Have you ever kept a dream log? Diary? Journal? You know, the ones where you log your memories, hopes, or wishes? It was that one place that you could write down all your secrets or frustrations and trust that it would remain hidden from others.

            Sometimes, very rarely, you decide to share these secret moments, and reach out to those around you. Those were always nerve-wracking times because you could never predict how people would react. Would they be understanding, or would they simply judge you? Would they offer advice, or would they take advantage of your vulnerable state?

            Either way, it takes quite a lot of courage to share your secrets with others. However, it takes even more courage to take away that privilege and decide that you have shared enough.

---

            Jiwoo sighed as she stared up at her bedroom ceiling. She didn’t know what time it was yet and had no intention of checking. The faint light shining through the porthole window above her bed barely indicated whether it was morning, noon, or night. But, that didn’t matter to Jiwoo today.

            Eyes tracing over the textures of the dim ceiling, Jiwoo sighed as a numbness enveloped her body. Her once hyper-sensitive fingers felt nothing. Disconnected. She wasn’t sure what to think because her mind also felt the same numbness as the rest of her body. It wasn’t too much of a shock to her, as these feeling were lately becoming a regular occurrence. However, she tried to handle the moment differently each time. Today, she was going to force herself out of bed for once. No wallowing under the sheets. No hiding in her room. She needed air and inspiration. Today, she was going to close down the shop.

            Pushing her blankets off her bed, Jiwoo dragged her feet towards the bathroom to wash up and get ready for the day. Her daily routine was non-existent as she rushed to get out of the house, throwing on whatever she could grab first or was the closest to her. Once changed, she grabbed only her wallet and keys and checked that all her doors and windows were locked before leaving out the back door.

            She hadn’t planned this far into her day, which was unlike her usual self. But, she wasn’t her usual self. She was far from her usual self, and she honestly didn’t know why. Once in a while, she would feel out of character and it was manageable. But, she figured something must be really bothering her because today, she didn’t want to do anything or see anyone. And, that was very unsual for her.

            So, she decided to distract herself. And what better way to distract oneself than to go to the busiest street of Seoul, and visit a coffee shop.

---

            Jiwoo adjusted her headphones as she walked along the busy alleyway. People bustled about, minding their own business as they pushed their way through the crowd of bodies, street carts, and cars. Jiwoo sighed as she let herself get swept through crowd, letting the current of bodies guide her towards nowhere in particular. Why fight the wave when you can just swim with it?

            Being in the heart of Seoul, Jiwoo didn’t need to look hard for a coffee shop to visit. Every ten steps or so, there was a new coffee shop. Whether it was a franchise, or a small indie shop, all of them blended into one another and looked almost identical - busy and crowded, two characteristics that she wasn’t looking for. At this rate, she’ll never make it back to Suwon before sundown.

            Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a smaller café hidden away in a side alley. She managed to dislodge herself from the packed crowd, heaving a sigh of relief as she readjusted her headphones and jacket. Unconsciously, she patted her jacket pockets to check for her wallet and keys. Though it wasn’t a huge deal, she wasn’t about to let her guard down in the big city.

            Once settled, Jiwoo made her way towards the café and entered the small shop. It was a much smaller location in comparison to her own, not that she was surprised. It’s not every day that you find the shop owner living above their store. Those were the times of old, and not the current modern age.

            And this was definitely a modern café. The outside was quite deceiving, Jiwoo noted to herself. It looked quaint and homey like her own. However, the inside was definitely more modern and pristine –sterile. The stark white walls blended in with the equipment behind the counter. The chairs camouflaged into the floors while the acrylic tables seemingly floated in midair.

            Not knowing whether to leave or stay, Jiwoo dawdled at the entrance, pacing in an out of the store as she tried to make up her indecisive mind. A cough from inside startled her, and she stepped closer into the shop, her mind having been made up by the coughing stranger.

            You’re here to observe anyway. Stop being such a coward, she thought to herself, straightening up her posture as she walked towards the counter. Pausing to look at the menu, Jiwoo noticed some similarities in the classic options one could find at a café. However, there were a lot of new seasonal drinks available, along with an eclectic array of mixed or specialty drinks. To her surprise, some had bars of chocolate added, and others had cotton candy. Out of morbid curiosity, Jiwoo was tempted to order the beverages that looked like they had been pumped with sugar steroids, but decided to play it safe.

            “Hello, may I get one iced Americano please?” she asked, smiling towards the employee at the register. They punched in her order and called it out to their co-worker who promptly started to make her drink. Jiwoo paid for the coffee and sat down at a table by the window, strategically placing herself in a seat that faced the entire store, yet still looked out into the alley. If she was going to watch the store, she didn’t want to make herself look too suspicious. Luckily, the other patrons were too busy on their phones or laptops to notice any odd behaviours from her.

            The employee brought her drink to the table with a complementary seasonal macaron. That’s a smart move. A free gift with incentive. Jiwoo took a sip of the coffee and was mildly surprised at the taste. It went down smooth on the tongue and had a rich flavour, coating her taste buds with almost a slight thickness to it. She was also quite surprised to also taste some subtle chocolate undertones, even though she hadn’t asked for any syrups to be added. Taking another sip, Jiwoo smiled as the drink went down as smooth as the first time a sign of a perfectly extracted espresso.

            Her sharp eyes immediately found the beans behind the counter. Lucky for her, she had the eyes of a hawk, and found the type of beans the store used. Sumatra beans. Interesting…Pulling out her phone, Jiwoo made a quick note about the beans, along with the free macaron with drink. Besides the interior, she was already noticing other differences between her own store and this one.

            Jiwoo took her time to drink her coffee, her eyes wandering around the almost empty store, closely inspecting the decorations and menus. One thing she noticed about the store was the silence. Not a single customer spoke, most of them occupied by their phones or laptops. Others sat with a book, or were quick to leave with their take-out cups. There was no background music, unlike Café de Rêves. There was always something happening, whether it was a vinyl playing softly in the background, or customers chatting. Silence was almost non-existent at her store, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

            Here, the silence was deafening. Not even the employees talked to one another. Instead, they chose to go on their phones, or to stock up their ingredients. If they weren’t doing those two things, they were preparing orders that were steadily coming in.

            Confused, Jiwoo looked around to see if she had missed seeing the customers coming in to order, but quickly realized that she was not mistaken. The employee who served her stood at the register, tapping something on the order screen before three receipts popped up from the printer. These were then passed over to the barista.

            An online order? Jiwoo glanced at her phone to check for the time. Noting the afternoon hour, she reverted her attention back to the counter and watched as more online orders continued to come in. She counted each order, noting the number of patrons who strolled in, showed their phone, and left without needing to wait.

            It was, undeniably, an effective business model. Jiwoo saw the benefits of online ordering as it provided time for baristas to prepare orders in advance, and cut back on the waiting. Checking her watch, Jiwoo was shocked to discover that in the time span of 15 minutes, over 20 orders were prepared and distributed to customers. She would never have been able to do that at her own shop, not alone at least.

            But, she also could not see herself doing an online ordering system, not if it sacrificed the ambiance and atmosphere of the room. She couldn’t quite figure out why the store seemed so familiar when she first stepped in, but she now knew. It was sterile, white, pristine. Every surface was spotless. Every object in order. Cold. Much like a hospital, it was a place of comfort and discomfort. A perfect and imperfect place. 

            Jiwoo hurriedly finished her cup of coffee, rushing to get herself out of the sudden realization that this place reminded her so much of a place she was never really fond of. She dropped her cup and plate off at the counter before thanking the employees and scurrying out the door.

            She took in a fresh breath of spring air, filling her lungs and flushing out the stagnant, antiseptic one from within. Though she knew it wasn’t for her store or vibe, seeing the revenue and constant flow of orders coming in through online orders had her thinking. Should she implement this option into her store as well? It would definitely boost her sales, but at what cost? She could only imagine the possibility of becoming busier and drawing in more customers outside her neighbourhood. But, would that deter her regulars from returning? Would it compromise the safe haven that is her shop?

            The thoughts consumed her mind as she aimlessly walked along the streets, passing by all the shops and stores selling various items and services. The idea of expanding her store, and her observations of this central shop brought her back to the conversation she had with Young Mi not too long ago.

It was a day of self-reflection and inner turmoil for Jiwoo, though it was in no way the older woman’s fault. Jiwoo had already been grappling with the idea of changing her ways, which sent her into days very similar to this one, where her thoughts ventured to more dark and self-deprecating views. Where the questions of “What if?” drowned out her ability to reason with logic.

            However, Jiwoo knew the moment wouldn’t last for long because she knew who she was and what her shop stood for. She wasn’t going to subject her philosophy to change, though sometimes change could be good. And, there was no better way to contemplate change than to take oneself away from the norm, and look at the situation through another lens.

            Today’s lens helped her realize one thing: Maybe it was time for some change after all.

---

            The sun peeked through the cracks of the curtains casting streaks of light across the darkened room. Although it was morning, Jaehyun refused to wake up and get out of bed. Unlike other days, he had the today and tomorrow off. No schedules, no appointments. Just freedom for the next 48 hours.

            He grumbled as he turned over in his bed, meeting the gaze of a wild ray of sun reflecting off something on the other side of his room. He felt it on his eyelids, and grimaced as it warmed up his skin. Annoyed at his ruined chance of sleeping in, Jaehyun threw his covers to the side and groggily sat up.

            All he wanted was to sleep in for once, but his body was physically not capable of doing so because of his usual daily routines. It was conditioned to run off minimal hours of sleep, prepared to turn on or shut off when needed. The idol life didn’t allow for weak individuals because that determined whether you would sink or swim in the ocean of talent that was being discovered daily. And, Jaehyun wasn’t going to let himself sink. Even though his body protested and screamed for another extra hour of sleep, he dragged himself out of bed and washed himself up.

            “Oh, hey Johnny. You’re up early, too?” Jaehyun asked with a nod. Johnny, eyes half open, nodded in return and continued to eat his cereal. He sleepily grinned at Jaehyun as the two of them shared a knowing smile. Neither of them wanted to be awake, yet here they both were.

            “I’m going to go to the mall later with Taeyong. Want to join us?” Johnny asked, extending the invitation to his friend. Jaehyun paused before entering his room, heavily considering the idea, but then shook his head.

            “Thanks, but I think I’m going to chill at home today.” Johnny looked over at him with a raised brow. Usually, Jaehyun never declined an offer to hang out.

            “You sure?”

            “Hm. Yeah,” Jaehyun replied. He entered his room and closed the door behind him, not wanting to answer any more questions that Johnny might ask. He wasn’t in the mood to share today, be it his words or his time. He just wanted to be alone.

            Eventually, all the other boys began waking up to do their own things, since they all had some days off. Jaehyun could hear them rustling around in the kitchen and living room, laughing and joking around as they all got ready to go out. A light knock on his door brought Jaehyun’s wandering mind back to his room. He got up from his bed and opened the door to see Mark on the other side.

            “Hey, hyung. Do you have the stamp card for that ice cream place? I’m planning on getting some later and figured I could add to what you have,” Mark asked, his face lit up in a contagious smile. Jaehyun couldn’t help but let a smile stretch across his lips as he chuckled at Marks request. The younger boy really was the kindest person he had ever met. Not one person cares the way he does. The fact that he even remembered the stamp card shows how much he listens to everyone and is able to recall even the smallest details. It was his superpower and his kryptonite.

            “Yeah, sure. Let me go grab it for you,” Jaehyun laughed. He walked over to his desk and grab his bag hanging from his chair. Reaching in, he grabbed his wallet and through the card slots, carefully looking through each one to find the stamp card. His fingers froze on one particular cream card for a moment before he nimbly pulled it from its slot and put it in his pocket. He flipped through the rest of the cards and finally found what he was looking for, grabbing it from its slot before closing up his wallet and tossing it onto his desk. Crossing his room back to the door, he handed the card to Mark. “Here, don’t eat too much ice cream, alright?”

            Mark laughed as he thanked Jaehyun and grabbed the card. “Haechan! I got it! Let’s go!” Jaehyun chuckled at the two younger boys and watched them scramble to get their shoes on to follow one of their managers. He closed his bedroom door once more and sat down on his bed, pulling the cream business card from his pocket for a closer inspection.

            “Café de Rêves…” he mumbled, flipping the card over to the other side. Though it had been several weeks since the late-night practice, he could still taste the coffee on the tip of his tongue. No matter how many times he tried to make it himself, or searched in local Seoul shops, he could not find another cup as good as the one from the café in Suwon.  

            I do have today off. Maybe I could go visit the shop myself? Scrambling up from his bed, Jaehyun went to the kitchen to see if Johnny was still around. He found him sitting in the living room scrolling through his phone with a cup of coffee in hand.

            “Hey, I just brewed a new batch if you want some,” Johnny noted, seeing Jaehyun standing in the room.

            “Ah, thanks, but I was just wondering if you’re taking your car with Taeyong hyung?” Johnny looked up from his phone with a grin.

            “So, you want to come with us now?” he teased. Jaehyun laughed and shook his head.

            “No. I was just asking. If you are taking the car, could you drop me off at Seoul Station if it’s on the way?” Johnny tilted his head at the younger boy, wondering what he was up to. Curious as he may be, Johnny wasn’t going to pry on his friend’s business. He was already secretive enough on regular days, so Johnny didn’t want to risk pushing him away even more.

            “Yeah, it’s on the way. I can definitely drop you off. Do you need me to pick you up anywhere?”

            Jaehyun broke into a grin and thanked Johnny, telling him he would text him when he planned on returning later. Rushing back to his room, Jaehyun quickly changed and got himself ready.

            He really didn’t know why he was this excited to be going to the café. Sure, it made the best coffee he ever had and, knowing his love for coffee, he really wanted to go for a freshly brewed cup to see how it would taste. But, why was he this excited?

---

            “Send me a text when you get your ticket back. I’ll meet up with you here,” Johnny called out the window as Jaehyun nodded at him and waved goodbye. He pulled his cap lower over his face and adjusted his mask to cover as much as he could. Although he attempted to conceal his identity, he really couldn’t escape the extreme fans. They had their ways of finding out where he was at all times.

            Today was no different. Jaehyun could already hear the beeping and clicking of camera shutters in the distance, but chose to ignore them as he walked up the Seoul Station terminal. Taking the steps up two by two, he entered the large, glass building and made his way towards the ticket booths. He glanced up at the departure times and was relieved to see that the next train out would leaving in 10 minutes.

            I don’t have to wait too long with the sasaengs, then. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried his best not to let the extreme fans know he was aware of their presence. Though, it was quite difficult to do with all of them standing no less than 6 feet away from him now. He could hear the echoes of his etiquette teacher’s voice distantly is his head, “Remember, even though they’re crazy, they’re still your fans. And, fans determine your success. The more you have, the more popular you are. If you are popular, you are doing something right.”

            The thought made him shudder, but was also something engraved in his mind and being. He wouldn’t be here as “NCT’s Jaehyun” if it weren’t for them. So, he let them be, and let them exist. As long as they didn’t touch him, it didn't matter how close they got. He just needed to make sure he made it look like it didn’t matter or else he would be in a whole lot of trouble.

            He finally reached the beginning of the line and was called to one of the tellers who quickly printed out his ticket and completed the transaction. The prompt service allowed him to hastily grab his ticket stub and speed walk down the hall towards the train platforms. Once he scanned past the gates and boarded his correct car, he was finally safe from the fans.

            Taking his seat, the train soon after left the platform and was on its way to Suwon. Putting in his headphones, Jaehyun decided to take a quick nap. He drifted off to sleep, dreaming of coffee and cream.

---

            The train came to a halt at Suwon Station and Jaehyun stepped off onto the terminal. The directions to the store were already pulled up on his phone, so he knew he had to cross the street to get to his bus.

            He glanced over his shoulder out of habit, his trained ears searching for any clicks from cameras or whispers of crazed fans. Fortunately, it didn’t seem like any of the ones at Seoul Station followed him here. However, that didn’t mean that others in this area have not already been informed and were waiting. Cautiously, he adjusted his cap and mask securely before taking the stairs up to the main terminal and walking out into the fresh, spring air.

            Almost immediately, he felt the cameras on him. It didn’t take long for him to spot the sasaengs either. These girls were definitely not as bold as the ones in Seoul, choosing to hide in the shadows and bushes rather than in the open. They seemed to keep their distance as well, so Jaehyun felt a little less pressure. That didn’t mean he wasn’t cautious still.

            He walked to the intersection and waited for the walking light to turn before crossing the street towards the bus stop. He could hear their footsteps following him towards the stop, but then pause as he approached the crowd of people already waiting on the benches and in the undercover area.

            Scanning for a nice spot to hide, Jaehyun quickly shuffled into a corner behind a billboard, smiling successfully underneath his mask. He peered through the cracks of the billboard and smirked as the girls walked away, afraid to approach such a large crowd of people. For now, he alluded the crazed fans.

            The bus arrived shortly after, and he waited for everyone to board before entering the bus himself. He mindlessly scanned his transit card, hearing the familiar beep as the screen flashed with his deducted amount. He moved into the bus and scanned the seats, checking for an empty spot. Of course, he found the perfect seat in the very back – a single seater.

            Another half an hour and I’ll be at the shop. You can do this Jaehyun. Nothing to sweat about.

--

            The bus ride was rather short, and they arrived at his stop earlier than he expected. Checking his watch, he stepped off the bus and made the slow trek into the residential area filled with local, family run shops and warehouses.

            His breathing picked up as he got closer to the store, the anticipation pumping adrenaline into his steps. He almost raced down the alley way before turning down a path and entering familiar territories.

            His steps were brisk and light as he drifted towards Café de Rêves, spotting a small and familiar sign in the distance. He recognized it from his search in the practice room. As he closed the distance between him and the shop, he could feel a smile spread across his face. He never knew how much quality coffee could make him feel so ecstatic, to the point where goosebumps began to form on his arms.

            He reached the front door and gave it a tug, only to meet the resistance of a lock. Startled, and slightly alarmed, he gave the door another tug only to be met with the same outcome. Looking down the alley, he tried to find someone who could help him, but there wasn’t a soul in sight. Pacing the front of the store, he tried to look through the windows, but the blinds had been pulled shut. No store hours were posted anywhere, and there was no neon open sign.

            “What the hell? What’s going on?” he breathed, taking a couple of steps back to get a full view of the café. It served no purpose to him, as there was nothing to see, nothing changed. The door was definitely still locked, and now he was stuck in Suwon without any coffee.

            Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair, pulling out his phone with a sigh as he began to check the bus times. He knew there was no point in staying since the sole purpose for his visit was closed. It was almost cruel how the universe worked for him today, starting off perfectly, yet ending with misfortune.

            He turned to leave, not feeling in the mood to stay any longer, but saw someone walking towards him. The older woman smiled as she approached him, nodding her head as she got closer. Though he was confident onstage, his introverted self still struggled to start a conversation. But, this one needed to be made.

            “Hello. I’m sorry to bother you, but is the café closed today?” he asked. The older woman paused and looked at the store, going up to the front door. She looked up at a light above the door and immediately turned around to him.

            “It looks like Jiwoo is out for the day. This happens once in a while. She’ll be open again tomorrow,” she said, pointing to the light.

            “Oh…okay. Does the light mean she’s open or something?” he asked, curious and perplexed by how the older woman had answered his question with such familiarity. Once again, the older woman shook her head.

            “Not always. If her blinds are open, you know she’s here. If the light is on at night, just ring this bell and she’ll open up for you, any time.” Jaehyun spotted the little doorbell hidden beside the doorframe, his curiosity spiking. The older woman continued, catching him a little off guard. “Now, if the blinds are closed, and the light is off, then she’s not in. Seems like you’re out of luck, son. We can’t say if she’ll return soon or not.”

            Jaehyun thanked the older woman as she continued on with her day, leaving him standing in front of the store. He found it rather curious that the locals knew so much about the small nuances of the store. People who weren't local definitely wouldn't know about the small details of the store being opened or closed. He looked up at the light, feeling impatient and restless as he watched and waited for it to turn on. Though it didn't seem likely, he could only hope that it would. It didn’t turn on.

            He couldn’t believe he wasted an entire day of travels to come to a place that wasn’t even open. What’s worse was even if he wanted to hate the store for being closed, he knew he wouldn’t be able to. The coffee was far too good to abandon just because of events that were beyond his control. He knew he would be back, but he just didn’t know when.

            Checking his phone, he noted that he had plenty of time to get back to Seoul while it was still light out, but he had to leave right away. Tucking his phone into his pocket, he took one last look at the light for any sign of flickering, but was left disappointed. I guess I’ll try another day, whenever that may be…

            He walked to the end of the alley and neared the exit towards the main road. Just as he turned the corner, a faint light flickered on above the doorway of the shop as the blinds in the doorway opened up.

---

            Jiwoo breathed a sigh of relief as she walked out of her bathroom, feeling refreshed from her quick shower. She hung the towel around her neck and shoulders, using it to capture all the water droplets from her hair. She used a second towel to dry the rest of her hair off.

            Although she only just arrived home, she couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her shop closed for an entire day. So, being the workaholic that she was, Jiwoo skipped downstairs to the front of the store and the door light. She opened the front curtain while she was at it, since it was still a little light out.

            After the day’s adventure and exploration of the world and mind, Jiwoo really needed a cup of coffee. She went behind her counters and grabbed all the essential ingredients to make herself an espresso, opting for the shot in its purest form this time. As she waited for it to extract, her mind wandered to the day’s events.

            She couldn't deny that the shop she visited had a unique interior. Though it was not her style, it definitely had its own charm with the white on white. Futuristic would be the word she would use to describe the ambiance, in addition to pristine. However, she couldn't get the hospital feeling out of her mind and shuddered at the chills that ran down her spine. Her thoughts ran wild, back into her past as the espresso machine hummed and grumbled during extraction.

            Jiwoo absentmindedly brought her cup to the register, opting to sit at her counter rather than at the tables on the other side of the room. Her book lay next to the till, patiently waiting for her to open it up and escape into the mysteries that it held. But, she couldn’t focus much on the cover, let alone the words inside. Instead, her eyes wandered over to the card tucked between some trays under her counter. She reached for it, carefully placing it onto the counter top as she held onto her espresso cup.

            She didn’t know what compelled her to bring the card out, let alone grab her phone and punch in the numbers under Young Mi’s name. Whether it was because of the short adventure of the day, or the thought of catering being on her mind for the last few weeks, Jiwoo dialed Young Mi’s number and waited as the line connected.

            “Hello?”

            Jiwoo froze, phone to her ear. She sat gaping at her phone, trying to figure out what to say to Young Mi. She pulled the phone away and waited for the screen to turn on so that she could hang up, but stopped when she heard Young Mi’s voice in the receiver.

            “Jiwoo? Is that you? It is, isn’t it?”

            “Uh, yes. Hi. It’s me, Jiwoo,” she responded. She didn’t know what else to say, so she stayed quiet.

            “I’m assuming you called because of what I said, correct?” Young Mi asked, getting straight to the point. Momentarily forgetting that this was a phone call, Jiwoo nodded her head, but quickly spoke up.

            “Yes. I’m sorry for such a late response. I’ve just been thinking,” Jiwoo said. She wasn’t sure why she was now feeling nervous, but her hands were beginning to shake. Not wanting to risk dropping her phone, she put it on speaker and placed it on the counter, pulling up her legs onto her stool and hugging them to her chest.

            “Don’t worry about it. I did tell you think about it. It doesn’t matter how long it took,” Young Mi replied reassuringly. She knew the younger girl probably felt overwhelmed by her offer, so she purposely didn’t call over the last few weeks. It’s a large step that will require time and dedication, and would bring a lot more to Jiwoo’s already full plate. However, Young Mi had a really good feeling about this business venture for Jiwoo. Not wanting to wait any longer, Young Mi asked Jiwoo the question that plagued the younger girl's mind for the last several weeks, “So, do you want to cater for me?”

Hello everyone! Here's chapter three of who knows how many. I quite enjoyed writing this chapter, as it did involve some action and movement this time. We almost had an encounter between our protagonists, but it did turn out to be a missed connection. So close, yet so far! Hopefully you are discovering a little bit more about the characters and personalities of Jiwoo and Jaehyun. And hopefully their experiences and thoughts are relatable? 

Anyway, thank you again for reading! I love receiving comments and feedback, so please let me know what you think. 

See you in the next chapter!