," Hoseok started as Namjoon looked down at the beer can in his hands with a sad smile.

"No. I deserve it. I shouldn't have broke up with him," Namjoon stated as his best friend gave a tight lipped smile back. 

Neither of them said anything after that and for a moment silence slips in. Namjoon breathed heavily as he stared at the night sky above them. It was dark and the stars was nonexistent, hidden between puff of grey. Those balls of cotton seen during the day had shifted into streams of gray,  the color of ash and soot. They blanketed the sky,  hiding the moon and any glory that the night skies might shown behind them. It was a perfect representation of his situation right now. If only he never let his insecurities took over his mind, if only he believed in him self more...if only he believed in Seokjin, he would still be happy right not. His night skies would be filled with stars and moon that was Seokjin, instead...here he was, alone and just sad. 

Hoseok sigh, breaking the silence. "What really happened, Joon?  I thought your break up was mutual and none of you really told me anything. I honestly thought that it was hyung who wanted to break up with you so I may have taken your side and now, I think he hates me for that."

Guilt settled in the pit of Namjoon's stomach as he heard that. "I'm sorry, Hobi," said Namjoon. "I just, we broke up because I was I was too afraid at the thought of keeping a long distance relationship with Jin hyung when he told me he will go to the US for his MBA. I thought he would be better off without me and he have a very bright future ahead, while I'm still struggling here. I thought he deserves better...but that was just me being stupid and insecure," Namjoon groaned as he put his hand on his face. Now that he realized it, he felt like crap. 

"It's okay, at least you've come to your sense now," Hoseok tried but Namjoon shook his head. 

"It's not okay. I messed up big time and let my insecurities ruined my relationship with hyung. I broke his heart." Namjoon said dejectedly while Hoseok listen carefully. "He waited for me still, but I was so dumb...i kept on hurting him to the point he couldn't take it any further. He changed his number and avoided me completely at campus. I didn't approach him because I thought that's what best for both of us...but now, I'm not sure anymore. I misses him but I have no right to be..." namjoon stop, trying to swallow the lump at the back of his throat.

Hoseok was quiet for only a moment, but the silences surrounding them had felt like years for Namjoon and he felt too ashamed of himself to even look at his friend's face.

Then, a beat to late he said, "don't say that. I think you still can fix it." 

He snorted bitterly, "how, Hobi? Jin hyung hates me." Hoseok hummed and rubbed his hand up and down Namjoon's back as to soothe him. 

"He had the right reasons to hate you," said Hoseok. "I mean your reason for leaving him is kinda dumb," 

Namjoon's shoulder slumped down and upon seeing this, Hoseok quickly corrected himself. "But! Nothing can't be fixed with an honest apology,," The elder encouraged with his heart shaped smile but Namjoon couldn't find the energy to return it. 

"Could you believe that I actually really, really missed him after I saw his picture on the gc, and talking to him...although through texts and he didn't really want to talk to me," said Namjoon, with a bitter smile on his face. "I've been feeling like an absolute and then, there's this big hole in my heart and I don't really know how to fill it."

"You can't really change what's in the past," said Hoseok. "But at least, now that we have a project with that kid, and you had a reason to meet him...you should at least apologize properly and explain to him about your feelings."

"Do you think he'll forgive me?" he asked and a beat to late Hoseok answered, "Whether or not he'll forgive you, it's his choice to make but I'm sure he will. You just gotta try."

"Okay," Namjoon said, voice merely above whisper. To be honest he was scared but Hoseok was right. He finished all his beer and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. He felt a lot better now that he was able to talk it out and sort things a bit with Hoseok.  

Much more reassured, Namjoon turned to his friend who unknowingly sipping his own beer. "So, what are YOU going to do with your new found love?" He quipped and Hoseok just lift one of his eyebrow at him. 

"What do you mean?"said Hoseok. 

Namjoon chuckled. "I mean, Min Yoongi. What you gonna do about him?"

It took Hoseok a moment to process his words before he let out a genuine laugh. "I was just amazed at how nice his skin looks. It's not that deep."

"Sure," said Namjoon teasingly but Hoseok cuts him off after that. 

"Enough with me," he said as he collected all the empty beer can and brought them all to the nearest dustbin. Namjoon quickly collected his stuff and followed his friend. "You need to think how to approach Jin hyung and apologize to him," Hoseok  said as Namjoon slung him arm across his shoulder.

Namjoon's sighed at this and Hoseok's heart break a little seeing his usually confident friend looking so down like that. "You can do it. I know you can."

"Will you help me. I'll never work out the courage to talk to him on my own and I know, although he's upset with you...he always had a soft spot for you. Please." 

Hoseok would've normally feel the need to roll his eyes. Except he didn't this time because Namjoon genuinely sound worried. What type of best friend he would be if he didn't help his brother from another mother get his love back. 

"Fine. I'll help you." He said and Namjoon smiled his dimples smile. The atmosphere lighter now that theyve talked things out. They both talked some more about anything as they walked back to the dorm. Now, Namjoon is looking forward to work with Jungkook for that kid's project, and even more to seeing Seokjin. 

Meanwhile Hoseok, not that he wanted to admit it out loud, may or may not looking forward to seeing the Min Yoongi in person.

 

___________________________________________________

 

Across town, Seokjin had given up on sleeping. Even though the day had left him emotionally exhausted that he should've fallen asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. As it were, he was watching the pattern of his bedroom ceiling. Everything just felt so wrong, and with a sigh, he get up. He grabbed his phone off the charger, grabbed his wallet, changed his pajamas to pair of jeans and hoodies and crept down the hall to the kitchen door that let out to the back yard. 

He sneaked through the garden, climbed off the fence to the road and walked down toward the nearby family mart. He's not really hungry and there's stack of snacks at his home but he just wanted to get some fresh air. To clear him mind from numerous thoughts that currently run around his head.

He buried his hands deeper inside the pockets of his hoodie as the night air blew gently on his face. There's wasn't any stars decorating the night sky at that moment, because the weather wasn't good and the lights from houses and building were too bright for stars to show themselves. 

Living in the nicer part of the town, he had grown used to having the warming, orange glow of street lamps on the streets. But he had been to the quieter part of the town before, on the hill and there he could clearly saw million of bright stars dotted the black canvas of sky...so many constellation that Seokjin had no idea what it's called...but Namjoon knows.

And oh—

Everything felt raw—his soul turned jagged at the edges, frayed over and over again as the days wore on. 

There's no avoiding it. Although Namjoon had took his heart and broke it, he still missed that man. 

He needed to forget. He knew this. Needed to hit reset on his life and let new things takes over his memories of Namjoon. Most importantly to find courage to delete all their past conversations, their pictures, burn all the gifts and all those dumb letters and movies tickets that he kept as a mementos. He almost did yesterday but then, the GC happened and all his resolve came down crumbling like pastries.

He hated to admit this but he missed Namjoon. Even more after the younger sent that selfie in the gc. It's hard to admit, but Namjoon still looks as handsome as he'd always been. Maybe even more than before they broke up. He's ashamed to admit that he stared at it for good two hour before deleting it and wasting another two hours regretting it just because...ugh

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself 

"I don't want to talk to you!"

Seokjin stopped walking. The voice come from the playground just a few feets away from where he stands.

"Can you just off?!"

It gets louder this time and then he saw someone rushing out from the playground toward the pavement where's he was walking. The person (which he assumed as a girl because of her petite silhouette) wore an oversized hoodie and was hugging herself as she walked briskly to his direction while another person, a taller one was chasing after her.

The taller one manage to catch her her and they continue to argue. They stood not far from when Seokjin was and Seokjin decided not to intervene. Probably its just a couple quarrel. After all he had his own problems to think about.

He wanted to just quietly walk away but then he saw the taller person raising his hand on the girl. Before he realizes it, Seokjin sprinted towards the couple and caught the man's arm before he could hit his girl friend.  

The man was shocked at first but Seokjin was furious. He was raised in a household which thought him that no man should raise a hand on a woman. No matter whats the reason. He stood between them and glared at the man. 

"What the are you doing?!" he snarled at the man. 

The man was speechless for a moment before he snaps out of it. "Stay out of this. It's none of your business."

"Well, it's my business now that you're about to hit a woman like a coward you are!" 

"Excuse me but I'm not a woman." Seokjin turned around and he forgot that he was mad for a second because he recognize the person he assumed as a 'woman's just now. 

It's a man, obviously but Seokjin sworn he'd seen this face before. Cat eyes, button nose, and dumpling cheeks... Where do I see these, he thought. He stared a bit more and then it clicked. 

Ah—Min Yoongi, the that attack him in the GC. 

He looked so different than what Seokjin had imagined he'll be. Like more soft and less y if that's the correct word.

"Can you off now?", the other man yanked his hand off from Seokjin's hold and if he didn't talked, Seokjin honestly had forgotten that he's there. 

Seokjin turned his head back to the man. Although Yoongi was an to him, it's still not a reason for this man, whatever the relationship they may have, to hurt Yoongi. And Yoongi actually was more smaller than he ever assume and that new-found knowledge had suddenly makes him wanted to protect Yoongi more. 

"You, off," he challenged and the man clicked his tongue in annoyance. He ignored Seokjin and tried to reached out for Yoongi who's still standing behind Seokjin.

"Yoongi, come here. I don't have all night for you." He said, clearly losing his patience when Yoongi further avoided him. 

Seokjin glanced back at Yoongi and he could see the obvious uncomfortable expression written all over Yoongi's face. Without thinking much, he blurted out, "What business you have with my boyfriend?" he said and both of them were genuinely shocked as they stared at him and his bold choice of words. 

For God sake he didn't know if Yoongi would play along or if the younger still dislike him and will make him look like an in front of this bigger .

But to his relief, Yoongi didn't say anything so he took it as an okay sign for him to go on. "I was supposed to meet my Yoongi at the playground but then I saw you bothering him. What the do you want?".

The man snorted. "Are you kidding me?" he asked.  "You're saying that you're his boyfriend? When he hasn't broke up with me yet? Is it true Yoongi? You replaced me this quickly like I'm nothing to you?!"

Seokjin wanted to say something but Yoongi beats him. "How could you say that when you're the one who decided that you don't want me?",said Yoongi. His voice sounded tired. "Just off Byul. I don't want to be in your life anymore."

"Thats easy?" the man laughed bitterly and Seokjin just kinda stood there between them, awkwardly. 

"It's never easy. I waited for you when you can't make up your God damn mind. You pushed me away one day then when you feels like it, you come back. Who do you think you are, Byul?."

Seokjin snorted because honestly, what a tard. "But this is different. If you'd please..." The man pleaded and Seokjin had enough. It doesn't matter if it's not his business because hearing it was annoying enough. 

"You won't get any chance because it's already too late. Yoongi's mine." He said, holding Yoongi's hand in his. Seeing this, the man losses it and began to move forward and attempted to punch Seokjin in the face but keyword—attempted because Seokjin manage to avoid it and swung his fist right on the man's jaw. 

He fell back and Seokjin waste no time pulling Yoongi's away with him. "Next time you disturb someone's boyfriend, you'll get more than a fist to your jaw, you ing ." He said and they continue to run toward the Family Mart. 

Only then Seokjin let Yoongi's hand go. The younger  still look pretty much dejected so he gestured him to take a seat at one of the table there while he go and buy them some snacks. 

A moment later, Seokjin came back with two cups of Ramyeon, two Gimbaps, one packs of instant Kimchi, four sausage and two Banana Milk. He load off the foods on the table and put the tray away. 

Yoongi look so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize Seokjin is back until the older pull the chair and sat down in front of him. He smiled sheepishly when Seokjin held out a pair of chopsticks to him. 

"Thank you," he said but then his eyes widen comically at the bunch of foods Seokjin load on their table. "This is a lot of food for two people. " he said. 

Seokjin mouth was full of his first bite of Gigimbap when he gestured Yoongi to eat. He chew down his food and said, "Just eat Yoongi ah. I'm hungry. If we can't finish it all, let's just spilt it and bring back home."

"Okay," Yoongi seems to hesitate for a while before  he began to eat his Ramyeon.

Seokjin stole few glances at Yoongi. The younger was too thin for his height and Seokjin could feel his bones when he held Yoongi's wrist earlier. That bad breakup and a poor excuse of man must've taken a toll on his well-being, Seokjin thought. 

"Um, Seokjin Sunbae nim," Yoongi spoke for the first time after the long silence. Seokjin hummed as his mouth was full with his third bite of Ramyeon for the night. He's hungry, don't judge him. "Thank you for earlier." 

Seokjin swallowed down his food and talk. "No problem, but I hope it didn't troubled you that I told him that I'm your boyfriend."

"No, it's okay," said Yoongi. "I should really thank you for that...at least he won't bother me for a while now."

Hearing that, Seokjin contemplate a little while before he decided to ask. "If you don't mind, can you tell me what that's all about?"

Yoongi look troubled and Seokjin was ready to apologize for asking but then, Yoongi said, "he's my ex-boyfriend. We kinda broke up last week...not really, but more like he told me he needed time to think about our relationship because he wasn't sure if he's into man."

Seokjin cringed. "What do you mean he wasn't sure about his uality? He wasn't a teenager and how long you've been together for?"

"One year and a half," said Yoongi. "And he spent half year of it deciding whether he actually loves me, or he's just confused."

For a moment Seokjin forgot about his food and focused on Yoongi. "What the actual ?" he said in disbelief. "Yoongi, he's an and I am proud of you for making a right decision to break up with that trash."

Yoongi smiled sadly and continue to picked mindlessly at his Ramyeon. Seokjin almost finished his but Yoongi's cup looked almost untouched. "Do you want to talk about it?" It was meant to be light hearted，a way to get Yoongi a little out of his mind and a little less sad...because that what Yoongi looked like. Seokjin realized. "Because if you're not okay with it, you don't have to tell me. Although I'll listen if you did."

"I mean—yeah, yes, it is. I guess...its nothing. I can talk about it.. I need to."

Yoongi's voice were shaking and Seokjin did not point that out. He waited until Yoongi gathered his bearing and make sure Yoongi knows he were listening carefully when the younger talk. 

"I don't know if this makes sense...but that person, he told me that he wasn't sure of his ual orientation and that he needed a break because there's time he told me, being with me feels wrong." Yoongi said, voice heavy with sadness and hurt.  "For the first time, I thought I've met someone special and for the first time I genuinely loved that person. When he told me that he need some time to think, I gave him space...then not long after that he comes back and told me he don't want to lose me, I let him in. The same s keep on repeating and like a fool I am, I allow it to happen because we loved each other. A lost lover will eventually get back together since they're meant for each other, right...at least, that was what I thought but that wasn't the case."

The more Seokjin listened to Yoongi, the tighter his chest start to feel because in some way, he could relate to that. He's too had loved a person whom he hoped to spend the rest of his life with, but at the end...the hope just remain as hope. 

Seokjin sighed. A beat too late he said, "I understand what you feel," and he did, because he's in the same exact situation and it's hurt but that's a conversation for later. 

"It's ," said Yoongi. He had kept his head hanged low so that Seokjin couldn't see the tears that began to crowd his eyes.

"Yoongi, do you want to know what I think?", Seokjin said. The store was quiet, saves for both of them and the cashier at the back of the counter. When Yoongi lifted his head to stares at him. Now that he was able to see Yoongi's face properly, he could see just how worn down he was. There were noticeable bags under his eyes and what seemed to be a permanent frown on his face. 

"Yes." Yoongi looked at him with those glistening, sad, dark eyes and Seokjin felt unspoken hatred toward that excuse of a man for making Yoongi look so sad like that. 

"I think that, that wipes isn't worth the pain, or your love."

"Jin hyung, I'm impressed at your colourfull vocabulary." Yoongi chuckled a bit and that alone took half of Seokjin's worries away. 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Jin smiled softly. "Unfortunately, you don't get to choose with whom you fell in love with and it's not your fault that you work so hard to keep them by your side. That's what you do when you cared about someone. You fight like hell to keep them but if they're blind enough to see pass that and settle for less, it's their loss. That clearly not worth the pain, Yoongi."

"Hyung..."

"No. Just hear me out okay? He don't know how to appreciate a wonderful person like you. Obviously there's something wrong with him. I know it's hard now but you'll get over him and find someone better. You'll be fine, Yoongi. It's his loss, not yours. You're deserve more than that. Trust me."

The conversation lulled to a stop and Seokjin wondered again if he said too much, or if he tried too hard. Yoongi was silent, but then he nodded. Just once but that's more than enough for Seokjin. 

"Okay," Yoongi said, voice so soft it's merely above a whisper. "Thank you, Jin hyung."

Seokjin smiled as reached forward and to give Yoongi's hand a soft pat. Then he grabbed one of the sausage and peel it off. "Eat," he said, as he handed it to Yoongi. 

Yoongi snorted as he took it and began to eat. Seokjin watched the younger eat before he goes back to munching on his own food. He was worried that if he probe too much or talk to much but then, Yoongi looked less sad. So it must've been a right thing to say. 

They ate in silence for a moment before yoongi said, "hyung, your knuckles are bruising." 

Seokjin honestly didn't realize it if yoongi didn't point it out. He looked at his knuckles and its indeed bruising. That had one hard jaw, he thought. "I'll ice it when I get home," he shrugged. Yoongi looked worried still, but seeing how nonchalant Seokjin was, he let it go. 

"The thing he was about to do to you before, did he do it often," Seokjin asked before he could stop himself and felt guilty after he saw Yoongi visibly freezed at his question. 

"Just lately," Yoongi mumbled. Seokjin felt like his blood boiled hearing this. God know many it had happened in that 'lately' and Yoongi shaky voice didn't make it convincing either. 

"That hurt you?" he asked, and Yoongi stares at everything except at him. 

"Not that bad," said Yoongi. "I manage to fought him off but today, I was just too drained out."

Seokjin notice how uncomfortable Yoongi looked so decided not to probe any further. After all, they've just met and they didn't even start at the right term. Yoongi probably would feel uncomfortable if he acted like they've know each other for ages but strangely enough for him, he felt like he'd known Yoongi since forever.

"Don't worry to much about that. I'm fine." Yoongi's voice were firm this time and although Seokjin was still worry, he decided to let it go.

"Fine," he said. "But if something like that happen again, please tell me. I know that we didn't start on a right foot but now that I've known, I couldn't just ignore it."

Yoongi seems like he wanted to say something else, but at the end, he relented. "Okay. Thank you, hyung." He smiled, more like a careful upturn at the corner of his mouth more than anything. "I appreciate that."

After that, they stayed for a little longer to finish their food and leave after Yoongi finally finished his Ramyeon. Yoongi told him that he's taking would go back to his dorm by bus but since it's quite late, Seokjin offered him a ride. Yoongi refuses politely but it's no use once Seokjin had made up his mind. He told Yoongi to wait for him at the store while he go back to his house and fetch his car. 

Along the way, they talked about anything and it surprises him that Yoongi is actually a very polite and nice man.  Although a bit sassy but it feels like they clicked right on and their personality is a also similar. They even had a same hobby and even had made plans for it together. It made him happy that he was able to talk comfortably with Yoongi now and perhaps, making new friends can take his mind off from Namjoon. 

He wondered if the he talked to in the GC was a mere illusion.