It's You

It's you, it's always you

If I'm ever gonna fall in love I know it's gon' be you

It’s crazy, they say. How a person could gravitate you towards them effortlessly. He’s just being there breathing, but it affects him so much, its overwhelming; to the point he’s unsure how to respond. He’s never been a coward or unsure person but with him, that’s all he ever be.

Since the beginning of time, the very first encounter of two boys, full with aspire and dreams; hoping earnestly to become a great dancer. Paired up by destiny and somehow the pairing works so well. He didn’t know to thank JYP PD-nim or GOD; for singlehandedly decided that they would be a great pair with ultimate chemistry, or God for blessing JYP PD-nim with such eyes that could see talents.

He never thought that the simple thought of he’s cute talking with his Jinhee-gu accent of his, looking like bumpkin boy as an early sign of him falling in love. There’s nothing harmful thinking your partner was such a cute boy right?

They were just boys at that time, stranger-turn-partner-turn-friend, a relationship that seems shallow, he never imagined that one day he would be into him like a big black hole. He never knew back then, but his indescribable feeling most probably already started then.

It’s scary how easy to love him, as a friend, as a dong saeng, as a best friend. And he didn’t even realize he had fallen deeper into him. There’s this voice at the back of his head, trying to drag him out of hiding but he always suppressed that unconscious mind for the sake of his career, their career he says.

It's you, it's always you

Met a lot of people, but nobody feels like you

He never thought that brotherhood form at the tender age of fifteen could blossom beautifully into this, soulmate-like relationship; where they’re comfortable with just being there for each other. It’s different being around Jinyoung. It’s almost feels like home. Those rare calm and serene feeling he usually get from being near to his mom, then his stepfather who turn out to love him just as his own. Then, Jinyoung; he’s the only person who exude those calm feeling out of him. He feels like, smells like and comfortable like home.

He will call him his home proudly if that not going to sound cheesy as hell, but he realised with his bad boy like demeanor calling someone as home was quite suspicious. Thus, he suppressed those feeling again, trying to find distraction and make him forget. Thus, the hoping from one to another girls in light, boys in the dark. But no matter how pretty or charming his partner is, they will never be Park ing Jinyoung. They failed to make him feels at home. There’s nobody like him. There’s nobody feels like him.

Thus, the frequent bantering, they blame it on raging teenage hormones. As much as he makes him feels calm, that much also he rages him. Every time he interacts with other trainee, or fellow idols. He feels like punching them square in the face. He can’t help noticing subtle flirts those jerks/es throw at him, but as dense as Park Jinyoung is, he’s not aware. When Jaebum tries to weave some sense into that pretty little brain of his, he always shrugged it away, saying Jaebum’s sprouting nonsense.

“I mean, I can understand if girls flirt with me, but boys? You’re too paranoid hyung” he just shrugs and walk away from their discussion. And that was one of the times their arguments will transform into a full blown fight. It was that cycle over and over again. Arguing and making up. Usually they can’t spend more than 2 days not talking to each other. Cause Jaebom did noticed, he was Jinyoung’s home as much as Jinyoung was his.

So, please, don't break my heart

Don't tear me apart

So as much as he hates begging, right now he was on his knees proposing to Jinyoung to be his boyfriend and take a good care of him. This also after months, no, years of considerations. Since he realised, no matter who he dated with, he won’t be satisfied, cause they just not Jinyoung, not his Jirongie.

He has asked Mark and Jackson earlier to help him arranged this event. Yes, their relationship has gotten much better after re-debuting with five other boys. Initially he just groaning to himself, thinking he would be doom. Because if can’t stand others flirting with Jinyoung on occasional basis, what’s the chance he will survive with 5 other boys flirting with Jinyoung, on daily basis, 24/7 right in front of his eyes? Yup, he was doomed!

But it was the opposite. It’s not like his possessiveness over his favourite person on earth (apart from his mother of course, duh) was decreasing, but he realised every time there was tension between him and Jinyoung those five other boys would coax them to reconcile.

“Not to be crazy and all, but honestly, you not talking to Jinyoung for days like this, making me feels like my parents getting a divorce you know?”

Exactly was what Jackson said to him one evening in the kitchen while they having high tea;he tried his best not to choke on his water, during his one of many cold wars with Jinyoung. And Mark, who was happened to step into the kitchen to grab water just give him stink eyes, he knows exactly why. Mark always pick Jinyoung side whenever they quarrel like this.

“You see, even Mark hyung not talking to me because I keep on talking to you. Please appa, reconcile with amma”

Jackson just being Jackson. And he can’t help to walk to Jinyoung’s room afterwards to try and patch things up. As a leader he couldn’t let this prolonged. It will seriously affect all their work later. And he hates to see their youngest child always tip toing around them, so afraid to trigger any of their parents, contrary to their usual playful character.

So, the event. He needs to have Jinyoung back in his life. Not like he ever had jinyoung romantically in the frst place.

I know how it starts

Trust me, I've been broken before

Thus, here they are. At the very rooftop of their first dorm, the one he resides with his one and only Nyoung-ah when they debuted in 2012 as JJ Project. This place was so close to their heart. The very place they spend nights stargazing, open up to each other, some other time just hanging out in comfortable silence and falls asleep only to be awakened by soft morning light.

He was sitting on a high stool with guitar in his hand, ready to the chords. Waiting for Jinyoung to come upstairs, guided by his most trusted hyung, Mark. Behind him was a white screen, with portable projector on, ready to be played once Jinyoung reach the top.

Then, there he is clad in his casual pajama. He must be getting ready to go to sleep when he was kidnapped by Mark to bring him here as per Jaebom request. Jaebum can’t help but smile at his cuteness. He looks so soft in that dusty pink hoodie, packaged with sweater paws. With eyes blindfolded. He looks so, so tempting now. Jaebom tried his best not to pounce on him and give him small kisses all over him.

Don't break me again

I am delicate

Slowly Mark unfolds his blind and he’s blinking slowly. Trying to register where he is right now. He knows he’s at some high place, but slowly he registered his surrounding and gasps. There’s Jaebom sitting there at the end of the roofop with screen and video ready to play. With strum of his guitar, soft melody playing and the video starting to play.

At that time the world suddenly shutting down and Jaebom feels like there’s just two of them in this whole world. He continues strumming his guitar and hums slowly, singing to song It’s You form Alie Gatie. He can’t help as the song describe what has happened to him in these past years accurately.

To my dearest Jirongie,

Do you remember our first meeting?

That was what written on the slides, then the video of their first performance was up, their first win. They are so ugly crying, touched because both of them win the audition.

Our first time feeding each other?

Followed by video they filmed for JJ project diary, in the sauna, Jebom had fed him boiled egg after flicking his forehead. They looked so young, innocent and happy. Like nothing can tear them apart though they are just brother by choice, not by blood.

Our first failed debut?

Screenshots of their arguments over text. Blaming each other of the failure. Of retrieved back to be a trainee. Blaming each other, accusing of themselves not trying hard enough until their comeback was put on halt and will going back being trainee with five other boys.

That was honestly one of the hardest thing in their life.

My first heartbroken?

Pictures of both of them with puffy eyes, obviously crying over Jaebom’s first break up.

Such a crazy dork. Who in the right state of mind in this whole world would immortalized the image of them in a sad moment? Well, that’s them. As a reminder to not being a fool person and fall for the second time.

Honestly, Jaebom not sure why is Jinyoung crying but the reason he cried was because Jinyoung was being anything but supportive of Jaebom dating that person who dumped him, like it doesn’t hurt Jinyoung at all. Like Jaebom was not precious to him like he was to Jaebom.

My first award winning song?

Videos of them having fun on stage after their first win. It was just a sweet moment when their first win is because of his song! His song that was inspired by Jinyoung. It’s just he don’t know that he’s Jaebom’s muse.

Please, don't break my heart

Trust me, I've been broken before

Yeah, you have been there with me all those while.

Do you happened to know that you’re my muse?

The video approaching to end, and Jaebom keeps on singing. He was standing there, eyes as big as saucer, honestly Jaebom know he has big doe eyes, but he never thought it will be that big with surprise. Jinyoung gaped at the surprise and rooted right where Mark brought him. Jaebom pray to all God exist in this world for him not to flee away. And guess it’s works. He rooted there, waiting for Jaebom’s video and song to finish.

I've been broken, yeah

I know how it feels

He looked at Jinyoung dead in the eyes, and tried his best to convey what he was thinking to him. Well, their fans always said that they have this bond like they can communicate with their eyes, its time to test it out is it true.

Nyoung-ah, my soulmate. I am glad you’re still here by my side after all these years, being my rock and keeping me strong.

While Jaebom still singing softly for him, only for him.

Thank you for being there in our high and low, you have seen me wrecked to the worst state of my life but you still stayed and I appreciate that. Never give up on me, and lets stay together forever.

To be open

And then find out your love isn't real

The most scary part of this is Jaebom always open with him, whether he likes it or not. Jinyoung always sees right through him, but sometimes Jaebom feels like Jinyoung don’t love him as much as Jaebom love him, as deep as his love, and Jinyoung don’t love Jaebom as a lover, not more than a best friend for him. But he still take this risk. Cause he will never know until he try.

He feels like there’s some mixed signal along the way, sometimes Jinyoung made him feels like he the only one Jinyoung could see in this whole world, and sometimes he was not more than just a hyung he most like and comfortable with, thus he was stuck with Jaebom.

He certainly hope that Jinyoung’s love for him is the same as his love for him, if not bigger. Well, a man could wish couldn’t he?

Then, he continued humming the song soulfully hoping it reach his heart. Hope he understand how he makes Jaebom feels all these whiles.

I'm still hurting, yeah

I'm hurting inside

He slowly walked towards Jaebom by this time, as graceful as a swan. He’s so beautiful shine by the moonlight, accentuates his features. He’s always handsome from their teenage years thus the constant flirting left and right from girls and boys. Packaged with his nice and warm personality. Jaebom couldn’t help agreeing with all those his admirers, realising as he also was one of them.

He stops his steps at arm length away from Jaebom.

He flashes Jaebom his sweetest smile ever. Or its only him that feels like that?

Then Jinyoung reaches over his left chest, putting his warm hand over Jaebom’s heart, feeling his racing heart beats. It was like he was trying to chase the hurts away.

“Ooh, how sweet of you Nyoung-ah”

I'm so scared to fall in love

But if it's you then I'll try

Well, if it’s Jinyoung, Jaebom didn’t even need to try, as he have fallen ungracefully, head first into a maze that called Park to the Jinyoung.

I know I'm not the best at choosing lovers (Oh)

We both know my past speaks for itself (For itself)

If you don't think that we're right for each other (Baby, no)

Then please don't let history repeat itself

Well, to Jaebom defends, he not choosing them to be his lovers, as cruel as it may sound. They all were just distraction. Distraction form a masterpiece named Park Jinyoung. Well, he did hope Jinyoung loves him the same thus, no more heartbroken for anyone.

'Cause I want you, yeah, I want you, yeah

There's nothing else I want

'Cause I want you, yeah, I want you, yeah

And you're the only thing I want

Cause I want you, baby, I want you

Baby, I want you, Baby, I want you

Baby, I want you, you, you

'Cause I want you, baby, I want you

Baby, I want you, Baby, I want you

Baby, I want you, you, you

As Jaebom was finishing the song, Jinyoung still smile as sweet as ever towards him. And he can’t help falling more deeper into the abyss that was created by Jinyoung. And for him fall Jaebom will, without the slightest hint of regret.

The he cupped Jaebom’s face, closing the gap between them and he rested his forehead upon Jaebom’s. He can smell Jinyoung’s faint smell of peachy body soap. He caresses Jaeboms cheek gently.

“Hyung, Jaebom hyung” he calls Jaebom’s name softly and Jaebom can’t help feeling proud, and his heart swelling at Jinyoung’s tenderness.

He just hum and lean to the touch with closed eyes, contented with what hey have right now. He can feels weight of Jinyoung love for him, to the deepest of his bones.

“Honestly, I never knew this is how you feels. I always thought that I am not enough, never will be and never will I ever be in the same league as you hyung. That’s why I keep supporting you, what ever makes you happy, then I will gladly be happy for you, even at the expense of my heart.” He says softly.

“If I ever plucked the courage earlier, maybe we will not be tortured like this babe.” Jaebom said, grinning like a fool. Jinyoung’s fool.

Then, they sealed the night with a deep kiss. With loud cheer from other members. Their plan worked. Their parents has reconciled and ready to ship into happily ever after, together, forever.

……………………………………………………….The End………………....................................