The mind can really make up a whole other life for you. Living inside your head for years can give it time to create realistic scenarios. Realistic enough to trick your subconscious into thinking you’ve been awake this whole time.

 

 

Jisoo glanced at her coworker every few seconds while the doctor spoke to them out in the hall. She could see the tears welling up in Chaeyoung’s eyes.

 

“Jennie has been in a coma ever since the surgery, and we aren’t sure when she will wake.”

 

She felt Chaeyoung grab onto her arm, letting out a small sob. Jisoo herself felt numb, like this was all made up to test her. To break her somehow.

 

Jisoo wasn’t sure why she came in the first place. Chaeyoung had called her to let her know what was going on, as “coworkers” (a bunch of bull if you ask Jisoo), and she rushed over.

 

At this point she was here for Chaeyoung.

 

 

The quiet buzzing of the hospital lulled Jisoo to sleep while she sat on an uncomfortable chair in the waiting room. It didn’t take long and she felt herself slip into a dream. 

 

Jisoo found herself standing at Jennie’s room door. Her hand reached for the doorknob when it twisted on its own. 

 

“Jennie?”

 

The girl was in a hospital gown dragging an IV drip along with her as she stepped out of her own room. 

 

She grinned widely. “In the flesh!”

 

“But you’re..?”

 

Jennie looked around and leaned closer, making Jisoo lean back a bit at the sudden movement. Jennie ignored it as a playful smile appeared and her eyes sparkled.

 

“You’re in my dream, Jisoo.”

 

The image of Jennie started to warp and swirl and then darkness. Jisoo couldn’t see but she felt hands on her shoulders, shaking her.

 

“Wake up!” 

 

Jisoo caught herself before she fell onto the floor of the waiting room. Chaeyoung was standing above her with an unreadable expression. 

 

“Sorry, I must have dozed off.” She took Chaeyoung’s outstretched hand and stood up. 

 

“She’s awake.” Chaeyoung said softly, Jisoo’s eyes widening like saucers. “And she’s asking for you.”

 

 

A month has passed by, and Jennie took the time to rest, using up all her vacation days for the year. She had broken things off with Chaeyoung, feeling like it wasn’t the right time to be with anyone. 

 

Jennie wouldn’t say that she was lost in life, but her mind had been so empty since the coma. She still loved Chaeyoung, but ever since Jisoo came back into her life, she didn’t know how she felt. 

 

She groaned as she sunk further into her couch. She had a blanket wrapped around her as a movie marathon played on the television across from her. Jennie watched as the two main characters shared a kiss in the ending scene, rolling her eyes as she turned it off. 

 

She walked over to her cabinets, pulling out her second bottle of wine. “Is that a good idea?” Jennie whipped her head up to see her friend, Lisa, standing in the hallway.

 

“What are you doing here?” Jennie put her focus back on her wine glass and pouring the contents of the bottle into it. “I thought you weren’t coming back from Thailand until the end of the year.”

 

Lisa set her bags down and wrapped her arms around Jennie’s waist. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner. I wanted to come see you when you were in the hospital, but I couldn’t catch a plane.”

 

Jennie wasn’t mad, just a tinge bit upset, but she loved to best friend. “Excuses.”

 

“I’m serious, Jen!” 

 

She released her bubbling laughter at the sight of Lisa’s pouty face. “I know, I’m just playing.” Jennie had so many things to catch Lisa up on, if Chaeyoung hadn’t already.

 

“So you and Chaeyoung broke things off?” Welp, there it was. Jennie sighed as she took out another glass to pour some wine for her friend. This was going to be a long night.

 

 

“So you mean to tell me Jisoo is back in your life?” Lisa sipped on her wine. “I never thought I’d hear about her again.” 

 

Jennie sighed for what felt like the billionth time ever since she got discharged from the hospital. Jisoo hasn’t spoken to her in what felt like weeks, not even after Chaeyoung took a break from their job. She had no one.

 

She could only nod solemnly in response to her friend. Jennie could faintly feel something like a needle poking at her head. The doctors said headaches were normal after this kind of surgery, but she was worried nonetheless at any sort of sign. 

 

“I don’t know what to do, Lisa.” Her friend wrapped her up in her arms as they cuddled on the couch, a movie playing to provide some background noise. 

 

Lisa rubbed her arms comfortingly, face breaking out in a smile. “Follow your heart.”She cheekily quoted along to the Disney movie that they were currently watching. Jennie whacked her friend for the useless advice. 

 

 

It was her first day back at the office in a long time. She walked down the hall by the cubicles, only glancing at the space where Chaeyoung used to sit. By Jisoo. Half the space was empty now. 

 

She strolled into her private office. Believe it or not, her boss promoted her. She was no longer a personal assistant to him, but a partner. This would suffice as a distraction for Jennie for the next coming months, hopefully years, she wishes. 

 

Speaking of her boss, he was currently waltzing into her office without a knock. But she was more shocked at the person following behind him. 

 

“Jennie, you know Jisoo? She is to report to you from now on.” 

 

So much for that distraction. 

 

 

Jennie tossed and turned in her bed. It was five in the morning, but still way to early to be up. Plus, she didn’t want to wake Lisa, who was occupying her free room for the remainder of her trip home. 

 

Jisoo barely spoke a sentence to her the whole day before, but it wasn’t like Jennie was saying anything to her either. The air between them was tense, but not strong enough for her to feel a need to address it or make it disappear. 

 

Was it awful for her to say that she wanted her life back? Her life before Jisoo came back into it and shook things up? She was happy with Chaeyoung. But was she really? These thoughts had been plaguing her mind ever since the incident. 

 

Jisoo was meant to stay as her first love. She wasn’t naive to think that they were supposed to be together forever, but that they’d grow up and move on naturally. 

 

Here she was second guessing herself. Was it really so bad to go back to someone you never thought you’d have an opportunity with again? Someone as perfect as Jisoo. 

 

She was after Jisoo for years in the beginning, never letting up and never getting over her. That energy must have disappeared after Jisoo left her.

 

Oh, that’s right. Jisoo left her.

 

 

“Does she know you’re meeting me?” 

 

“No, does she know you’re meeting me?”

 

Jisoo shook her head as she stared at her cup of coffee. She was sitting in a cafe across her work building with Lisa, who was trying to catch her gaze to offer a look of understanding. 

 

A beat passed before Jisoo plucked up the courage. “Do you think-“

 

“Yes.”

 

Jisoo gave her old friend an incredulous look. “You don’t even know what I was going to say!?” Lisa gave her an unamused look and reached for her hand in comfort. Jisoo allowed it. 

 

“You and Jennie never got the proper chance to be together, and it’d be a shame if you guys at least didn’t try to work things out. It’s what you guys deserve after everything.”

 

Jisoo was slightly taken aback at Lisa’s words. Her heart admittedly swelled with hope, until she remembered a huge jarring detail. 

 

“Why would she ever take me back when I left her?” Jisoo wanted to add something else that’s been hovering in her mind for months, but decided against it. “She probably despises me.”

 

She saw Lisa’s eyes sparkle in uncertainty for the first time during their conversation. Jisoo sighed, she was screwed if Lisa had nothing positive to say back. 

 

“Jennie is different, you are different. Both of you guys are in a different place in your life now. Who says it won’t work this time around?”

 

History, Jisoo thinks, but she’s thankful for Lisa’s unwavering encouragement and support. 

 

 

There was a knock on the door to her place. Jennie squinted her eyebrows in confusion before she put her dirty dishes in the sink. Lisa was with Chaeyoung, that much Jennie figured out by the nervous lilt in her friend’s voice when she asked who she’s going to be with tonight. 

 

“Did you forget something?” She shouted at the door before swinging it open, totally expecting a puppy faced Lisa. And she totally wasn’t expecting to be pushed against the wall in a searing hot kiss.

 

And just before it started, it ended. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

Jennie wasn’t sure what the apology was for, the kiss or year’s worth of pain from Jisoo even after she left her life. But before she can say anything, Jisoo rushed away. 

 

 

Jennie was sure she could get fired for it, but she just had to take a shot of the Hennessy she had locked up in her desk. She just got to the office and was already dreading seeing Jisoo. She didn’t even know how to act.

 

Here goes nothing. 

 

“Hennessy still your favorite?”

 

 

Jennie was bouncing around the front entrance, from nerves and the cold fall weather. Jisoo grabbed her hand to calm her down and shot her a small smile, which instantly settled Jennie down. They were waiting for the door to open into their first college party.

 

Jisoo knew a thing or two about holding her liquor, but Jennie didn’t. She was drunk after two shots of Hennessy. Lisa tried to get her to take another one with her, but thankfully Jisoo was there to intercept, or else she would have regretted it in the morning.

 

They took a seat on the couch in the living room. Jisoo was pleasantly buzzed, staring happily at her Jennie. 

 

“Henny is my favorite, Jisoo! Do you know Henny?” Jennie slurred into Jisoo’s ears while she wrapped her arms around her neck. She can only nod and laugh in response.

 

“My favorite is you, Jennie.” She muttered more to herself, but she knew Jennie heard it by the way she sloppily smiled and kissed her cheek. 

 

 

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you.” 

 

Jennie had the shot glass ready in her hand. Jisoo’s stare lingered, before setting paperwork on her desk and turning to leave. The door shut softly and Jennie set the glass down. 

 

 

Before she knew it, it was the holidays. Jennie was in charge of planning the office work party for New Year’s Eve. It definitely served as a great distraction from the tumultuous time she’d been having lately. Jennie sighed as she gathered her things to finally leave the office. It was a late night, but she noticed some cubicles with the lights still on. People seemed to worked longer hours before the holidays.

 

She got into the elevator and watched as the doors started to close before a hand jammed it’s way through. She held her breathe at who it was. 

 

“I didn’t know you were back?” 

 

Chaeyoung looked back at her with a tight lipped smile. “I’m just here as a temp until the holidays are over.” Jennie nodded in understanding. 

 

“So you’ll be able to come to the New Year’s Eve party?” 

 

The elevator dinged and opened up on the street floor, where Chaeyoung usually got off to catch the bus. She looked back at her again, something wistful in her eyes that Jennie couldn’t quite catch. 

 

“Take care, Jennie.”

 

The elevator closed again, sending her down another floor to the garage. Chaeyoung’s words lingered in the air. It felt like a goodbye, like the final words to a chapter. A chapter in her life.

 

 

Jisoo was in a good place. She wasn’t that insecure teenager or young adult anymore. It took her years to figure it all out, but she was in a good place. She was ready.

 

She looked out at the party, on the roof of their office building. They had a clear view of the city clock from where they were. The night was lit up by the lights hanging around the rooftop. Jisoo took a sip of her champagne. 

 

Her eyes wandered until they landed on Jennie. She was greeting clients and coworkers with smiles and handshakes. Jisoo smiled to herself. Jennie ended up being great without her. She never needed Jisoo.

 

But that was then, and in this moment, Jisoo knew what she wanted most. 

 

The closer she got to Jennie, the sounds of the party and the countdown drowned out. 

 

10

 

9

 

8

 

7

 

6

 

5

 

Jisoo swung Jennie around.

 

4

 

3

 

“Jisoo?”

 

2 

 

1

 

Jisoo knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted the free falling. She wanted to feel the fear, the happiness, the sadness. She wanted to feel it all. With Jennie. 

 

She doesn’t know if Jennie would ever forgive her for leaving, or take her back, but she’ll try for the rest of her life. 

 

Maybe, just maybe, your first love could be your last.