Ever since I debuted in IZ*ONE, I have been close to Minju. I don’t know we just clicked.

She's often clumsy and always in need of someone to help and guide her, which is why I ended up always helping her.

This might be the reason why I really like her. My protective side is being activated whenever she's near or in danger.

I think I even love her. As in love, love her. But there is no way I would tell her that. I could not possibly ruin our friendship. I can't bare to lose her. Although it pains me to not have her as mine, to not be able to call her as mine. I am quite contended of what we have, I am her favorite unnie and she's my favorite dongsaeng.

---

"Unnie, do you like me?" I looked at her incredulously.

"Of course I like you! What are you even talking about?"

"As in really, really like me?"

"Uhm. As in really, really like you." More than you can ever imagine Minju. "Do you need a favor from me?" I tried to glare at her playfully, a smile plastered on my face.

"As in more-than-friends-like me?"

My smile falters from my face. I start to panic at her statement and my mind is in chaos. I try to recompose my self. "W-Where did you get that from?"

Minju pouted at my words. I would pinch her cheeks if I wasn't in a tough position right now. "You're not answering the question, unnie."

I looked down and clenched my jaw. I can't ruin this for us. I can't ruin what we have. I can't lose you, Minju. I-

"Please be honest with me." Her voice was gentle. It was calming. She reached for my cheeks and caress it. She held my other cheek to lift my face up.

I stared at her. My eyes full of worry. You'll hate me. You'll avoid me. I can't take that.

"Please." Her eyes were soft. Begging.

I closed my eyes. I can't see her reaction. I won't be able to bear her rejection. "I do like you. As in more-than-friends-like you." I felt her remove her hands from my cheeks. I was crushed by her actions. I knew this was going to happen but it still hurts like hell. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Chaewon. Why can't you just lie? This just one lie and you won't have to lose her.

A minute has passed and I'm still closing my eyes. I can still feel her presence in front of me. I tried to open one eye to peek at her.

I can see her staring at me. Her eyebrows sewed together as if she is thinking about something so deeply. When she saw that I was peeking she quickly unsewed her eyebrows and gulped.

We stayed like that for another minute.

"Say something." I said. My voice just almost above whisper. Both of my eyes are now open.

Her eyes are full of worry. "I-I don't know what to say...or what to feel."

I don't know where I gained the courage to even speak. "I will get over this feeling soon. I promise. You don't have to worry. Nothing will change. You can just pretend that I never told you that. I promise I won't be different too. Just give me time. I will get over you." I barely got the last sentence of my mouth. All of these is too painful for me. But I have no choice. I can't lose her.

I quickly stood up and went to my room. I don't think I can handle my tears. I don't want to cry in front of her. I don't want her to think that this is her fault.

I climbed up my bed and curled up. I covered my whole body with my blanket and covered my mouth with my hand to muffle my sobs. I feel millions of needle piercing my heart right now. I just want to run away. It's too painful.

---

The next day we had to get ready for our early morning flight so it was a busy morning.

I notice Minju trying to approach me but I always busy myself preparing for our flight, and that stopped her from approaching me...for now.

While on our way to the bus, I quickly held Hitomi's hand and walk side by side.

Inside the bus, I quickly sat beside Hitomi. She looked at me with a questioning gaze. I just returned an awkward smile at her.

She was about to look back at Minju's place when I quickly turn her to face the front. Effectively stopping her from turning around.

She eyes me suspiciously. "Why are you avoiding Minju, unnie? Did you two fight?"

"We surely did not. What are you talking about?" I tried to give her a disbelief look.

"Then should I ask her to change sit with me? She surely looked disappointed when she saw you sitting with me."

I kept mum. Why would she be disappointed? Did she want to sit with me? Perhaps- I quickly shook my head to get rid of my thoughts. That is the last thing I need. False hope.

"Min-jdkdj" I quickly covered Hitomi's mouth.

"Hitom-ah" I gave her a disappointed, sad look.

She sighs in defeat and nodded. I, then, removed my hand off .

"Oh? What is this I'm seeing? Why are you two having a moment there." I turn at the voice only to see Chaeyeon-unnie looking at us mischievously.

My eyes grew wide and I turned to look at Minju for her reaction. I admit that I expected at least a bit of reaction coming from her. But when I see her stating blankly at me, I can feel my chest constrict. How foolish of me to expect you to be jealous? Maybe Hitomi's just imagining things a while ago.

Minju broke the eye contact and proceed to look at the window. I shrink back to my chair with a sad sigh.

I feel a finger poked my cheeks. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault, Hitomi." The bus ride to the airport was quiet. For the both of us, at least. She did not try to pry any further and left me be.

---

Once we all exited the bus and stopped for the pictorial, we started to walk towards the airport.

On the way, I felt a hand slipped into mine. I turn to look at the owner of the hand.

I saw Minju. I start to panic. How should I avoid this? Uhmm..... What could be a perfect excuse?

As I try to discreetly wiggle my hand off of hers, I felt the grip of her hand grow tighter.

I turn to look at her face again and I saw that she is clenching her jaws. She turned to me and gave me a stern, angry look.

I cower in fear, in the process my hand flinched.

She must have interpreted it the wrong way, thinking I was still trying to remove my hand off of hers. This made her grip tighter than it already is. It is uncomfortably tight and a bit painful but she doesn't seem to care.

Why are you angry at me? Did I do anything wrong? It pains me to see you angry. All I wanted was to make you happy.

I bowed my head as a tear left my eye. I quickly wiped it and walked silently beside her.

---

Minju was not speaking to me the whole plane ride so I just dozed off.

I stirred from my sleep and realized that my head was leaning on to Minju and her head is on mine. I tried to move when I realize that her hand was in mine and her other hand drapes over my arm, as if it was a stuffed toy she does not want to lose.

I sigh. How am I supposed to get over you when you're this close to me?

I just want to keep you in my arms forever.

I haven't found that stupid big mouth person who threw me under the bus.

I sigh again. I wish-I wish I could love you in my own silent way. Love you secretly. Give the world to you in my tiny little ways.