System online

 

Status: Matrix operational, all systems report normal function. No operational errors detected.

 

Calibration: 100% complete

 

Outer armour: 100% complete

 

Download of human interaction matrix: 95% complete, additional material needs to be gathered from real world interactions but most humans are inept at spotting when communication is difficult so will pass it off as just being a ‘strange day’

 

Personality: 100%

 

History: Self generated storyline. Past generated from a collection of sources and basic implementation. (need to speak to Tata to confirm all details). Records to prove humanity are all in place and follow a chronical timeline. Do you wish to download this information?

 

Yes

 

History: Download 100% complete and available to view at any time. Family data also included 

 

Mission directive?

 

Mission: To pose as a human in order to secure keys to house and then help out the BT21 adapt to new living arrangements as quickly as possible. Any questions?

 

…

 

“Why am I female?”

 

Tata jumped in surprise at hearing the soothing voice that came out of the figure lying on the table. The purple alien had been aware that Van would speak normally like all humans did on the planet, but it was still strange to hear a voice that was distinctly human with no metallic monotones coming out of it. The last week had been a bit of a mess trying to get Van’s voice box to work properly in the newly designed human body which he had built for his beloved Space Robot and after failing for the better part of the afternoon to get anywhere, he had opted to update the settings on his robot and ensure that Van had everything that she needed in order to act human.

 

Turning to look at the, what humans called, Android on the table, the heart headed alien felt rather proud of himself because it was next to impossible to tell that Van was anything but human right now. She was sitting upright on the bed, connected to computers by a series of wires, but the entry sockets would be concealed behind flesh coloured mounts so as not to arise anyone’s suspicions that she was anything but a normal human girl.

 

Her look had been a massive collaboration project over a series of nights working with everyone back in their old house to match together someone who they could all agree on. Of course, that had come with many problems because everyone had a different idea at first, ranging from Cooky wanting a buffy man, to Chimmy wanting a ballet dancer, Mang wanted one of the guys that he idolised from his killer dance routines, RJ had in mind a baker, Koya proposed the idea of a sage and Shooky just kept on running around madly drawing circles in black ink on everyone’s ideas. The first night hadn’t ended well at all and eventually everyone had gone to bed in a foul mood, which carried on until the next morning.

 

RJ and Koya thankfully got out of it fine, the alpaca busying himself with making everyone a toasty breakfast whilst the koala just went about fluffing everyone’s pillows to make them sleep a little bit better. Or more correctly, giving him an excuse to lie his head down on the pillows for five minutes at a time to get some sleep. It hadn’t helped much, as most of the younger group members still seemed pretty down and it was strange Mang who said, “Can we have a Mommy?”

 

“A Mommy?” Tata had asked with a confused blink to his dark eyes.

 

The pony masked bear had nodded in response, “Yes, a Mommy would look after us all and would look pretty and take us to school and then we could bring her flowers home and…Mang misses his Unicorn Mommy.”

 

Tilting his head to the side, Chimmy yipped a little at him before moving suddenly to hug Mang tightly around the chest. “It’s okay! She’s only a phone call away.”

 

“But it’s not the same,” Mang half wailed, “Unicorn Mommy used to bake cakes and always be there when snot season was upon everyone and she used to take Mang to school and pick him up and…”

 

A soft ‘Beh’ came from RJ as he hugged Mang from behind, his wool soft and fluffy, “Shh, it’s okay Mang. We do that for you now and you won’t be alone again.”

 

“Plus Mommy ’s are also strong and level headed and break up all arguments and are just to the coolest things on the planet,” Cooky said, bouncing up and down in his chair, “They always know how to hit the naughty people too and tell the best bedtime stories ever.”

 

Chimmy blinked and smiled happily as he stared at his orange juice, “My Mommy used to make the best plates of food in the world, no matter what time of day or night when I was hungry.”

 

RJ smiled softly, “Mine taught me to cook and helped me to look after my little brother too! She knew everything.

 

Shooky bounced onto the table carrying one of Koya’s ears, “Ha! Mine taught me how to be the best!” before rushing quickly off.

 

Everyone had turned to look to a one eared Koya who looked as though he had just had a nose bubble popped on purpose. He blinked and smiled, “Mommy used to know the best places to sleep without being disturbed.” Before promptly falling forward onto a pillow which was kicked directly towards him just in the nick of time by Cooky.

 

Tata had blinked, hummed thoughtfully and thought back to his own mother back on his home planet. She had always been loving and soft, supportive of his unique identity whenever others had tried to correct it. She was one of the reasons why he was here, on earth, attempting to become a Universtar he always felt a glowing pride in his chest whenever he thought about her.

 

“Hmmm, how to Earth Mommy ’s look then?” he had asked.

 

Now, a week later, Van was staring at him with her large human eyes and Tata was very happy with his success at creating her. The girl was of average height and build, not too endowed as Tata had quickly come to learn that certain men of this planet like to prey on those who had too many curves but was pretty to look at. She had a soft round face with a gentle set of bow shaped lips and her eyes were a light grey in colour. One was darker than the other but Tata found that he rather liked them like that. Her hair was quite long and silvery blond with darker roots showing through but he’d leave the styling up to her once she had settled into the routines of being human. Van appeared to be in her late twenties and had just enough of a look about her that suggested maturity. Tata very much doubted that anyone would question why she had so many little kids running around with her – as him and the rest of BT21 were frequently dubbed by curious onlookers – but there was a lot to learn.

 

Realising that Van was staring at him intently, patiently waiting for an answer, the alien grinned and hopped down from his work station to pop up onto her bed and sit next to her. “You’re female because the gang decided that it would be best to have an earth Mommy for everyone,” Tata said with a bright smile, “We’ll have to get you some clothes and probably download a whole lot of information on being a Mommy but I think it’ll work for the best.”

 

Van blinked her large eyes at him, seeming to think his statement through before suddenly reaching forward to pluck the small alien up into her arms and hold him out in front of her. She regarded him for a few seconds, before smiling softly and pulling him close to her chest, lightly caressing his head with her fingers in a loving manner. “Aww, my little Tata, always thinking so much. Makes Mommy so proud.”

 

No. Tata was not crying! He was not! His heart did not melt into a million happy little bubbles at that exact moment and he wasn’t thinking about how his own mother used to cuddle him like that at all. No he was a cool scientist with good brains and this was a fascinating discovery and so quick for Van but all he wanted to do was cuddle into her tightly and cry because he just missed his real Mommy so much.

 

The door to the secret hide out creaked open just at that moment and a familiar heart shaped nose peered curiously around the door.

 

Van smiled warmly and beckoned the figure closer, “Hello Mang, come on, you can come in. Tata won’t mind at all.”

 

“But it’s meant to be my secret…” Tata started before looking at Mang who was twisting his hands around himself before glancing up at Van. Big mistake because she’s already wearing the look of a mother that simply tells one child to share with another and Tata knows he can’t be possessive with Van. She’s meant to be a Mommy to all of them after all.

 

Lightly he hops aside and smiles brightly towards Mang, who looks at him all confused for a second or two before the alien indicates Van with his head. Still the pony masked boy doesn’t get it and letting out a sigh, Tata extends his arms towards the other, picks him up off the floor and has the dance machine in the girl’s arms in a matter of seconds.

 

“Aww! Is little Mang all shy?” Van coos immediately beginning to automatically pet the top of his head which has Mang’s little tail wagging happily back and forth, “You don’t need to be in the slightest with me. I’m your Mommy Van.”

 

Mang lets out a happy sound and flings his arms around her happily, nuzzling her with all the affection that he can manage and Tata feels his chest exploding with happiness. Moving quickly, he shoots across the room, rummages through his chest of drawers and comes up with a long sleeved t-shirt and a pinafore dress. Darting back to Van and Mang, the alien whirls around in a purple blur, knocking the dance machine to the floor but by the time he has picked himself up, Van is standing upright and little hearts appear in Mang’s eyes.

 

Van is now dressed in the clothes which Tata had gotten and her hair has been twisted up into a little bun and she just looks exactly like an earth Mommy should look. Mang jumps in glee, which Tata spins around happily and then both grab hold of her hands and tug her outside and down the steps into the doorway which leads to the stairs for the roof and within moments they’re in the main living room of their flat which is just piled high with boxes and packing tape as everyone is getting ready for the big move.

 

“Look!” Mang yells, startling everyone, “We have an earth Mommy!”

 

There’s a clattering as boxes and various other assortments of items are dropped to the floor before several pairs of paws all scurry forward at once. There’s a clamour of noise to accompany everything and Tata covers his ears for a brief second before a gentle laugh is heard which stops everyone in their tracks. Van smiles brightly, still chuckling as she kneels down so that she’s practically the same height as everyone, whilst she’s average height for an Earth Mommy she still towers over everyone’s heads, even RJ’s when he stands upright and let’s out a happy hum, “Aww, look at all of you! So precious, my little babies.”

 

Cooky rushes forward first, practically bowling her over with a cry of, “Yay Mommy!” but Van catches hold of him and squeezes him very tightly, placing a kiss on his head before putting him down to pick up Chimmy whose leaping up at her ninety to the dozen with his little paws held out and his tail wagging just as much as Mang’s did. RJ’s next, beh’ing happily as he nuzzles into her with a happy smile on his face and Koya stumbles towards her with a sleepy grin before clambering onto her back to curl up there as if it’s the most natural place to sleep in the world.

 

Van fondly shakes her head and gets up, looking around to see the final member of the group, only to spot Shooky hiding behind a plant pot that has been left on the table and not put away in the packing boxes yet.

 

She giggles a little and moves forward, gently untangling Koya to let him cuddle against Tata for a few seconds and leans against the table with a gentle incline of her head, “Shooky?”

 

A worried sounding grumble is her reply and Van smiles softly, “You can come out, I won’t hurt you.”

 

From her position on the table, Van can see Shooky quivering a little with fear and he shakes himself back and forth, his round little form tapping nervously against the china of the plant pot. “What’s wrong, Shooky?” Van asks quietly, “You don’t like Earth Mommy?”

 

“Earth Mommy’s put Shooky’s in milk and eat them!” Shooky replied after a few moments.

 

Van blinked, processing this as fast as her brain could filter through the internet but nothing in any of the mother guides she could find or the various TV shows she could clip briefly inside her head explained what to do in this situation. She searched Shooky’s getting eaten and saw for herself that most chocolate themed treats did but most of them were not living treats that had expressions and feelings of their own. Most of them were home baked cookies that were made from sugar, flour and eggs. She tilted her head, “I wouldn’t do that to Shooky. Shooky is everyone’s friend and if I ate him then everyone would be upset and wouldn’t love Van Mommy anymore. I won’t eat Shooky.”

 

“But Earth Mommy’s do,” Shook said softly, peering around the edge of the plant pot.

 

“No, they’re cookies,” Van said, only realising what she said after it had escaped and having to dodge backwards as Shooky launched himself in the air at her with a feral cry.

 

“No! Shooky!” Cooky yelled, the pink bunny rushing forward to clamber up Van’s body and hold onto one of his friend’s legs, “She doesn’t mean me. She means the treats that we buy in the boxes! Van Mommy won’t eat me!”

 

It took a good ten minutes for everyone to get Shooky to calm down and the only way they managed it was by Koya coming back from the kitchen with a box of plain, boring and very-none Shooky cookies that did nothing other than prove to be very tasty treats. Shooky still looked a little uneasy until Van reached across and lightly petted Shooky with a smile, “Van Mommy loves Shooky too much to eat him and she won’t allow anyone else to eat him or any of his friends ever.”

 

For a second the living cookie looked like he was going to bite Van until a certain pink bunny marched clearly in front of Van and sat down with his arms crossed. Cooky looked downright annoyed at Shooky right now, “If Shooky doesn’t love Van Mommy then Cooky will fall out with him and not talk to him for the entire day.”

 

Shooky looked completely shocked at that statement, “But…but but…”

 

Cooky raised his nose in the air, “Nope. Van Mommy loves Shooky, Shooky should love Van Mommy and if he don’t, Cooky won’t talk to him for the whole day.”

 

Van opened to try and sort out the situation before it could escalate any further but Shooky got there first. He let out a wail and threw himself once again at Van, only this time he was hugging around her neck – well as best as he could – with big fat tears flowing out of his chocolate eyes, “Shooky loves Van Mommy but he’s never had a Mommy to love before so he don’t know how!”

 

Cooing gently, Van hugged the sobbing cookie, wondering if she would need to buy him extra sugar and butter to keep him together if he was going to get this emotional. “Don’t worry, Van Mommy will teach you how.”

 

Tata smiled at the sight, glad for once that he had set his camera to capture the scene before turning it to selfie mode when suddenly an idea came to his head. “Group selfie!” he cried, charging forward to land smartly on Van’s knees before either Cooky or Chimmy could but the rabbit and puppy just latched onto her arms instead. Shooky was already wrapped around Van’s neck and RJ politely stepped next to her to give her a back hug. Koya shuffled into the scene with his pillow and passed out in front of them all and Mang did a perfect leaping jump up behind them just as Tata pressed the camera button and caught them all in a perfect shot.

 

The photo was saved and shared across a couple of accounts and Van paid to have it printed and framed when she got her first job and hung it on the wall of her own bedroom with the caption, “My first Photo with my very special boys”.