The day has finally arrived when I, Lalisa Manoban exchange vows with the girl I’ve been dying to spend the rest of my life with. My childhood crush, my best friend, my girl friend, my first love, my fiance – Jennie Kim. I have waited for this moment since the day I laid eyes on her. It was just a silly crush back then and ever since I was hooked. I spent years trying to gather the courage to confess to her and when I finally did during our high school graduation, I was the happiest when she accepted my feelings and we were inseparable since then. We went to the same college and took the same major, both graduated with flying colors and on our college graduation, in front of the whole school I proposed to her. We were both blessed to have families who accepts and supports our love. I was sure as the heavens that we are meant to be right from the start. So here I am, waiting anxiously for time to go a little faster so we can start the ceremony. It wasn’t a big one like we wanted. Just a few close friends and family, on a hill looking over the ocean. From the moment I woke up, I prayed this day to be perfect and we got just the right heat and wind at the venue. It was an afternoon wedding after all. We followed the tradition of not seeing each other the day before and I am missing her so much already. I cannot wait to see her in her dress and I know for sure I wouldn’t stop myself from tearing up. The closer the hour went by, the more nervous I got. Nervous that I might do something silly to ruin the mood or whatever. My mom and dad waited with me in one of the tents and when the coordinator called us I immediately stood up, checked myself in the mirror one more time then went out with my parents. The procession of guests started and when my song began, I slowly walked down the aisle with the sunflower bouquet that I love. When my song was finished and I was already standing in front, her favorite song started playing in the background. I waited.

But no Jennie came out.

The next minutes were quite a blur. I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought she was just panicking inside her tent and would come out late but a good fifteen minutes passed and there was still no sign of her. Not until her best friend Jisoo came out of the tent with a letter. Everyone was talking loudly but no sound came from my own mouth. I was dumb founded with what just happened. The realization that Jennie left me in the altar with no explanation except for the letter. I lost my balance and fell on the floor, struggled as I opened the letter. Her handwriting y as ever.

Hi Lisa,

I’m truly sorry for leaving you like this. I know you will hate me for doing so but… but I have fallen out of love from you. I couldn’t muster the courage to tell you until this morning. I could not keep lying to you. I could not hurt you even more if I married you and have no feelings anymore. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything until today, this day that is supposed to be the happiest day for us. I understand if you won’t ever forgive me for breaking your heart but I’m going to be selfish and save myself now rather than later. Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done, for me, for us. Most of all thank you loving me but I really am sorry for doing this.

P.S Please don’t come looking for me. Forget about me. Please.

-Jennie

I re-read the letter thrice until I got the message and that when the tears finally fell. My mom was comforting me while my dad asked everyone to proceed to the reception area. It felt like I died the moment the message sinked in. My chest was tightening and all I wanted was to run away as far as possible and jump off the hill so I die for real. How do I continue living when the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with just left me? How do you move on from that?

I asked my mother to join my father entertaining the guests while I stayed behind. Jisoo also stayed behind and assured my mother I will not kill myself. As for me, I am already dead inside. I was staring at the letter in my hand while Jisoo watched over me. She was her best friend but here she is comforting me. Maybe she knew Jennie’s plan, maybe not. I wanted to ask her but I couldn’t form any words. The sun was starting to set and it was supposed to be the part when we both say I do and all I could think of was what did I do for her to have a change of heart? Was I not giving her enough affection or attention? Was I not giving her everything she wanted? Was I not enough? I looked back on everything that happened in our relationship. It was perfect, at least for me. Why was it not enough for her? What else could have I done to make her stay? How could she break my heart like this? All these questions running through my mind – questions that I know will never be answered by anyone but her. But she’s gone and now all I have left is the pain of my heart breaking into tiny pieces – never to be whole again.

The sun finally set and the moon shone brighter above us, it really was supposed to be the perfect day.

I had been staring at the letter for God knows how long and not until Jisoo held my shoulder and whisked me back to reality then I realized that it was really getting late. The guests would have probably all left by now.

“Lisa, I know you are hurting right now but we need to go. I mean your parents sent me a message that I drive you back to the hotel so you could rest” I looked at Jisoo and I saw her sincerity so I nodded my head and she helped stand up.

We passed by the reception area and I saw the decorations we selected back then. Pictures of me and Jennie hanging from the ceiling like vines, the tables and chairs covered in light blue, the center table decorated with sunflowers and a big backdrop of our favorite pre nup photo. I stopped for a while to think that we really did a good job with the decorations but all went to nothing. I closed my eyes then continued to walk out of the venue. Jisoo drove me back to the hotel as promised and she let me settle in my room. And after a series of re-assurance that I will not do anything stupid, she finally left me alone like I requested. Once I was alone, I ordered some food and secretly ordered alcohol. I know I promised not to do anything stupid but I’m really up for anything to numb the pain. When the food arrived, I went ahead and ate when I was full, I looked at the bottle of rum in front of me. I’m not really a heavy drinker, it was Jennie who had a stronger tolerance – ! Why did I mention her? Argh. Anyway, I opened the bottle and instantly smelled the aroma. It smelled really good. I poured some ice and rum in the glass, whisked it a little then drank a few. Wow! That felt good. So I repeated the process until I was really feeling drunk. I stepped out of the balcony for some fresh air and sat comfortably in one of the chairs. Lit a cigarette and enjoyed the view of the evening sky and the ocean below. I was peaceful for a moment until I heard someone singing – our song.

One look at you
My whole life falls in line
I prayed for you
Before I called you mine

Oh, I can't believe it's true sometimes
Oh, I can't believe it's true

I get to love you
It's the best thing that I'll ever do
I get to love you
It's a promise I'm making to you
Whatever may come your heart I will choose
Forever I'm yours, forever I do
I get to love you
I get to love you

The way you love
It changes who I am
I am undone
I thank God once again

Oh, I can't believe it's true sometimes
Oh, I can't believe it's true

I get to love you
It's the best thing that I'll ever do
I get to love you
It's a promise I'm making to you
Whatever may come your heart I will choose
Forever I'm yours, forever I do
I get to love you
I get to love you
I get to love you
I get to love you

And they say love is a journey
I promise that I'll never leave
When it's too heavy to carry
Remember this moment with me

I get to love you
I get to love you
I get to love you

I was taken aback at how beautiful her voice is but the fact that she is singing that particular song made me remember all the events that happened that day. Tears started flowing down my eyes again and before I know it, I was bawling. I didn’t realize I was crying loudly until heard someone calling my attention.

“Hey are you alright?”

I was caught off guard when I heard her speak. I instantly stopped crying as I was embarrassed that the person had to see me like this. I really didn’t want anyone seeing me like this but I couldn’t help it. I just had my heart broken! I wiped away my tears with the sleeves of my shirt and looked around to find the person who just spoke. There she is, on the balcony beside my room, a blond haired girl with the second most beautiful eyes I have ever seen (Jennie will always be the first). She was looking at me with deep concern and I stuttered answering her.

“Ugh. Yea- n-n-no”

“I couldn’t help but hear you cryin’. I hope I wasn’t too loud”

You have a beautiful voice it’s just that you sang our song. Was what I wanted to say but of course I didn’t.

“No. You w-weren’t too l-loud. I- I was just g-going through s-something” I responded stuttering – again What the hell?

The girl tucked some hair behind her ear then said, “Alright. Hope you feel better soon. If you need some company, I’m just here. I’m Rosè by the way”

“Lisa”

“Well Lisa, I’ll leave you to your thoughts. Goodnight!” With that, she went back inside her room and I was left wondering what just happened. I mean I ing stuttered in front of a stranger. A beautiful stranger I might add. What the hell am I talking about? I was just left at the altar by the love of my life and here I am praising a different girl who really has a beautiful face and a great voice. I looked at the empty glass in my hand and poured another one and another one and another one until I was seeing double. Satisfied with my drunkenness, I finished the fifth cigarette and immediately stood up. Big mistake because I lost my balance, making me fall on the floor, breaking the glass which was still in my hand. The pain didn’t really register even with the blood dripping from my hand. I guess the alcohol did really help numbing me. So I tried getting up again only to repeat the same thing. I gave up and just laid on the floor thinking the blood would not stop flowing out of me so I’d be dead.

“Oh my god Lisa!”

I looked up to see the girl from earlier climbing out of her balcony to cross over to my end. That was ing cool, I thought. The next thing I saw was her going to my side and helping me stand up. She guided me to the bathroom and had me sit down as she removed the shards of glass in my head. Once she was sure every tiny bit was removed, she let the water run on my hand. Once the blood stopped flowing, she wiped my hand dry then grabbed the first aid kit, opened the antiseptic solution and wiped it on my hand with the cotton included in kit. Once all the areas were covered, she started putting on the bandage. She then grabbed another cloth, made it wet then wiped my face. Once I was clean enough, she helped me to bed and made sure I drank water and I instantly fell asleep when I hit the pillows.