Eric measures his life now in starts and stops.

START.

The hectic buzz of a late morning, when breakfast is half of a thawing cinnamon sugar bagel, lunch is quarterback-thrown to Andy standing by the apartment doorway, and keys are grabbed, coats are hastily put on, and shoes shoved onto feet as they attempt to make it to school within twenty minutes, 10 minutes short of their usual starting time…

STOP.

A tower of plates crashing to the floor after a collision in the kitchen. Minwoo is only scratched but Eric is convinced: they need more help at the café to manage the throngs of people coming in every day. They open four regular job positions within the next 24 hours and start interviewing in turns. Dongwan sits in on most of them and leaves comments on the resumes for them to review and discuss over…

START.

Andy attempting to read a storybook written completely in Hangul and saying the words out loud, his tongue and lips twisting in complicated shapes to pronounce the various sounds. When he finishes, he puts it back in the pile and reaches for another Korean storybook. And another. And another. He doesn’t call for Eric’s help even once…

STOP.

Waking up in the middle of the night after a particularly bad nightmare about fire and fear and falling, despite having had only 2 hours of sleep. Eric sneaks out of bed, careful not to wake Andy, and shuffles, trembling and half-blind, into the kitchen. Somehow, he catches the last 10 minutes of Hyesung’s show and, for some reason, he stops to record with shaking fingers the segment on his phone. He sits and attempts to settle at the kitchen island, resting his head on the cool marble. He counts his breaths in time with Hyesung’s words to slow his frantic heart, and plays the recorded voice clip over and over, while watching the sun slowly rise over the horizon…

START.

Laughter and squealing as the boys inaugurate the new staff by their attempts to ‘help’ them during their training by littering the café with drawings and crayons, going up to customers to have random conversations, and sometimes assisting them in serving people their food, in exchange for high-fives and the occasional cookie swiped from the dessert display case. Eric pretends not to hear when Dongwan jokes that it’s child labor…

STOP.

Andy suddenly wailing and screaming and asking for his Mama, and Eric has to stop midway through his midnight baking and pastry prep to hold him and help him to calm down. Andy cries and refuses to be consoled and Eric has to resort to wandering around the apartment with his son koala-wrapped around him, humming and swaying to the ballads being played on the radio: Let’s all sing together, say you dreamed with no regrets. He holds Andy until his cries soften into hiccups, and doesn’t let him go even after they both end up falling asleep, exhausted and tear-stained, on the living room couch…

START.

His phone ringing on a bleary morning when he could be sleeping in, and Eric is startled awake…

Stop.

Incoming call: Rich Bastard

--

“Eric Mun.”

“…Mmfpshin Hyesung?”

“Sorry, were you asleep?”

“…What time is it?”

“6?”

“Ah .”

“The boys are off school today.”

“I know that.”

“Listen, I called because I wanted to ask…Eric. Are you listening?”

“What?”

“Okay because Dongwan just dropped this bomb on me. That Parent-Teacher conference this morning…you’re going right?”

“Yeah of course. We’re required.”

“Who’s going to look after Andy? Were you going to leave him alone at the house?”

“He’s six, what are you talking about?”

“Do you have someone to take care of him?”

“Minwoo.”

“What do you mean ‘Minwoo’? Minwoo babysits?”

“Andy stays at the café with him.”

“Oh, with Minwoo. Of course. And…?”

“And? What do you mean and?”

“What if it takes long? Will they be ok just staying at the café?”

“Our apartment is nearby. If he needs to, Minwoo can take him home and get stuff or whatever…. Why are you even asking?”

“Uh…”

“Shin Hyesung. It’s 6AM, what in the world are you calling me for?”

“I…uh…well, I didn’t want to impose but…could I…could Minwoo spare maybe an extra set of eyes and hands too for Choongjae? Just…watch over him too while I’m—I mean we’re—at the school?”

“Huh?”

“I’m only asking because Dongwan was supposed to watch him, but apparently the bastard has a shoot today so can’t be at the house. Mrs. Kim has to run errands. I’m not about to allow my son to accompany either of them, or have him be left alone in the house while everyone is away. I’d bring him to school with me if I could but you know we can’t bring the kids to the Parent-Teacher thing…”

“Listen—"

“I know we have history about leaving Choongjae at the café and I’ve already forgiven you for that. I don’t think he’d be too much trouble this time. If Dongwan finishes early he can pick Choongjae up and get him home, or I could have Mrs. Kim pick him up after she’s done with the errands so he doesn’t get in anyone’s way—”

“Well—”

“I’m sure she won’t be long, but I can’t leave him with anyone else and I’m not sure who else to ask—”

“God, shut up and let me finish, okay? Just bring him over already, it’s fine. It’s fine. Minwoo can take care of both of them. We’re nearer to the school anyway so it’d be easier for you to drop Choongjae off and pick him up later.”

“…Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You’re…saying yes?”

“I mean…did I stutter?”

“I actually wasn’t expecting you to say yes.”

“Oh my ing God. Shin Hyesung you are not doing this at this hour.”

“Are you a saint or something? You’d say yes that quickly?”

“It could be anyone’s kid and I’d still say yes. It’s a kid, Chrissakes, why would I even say no. I’m not like some people who call up other people at o’ clock in the morning…”

“Phew. Okay. All right, that’s a relief. Thank you. Um, I guess I can drive us to school.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’ll bring us coffee.”

“How about you also don’t call me at 6AM again.”

“Maybe, but no promises. See you at the—”

Eric hangs up before Hyesung could even finish and crawls back under the covers with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

--

“Daddy, you look nice.”

Eric watches as Andy studies him over his yogurt cup. That morning’s phone call hadn’t even woken Andy up, so he’s alert and bright-eyed, while Eric is still trying to blink away the last vestiges of sleep. He stretches his arms wide in front of his son to offer him a full view of his outfit: a dark blue button-down shirt festooned with small white dots, white trousers, and sneakers.

“You think so?” he says, and Andy nods, tilting his head sideways as he his spoon.

“Are you going somewhere special, Daddy?”

Eric finishes fastening his watch to his wrist. “Just your school, buddy. I have to speak to your teacher.”

Andy frowns. “But I didn’t do anything. I can’t be in trouble.”

“It doesn’t mean you’re in trouble, kiddo, but it’s just to see how you’re doing at school.” Eric assures him. He holds Andy’s face between his hands. “Remember what I told you? You have to hang out with Uncle Minwoo while I’m there.”

“Awwww.” Andy pouts. “Uncle Minwoo is always so busy though.”

“Jinnie will be there too.”

At this, Andy lights up. “Really! Are you going to school with his Daddy?”

“Yes.”

“Are you best friends with his Daddy now too?”

At this, Eric has to laugh. “Um. Not really? We’re just…” he mulls the word over for a moment before saying it out loud, “friends, I guess.”

Andy is picking raspberries from the carton on the table and popping them leisurely into his mouth. It stains his lips and cheeks a vibrant red that he doesn’t bother wiping off. “Jinnie’s Daddy looks nice when he smiles. He smells nice too.”

Eric lowers his gaze, vaguely aware of the heat climbing up the back of his neck. He pretends to be hurt. “Do you like him more than me?”

“No.” Andy is decisive, almost to a fault. “But you also look nice when you smile, Daddy. Maybe if you and him become best friends, you’ll smile all the time. Like…Jinnie’s my best friend. Like best best. He’s so nice and fun. And he helps me a lot with my Korean. We practice all the time. And he always lets me borrow his things. Even if they’re ‘spensive. It’s nice to share.”

“Yeah? Well, Jinnie is a very nice boy.” The same can’t be said for his father, is Eric’s next thought, although it doesn’t hold as much bite as it used to. Still, he holds his tongue. Seeing Andy so happy lightens his heart immensely; the absence of the constant sadness in his son’s eyes is a welcome sight, and if he has to praise Shin Hyesung to maintain it, so be it. He pulls a Wet Wipe from a nearby container and wipes off the smears from Andy’s face as his son feeds him the last of the berries.

“Mmm yum yum. Good boy, Daddy!” Andy pets his hair and Eric crumples the used Wet Wipe in his fist.

“Agh. So sticky, kid. Are you ready then? Should we get going then to meet them?”

“Yes!” Andy clings to Eric, pulling himself off of his seat. “Let’s go, Daddy, let’s go!”

--

Hyesung and Junjin aren’t there yet when they arrive, but the café is already open and the new staff are already working in full swing. Janghyuk and Hyungrok are assigned to the kitchen and are prepping breakfast dishes for several customers, while Jiwoon and Seungjae are in charge of the bar and are currently making and disseminating the multitude of coffee orders they get each morning. Eric leaves Andy in their usual booth with a box of crayons and several sheets of paper before he ducks into the kitchen to check on the new line cooks’ progress.

“Chef! Good morning! Here’s an Eggs Ben coming up.” Hyungrok holds up a plate and Eric approaches him to do a quick inspection: he sniffs, shakes, and samples the hollandaise smeared over the egg like a thick blanket.

“Impressive.” he says, keeping his tone level. Hyungrok is the youngest and the least experienced but has also shown an aggressive desire to learn. In the last week alone, he and Eric had spent practicing how to make Eggs Benedict, and Hyungrok was able to perfect it within days. Eric still doesn’t know if it was sheer luck or if the kid is just talented, but he’s definitely someone he has his eye on. “Just a little bit more salt on the hollandaise though. And careful on the plating.” Eric points at the plate’s outer rim. “The splatters, you gotta watch the splatters.”

“Got it, chef.” Hyungrok nods, then snaps the dishtowel hanging off of his apron to work on finalizing the dish.

“Gotta say you’re looking sharp today, boss.” Janghyuk winks at Eric as he does the final plating for a smoked salmon omelet dish. Janghyuk is closer to him in age and had also spent some of his growing-up years abroad, enabling him to get away with the occasional friendly bantering. Eric doesn’t mind it; in fact, it’s a breath of fresh air to not be so stiff about hierarchies, and Janghyuk is one who doesn’t care to follow it as strictly as everyone does. He also has more experience in the restaurant business than any of the other new staff, so he learns easily, but also has the tendency to be arrogant. “That’s a pretty early date you have.”

“Hardly.” Eric checks his reflection with the back end of a stainless-steel pan that’s been hung out to dry. He can’t help but fiddle with his hair. “Parent-teacher conference.”

“O-ho! At Andy’s school?” Janghyuk crows. “Is his teacher pretty? Is that why you’re gussing up now? Ooh, our chef has a love life!”

He doesn’t know if it’s the tone, or the way it’s said, but Eric inwardly bristles at Janghyuk’s comments. It feels like an attack somehow, even though it shouldn’t, and before he can rein it in, his temper flares and snaps.

“Janghyuk.”

“Yeah, chef?”

“Weren’t you working on a dish? There are people out there waiting for their order.”

“Yes, I’ve just finished—”

“Stop clowning around and show it to me now.”

Janghyuk straightens, probably hearing the ice in his tone. “Aye aye, boss,” he says before sheepishly handing the plate over for inspection. Eric looks at it with a more critical eye than he did for Hyungrok.

“Spinach is a bit overdone. Omelet is runny. This is isn’t how I told you guys this recipe should go. And the smoked salmon has to be arranged in the fan pattern like I showed you. Were you not paying attention or is it because my private life is more interesting for you?”

“Well um…” Janghyuk now looks stricken and Eric feels a tiny bit regretful at how quickly he lost his temper, but he maintains his stoic expression. Janghyuk hangs his head. “Sorry, chef. That’s my bad.”

“Do it again. Properly this time, and make it quick. I’m deducting that from your pay.”

“Yes, chef.”

“Eric?”

“What?!” Eric yells, his annoyance mounting, but comes face-to-face with Minwoo instead, who’s just reappearing from the storeroom that’s connected to the kitchen. Minwoo gives him an odd look as he takes in the sight of him.

“The heck are you so riled up for? Have you gone to the PTC yet?” Minwoo asks, then throws a dish towel at him, which hits him on the face. “And what are you doing in the kitchen without your apron on?”

Eric rubs the back of his neck, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I haven’t gone yet. I was checking first to see how things were going here.”

“Things are fine, go on to the PTC already and stop terrorizing the new staff. You just broke your own rules by coming in here without an apron. If you end up ruining that outfit of yours, no way am I paying for it. That’s going to be your own fault.”

This time, Eric feels himself turning red. Way too many people have now commented on his clothes and he isn’t exactly sure how to feel. Surely he hasn’t dressed that lousily the past six months they’ve been living here?

“It’s just clothes,” he grumbles. “I dunno why all of you are making such a big deal about clothes.”

Minwoo smirks. “It’s always interesting to see you dressed up. Most of the time you’re just in jeans and a shirt.”

“Well, not all of us can wear designer clothes to work…” he gestures at Minwoo’s Off-White ensemble, earning him a loud scoff.

“Shut up, let me look at you a sec…” Minwoo takes a step back and frames Eric with his fingers. “Hmmm…okay. Not a bad combo. The sneakers give it a nice touch. And I guess a Parent-Teacher conference does warrant you breaking out the button-downs…”

“Boss!” Seungjae calls their attention by rapping on the receiving window.

“Yeah?” both Minwoo and Eric reply in unison.

“Someone’s out here asking for you.”

There’s a sudden tightening in his chest that Eric doesn’t know the cause of and his mouth suddenly goes dry. He attempts to get to the kitchen doors before Minwoo does, but Minwoo is twice as fast and is right away two steps ahead of him. When Eric finally makes his way past the doors and is back in the café, the first sight he’s greeted with is Andy and Junjin now sharing the booth and setting up what seems to be a tower of magnetiles on the café table…

“Hi Daddy!” Andy exclaims excitedly. “Jinnie’s here!”

“Hi, Uncle Eric!” Junjin waves, several magnetiles in his hand.

“Hey, guys.” Eric approaches the table, suddenly awkward and strangely anxious. “Did you just get here, Junjin?” He takes a quick glance around. “Uh…where’s your Dad?”

“He’s right there!” Junjin points behind him.

“Where?” Eric swivels too fast and ends up nearly colliding into Hyesung, just as he’s approaching the table. 

“Whoa! Careful!” Hyesung shouts, turning away to prevent the coffee cups in his hands from being crushed between them. Although it’s the right idea, his foot trips over his other foot and causes a misstep. Instinctively, Eric reaches out to grasp Hyesung’s wrists to steady him. Coffee splashes on the tile.

“Sorry! Sorry. Oh my God.” Eric’s head is spinning, either from the movement or the moderate scent of Hyesung’s cologne. The scent reminds him of redwood and the ocean and…Andy was right. It does smell nice.

“Jesus! Are you okay? Did it get on your clothes?” Hyesung’s hands are dripping with coffee and it’s only now that Eric realizes that one of the coffee cups is actually the Wolf and Rabbit flask they had given him before. “, that’s hot. Ow.”

“Daddy!” Junjin gasps as he stands at the booth. “That’s a bad word. I’m telling Uncle Dongwan.”

“, were you burned? Hang on, don’t move….” Eric rushes behind the bar to retrieve a stack of paper towels. He places the stack on the boys’ table, then takes the dripping flask and coffee cup and places them on the counter. He snaps his fingers to get the staff’s attention. “Hey, Seungjae!”

“Yes, chef?”

“Could you refill the coffee on the counter please and wipe down the flask? Could you also mop up the spill here?”

“Got it, boss.”

Hyesung is inspecting his hands after having wiped them, and Eric takes them to look at as well, grasping his wrist gently and pulling him close so he can see. Hyesung’s fingers rest lightly on his palm, his skin still slightly sticky from the coffee, and for a second Eric impulsively holds his breath, his mind stalling at the sensation of Hyesung’s skin against his. All too quickly however the moment passes, and Hyesung suddenly retracts his hands.

“Stop.”

“Let me see—”

“Eric, we’ll be late. We have to get going.”

Eric glances at the clock on the wall: it’s already 10AM, and their appointment with the boys’ teacher is only until 11. .

“Chef!” Seungjae raps his knuckles on the counter. “Here’s your coffee.”

“Okay, great.” Hyesung takes the flask and s the other cup towards Eric, who has no choice but to accept it. “Thank you for that, and sorry for the mess,” he says to Seungjae, who gives them a polite nod. “Choongjae. Behave for Uncle Minwoo, okay? Do everything he asks you to do and don’t make trouble. I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, Appa!” Junjin puckers his lips and dances in his seat, expecting a kiss from Hyesung which Hyesung, surprisingly, willingly gives. Eric sees as both father and son grin at the rather sloppy exchange and can’t help but feel his lips quirk up into a smile. He also turns to give Andy some last-minute reminders.

“No running or climbing anything, Dydy, okay? Either you or Junjin. Stay at this table and don’t bother the staff. Okay? If you need to go to the bathroom…”

“Ask Uncle Minwoo first, I know, Daddy!” Andy says, sounding exasperated. He obviously wants to do nothing at else at the moment but to continue playing with Junjin without interruptions.

“Kiss, bubba?” Eric asks, and when Andy doesn’t decline, leans forward to plant one on his cheek. Andy squirms under his hold, then turns to give Eric a quick kiss on the lips as he pinches his ears playfully.

“See you later, Daddy.” Andy says, giving him a toothy grin as Eric ruffles his hair.

As they turn to leave, Eric catches sight of Minwoo by the bar where he’s apparently been the entire time. He leans on the counter as he watches Eric with an unreadable expression on his face; for some reason, Eric suddenly feels exposed.

“Minwoo!” Hyesung says, sounding equally startled. “Sorry, I didn’t see you right away. I don’t think I said hi to you…but uh…I wasn’t able to ask you directly, but I did ask Eric if I could leave Choongjae here for a bit while we go to the PTC. It’s all right, isn’t it? We won’t take so long.”

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” Minwoo says, his lips suddenly stretching into his familiar welcoming smile. Eric doesn’t miss the split-second glance that’s thrown at him before Minwoo focuses on Hyesung. “The kids are always welcome here.”

“I’ve already told Choongjae to keep out of trouble and have threatened all his video game privileges if he steps out of line.”

“Ah, I’m sure he’ll behave.” Minwoo says. He crosses his arms as his eyes dance between Eric and Hyesung. “So, you’re both going to the PTC then? Eric didn’t mention that.”

“Yeah, he called me this morning.” His voice sounds strange and overly loud, so Eric clears his throat to hopefully get it down to its normal level. The next sentence however comes out sounding nearly strangled. “It’s just one teacher anyway, and we figured the boys can hang out together.”

“I also don’t have anyone who can look after Choongjae. Dongwan didn’t tell me right away that he’d be at a shoot.” Hyesung looks slightly apologetic. “He’ll be here after he’s done though.”

Minwoo nods. “Ok, no worries.”

“I see you guys have hired new staff. Funny, I thought you’d actually end up hiring Dongwan.” Hyesung laughs. “From what I hear, he’s always hanging out in this place.”

“Minwoo tried to teach him how to operate the espresso machine and it just turned out to be a disaster. He’s better off with the print materials.” Eric says. He checks the time again. “Listen, we have to go…”

“Oh yeah yeah, right. Good luck at the PTC.” Minwoo waves them off. He’s quite aloof, which is not his usual state. Maybe he’s tired…? Eric doesn’t know whether or not to worry.

“Call us if anything happens.” Eric says, and Minwoo agrees, grinning this time.

“I’m not keen on repeating any mishaps, so don’t worry.” He says, raising his eyebrows. He’s also making his eyes slightly bigger, as if trying to convey a silent message, but Eric doesn’t understand any of it. He narrows his eyes at Minwoo.

What the heck are you trying to say…?

“Eric!” Hyesung calls, already at the door. “Hurry up!”

That ends any conversation Minwoo was trying to make with him, leaving Eric with no choice but to head out to where Hyesung is waiting, his throat tight and his heart beating a little too fast, although he doesn’t clearly understand why.

--

Hyesung manages to get them to the school in just under five minutes, despite the Range Rover’s massive bulk in the narrow inner-city streets. His driving is harrowing to say the least, and causes Eric to chug down his coffee for his nerves. Thankfully, none of the coffee from earlier had gotten on their clothes, but now the car smells strongly of espresso.

“Please don’t tell me you drive like this when Junjin is with you.” Eric says after they screech into an available parking space. He motions to the car seat in the back. Hyesung gives him a withering look.

“Of course not, we’re just in a hurry now, that’s all.”

“Even if we were…I’m not asking for an early death, Jesus Christ.”

“You’re a baby. Get off already, come on,” Hyesung has already opened the car doors and is sliding off the driver’s seat, “or we might not make it.”

His worrying is annoyingly valid: although the first-grade classrooms are on the first level of the main building, they still have to rush up the hill and register at the reception desk. The staff that checks them in after they submit their IDs almost mixes up their registration and nearly swaps their sons, but they’re able to get through largely unscathed.

“Don’t be nervous.” Hyesung tells him as they wander the empty halls in search of the boys’ classroom.

“I’m not.” Eric says, although he isn’t sure what he’s supposed to expect. This is his first Parent-Teacher Conference. Andy had never had one back in kindergarten.

“Well I’m not either.” Hyesung says, although he clearly is, and Eric rolls his eyes. “Hey. How do I look?”

Eric had been trying hard not to notice, but today, Hyesung is wearing a form-fitting suit in a subtle black and white plaid pattern over a linen polo with a crisp Chinese collar. The whole outfit had been partially hidden underneath the long black coat he had on, but now Hyesung has shrugged the coat off, the building too warm for them to keep any of their outdoor jackets on. He looks entirely too stylish and handsome to be anyone’s father, if he was to be honest…

Wait…handsome?

“Eric Mun.” Hyesung snaps his fingers. “Hey. Are you paying attention? Look properly. Did I get coffee on me or anything?”

“Huh? Well…you look fine.” Eric says, his mouth suddenly dry. He quickly turns his head and is relieved when, upon doing so, he sees they’re already by the right room. He hastens his speed of walking. “Oh. Okay, here we go…”

He’s only seen Andy’s classroom once and that time, it had been the first day of school and he practically had to push his son in, in order to get him to mingle with the chaotic first-grader crowd. The classroom now doesn’t look much different from the last time he’s seen it, apart from it missing the horde of over-excited children who had dragged Andy in and had made him one of their own. At the moment, however, all the low square tables and other learning equipment have been set aside as the room is divided into sections with the individual students’ work put up, akin to an art gallery. The smell of crayons and glue has gone and has been replaced with the lingering scent of Chanel No. 5 with underlying notes of breakfast-served mimosas and expensive cigarettes. A handful of parents are inside, mingling and tittering and taking pictures of their child’s drawings to put on Instagram while speaking in hushed voices. Eric takes a quick glance at the crowd: all of them are upper-crust, diplomat wife-looking mothers whose interest collectively perk up as he and Hyesung walk in. Embarrassed at the attention, Eric ducks his head and attempts to navigate the room via the floor tiles.

“Eric, where the hell are you— oh look, I found them! They put the two of them in one area!” Hyesung says, blissfully ignorant of the other parents’ watching eyes. Eric sees as he points to a section covered in yellow and blue construction paper and where Andy and Junjin’s names are printed in Hangul at the top. Instantly, Hyesung has his phone out and starts taking pictures. “Ohhh, that’s so cute!”

The display is showing several works of art as well as penmanship projects and short essays. Eric is surprised to see Andy has gotten commendations for some of his writing, where he writes about autumn (“orange and bright like candy corn”), his favorite food (“Daddy’s cooking”), and the wind.

The Wind
By Andy Mun

I like the wind in America
I like the wind in Seoul
Both are cool and fresh
Like Mama’s kisses
And Daddy’s hugs
Like home

There’s a lump in Eric’s throat that he can’t explain, and he attempts to clear it with a cough. His chest feels like it’s being squeezed and he places a fist against his lips as he lifts his gaze to the fluorescent light overhead, adamant at not letting any of his tears flow.

Oh for ’s sake, Eric, it’s just a first-grader writing exercise, get a grip…

“‘The Wind’.” Hyesung bends forward as he reads Andy’s work. There are several seconds of silence as he reads it. “…Oh? That’s actually quite good. And he won an award for it too.”

“He never told me.” Eric still feels he’s close to tears but at least not dangerously so. He scrambles to get a better handle on his emotions. I can’t believe how much of a sap parenting has made me….

“Yah, what are you doing then? What are you just standing around for? Take a photo of it. Or better yet, let me take a photo of you with it.” Hyesung forcefully pushes him forward so he can stand against the board; Eric doesn’t have much of a choice. “That’s it. Now smile. Smile. Are you constipated? One, two…ok, let me take another one just in case…okay, there we go. Now take my picture with Choongjae’s work.”

Junjin’s display board is full of colorful drawings and crafts, whole sheets of paper filled to the edges with bold and vibrant colors, and eclectic dioramas made with cut shapes, paper plates, googly eyes, and pipe cleaners. There are planes and animals and multitudes of figures drawn and colored alongside shapes. Hyesung poses with the entire display with a proud smile on his face.

“With Andy’s too,” he says, and Eric sighs as Hyesung changes his position to also pose with Andy’s work. At some point, he also forms a heart with his fingers.

“That is so cheesy.” Eric says as he lowers his phone, wrinkling his nose with secondhand embarrassment. “Ugh.”

“What?” Hyesung is unbothered and continues taking pictures of the artwork at various angles. “I’m a fan of their works. Aren’t they brilliant? I was never much of an artist myself…” He looks back at the display board and sighs, satisfied, before turning to point an accusing finger at Eric. “Yah. Eric Mun. You’d better send me those pictures…”

“Hello!” A short woman with bobbed hair suddenly approaches them from the side, her eyes studying them both as she clasps her hands behind her back. A nametag pinned to her sweater says AMY C. – 1^st GRADE. “May I help you both? Are you first-grader parents?” she asks in English.

“Yes.” Eric answers. “I’m Andy’s father. And he’s Choongjae’s.” He motions to Hyesung, who gives a small nod. “We’re here for the Parent-Teacher Conference?”

“Oh, you’re Andy and Junjin’s parents! Welcome! I’m Amy Choi, their Homeroom teacher. I also handle the core subjects the kids take up, namely English, Math, Science, Social Studies…. Um…are you comfortable discussing in English or Korean? Or both?”

“Korean.” Eric says for Hyesung’s benefit. Amy nods and gives them both firm handshakes before directing them to a chair and table at the end of the room.

“Please sit. We have plenty to discuss about the boys.”

Eric and Hyesung exchange confused looks before following in Amy’s stead. There are two chairs in front of her desk where they’re both forced to sit facing each other. Because there isn’t enough space (or they’re just too tall), Eric’s knees have to rest against Hyesung’s which almost wants to make him stand up and leave altogether.  

“Quit it.” Hyesung mutters as Eric wriggles and attempts to maneuver himself to no avail. He places a hand on Eric’s knee and Eric freezes.

“Get off.” Eric says, already feeling himself turn red. Hyesung rolls his eyes and removes his hand, but still successfully wedges Eric’s knees against his own and the teacher’s table. Eric sighs exasperatedly before resigning himself to the awkward seating that they both have to endure for the next ten minutes. it.

Amy ignores their obvious discomfort, possibly a survival tactic she’s had to learn with all the other snooty parents, and instead slides forward a copy of the boys’ grades, and some photocopied samples of their work. Eric can’t help but feel a swell of pride as he leafs through Andy’s pile.

“Both are doing very well with regard to their subjects. Andy has adapted to our classroom setting and to his classmates. He enjoys English and Science the most, but is facing some challenges with Korean and Mandarin. He’s very diligent in studying them however, so he’s able to catch up, and asks for help when he needs it. Andy is actually very…forthcoming about his needs, which helps us a lot in this space so we can determine the kind of help we can offer him. It’s a good characteristic to have and I hope to keep developing it in the course of the year.”

“He may tend to act borderline rude.” Eric says. “He’s a bit like that. But it’s only because he knows what he wants and won’t accept anything less. And he doesn’t like it if you downplay him. He’s a quick learner, especially if you teach it to him by helping him do it first.”

Amy nods. “Exactly. It’s quite commendable especially for a child that young. We’ll keep working together to help him soften this aspect so it doesn’t come off as aggressive.” She gestures towards a photocopy of Andy’s work about his favorite food. “He also mentions a lot that he cooks with you and helps you around the kitchen. Are you a chef, Andy-appa?”

“Yes.” Eric nods. “Andy’s been watching me cook since he was a baby. And I let him start helping out as soon as he started to walk. It’s easier to get them to eat what you make if you do that.”

The teacher looks pleased at this fact. “This is also probably why he takes to instructions so well, and knows a lot about food. He also knows how to listen closely.”

Eric is relieved to know that the long hours of him lugging a toddler around a crowded kitchen, surely against all sorts of safe parenting codes, has been worth it.  “Thank you,” he says, secretly elated.

“For Junjin—”

“Choongjae.” Both Eric and Hyesung correct automatically, with Eric surprised that he even bothers to, but it’s been ingrained in him that Hyesung prefers that name. Amy acquiesces and smoothly corrects her statement.

“Apologies. Choongjae is skilled in numbers, and finds it very easy to follow the topics. He’s a natural at it, and he also takes the time to help other students if they find the lesson difficult.”

“Oh?” Hyesung sounds surprised yet happy at the news. “He was always good at numbers and things. I’m hopeless at them. Is he really that good?”

Amy nods in agreement. “A lot of kids are good in Math at this stage but Choongjae does seem to have an innate knack for it, like what you said. We’ll see how this develops as he grows older, but in the meantime, I’d recommend to just let him enjoy learning it at his own pace. Should the curriculum prove to be too easy, we can move him up to a more advanced level.”

Hyesung nods, grinning. “I saw his artworks too. I think they’re brilliant.”

The teacher doesn’t disagree. “He has an artist’s eye, and enjoys art time immensely. His creativity is unparalleled, as is evident in his other projects. He also has…what we could call an artist’s temperament, which sometimes leads to unfortunate incidents.” At this, she clasps her hands. “This was something I wanted to discuss this with you two gentlemen.”

Automatically, Eric and Hyesung sit upright, their knees once more banging together, but this time Eric ignores it.

“Has he done something?” Hyesung asks, his voice tight. Amy shakes her head.

“Not entirely, Choongjae-appa. As you know, Andy and Choongjae are very close. During Andy’s first few weeks there were times when he had to endure a bit of teasing from the other children, and it was Choongjae who made them stop. It was nothing serious, just minor playground scuffles, but Choongjae is quite protective of Andy so there have been several incidents when he’s resorted to…intimidation...to get some children to stop them from teasing him.”
 

“You mean punched another kid?” Hyesung squawks. Apparently, this is all news to him, as it is to Eric, whose heart already feels ready to fly out of his ribcage. “My baby?”

Amy leans forward and pats their hands comfortingly. “No, Choongjae hasn’t hit anyone, and I don’t think he’s that kind of child either, but he does dole out…punishments. For instance, he dumped a bucketful of sand on a boy’s head because he had said something to Andy.”

“It was probably deserved then.” Hyesung says agitatedly. “Was the other boy actually hurt?”

“No, the other boy was only surprised, but it’s always small incidents. There’s that. There was also a time he chased someone to the top of the slide. And another when he pushed someone to the ground.”

“And these were all related to Andy?”

“More often than not. Sometimes it’s also when he sees anyone bullying anyone else. Choongjae has a tendency to stand up for others and he asks the bullies to apologize to the other children. Since he’s a bit bigger than everyone else, they follow him.”

Eric is all at once confused and hurt that this has actually been happening. Andy has never mentioned any of this to him, and the realization feels like a black hole burning through the pits of his stomach. “Those other kids…what did they actually bully Andy for?” he asks, even though he fears to know the answer.

Amy sighs. “From what we gathered from the children when we spoke to them, it was for assorted things. Andy is smaller and slighter than them, so is an easy target for the bigger boys. His inability to speak Korean with the other Korean children is another one. There was also one incident where he was teased about…well, his mother’s absence, but we made sure the children were duly lectured for that.”

“This is preposterous!” Hyesung explodes. “We pay so much money to put our children in this school and yet you allow this behavior to continue from the other children? To the point that our sons have to defend themselves to make it stop?”

“Sir, please…”

“Choongjae did nothing wrong. If he had, you should have probably already written us a letter asking us to come sooner. If anything, Eric-sshi should be the one asking for apologies from all the other children’s parents!”

Eric places a hand on Hyesung’s wrist to silence him, which Hyesung thankfully complies with, probably seeing the tension in his jaw.

“Seonsaengnim, you mentioned this as an issue that you wanted to discuss with us.” He is trying very hard to be patient but is having a difficult time at it. “What exactly is the issue with our sons?”

The good teacher opens her palms on the table. “There isn’t actually an issue at the moment, to be honest, Andy-appa, but I had wanted to keep you informed about it. The boys have formed quite a tight bond and can now manage to stand up for each other quite well. They are typically very happy children who get along well with everyone else. We observed them after the incidents started happening and found they’re largely unbothered by everyone else unless they are provoked. Andy has also learned not to take things lying down.”

“As he should.” Hyesung mutters, and Eric nudges at him to stop.

“I’m just worried in case they manifest in any troublesome behaviors at home…?” Amy peers at the two of them closely. “We’ve been speaking to the children so they haven’t repeated any of the teasing since. I’m just concerned in case the boys have been exuding any anxiety or anything like that when they’re with you? Having meltdowns and the like. That’s typical behavior in children whenever they’ve had to endure being teased.”

Eric and Hyesung exchange glances once more and at once, Eric knows Hyesung is thinking back to Andy’s drastic meltdown at Junjin’s party, but even without that example, he can already think of a handful of times that a temper tantrum may have been caused by trouble at school, in addition to the recent trauma of losing Yumi, especially during the period when Junjin hadn’t been around.

Something like dread and failure and shame fills up black inside Eric, and he hangs his head.

“I didn’t know this was happening.” He admits. “I’ll speak to him.”

“Yah.” Hyesung makes to stand, his hands on his hips. He towers over Eric as he turns between him and the teacher. “What are you talking about? Wah, I can’t believe this. Neither of the boys did anything wrong. The other parents should be speaking to us because of this. How dare they say all those things to Andy??”

Eric sighs. “They’re kids, Hyesung…”

“Bull, did you know he was being bullied? Do those kids have a right to pick on him? We should have been informed at least! I want the names of all those kids and their parents and I want to see them in a separate Parent-Teacher Conference.”

“Hyesung…”

“We have been speaking to the other parents in turn, don’t worry, Choongjae-appa…” Amy is trying to regain a sense of control but the conversation has now been completely derailed, mostly because Hyesung has fully lost his temper.

“No, I will not be satisfied.” Hyesung says, seething with anger. His ears have gone bright red. “I want an acknowledgement in writing that those parents know what their offspring is doing to ours. And I want another acknowledgement from the school that they will be taking matters like this seriously, or I’m pulling our children out and telling the papers about your tolerance for bullying.”

“Hyesung!” Eric can already sense the air in the room congealing as all the other parents stop to stare at them. Amy looks stunned at the flare-up but keeps her composure in front of Hyesung, who already looks fit to burst. “Seonsaengnim, I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The teacher says, keeping her tone as low and soothing as possible. “You’re completely right, Choongjae-appa. We will arrange for that as soon as possible. I understand you’re upset about it and we will make reparations.”

“What?” Eric turns to Amy. “No, you don’t have to, seonsaengim, we’ll sort this out between ourselves and the boys.”

“No no, it’s all right, Andy-appa. We’ll do this to ensure it doesn’t happen again and so the other parents are made aware.”

“I mean, you don’t have to go through all that trouble...” Eric doesn’t want to put himself in a situation where he’d have to face a battalion of parents just for this. If anything, he wants to speak to Andy first and get his view on things. “Let us speak to the boys first and then we’ll inform you if there’s still a need to have this…meeting with the other parents.”

“Eric!” Hyesung says, his head whipping around to face him. His tone carries a tinge of betrayal. “Of course we need to meet them!”

“We’ll talk later.” Eric says to Hyesung as he makes to stand. He’s had enough of the Parent-Teacher conference; they definitely got more than what they bargained for. “Thank you, seonsaengnim.”

Amy smiles as she shakes his hand. She’s still the epitome of patience; far more than Eric would be had they traded positions. “It was a pleasure to meet you both. Overall, the boys really are very lovely. Both are bright and caring and responsible…anyone can see that they’ve truly been raised well. It must help the children immensely seeing their fathers together and bonding so well.” She gestures towards the both of them. “I wish you both happiness, for you and your sons.”

The silence that follows her statement is so thick and filled that Eric feels like he could cut it with a knife.

“Sorry, what?” He looks at Hyesung who, at this point, has been shocked speechless, his mouth hanging open at the statement. Eric himself is blushing furiously. He attempts to salvage the situation but is only able to afford spluttering: “I’m sorry, but I’m not…I mean we’re not—”

“Thank you for your time, seonsaengnim, we will contact you shortly after we speak to our children.” Hyesung cuts him off, his tone curt and dangerous, and before Eric can react, Hyesung has grabbed his hand and is dragging him out of the room.

--

START.

Overall, the boys really are very lovely. Both are bright and caring and responsible…anyone can see that they’ve truly been raised well…

STOP.

…It must help the children immensely seeing their fathers together and bonding so well. I wish you both happiness, for you and your sons.

--

Hyesung doesn’t say anything during the long walk out of the school. He doesn’t bother putting his outdoor coat back on as soon as they step outside but continues to resolutely march towards where they’ve parked the Range Rover. Eric, too stunned to even argue, lets himself be dragged behind, his hand still clasped tight in Hyesung’s and causing all his words to die on his tongue before he can even find the courage to say them out loud.

“Hyesung—” Eric finally says as they take their seats and buckle themselves in. He’s curled the hand that Hyesung held into a fist and rests it on his lap; he feels as though the skin on his palm is burning.

“Don’t.” Hyesung says, his voice edging on a warning.

Eric sits back and stays silent, even when Hyesung takes the Rover further north, up and down winding streets, closer to where the clouds touch mountain tops that offer sweeping views of the city. He’s driving less like a madman now but still does irascible turns that Eric resists from commenting at. Their trip ends when he parks in a quiet alleyway, somewhere in Mapo, where there are more mom and pop shops than there are coffee chains, and the scent of crushed gingko, pungent like moldy cheese, is strong enough to make Eric cover his nose.

“Come on.” Hyesung says and leads the way again, this time refusing to hold his hand hostage. Oddly, Eric is disappointed when he doesn’t.

“Where are we going?” Eric asks peering up at the greying buildings lining the alleyway.

“Lunch.” Hyesung says, then says nothing more, urging Eric to quicken his pace.

The walk doesn’t take long, and Eric is surprised when they emerge from the narrow alleyway and come face-to-face with a traditional market just a stone’s throw away from the bustling streets of Hongdae. Mangwon Market, the Hangul sign above the open entrance reads. A thin crowd shuffles in and out of the area in time for lunch; Hyesung is among the ones who head straight in without even bothering to look back.

“Hyesung!” Eric calls out. “Wait up!” He hasn’t been to this area yet, but already his culinary senses are tingling. Local produce is neatly lined up in boxes, with signs to indicate their labels and prices. Food stalls surround the produce, with items served fresh and hot and displayed behind oil-stained glass: pig’s feet glistening under buzzing lightbulbs, crunchy croquettes arranged in pyramids, whole fried chicken glazed with sweet and sour sauce, trays of bright orange ddeokbukki…

“Oof!” He doesn’t realize Hyesung has stopped in front of him until he crashes into him.

“Sit.” Hyesung directs and pulls out a metal stool seemingly from nowhere. Eric obeys, still fascinated by the area. They’ve settled in front of a food stall, but Eric is finding it hard to recognize what they serve. Within minutes, two metal bowls are placed in front of them by the ahjumma manning the stall, along with a separate dish for kimchi. Steam curls up from the clear broth and tickles Eric’s senses; it’s a scent he vaguely remembers from childhood, when his mother would bother cooking Korean dishes for special occasions.

“Kalguksu.” Hyesung states, passing him a pair of chopsticks and a metal spoon. “You eat Korean, don’t you?”

“Occasionally.” Eric says, still taking in the warm, comforting scent.

(He remembers watching his mother make the noodles. Kalguksu means ‘knife-cut noodles’, and his mother made it by combining flour, cornstarch, roasted bean powder and warm water. She let him help her mix it before they put it in the fridge to let it rest. When it was time, the entire kitchen counter would turn white as she dusted it with flour to roll the dough on before proceeding to cut with an extremely sharp knife.)

“How are you even considered Korean when you look like it’s the first time that you’re eating this? Eat already. It’s no good when it’s cold.”

(His mother had something which she called her Everything Broth: a clear golden liquid that she would make in advance and that would make their entire kitchen smell like the sea. From what Eric remembers she would put in the following ingredients in it: dried anchovies, seaweed, mushrooms, ginger, garlic, half an onion, black peppercorns, and a handful of green onions. She never taught him the exact measurements, and he never attempted to recreate it.)

“Listen, we have to talk…”

Hyesung shakes his head, already slurping down his noodles. “You’re going to give me indigestion. Eat first.”

Eric sighs and picks up his spoon, then dips it into the broth. The broth is light and golden and has a mountain of dried black seaweed on top, with a fine dusting of sesame seeds. Eric doesn’t miss as Hyesung shakes at least a tablespoon more of sesame seeds that the ahjummas give him into his bowl before stirring them into the soup and slurping it down with pleasure.

(The soup is simple and should be an easy dish to anyone starting out in Korean cooking: start with the Everything Broth and work your way up. Bring the broth to a boil and prep the vegetables: zucchini, red pepper, carrots, onion, green onion, garlic. Julienne, then throw the zucchini, carrots, and onion into the mixture.)

The dish is light and fresh and warm and fills Eric up quickly. The noodles are white and chewy and are easy to pick up with chopsticks. Hyesung waits for him as he eats, having already finished his bowl. He orders two sodas from the ahjummas and is presented with two tall, frosty cans of Chilsung cider that he opens with a loud crack.

“I used to eat here often as a kid. I grew up near here, and after school I’d hang out here when everyone would go to the arcade and wander around. The ahjummas would give me food samples because they said I was handsome. I like the kalguksu best though. Especially the noodles. They’re so chewy.”

(Kalguksu noodles can be bought from the Asian grocery store, but you can try to make your own. Don’t neglect the bean powder for the dry ingredients; it adds to the texture and helps with the chewiness. Roll the dough and let it rest for at least 20 minutes in the fridge. The more time it’s given to rest, the better.)

“I was teased a lot too growing up. Because I was too skinny or stood out too much and the only thing I was really interested in was music. That’s why I’d hide here. It’s still one of my favorite places to eat in the whole city. My ex-wife…well, she used to hate it and would never come with me. But it gives me comfort, Mangwon Market. Especially kalguksu.”

(You can’t replicate what your mother made but you will try to infuse it with the love and care you knew she would put in, and that you would be able to taste with each spoonful. The warm comforts of home embodied in such a simple dish; a dish that could bring happiness to a lonely schoolboy who grew up into a lonely man, despite the trappings of wealth and relative fame.)

“Hyesung, what the teacher said…”

“Never mind what the teacher said, I don’t even know why you’re going to bother with that.” Hyesung’s impatience suddenly rears his head, and he glares at Eric. “What are you going to do about Andy?”

(When it’s ready and once you’ve cut the dough, Drop the noodles in the broth and cook until your preferred softness. Season with light soy sauce, and the garlic, green onion, and red pepper that you had prepared.)

“I’ll speak to him…”

“And then? Please tell me you’re going to insist to speak to the parents.”

“It depends on what Andy tells me. I don’t want to make it worse or reopen anything if it’s actually already been resolved among themselves.”

“Eric.”

“Hyesung. It’ll be fine. I’ll listen to the kids first. They seem fine, don’t they?”

“Are they? Remember when Andy had a breakdown at Choongjae’s party?”

Eric sighs. “That’s…been a thing. He’s always been prone to tantrums, but it got worse when Yumi…my wife…passed.” He sees Hyesung flinch at the words and so is quick to follow it up: “But I have to tell you it has gotten better since he met Choongjae. Sincerely. Like…way better.”

Hyesung smiles as he takes a sip of soda. “I’m glad. Choongjae has…well he’s also changed significantly since school started and he became friends with Andy. He’s always been lovable but it seems it’s…quadrupled in intensity now.” His gaze turns wistful but he refuses to meet Eric’s eye. “I love him, and I hope he remains seeing me as someone he’s proud of. Having that boy is the one good thing I did right in my life.”

Eric understands the statement more than he can ever try to explain. He toasts his soda can against Hyesung’s.

“Let me talk to Andy first, and you talk to Choongjae, then we’ll figure it out from there. Deal?”

Hyesung is reluctant but does the toast. “Part of me wishes Choongjae did actually throw punches. Those rotten brats. I didn’t think an international school would have problems like this; that’s the reason I put Choongjae there in the first place. How dare they pick on someone like Andy?”

“Your kid has an immense amount of self-control though, I’ll give him that.” Eric says. “That’s more than I can say for…oh, I dunno. You?”

Hyesung snorts. “Please. You don’t even know me.” He points at the dregs of kalguksu in Eric’s bowl. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah, obviously.”

(Add black pepper as desired, then add sesame seeds and crushed roasted seaweed.)

“I thought you were allergic to seaweed?” Hyesung raises an eyebrow. “You ate it all up.”

(Serve right away on a blistering cold day. Feed all the loves of your life.)

"Eric Mun, you nasty liar."

Eric can only reply with laughter.

tbc

Author's Notes
1. I'm sorry I always make you guys wait a million years for an update. I have no excuses apart from real life recently being a horrific and unexplainable mess (yeah, Corona virus, we're talking about you) and can only ask for your forgiveness. I did my best; it's very hard to write in this environment, but it also gives me something to look forward to. Because of the context the world is in, however, it does affect my productivity a lot, so I'm sorry. I can't count how many hours I spent just staring at a wall when I could be writing. I hope you all are faring better, and I hope you're all safe and healthy.
2. In story-related asides: yes, I got the name Amy from You-Know-Who and I'm sorry; the song Eric is singing to Andy is Don't Worry My Dear by Lee Juck; if you can guess where I got the names of the staff and graduate student interns, you get a virtual cookie haha; 'Andy-appa' and 'Choongjae-appa' are labels that follow Korean teutology because in Korean culture, when you get kids, other people will actually already start referring to you as the appa/eomma of said kid; seonsaengnim/ssaem = teacher; this chapter is a rambly mess and is literally an entire morning in Eric's life. I've barely checked this because it's the longest I think I've done? (It's over 9000 words, holy cow. No wonder it took two weeks to write.) 
3. Be safe. I will continue to write, don't wory.