Yuta feels his shirt starting to stick at his back from the hot weather outside. The freon on his car broke the other day and he has no other choice but to drive the car as it is since he promised his sister he would make sure her daughter gets to kindergarten on time.

 

He opens a window to get some breeze inside; they could be just fine if it wouldn’t be for the traffic he’s stuck into, cursing everyone for preferring personal cars over public transportation and the damn traffic lights that hold green only for 10 seconds but endless red on the roads Yuta takes.

 

Yuriko’s kindergarten is almost halfway through the town. His sister insisting on putting her into a prestigious school that offers multilingual options under the excuse that the little girl should know proper Japanese even if they live abroad. Yuta doesn’t disagree with her.

 

When they get there, the halls are empty. He managed to make it ten minutes before the starting time. No one is there yet just him, Yuriko and a lone slender figure by the teacher’s room door. The silhouette seems oddly familiar like he’s seen this shape for so many times that he even knows the shadow of it. His blood freezes in his veins once his suspicions confirm.

 

“Taeyong?” He’s still looking ethereally beautiful, he hasn’t aged a day. Four years passed, four years in which Yuta’s changed a lot. Not Taeyong, his eyes are still dark and sparkly, his hair is styled on point, didn’t put on nor lost any pound “What brings you here?”

 

“Oh, h-hi!” The mortified surprise can be read on his face, he’s always been an easy one to read− to Yuta at least− there wasn’t a thing Taeyong felt or meant that Yuta wouldn’t figure before he’d say it. His eyes drop on Yuriko, he smiles softly as he recognizes her. There’s no place for misunderstandings “I’m doing a job interview, I didn’t know umm…”

 

They’re interrupted by the secretary that shouts his name, arranging her glasses that slide down her nose before sparing them a look “Wait, what was your marital status again?” She keeps checking the file in her hand that must be Taeyong’s resume or something similar, looking for some confirmation Taeyong gives before she can find it on the papers.

 

“Divorced.”

 

“So you’re the divorced one, oh Lord, you’re barely…” She checks the papers again “27, any name changes, are all your documents correct?”

 

“Yes, just as I explained over the phone; I received the confirmation a while ago that I can remove my spouse's name from the documents, they all correlate now.”

 

“Oh, this ‘Nakamoto’ gave us both some extra work. I’ll get back in for a moment.” Taeyong smiles a bit bitterly not looking to Yuta’s direction.

 

Yuta feels strange as if he's invading Taeyong’s intimacy without really wanting to but at the same time he feels just as a part of it as Taeyong is. He doesn’t find the amount of energy to leave, feet glued to the spot. He knows Yuriko’s teacher is seven months pregnant and that they were looking for a replacement for her, never in his life would’ve thought the replacement to be someone so familiar.

 

“I see Riko-chan is all grown up now. How are your sisters, your parents?” It’s Taeyong, the angel Taeyong that after everything he doesn’t want Yuta to feel awkward because of something Yuta broke in the first place. Yuta knows, the answer is pointless, Taeyong still sends his parents holiday cards, birthday presents and his mother not only that keeps them dear she also replies to them, always voicing out how stupid her son was to lose such a nice person like Taeyong. He knows his parents call Taeyong on his birthday to send their wishes. He also knows they don’t meet. According to his father is Taeyong the one that finds it hard to do so; Yuta doesn’t blame him.

 

“They’re well, and yours?”

 

“Good. My sister gave birth two years ago. A boy.” Unlike Taeyong, Yuta didn’t keep in touch with Taeyong’s family; he couldn’t dare to, not after he ruined their son’s marriage and forced him out of it without Taeyong doing anything wrong.

 

“I’m glad for her.” He misses them sometimes; he was always treated like one of their own. Maybe they are much like Taeyong and they don’t hold grudges. Perhaps if he would ask for their forgiveness, they would forgive him. What he can’t change is the thorn that can’t be fixed nor repaired.

 

There’s a sound of hurried steps mixed with ragged breath and an abrupt yelp. Yuta is not surprised to see Doyoung there, not the same can be said about Doyoung that sets Yuta on fire with his burning gaze.

 

“Taeyong why are- Yuta!? Oh, why are you here Yuta?” Doyoung, the one that used to be his friend too that long time ago, the only one who chose a side, smiles awkwardly towards him. Like all of his alarm bells started ringing inside his brain at once Doyoung moves strategically in front of the man that once used to be Yuta’s. Yuta never blamed him and will never blame him if he’s hostile.

 

The lady returns for Taeyong, he waves Yuta and before taking his leave he whispers something to Doyoung while Yuriko has Yuta’s attention for a second to ask for some water.

 

“This is a hell of a coincidence, is this your niece?” Yuta nods when Doyoung crotches down to talk to Yuriko who hides her face behind Yuta’s thigh, “She grew up a lot, she used to like me better when she was a baby.” He remembers Doyoung loved to hold her whenever his sister was around their group, always voicing out how much he wants to be a father of girls himself.

 

“Yes, indeed. Do you think Taeyong will take this job?”

 

“I’m in no position to answer that and you don’t want me to be honest with you. The guy needs something to pay for his bills.”

 

Few parents greet him, and Yuriko runs to his friends in a split of a second. Yuta breathes relieved that maybe today he might not have to wait 40 minutes by the door just to make sure Yuriko is not crying inside the classroom until he has to take her back home.

 

The classes start and the secretary brings Taeyong to the class. Yuta witnesses next to Doyoung who kept shut afterward, a thing he doesn’t know if it’s a relief or not. He has many questions about Taeyong, he never dares to ask. None of his friends− their friends− will answer them and Doyoung is not an option.

 

  4.6 years ago

 

Everyone sits in Taeyong’s parents’ garden, the place they always throw big family parties due to the space that fits all of their friends and relatives. They finally finished their last exams which were a motive to celebrate as well, on top of the recent proposal of Taeyong’s sister.

 

Taeyong’s sister was always envious of how her younger brother managed to marry before her, not in a bad way; she loves Taeyong more than anything. She’s always by his side no matter what. It’s the 7 years of age difference that has her a bit frustrated, which made her feel like her time is passing and maybe no one will want her. Yuta was always reassuring her because, truth be told: she is gorgeous, she is kind, she is everything someone would want.

 

The picture is perfect, relatives congratulating them for the upcoming wedding, congratulating Yuta and Taeyong on their second year of marriage, expressing their joy over how lucky they both are.

 

And they are lucky to have each other, lucky to love each other, lucky to support each other, lucky to be so perfect for each other, yet in this loop, there’s a hollow, a hollow that’s growing slowly inside Yuta’s heart.

 

He looks where Taeyong is in the middle of a bunch of toddlers, sunlight caressing his sharp edges, smile so bright that could charge someone with positivity for a whole year. He’s always loved kids and kids always loved Taeyong. There is nothing not to love about Taeyong.

 

“He’s so perfect!” Taeyong’s aunt comments at the way Taeyong plays along setting a playground for them. He never spends too much time away from Yuta, Yuta knows soon after Taeyong sets a whole new imaginary world for the kids to play he will run to Yuta’s side “Aren’t you afraid that someday you will lose him to other people?”

 

“Not really, he’s my spouse but he is free, I’m not gluing him to me.” They indeed vowed to be together until the death will tear them apart, but they were 21 when they vowed; Yuta was somehow aware all along that they might be too young for it and he feels it with each day that’s passing by.

 

It was Taeyong the one to propose, Yuta was happy out of this Earth when he realized what’s happened. Their families and friends supported their idea straight away and the wedding happened soon after it.

 

Yuta cried.

 

He cried when he got proposed, he cried when they got married, he cried after they got married because there was love, there was a lot of love. Love didn’t wither, no, Yuta doesn’t think their love is starting to wither he thinks he’s changing, he’s maturing and this is not the ideal scenery he’s envisioning for himself.

 

“Babe, did you hear me?” Taeyong brushes some flower puff that’s onto Yuta’s clothes, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek, hands encircled around his neck pulling himself closer with a hug “My handsome daydreamer, I was saying next week we’re going to be at Taeil’s, there’s a surprise party and he will ask Hwayoon out.”

 

“Finally!” Yuta says but in all his honesty, inside, he doesn’t care. He wants sometimes for them to escape in some club and get their assess so drunk that they’d wake up in some ditch, to try to hook up with random people even if just for a kiss. He doesn’t want to cheat on Taeyong, he would never do that, however, he wouldn’t have to think of it if they were just dating like other people their age. From their group, only Youngho and Ten do this kind of things and Yuta thinks Jaehyun would too if Doyoung wouldn’t keep him on a leash.

 

Two weeks after, Yuta finds himself in the same scenery. Playing board games at Doyoung’s house with the same people, same routine. Even the biscuits Taeyong and Doyoung baked make him angry. He doesn’t want this anymore, no more family gatherings; those should be for people about his father’s age.

 

He thought it thoroughly, or at least that’s his opinion. A few months after the series of ditto events, Taeyong didn’t oppose much resistance when Yuta asked for their divorce. He asked reasons why and Yuta gave him plenty including “This wouldn’t be so much of hustle if we were just dates, you know, break up and that’s it. No attorney, no nothing.”

 

“Do you regret us getting married?” Taeyong said in a weak voice but he never cried, never shade a tear not even when Yuta replied without giving a second thought that he did regret them getting married.

 

 

 

 

Yuta remembers, still waiting beside the door for a bit longer, until Yuriko will be absorbed into her play and forget about him bringing her to the kindergarten, trying to still his trembling hands, his beating heart with Doyoung still at his side, keeping a safe enough distance. If he was sweating from the broken freon before, nothing compares to how he feels now, totally drenched.

 

They avoid each other− be it all intentional or with the help of their friends. Before today, they never crossed paths after the divorce. Yuta switched his university he never heard of what Taeyong did; Yuta moved from their apartment, he doesn’t know if Taeyong kept it and he never asked.

 

Be it these four years or more, Yuta knows he will never be able to detach from Taeyong completely. He will always love Taeyong, proof stands his breathless sweaty self, jelly body, trembling hands and hammering heart. He never intended erasing Taeyong; maybe he didn’t think it well when he broke them both. Taeyong doesn’t know and will never know because no one else knows it besides Yuta.

 

The classroom door opens; Taeyong and the secretary walk out of the room, the pregnant teacher squeezing Taeyong’s hand and Taeyong replying her with his ear to ear smile, all teeth on display. Yuta is not even surprised how this smile still affects him, the same smile that made him realize he has a crush for the said man.

 

Once the secretary is back to her office Taeyong walks hurriedly towards them in huffed breaths, fanning some air to his face with his hand. He’s sweating and he’s all flushed, Yuta knows this reaction when Taeyong’s chin trembles and words come out of his mouth slurred, making no sense, him jumping around with his hand curling in search for another's. This time it’s not his hand that Taeyong meets, it’s not him the one that wipes the sweat off his forehead and brushes the bangs away because Taeyong hates when his fringe gets flat, and it scares Yuta of how much he knows about Taeyong, how Taeyong is still the same one he knows.

 

“You’re still here, did you two caught up?” He was so lost in observing his features and gestures that he completely out-heard his conversation with Doyoung. Doyoung throws him a resting grimace, Yuta smiles inwardly.

 

“I don’t have what to catch up with him; my still-boyfriend meets him pretty often. I had to develop a 6th sense called ‘ways to make Jae stop talking about the uninteresting Yuta.’ I saw him, he’s safe and sound, let’s go you-know-who doesn’t like to wait and Tae you promised.” Taeyong makes his awkward semi cheeky smile. Yuta doesn’t know how to decipher their coded conversation, most probably is about Taeyong’s partner.

 

“It’s ok, Riko-chan has a tougher time adapting on Mondays, I have to wait here 10 minutes longer.”

 

“Yeah, we won’t bother you anymore we have lots to prepare.” Doyoung hauls Taeyong’s arm pulling him away, Taeyong looks like a kid pulled away by his mother, he still turns around halfway to say his goodbye.

 

“It was n-nice to see you!” Taeyong says wearily.

 

“No, it wasn’t Taeyong, let’s go!”

 

He remains frozen on the spot, hand in the air trying to wave Taeyong, eyes glued to his back until they’re out of vision. He sits on the floor for a bit longer, he suddenly dislikes the school for the lack of chairs, maybe he should sponsor them a few.

 

 

 

  5.8 years ago

 

 

 

They put down the last box on the floor, sprawling between the hundreds of other boxes. He turns his head to Taeyong absorbed by the glint in his eyes.

 

“It’s a place we call ours, it’s one of our firsts. Yuta, get me the list, in which box did you-“ Yuta locks him in a kiss, before Taeyong starts to frantically look around and force him to take things out of the box and start arranging them when Yuta just wants a bit of time to hold Taeyong into his arms, to kiss him, to feel him.

 

“Ours,” He hovers over Taeyong to keep him in place, straddling him, locking his hands atop of his head he kisses him once on the lips “because I’m yours,” he kisses his jaw “and you are mine!” He kisses his neck down to his collarbones, ignoring the salty taste of his sweat because he likes Taeyong’s taste.

 

“I-uh-“ Taeyong is soft for Yuta, Yuta knows all the ways to knock down Taeyong’s defense “please don’t Yuta, we need to unp-ahh-ugh” There’s a loss of words, lustful eyes and heavy breathing, all limp under him.

 

Yuta didn’t think of it, working Taeyong hard means they need lube to take it all the way, lube which is at the bottom of one of the well-packed boxes. He wants to cry.

 

“Taeyong, in which one you put our stuff?”

 

“What our stuff this is all our stuff.” Taeyong chuckles, his whole body moving under Yuta and it does no favor to him.

 

“I hate you smartass, lube where’s the lube?” Yuta playfully smacks the side of Taeyong's thigh.

 

“I don’t know all of these boxes look the same, you wanted us to hurry up and not put a tag on anything. Yuta!” Taeyong groans when Yuta sinks on him again, insisting on them not losing the semi hard-ons “Babe, we can’t do it between all these boxes and like that, come on.”

 

“I’m no quitter!”

 

Moments later, they’re spooned up on the uncovered bed, and dirty, Taeyong tracing small circles on his forearm, kissing the other hand they intertwined for a more comfortable position.

 

“Are you asleep?” Taeyong asks, not shifting to look at him. Yuta just steals glances at the perfection in his arms.

 

“Nope, not yet, why?”

 

“I just wanted to say that I love you so much, you make me so happy!”

 

“I love you too. Always and forever.” Yuta kisses Taeyong’s nape wanting to spend his whole life in this moment.

 

“We should at least take a shower and put something on the bed. Forget about the unboxing, we’re spending time with each other for the rest of the night.” Yuta couldn’t agree more and that’s why Taeyong is his absolute perfect match.

 

 

*

 

“Taeyong, why were you even talking to him? Haven’t heard of the concept ‘ignore’?” Doyoung fumes gripping hard at the wheel in frustration. Taeyong looks away, a smile creeping on his lips.

 

Taeyong was shaken when he saw Yuta. Taken aback by the uncertainty of how things should go. What were they supposed to say to each other given the circumstances? Taeyong’s thought before how it would be if he’d meet Yuta, he played different scenarios and none had him like in reality: defenseless, speechless.

 

“Did you see him? I think he’s a bit fuller now. He’s so handsome, oh my God!” Taeyong squeals, to Doyoung's annoyance. Yuta changed, he’s gained a little bit of weight or maybe it’s muscular mass, Taeyong can’t tell. What he knows is that Yuta’s beauty still shakes him from the very core like not even a day passed by since they fell in love with each other.

 

“No, no, nononono, Taeyong! We’re over him! He ing broke your heart!” Doyoung sounds just as desperate as someone who was there to witness Taeyong's heartbreak.

 

“You’re right.” Taeyong doesn’t resent Yuta, Doyoung does. He blames Yuta for everything. He blames Yuta for being too weak to overcome a little hop in their marriage, for ruining so many things for Taeyong and mainly for planting insecurity into Jaehyun about marriage that makes Doyoung think he’ll never get over and swears to name their children’s poo after Yuta.

 

Taeyong, on the other hand, has loved, loves and thinks he will love Yuta forever. He’s never got into a relationship after their divorce, never put eyes on someone else, never even tried to because they can be anyone but they’re not Yuta. They’re not his other half, they’re not Taeyong’s heart.

 

And no, Taeyong doesn’t want Yuta back. Taeyong wants Yuta to be happy; Taeyong himself is working on being happy by himself.

 

“You’re not taking that job are you?”

 

“Of course I am, Doyoung I am jobless for six months now, my loan doesn't pay itself and my savings are long gone. I need to start earning and I love kids.”

 

“And there’s Yuta’s niece.” The stare Doyoung gives from the driver’s seat burns. Taeyong feels guilty yet he has a point but if the school chooses him, he will take the job.

 

“They pay triple what other schools offer and I’m not even graduated. Not to mention my resume and the jobs I had before.”

 

“You have a bachelor’s diploma that should be enough and you’re better than anyone else there. Jobs that you could find as a divorced young man, all thanks to Yuta."

 

“You're wrong in blaming Yuta for how our society perceives divorced people. The kindergarten's board doesn’t care about either of those, they want me to finish my studies, and I need money because I’m a dropout.”

 

“You froze your year, you’re not a dropout. Can’t you just continue avoiding him? You started doing fine.”

 

“Doyoung, we live in the same city, it was deemed to happen at some point. He asked for the divorce, I gave him back his freedom because I understood we were too young to be married. I hurried things.”

 

“I want you to be happy Taeyong, that's all.”

 

Taeyong sits at lunch revising his memories while Doyoung entertains the one Taeyong should. Maybe Doyoung understands Taeyong at least a bit, not to jinx but Taeyong thinks if Doyoung and Jaehyun would break up, Doyoung would never completely be over Jaehyun; thing which makes him think Doyoung has tried to imagine in order to put himself in Taeyong’s shoes.

 

  5 years ago

 

 

“Wow, it’s gorgeous!”

 

“No, you’re gorgeous! Let me put it on.” Yuta puts on his head a flower crown for his graduation, Taeyong feels bad because he didn’t prepare anything for Yuta.

 

“But I didn’t prepare anything for you.” He says and Yuta raises his hand, playing with his wedding ring.

 

“I am not the one wearing a graduation cap today. I have this, and this.” He points to Taeyong’s heart making Taeyong’s cheeks heat up “They’re the world to me, congratulations on your graduation, my love!”

 

Taeyong feels overwhelmed at times by the love he bears for Yuta. He feels like each moment they spend in each other’s presence will never be enough. He wants to memorize every single little thing between them, to put it on a frame somewhere in his memory and draw them out when they’re just the two of them when they lay beside each other aged out by the long time that’s washed over them. He wouldn’t want to get old but along Yuta.

 

“I’m going to cry now.” He buries his nose in Yuta’s chest as the latter wraps him in his embrace.

 

“I’m here to support you either way.” Yuta places a kiss on top of his forehead.

 

Taeyong’s proud of how much Yuta grew, from being the one to cry all the time to the moral support Taeyong needs, it’s a big step.

 

*

 

 

“What’s wrong Yuta? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 

“I saw Taeyong.” Youngho stills for a second then he relaxes and smiles. Youngho is not the absolute best option to tell about this, but he needs to speak to someone and the rest are busy with work, life abroad and wedding plans.

 

“Oh, ok and?”

 

“And... I don’t know, he hasn’t changed a bit.” Yuta can’t find his words, he wouldn’t want to disclose it all− how his heart fell in place when Taeyong found the will to change few words with Yuta, even if just out of sympathy. He can’t tell Youngho the restlessness he set into Yuta’s heart along with the confusion on whether he should interfere at all with Taeyong’s life after all he’s put him through.

 

“Well not physically, yeah. I’ve seen him many times, he’s not the same.” Youngho drops it, too heavy for Yuta’s anxiety to take.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“It’s been what, four years since you got separated, he’s changed. Did you talk at all?”

 

“Just a bit, what could I possibly ask ‘so, how was after I dumped you, did you met someone better?’ that’s stupid Youngho.”

 

“Are you curious to know?” No, he’s not, he’s terrified, and he doesn’t even know why because he freed Taeyong, he divorced so he will be away from him. Now he’s sure that was not the answer but he can’t bring himself to say anything further to Youngho “See, you’re not, so everything is fine.”

 

Just that it’s not because Yuta wants to see him more, wants to talk to him more and he knows he will not be allowed or at least it won’t be that easy.

 

“Do you meet him often?”

 

“Me, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil we all meet with him, we are his friends too. Your divorce has nothing to do with our friendship.”

 

A lot of questions die in Yuta’s throat, has he ever asked about Yuta, has Taeyong ever cried, has he ever wanted to see him again. At least this is what he showed to his friends.

 

“I don’t know what circumstances brought you two to meet but Yuta, don’t mess him up.”

 

Youngho gives a warning; Yuta’s heart wants to find hope in it, even though he's implying Yuta might have a thing for torturing Taeyong.

 

  4.3 years ago

 

 

“I thought we’re going to celebrate my birthday out.”

 

“You don’t like it?” The disappointment and shock in Taeyong’s credulous eyes are fueling an irritation inside Yuta because Taeyong hasn’t noticed even a little bit that Yuta’s changing, that he wants other things, that he’s starting to be someone else, someone that’s far from what Taeyong is used to.

 

“I don’t, no I mean, it’s fine like this too.” He lies.

 

“Yeah but fine is not great which means I didn’t meet your expectations and I let you down. I ruined your birthday.”

 

“You didn’t ruin it, come here.” Taeyong is a loving spouse, he tries to please Yuta while Yuta seldomly even tries anymore to please Taeyong, at least not outside their bedroom. Maybe Taeyong starts to notice there’s something wrong and Yuta shoves it still, under the rug, deceiving Taeyong into thinking he’s doing an amazing job.

 

Yuta’s inside is burning, not only because he doesn’t want to spend his birthday in such an enclosed and intimate way but because he doesn’t want to spend his birthday with Taeyong at all. Not with Taeyong, not with his friends, but alone where no one knows him and no one can judge him for how he’s about to break every single rule he’s ever set in his life, to rebel his way up to the point in which he wants to regret the next day.

 

And it scares him on how much he wants to push Taeyong away when he should feel happy and grateful because he has so much in his life, and all were brought on the table by Taeyong. Taeyong struggled and sacrificed his all for Yuta and might be the exact reason Yuta starts to slip off their little perfect bubble.

 

 

*

 

Taeyong should’ve expected Yuta showing up sooner or later to pick Yuriko up, and he’s fine with it, he really is. Yuta will pick Yuriko up, take her to his car where his lover awaits and make their way home into his new life. As long as Yuta’s happy Taeyong is happy too.

 

“Do you have a ride home?” Yuta asks breaking Taeyong’s trance. Taeyong smiles awkwardly, the startle sending a shiver throughout his body. He missed Yuta’s voice so much but now it's not the moment for him to show that, or anytime.

 

“I don’t need one.” The Yuta he knows wouldn’t consider making an effort just for anyone, maybe it’s because he wants to set an example to his niece over how she should be polite and at least ask. He’s Japanese in the end, his parents are like this even though Taeyong would never question their intentions.

 

“You-know-who will pick you up, I get it. How’s work here?”

 

“Good.” Yuta’s never been one of the people to pay attention to details, it was Taeyong the one who had to make the effort for both of them. Remind Yuta of their friends’ birthdays when Facebook wasn’t even created for Yuta to get a notification, remind Yuta of his mother’s preferences when it came to flowers or tea and the list could go on. Maybe because there was a code Yuta remembered, whatever the reason Taeyong avoids disclosing.

 

“My sister said something about you not being graduate. You didn’t- oh, sorry I don’t mean to, you know.”

 

“I’m enrolling back this year. I just took a break to think about what I truly wanted to do.”

 

“Taeyong!” The secretary runs after him holding a bouquet “You forgot this, I think he’s going to be sad if you leave them here.”

 

“Oh, I forgot about them, thanks!” Taeyong takes the flowers, smells them again and smiles. He doesn’t let it slip, the way Yuta’s face falls, he doesn’t want to put hope into it.

 

“Freesias, your favorites.” Yuta says with a knowing smile.

 

“I guess you still remember something about me.” It’s surprising Yuta remembers Taeyong’s favorite flowers because he’s always showed up with all kinds of flowers and it never bothered Taeyong because he loves flowers anyway.

 

“I can remember everything.” The boldness and firmness in Yuta’s statement shake Taeyong a bit. If Yuta wants to play a game Taeyong is not in for it. He bends to say his goodbye to Yuriko, offering her a small bunch of flowers from his bouquet when she expresses her admiration towards how beautiful they are. Taeyong’s dreamed to be close to Yuriko. He was there at her birth, he witnessed her first steps and her first words, and he wanted to be that kind of close uncle to her, if not her most favorite one.

 

“Everything sounds like a lot, I like to think I’ve changed.” Taeyong says with a bit too much hostility in his voice before he rolls on his heel and leaves before having Yuta to take his words back.

 

 

  4 years ago

 

Taeyong has spent hours in a row thinking of everything that he and Yuta are, thinking of every step they took in their life and mostly thinking of reasons why they ended up in front of an attorney to sign a paper that proclaims he and Yuta are nothing.

 

Taeyong fell in love with Yuta sometime in high school after months of trying to help him learn Korean, after months of laughing at his mispronounced words that were more or less illicit, after months of light brushes of fingers, awkward bumps into one another. It took him a lot of courage to confess but when Yuta closed the distance between them, his kiss bearing the answer, Taeyong knew they were meant to be.

 

The proposal wasn’t out of fear of losing Yuta to someone else. Yuta never bothered paying much attention to his surroundings if they weren’t Taeyong. Everything was perfect for them, their families accepted their relationship fast and have always been supportive. So did their closest friends and one day at random when they were playing football in Taeyong’s backyard it occurred to him that it was exactly what he wanted from life, that Yuta gave him everything he needed. He didn’t drop on a knee, he didn’t even have a ring because he couldn't afford it. He untied the bracelet he braided himself and wrapped it around Yuta’s wrist as tears were falling rivers from his eyes and mouth repeating ‘yes’ like a broken record.

 

They moved in together several months after their marriage in a one-bedroom apartment only for themselves. Taeyong was doing the cooking, Yuta was in charge of the maintenance and keeping track of the bills, and they both did the cleaning. Taeyong loved the way things were, he loved visiting their families or attending their garden parties, loved when their friends were coming over or when they were partying somewhere.

 

At some point their friends started forming couples too, Taeyong won’t take credit saying it was him and Yuta that made them want to be just as domestic because, in two years of their marriage, no other couple filled any papers nor took steps in moving in together.

 

There were signs, Taeyong didn’t know how to read them until it was too late. Yuta’s smile withered, he didn’t smile as often as he used to, he didn’t use to make the same jokes as before. The new ones were sourer, like the one you hear out of a grumpy old man. He just thought Yuta was tired and stressed with exams and all Taeyong did was assuring him they’re fine, using as a way to fix him back into place. He never really opened a discussion about it until Yuta did.

 

Now he’s sitting in front of a paper with Yuta biting his lip and bouncing his feet at his side as if he cannot wait a minute longer for Taeyong to pass on the key to his cage door so he can fly free. Taeyong wants to believe he never encaged Yuta, it’s all Yuta’s misunderstanding but it's also too late to fix it.

 

“Before I sign, I need to ask you just one thing.” Taeyong opens his mouth and Yuta looks at him in a way that scares him, as if he’s afraid Taeyong wants to pull something and not give him what he wants. It hurts so much seeing how badly Yuta wants to free himself from Taeyong and his love, “Is there someone else?”

 

Yuta scowls as if it was Taeyong the one who made this whole ordeal as if it was Taeyong the one that told him weeks back that he’s tired of living like a couple, tired of loving him to the point where he regretted them. He only changes his facial expression once he probably realizes this hurts Taeyong, a thing he can take a second to appreciate if it wouldn’t break his heart apart.