Dongho's feet scraped the pavement as he walked, moseying along through his neighborhood towards school. He hadn't slept the night before after his episode, he just stayed up all night huddled in his mother's arms while she slept. He didn't want to leave the comfort of her embrace, there felt like the safest place in the world. There he could close his eyes and pretend he was just a little kid again, before all their problems started.

It was a while before Dongho got to school, but he wasn't late as usual since he left early enough, but he was exhausted. He could feel himself wearing thin down to the core, his shoulders slumped under an unseen massive weight, and his joint creaked like an improperly maintained machine. Once again, he felt his heart pound with the desire to just give everything up, he didn't know how he could take it all.

But, above everything, Dongho couldn't disappoint his mother. While he always felt a burden to her, he knew that his mother cherished him more than anything she had ever had in this world, and that's why she did it all. She only wanted to protect her precious baby boy. But he was tainted, he was no longer this pure, innocent diamond she had cured, with a tiny kiss, a cut or rocked to sleep as she sung. He was dirty, unclean.

Dongho recalled that during his childhood, his mother and grandmother had always called him their doughy angel. He had the chubbiest cheeks of any kid in their neighborhood, but he was also kind and would always smile. Their problems began when his grandma died and they couldn't live in her house anymore. That's also around the time his mother stopped calling him her angel. He supposed it was because he was far from an angel, and everyday he just took one step farther away. One step closer to Hell.

That's what awaited him, anyway, wasn't it? Not only was he a bastard child, he had committed countless sins, and rejected God. From what Dongho remembered of his Sunday school teachings, all that earned you a one way ticket downstairs.

It was another reason he wasn't too keen on just giving up and ending his own life, because he'd really be damned then. And, out of everything, he just wanted to be good again. To matter.

Dongho stopped on the second floor landing at his school, pausing his train of thought. Was that it, what he wanted? To feel like he was good? To delude himself into thinking he wasn't damned for all eternity? He didn't think it was possible, because in order to be a good person, he would have to do good things. He couldn't remember the last time he had done something good. And, in order to save his soul, he would have to confess and repent for his sins, but he didn't believe in the power of God.

Dongho resumed walking, each echoed step down the empty corridor to the roof a reminder of his dismal path, of his assured damnation.

…

The worst part about school ending was the fact Dongho had nothing to distract himself any longer, but at least his tutoring would help a little. Chunhae met him out front and skipped on happily, which seemed strange even for the usually bright Chunhae.

"Why are you so happy?" Dongho asked, looking grumpy.

"Do I need a specific reason to smile?" Chunhae laughed, slowing her bouncing pace to match Dongho's. 

"I guess not." Dongho puffed out his cheeks, kicking at a rock.

"Yah! Don't be such a grumpus, you're bringing down my mood." Chunhae pinched his cheek with a giggle as he tried to slap her away. "Smile, Dongho-ssi, it's good for you."

Dongho scoffed and looked more intently at the ground, eyebrows pushed together. Chunhae sighed heavily, "You know, you're kind of like my brother in a way."

"What do you mean?" Dongho lifted his head, curious to what she was trying to say.

"Even when he visits, I never see him smile. And it's like he's carrying the world on his shoulders. And even though he's still young, he has been through some tough things. It breaks my heart." Chunhae sighed, fingers at the necklace around .

"How do you know I'm like that?"

"I can see it. In your eyes." She whispered shyly, looking away from him. "They look like his."

Dongho didn't say anything else, and neither did Chunhae as they walked down her street, her house in sight. As she unlocked the front door, she asked if Dongho wanted something to snack on and led to them taking ten minutes to cut apples and peel oranges for studying. This time, Dongho actually helped her, instead of dazing off. He was in the middle of teaching her the meaning of the suffix -ing when the doorbell rang.

Confused for a second, Chunhae looked at Dongho with her eyebrows knit together. As she left, Dongho picked at some of the thick white skin on a slice of the orange he held in his hand.

"OPPA!" Chunhae's gleeful shout caught Dongho off-guard and he dropped the orange onto the table.

Dongho stood, figuring it wasn't wise to stick around. She didn't need him to teach her when her brother was here. She had said she loved when he came over, so Dongho didn't want to interfere with that. He gathered his papers before stuffing them back into his bag and headed towards the door.

Dongho had to admit he was surprised by her brother's appearance. He was tall and his hair a weird reddish blonde. He was dressed in in business casual, but his black attire looked expensive. He remembered what Chunhae had said about her brother the day before and wondered what kind of 'path' the young man before him was heading down.

As he got closer, Jaeseop regarded Dongho suspiciously, as if he didn't trust that his sister had been alone with a boy in her house. "Ah, oppa, this is Dongho, he's tutoring me in English." Chunhae introduced. Dongho bowed slightly and Jaeseop gave an acknowledging nod.

"I'm going to get going. I don't want to cut in on your time with your brother." Dongho explained apologetically and went out the way Jaeseop had just come in from.

…

Dongho sighed, opening the door to his tiny apartment and slipped off his shoes. After making himself a small meal, he started on his homework. It wasn't anything too difficult, but Dongho needed anything he could to keep his mind off of his most dominant worries. There was nothing he wanted more than to just do homework for hours, maybe even days. But, after an hour and a half, it was complete. Sighing, Dongho leaned back in his spot at the table with a shiver.

Their heater was still broken, and maintenance was waiting on the part that would fix it. Dongho's eyes trailed the small space he and his mother resided, and not for the first time questioned how they were still alive. In these conditions, normal people would have given up and left, but it was all they could afford to have. And they were barely scraping by as it was.

Pushing away and taking his bag from the table, Dongho laid out the mats and blankets they used for sleeping. It was nearly ten o'clock and lately Dongho had been getting less and less sleep, so he felt exhausted. He let out a yawn before curling up in his thick hoodie and stack of blankets.

But, sleep didn't come. Endless worries wracked his brain, going by so fast he wasn't even sure what he was thinking of at one specific moment. His mind was just a mess of thoughts, a tangled web of emotion. Rolling onto his side to take a look at the clock, he balked. Somehow, five hours had passed without him even realizing, it was three a.m. Hearing the lock on the door turn and creak open, Dongho sat up to look at his mother against his mind's warnings of how she would look.

And, it was the same as always. Smudged makeup, disheveled short dress, and reeking of alcohol and sweat. Traces of the night's illicit drug still swam in her eyes, widening her pupil so much so that it almost completely swallowed the iris. Her speech was slurred to the point of incoherence as she let out what Dongho could only assume was a greeting.

This style of arrival had begun only a week ago, but already Dongho could see that it was moving fast down a road of degradation and corrosion. Even if it was an inconsistent occurrence, Dongho was unsure of what state to expect his mother in when she walked through the door. Sometimes, she'd be drunk out of her mind, or strung out on the drug of the day; and other days she was completely sober and fine. Dongho wished her could claim sober was the most frequently seen state of his mother, but that would be lying, and, amongst everything else, he didn't need to be a liar as well.

Dongho stood quickly to help his mother get dressed into normal clothes and clean off her makeup as she seemed completely incapable of doing so on her own. As he pulled the blankets up close to her chin, he noticed how cold her skin was. She was frigid to the point of tinting purple, and Dongho decided that before he came home tomorrow, he would buy a space heater for their apartment, even if it cut into some of his food money, Dongho could skip lunch at school for a couple days. He couldn't let his mother suffer like this.

"Dongho..." he heard his mother whisper quietly as she drifted in and out of sleep. "Dongho, baby, I love you. And, even though it doesn't seem like it now, everything is going to be all right, all right?" She held his hand loosely in her own, as if she couldn't even gather the strength to hold his hand properly. "You just have to be...patient." His mother's eyes drooped, but she shook herself awake, determined to say whatever it was she way trying to say. "Everything you're going through, Dongho, is just temporary. It's an obstacle course, so you can come out of it stronger." Dongho wasn't sure if it was the drugs talking or not as he strained to hear her words, but he instantly didn't believe them.

All he felt he had ever known was this so-called obstacle course. No matter how many times he had run it, or how intently he had studied it to memorize every challenge, he always seemed to get knocked down by it. Time and time again. And there was no point in beating it, it was impossible, Dongho saw no way out. He was stuck in a never-ending cycle of misery.

Ah~! Now that I know where this will be going, I have to warn you that one: there will probably be only two more chapters left of Dongho's part, and two: it's going to be heartbreaking. As if the rest of the story isn't already.

>.<

Sorry, but bear with me. The story only gets more sad and worse from here.

>.<