Wanna See You Find Your Happiness [oneshot & sequel]

*****

You’d always known that he looks at you longingly (when he thinks that you don’t notice) with those eyes of his that tells you of something so clear, like the blue sky and the waters in the ocean, but you refused to believe it.

You’d grown fond of him as years passed and as you got to know him better. And your friendship with him and with the rest of the TVXQ members bloomed into something like a beautiful flower bringing itself into life right in the middle of spring. Every time you look at him, you are reminded of a lonely child who was once part of a broken family, who had to leave his native land and step foot into a place that he’s not familiar with – with the people nor the language and culture. But despite everything he’s been through and every time you see him smile, you’d find yourself amused and you can’t help but say that he’s really strong.

And that you’re nothing compared to what he’s been through.

He was everything you want. A man who was there right away when you need him, when you want some comfort and when you just like to have a shoulder to lean on. He was always there for your rescue and he never failed to be the superman of your life. That’s why, as time went and as you two got so close and attached, like a leech banded to a human’s leg; you’ve decided that out of the 4 members of Dong Bang Shin Ki – Park YooChun was your best friend.

The best friend you never thought that you will have.

YooChun was like a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a friend and a lover all in one. And you thought that it was something weird yet fascinating at the same time. Who would ever think that a person could possess such characteristics of different people? And that he can play and attend to every role flawlessly. You don’t know how and you don’t care if you’ll ever find the mystery behind it but you have one thing sure in mind, that besides from those things, you’re thankful for having a best friend like him.

And sometimes, you think that you don’t deserve him at all.

You saw him cry for so many times, witnessed the moments when he was so vulnerable and helpless that it looked like he was dying and you can’t help but blame yourself for not doing anything, for not helping him out. For not knowing what was hurting him. For you, you find it unfair on his part that he could read you like the back of his very own hand yet you in return couldn’t even find out the source or guess what was bothering him. And you think that you could never be like him, you will never be a good best friend to YooChun.

And for you, being not able to repay him for everything he had done for you, it . Totally.

Broad shoulders, tall and lean, beautiful and red lips, boyish grin and that hypnotizing and (according to your fans and some female celebrities) y voice – those were the things that YooChun possessed and that you don’t.

You have broad shoulders but not that broad like YooChun’s in which someone could really cry on, turn for support and where someone could feel some safety and comfort. You have pouty and red lips but they look like a girl’s that you wonder if you were a female in the past life. You could say that you like your face but you can’t understand that you’re not yet satisfied with it. Yes, you look good, manly but with some feminine features (or you just hate to admit it, you look TOTALLY feminine). And sometimes, you find yourself comparing you and YooChun. And you prefer to be like him, you wanted to be him. You just hate it when people prefer to you as the “beautiful one”. When can they refer to you as the “manly one”?

You have a wonderful voice but it’s not like YooChun’s. He was a baritone and you were the lead singer. Your voice was something soft and tender that when you sing, it could lull a person to sleep and make them dream of good and fascinating dreams. But YooChun’s, his voice was different. It sounded great for serenading someone, for singing to them a love song and it was also good for singing something heart breaking, for expressing an unknown and unrequited love that the person listening to him while he sings could feel what he’s trying to say, could feel what he’s trying to convey. And YooChun’s voice, it was also nice for rapping too (you even considered that YooChun’s suitable to be a DJ but you didn’t told him that).

All in all, you could tell and you know it very well that YooChun’s voice – is his heart.

And yet, when you blend your voices together, honestly, you couldn’t tell whose voice is which, like strawberry-mango shake (does it tastes more like strawberry or mango?), or chocolate-milk beverages (does it contain more choco or milk?). You don’t know who comes first and who ends last – where the starting point and the finishing line is – you couldn’t tell the beginning and the ending and sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder if it’s only you who noticed this. Did YooChun do too? And that was one of the proofs (you concluded that yourself) why the two of you are soul mates.

Though you’re different from each other, you’re both very much alike.

Tattoos. Yes, you have them. And one is identical with YooChun’s, one that is plastered on the left side of both of your chests – where the heart lies and where it beats. You even laughed at yourself thinking that it was some kind of commitment you’re making to him. And later on, you realized that it was. Not just only as a good friend and a loving co-band member but it was both your commitment to each other as soul mates (semi-lovers, in a way). And you could have never discovered a better way to express how grateful you were. How genius the idea was. A tattoo, a permanent one, can’t be erased. And Park YooChun, Micky YooChun, TVXQ’s baritone, he’s one of the people that can’t be erased and replaced in your heart.

And that’s a fact.

Smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol and composing songs – these were things that you have in common and do simultaneously with YooChun.

It’s fun and it could get your mind off some troubles you think you can’t handle and you feel that you could run away from everything, leave them all behind and think that they never existed in the first place. But sometimes, you get too carried away and lose control. And YooChun, you think that he’s somewhat double-faced because at first he’s the devil that’s tempting you to do this and that. He goes along with drinking, smoking and having fun with you. And then later on, he becomes the angel. He’ll stop you; tell you that it’s enough, you had enough and that you should not go any further. Refrain you, need control, stop, stop. And as as it sounds, you obey him. Though you’re older, you listen to him. And you stop.

Sometimes, you can’t help but feel mad at him for telling you things that you think you shouldn’t know. Or more likely, you hate it because he points out to you the things that you missed to know for yourself.

You hate how YooChun says the right things at the right time. But you don’t hate him. You hate it. You just.

There was a time that you thought you had fallen in love with YooChun, that you actually developed feelings for him. Well, who wouldn’t? He was there when you need him, he made you laugh, kept you company and actually treated you like you were his lover. You did actually notice it. The way he’d touch you, there was something peculiar about it. The way he talks, gazes and tell you how stupid you are (you think that he kinda says it like, “I love you” or something) and then, you suddenly feel that you’re special. That you could practically do and achieve anything you want with no one getting in your way or bringing you down. But no, you weren’t falling in love with YooChun. You love him, you do. But it wasn’t the type of love that you’re willing to give everything up for him, that you will risk your life just to be with him. You love him as a brother and that’s all.

Nothing more than that.

All along, you thought that you had long given up on Jung YunHo, the one you were sure who will not return your feelings and you fear of rejection, afraid of the truth that he might get disgusted of you and avoid you like some contagious plague. But no, you felt something on that very day, when YunHo had walked up to you, held your hand and just stared at you and it felt like hours passed before he whispered your name. Just one syllable, just that one word that he cooed,

“Jae..”

and you felt some hope inside you building up. And you realized, perhaps, you had a chance after all.

You had the strongest urge to tell YooChun of what you feel towards the leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki. From the pit of your stomach, you just know that YooChun will understand, he certainly will. But you stopped yourself from doing so because there was this tiny voice inside your head saying that you can’t, you shouldn’t. And you half listened to it because you still dearly wanted to tell YooChun of your deepest, darkest secret. You made your way towards his room, battling inside of you if you should continue or not, if it’s ok. And when you were about to knock, you abruptly had this feeling from deep, deep down in your heart that if you tell your soul mate of that secret of yours, he’ll break into pieces – just like how a glass breaks into little shards.

And you shivered.

Lawsuit. Fans crying. You crying, YunHo depressed, Changmin not talking, Junsu frustrated and YooChun bitter.

You felt how everyone in your dorm was feeling. The tension and the awkwardness, you can’t ignore it and you feel suffocated. You can’t imagine not living together anymore, you can’t picture out not breathing the same air as the other Dong Bang boys breathe. And you want to die. You wanted to end it all with a suicide. But that’s overrated. And you don’t have the guts to even do such thing.

YunHo, he locked himself in his room all day long. Changmin was busy reading a book and you know so well that he doesn’t want to be disturbed when he’s reading. Junsu went out with JunHo and he might not be back for dinner. Your only hope was YooChun, YooChun who’s playing the piano in the living room right now. YooChun who tried to smile but you could tell that it was forced. YooChun the one you hear crying every night in his bed until he falls asleep. YooChun who’s your brother, your friend, and your soul mate.

He welcomed you with open arms; let you cried until his shirt went damp. your hair and hummed a familiar song that you both love and the vibrations of his voice that you felt from his chest calmed you down. And you wanted to stay in his arms for a little longer, wanted to feel secure and loved. But you don’t want to give him the wrong impression and so, you pulled away.

“Everything will be alright” he told you and you nodded.

“That’s what I ask. I hope it happens”

You weren’t sure if he was about to lean for a kiss or not but you quickly looked away, stood up from where you were seated, excused yourself, telling him that you need some rest and dashed out of the room before you could properly process what YooChun just tried to do.

Or what he was precisely feeling.

Years passed like a blur and everything was just the way you wanted them to be.

You recently got married with the love of your life – Dong Bang Shin Ki’s former leader, Jung YunHo. You had the greatest and fantastic wedding with the 3 other members present. Spent your honeymoon travelling half of the globe, decided to settle in a simple 2 storey house somewhere in Seoul and lived as happily as you could. You were the wife that YunHo had ever wanted and YunHo was the husband you had asked for. And everything was great.

Or so you thought.

YooChun paid you a sudden visit. And as if fate had planned it, YunHo wasn’t around. The same simple greetings were said, the same warm hugs were exchanged and the true, happy smiles were shown. You were both in your favourite place in the house – the balcony. You served tea since you promised YunHo to cut down from alcohol and YooChun wasn’t bothered. You talked how life was going, how everything had been since you disbanded as Asia’s influential artists, and how you loved living this way.

“So, YooChun-ah, are you planning to settle down too?” you asked, taking a small sip of your tea

He cocked an eyebrow at you, grinning that boyish grin of his, “I’m already settling down. We’re not celebrities now”

You shook your head, a graceful smile on your lips, “No, I don’t mean that. What I mean is, are you planning to get married too?”

YooChun pursed his lips trying to think of what he should say and you chuckled lightly when you sensed that he can’t answer you with anything.

“I’m sure that person is out there waiting for you, YooChun-ah” you told him, knowing well that there was really this certain person waiting for him.

“I actually thought that, that person would be you”

You stilled and he avoided your gaze. “I know, don’t worry about anymore, Jae. I’ve moved on”

A lump on your throat and you feel out of breath, “Chun, I – “

“This was bound to happen. And to know that you’re with YunHo hyung, I’m at ease” YooChun smiled a painful smile

“Because he’ll take care of you. I just know that he will. He loves you very much to even hurt you”

Tears. They streamed out of your eyes before you could stop them, you wiped them furiously and stuttered in saying, “I-I’m sorry”

YooChun’s voice trembled, “No, I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have – hah, it’s all in the past, Jae. No worries”

You felt some painful contractions in your chest, you heart was welling and your lungs, you feel like someone’s squeezing it. You were right. The way he gazes at you, the way he touched you, the way he – everything he did. It was all because he loves you. And you sensed it; you knew it but ignored the situation because you were stubborn to believe it yourself. You, you’ve been a bad friend.

Jumping out of your seat, you hugged your soul mate tightly as if you don’t want him to let go. No, you don’t want to lose someone like him. Someone who knows you so well like the favourite novel he reads again and again. Someone, whom you had relied on, had grown fond of, and who had always been there. YooChun, Park YooChun – the person that can’t be torn away from you, the person who became a part of you, you love him. You do.

“It’s okay now. Don’t cry anymore, Jae.” He patted your back assuringly and you tightened your embrace.

“I’ll wish you the best, Chun. I want to see you happy with the person you’re destined to be with”

And before YooChun could help it, he cried himself. He hugged you tighter and you both cried like it’s the end of the world.

You cried because you felt guilty, you were sorry and he cried because he was happy, for both of you, for everyone. And for the love he received.

But the love of the person who’s waiting for YooChun, who’s patiently wishing that YooChun would look his way is just out there. YooChun might have looked at his way but he overlooked something that the person has, what the person possessed and what he actually feels.

And that person deserves YooChun more than anyone else. And YooChun, he’s still to realize that he deserves that person as well.

*****

A/N: Yohoooo!! The (I dunno if this is much anticipated >.<) sequel of Wanna See You in a Wedding Dress :)) I hope this one is good too~ Comments are love <3