//

the second day.

it was meant to be a tease— a joke of some sort, when i said that i wanted to date her during her birthday live. it was supposed to be.  who knew a joke could turn real? was it even a joke to begin with at that point in time?

i pause the rerun of minjoo’s birthday vlive at the exact moment after i shamelessly claimed i wanted to date her, and with the absence of the sound from my phone, only the buzz-like whirling of the washing machine reverberates within this constricted four walls. 

within the paused frame, my eyes begin to study minjoo’s reaction. i feel my lips curl up to form a little smile. she looked so stunned, shaken with nervousness upon my ungodly ‘confession’ with her hand cupping as she grinned bashfully. i wonder what could have went through her head back then.

if i ever actually confess, would she react the same way? 

as if on cue, all of a sudden, i feel a sharp sting in my lungs. it was the same feeling as yesterday, it came as fast as lightning and for a moment, i couldn’t breathe. it practically felt like someone had abruptly cut off my oxygen supply, completely hindering my breathing. something is stifling my airways, and to my sheer dismay, i ended up spitting out a single bloom.

here it sits, on the palm of my hand, a lone daffodil in its brightest hue of yellow comparable to that of the sun. the same petal i coughed up last night. 

i humourlessly chuckle to myself, my eyes boring into the damned flower in my hand feeling indignant.

ah... who am i kidding. i instantly push those dull-witted thoughts away. why do i even bother asking myself that brainless question? i’m here coughing up flowers and i had the audacity to think about confessing when minjoo clearly doesn’t feel the same way? 

120 days, i had approximately 120 days. yesterday counts as the first and today is the second... i suddenly have the urge to check the calendar on my phone, so i did.

i swipe and swipe, recounting the days several times just to be certain... but i keep getting the same date, same day. i shake my head in frustration, wanting to recount one last time, hoping so badly it wouldn’t end up giving me the same results as i’ve gotten... but tough luck.

real ing tough luck... i inhale sharply as i shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. i place my elbows on the washing machine as i lean forward, running a hand through my hair in vexation. 

murderous flowers manifesting in my lungs is one problem per se, but having our group’s first anniversary as the day i’ll release my final breath? that’s beyond bloody cruel. hell, as if our own group’s ticking time isn’t enough.

at this rate, i could barely think straight. would i still be alive until then? i scoff. stupid, i’ll die before october 29 comes. 

without warning, the door behind me slides open and i briskly crush the frail petal in my hand before tossing it into the small bin beside the machine in panic. 

“kkura unnie? are you alright?” 

, not her. out of all the members... her? looks like i’m going to die faster than i thought.

i lean my back against the machine, trying to keep my composure with a thin smile plastered on my lips. she’s standing at the doorway while giving me a worried look, how pure...

“m-minjoo... when did you get here?” i cleared my throat lightly, hoping to calm my erratic heart. 

i’m not about to get caught now, especially not by the root of my blooming.

she glances back — to look at the chaos ensuing in the living room maybe — before turning back to me with a subtle smile. 

“just a few seconds ago. eunbi unnie brought breakfast over, she wanted to share a new recipe.” minjoo uttered, jerking a thumb behind her. 

“oh really? that’s great.“ i replied, grimacing internally when my response sounded stiff with barely any hint of enthusiasm.

if she sensed my stiffness, she’s doing a good job at hiding it because she didn’t seem to pry about it. (which i’m extremely relieved of.) instead, she walks closer to me with that pretty smile of hers before taking my hand in hers, pulling me towards the rowdy living room where the other members are at.

“i bet you’d like it, unnie. it’s going to be your new favourite next to yukhoe.” 

“hm... i doubt so. yukhoe is god level for me.”

“okay, now you’re just doubting eunbi unnie’s cooking skills.”