a/n: hello this is irene's pov, thought it wasnt relevant until some mentioned it. i didnt proofread and literally posted this the moment i finished. so i apologize in advance if it has any grammar errors or plotholes. enjoy (: thank you all for reading (:

Joohyun hated the lightning, especially what comes after it.

She hated the storm, but not what comes after it.

It’s quite unusual for someone who hated the storm with a burning passion to come to love the gentle rain. Maybe, it’s not entirely just the rain, after all—what she loved is what comes after that—the silence, and to bathe in someone’s warmth while listening to their thrumming heartbeats that always seemed to lull her to sleep.

Seulgi’s heartbeats had been her lullaby in every heavy storm. Seulgi’s heartbeats and her fingers through her locks.

She’s yet again forced the younger to accompany her in her fear, knowing that Seulgi would always choose her in a heartbeat.

It’s the only way Joohyun could be any closer to her—in her arms, in the middle of a storm. Because Seulgi always felt like home.

But Joohyun would always wake up the next morning with a frown, noticing that the other side of the bed is empty. And Seulgi’s gone, yet again.

Joohyun wasn’t confused—she’s never been so sure, if even. The moment she felt this strong desire to always be close to Seulgi, she knew it was love. So she did the things she thought would make the younger realize.

She would demand cuddles and surprise sleepovers in the raven-haired’s room, or sometimes, even hers. She knew that the younger couldn’t resist her charms, like most of the population in their campus. But she guesses that maybe that’s why Seulgi seems to look at her the way everyone does.

Seulgi looks at her with so much admiration.

It didn’t help the fact that Seulgi would always do every single thing she demands. And if there’s any other emotion in Seulgi’s eyes other than fondness, it was fear.

Seulgi looks at her like she loved her the same way Joohyun has loved her. But the fear in her eyes seemed to hold back those feelings, as much as Joohyun wanted to tell her it was okay—that it was okay because love is just love, and anyone is allowed to love whoever they want.

And it was proven all right that Seulgi wasn’t as daunting enough as her to take that leap of faith.

Joohyun remembers it quite vividly that night they both drank, the first time Seulgi poured alcohol down . Joohyun knows that Seulgi’s a lightweight so she made a note in her head to stay sober so she could safely take them both home.

If sober Seulgi was clumsy, then drunk Seulgi was a walking disaster. She kept bumping onto things that can be avoided even when drunk, and she topples over invisible tripwires and Joohyun would be scolding her nonstop about alcohol if Seulgi wasn’t looking at Joohyun with her nose all scrunched-up and a face-splitting grin.

Sure, she looked like a mess. But Joohyun still and always finds her beautiful.

“remind me not to make you drink ever again.” Joohyun mutters under her breath, trying to sound as authoritative as possible, but the smile spills on her face before she could even. Not that Seulgi even notices, she’s too drunk to pay attention after all. But just how could Joohyun be mad at this girl when Seulgi looks so adorable?

“You’re soooo pretty, Hyunnieee”, Seulgi murmurs as soon as Joohyun settles her down on her bed. And she was grinning like an idiot and Joohyun would definitely smack her head if she's anything other than drunk. “I like youuu, you know?”

Joohyun was the one smiling like an idiot right now. It’s all she wanted from the bear—to be loved in return. She wanted to squish the monolid’s cheeks right now and just kiss her anyway, but what Seulgi muttered next had her stop and stare with bated breath.

“I want usssss to be friends forever!!” Seulgi whispers. “you’re the bestest best best friend in the entire universe, Hyunniee”

And Joohyun believed that a drunk mind does speak sober thoughts.

Then Seulgi pukes.

Seulgi was a coward, Joohyun knows that by heart.

Every time she had the chance, she would corner the dumb bear with her questions that lead to her attraction to the brunette. But every single time, Seulgi avoids it like the plague.

“I’ll always be here as a friend, Hyun.” She hears Seulgi one stormy night. Seulgi might’ve thought she’s fast asleep but she isn’t. The monolid was her back softly as they cuddle the night away.

Joohyun’s ears were ringing and not even Seulgi’s heartbeats could calm her down. Always a friend, she says.

She dejectedly buries her face into the latter’s chest so softly it could pass off as a slight sleeping squirm.

But do friends normally do this for each other?

Seulgi never seemed to want to leave her comfort zone no matter how subtle Joohyun wanted Seulgi to be.

Maybe she has read Seulgi wrong after all. Maybe Seulgi didn’t love her the way she does. Maybe it was because having all of Seulgi’s attention is a privilege of just being her best friend.

And it does hurt her. She couldn’t help but get hurt in that not-so sudden realization.

Maybe Seulgi did love her, just not in the way she wanted it to be.

And that’s how Joohyun’s serial dating started.

“This is Bogum”

“This is Sehun”

“This is Taehyung”, Joohyun has introduced boys she guiltily used to forget her feelings for Seulgi. Seulgi seemed to be fine by it, so that fortifies the theory that maybe Seulgi didn’t love her that way.

She got drunk that Friday night, and she urged Seulgi to come with her just because. Just because she wanted to still be with her as she drowns her feelings away in burning vodka. Seulgi was right, alcohol does taste like piss. It tastes like the bitterness she’d buried so deep in her heart that occasionally comes out to swallow her whole. It tastes like self-pity and salted tears.

There were tears when she was making out with a drunk frat boy in that party, there were burning tears b her eyes when she closes them and thinks of Seulgi instead. Because then the subject of her thoughts just had to yank her away from her daydream and out into a secluded hallway, all the while not even looking back at her. She took that opportunity to wipe her tears and she couldn’t really think straight as her mind was partially clouded with alcohol.

But Seulgi just had to look beautiful that night, even with how furious she looked, and even when she said Taehyung’s name all wrong. It didn’t matter to Joohyun at all. Joohyun still looks at Seulgi so fondly just like how she always would.

“You’re beautiful, Seulgi-yah~ Didya know that”, she’s supposed to say that calmly but she’s just slurring. And Seulgi didn’t seem to mind that as she just said something along the lines of taking her home and practically dragging her out into the night.

The good thing about being drunk around Seulgi is the fact that Joohyun could cling to her arm as much as she could because it’s the usual ‘drunk’ behavior and Seulgi would understand that. Joohyun may be clumsy that night but she remembers that night like the back of her hand.

“Dance with me, Seulgi-yah”, says without thinking.

She didn’t have the chance to dance with Seulgi when they were in high school, because if she did, she might’ve never resisted the urge to kiss the raven. And it would’ve been bad to have other people see them--after all, Korea is conservative. Joohyun might have not cared, but Seulgi does. Seulgi’s always scared of doing things that are out of the borders of the norm.

And to finally have her fingers clasped the back of her best friend’s neck, the love of her life, and without the eyes of people who would hurl hurtful words when they know nothing about them—Joohyun thinks this moment is perfect.

It’s perfect as it is. And she wanted to stay like that forever.

But then, for the second time that night, just had to run before her mind could process it, “You’re beautiful, you know that, Seulgi-yah?”

And that night when she was dumped into her bed after being taken care of, courtesy of the cheap vodka, Joohyun mutters an “I love you” when she hears her door creak open. Then she closes her eyes and felt a hand against her heart that was beating loudly against her chest.

Indeed, her feelings are forces to be reckoned with because after all those boys, after every wasted night, and piss-tasting bottles of alcohol, Joohyun finds herself muttering again,

“I love you, Seulgi.”

Joohyun strengthens her resolve to keep Seulgi out from things she doesn’t want to be in. So when Suho, the football captain, approaches Joohyun one afternoon when she was dozing off and staring at Seulgi in the field from a distance, it startled Joohyun.

Suho always had this little crush on Joohyun, but he never made a step as he always sees the brunette smiling with fondness in her eyes when she was talking to the monolid. He never brought his hopes up even when he knew that Joohyun was dating almost every decent male of the campus population. But when he sees her one day, this afternoon, looking a little sad, he musters up his courage to approach her.

“You like her that much?” it wasn’t the nicest way to start a conversation, but it had all of Joohyun’s attention in a heartbeat. She whips her head to face him with an intimidating raise of her eyebrow.

“Excuse me?”

He just smiles and holds his hands up, trying to shrug off the conversation. “I’m Suho, by the way.”

Joohyun ignores him and stares at her notebook that suddenly became interesting with a flustered expression on. She kept her eyes on neither Suho nor Seulgi.

“If you like her, why don’t you tell her?” he starts again and Joohyun kept her eyes on her notebook muttering, “Easier said than done.”

Suho furrows his eyebrows. “But you’re Bae Joohyun.”

“She’s not interested in me, okay?” And Joohyun wonders why she was even opening up to him in the first place. Was it because he was one of the first people who confronted her about it without getting weirded out? “And there’s nothing great about being me.”

Suho was silent then. And then he laughs. Joohyun looks at him weirdly, and then she was a little flustered with what she ju