This story is dedicated to my good friend and fellow fic writer Tessriel

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

It was a mild evening of May, and the sun hadn't completely set yet.

She was leaning on the balcony's handrail at Chorong's place.

Behind the glass, she could see her friends still playing a card game, her host's puppy happily going round in circles between their legs. Laughters got lost in the triple glazing and she turned back to look at the view.

 

The company was nice, the moment peaceful, and yet, as it often happened these days, she'd felt the need to isolate herself for a minute and take a bit of fresh air.

She inhaled deeply. She had no trouble picturing herself spending the rest of the night here alone... until someone unlatched the door and came to lean next to her.

She smiled at her friend and, for a while, it was enough. No words were needed.

Still, she was the first to break the silence.

 

'Do you feel old sometimes?'

'Sure,' Chorong nodded, 'every morning when I wake up and realise my lower back hurts like hell... and everytime I start stretching right after that and understand that never again will I reach the level of flexibility I had ten or 15 years ago.'

'You're depressing'.

'You asked for it!' she chuckled, 'Gotta get it in your head Yongsun, we'll never be 22 again... but at least, you guys are still active.'

 

She'd added the last part in a whisper, but it hadn't escaped her friend's attention.

There was something there, like a bittersweet aftertaste.

 

22, uh?

She had been 22, that was right.

She was 22 when she became a trainee and when time started running faster. Would she sound like Chorong in a few years, while having a chat with a friend, or sharing some advice with her juniors? “But at least, you guys are still active”.

 

Her phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans and she had to frown at the screen for a split second to get used to the sudden brightness.

 

'Bad news?' Chorong asked, almost immediately.

'No,' she shook her head, beaming at the screen, 'Not at all. It's Wheein; she says: “Yongsunnie, don't be late tomorrow or I'll be miserable, kuku”.'

'Oh, right. You guys are helping her pack up, right?'

'Yes. Hopefully, it won't take more than the four of us, Ggomo, and a day.'

 

She shoved the phone back in her pocket and looked at the sea of rooftops that was stretching from the balcony to the horizon. Her gaze got snatched by the soft blue glow of Namsan tower's pillar and she sighed contentedly.

 

'Anyway, ten years!' she gave a light tap on Chorong's shoulder blade, 'C'mon, that's something we soon will both be able to brag about. Let's celebrate when I finally catch up to you.'

 

She held out her arm and both women shook hands in agreement.

 

'Deal!... Now let's get back inside, they want to watch The Conjuring 4.'

'Ooh, sounds perfect to me!'

 

At last, they linked arms and, in a burst of laughter, disappeared behind the picture window.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

'That... was a stupid idea!'

'Well,' a young man panted, 'with all due respect noona, that was your idea all along.'

'Thank you, Geonhak, I'm aware!'

 

They were trying to catch their breath after a 30 minute run up and down the stairs of Namsan park, and she felt the need to lean on a tree nearby to avoid coughing her lungs up straight away.

 

'You're okay?' Geonhak eventually asked, looking perfectly fresh and rested after only a two minute break.

'I'll... be fine,' she lied, gasping loudly, 'but Daebak looks like he's about to pass out, somehow.'

 

They both stared at the dog at the end of his leash as he slumped on the ground, the extra fat on his sides cushioning the fall. She couldn't refrain a growl.

 

'Daebakie, honey, I'm sorry but... you make me feel so sad right now.'

 

The dog didn't even bother raising an ear. He was done for the day. Actually, he was done for the whole month!

 

'Look at you!' she marked a pause; the rest only came out in a murmur, 'You're not even that old.'

 

Her junior offered to take a longer break, which she gladly accepted. He handed her his flask and a bag of sweet rice crackers.

 

'You know,' he hesitated, 'if ever you wanted to change our routine, that'd be totally fine by me. I could go for runs on my own, and go with you to the gym more often instead. I'm also okay with Pilates, my back muscles have been feeling sore lately... I could take Daebak out when I go running too.'

'Is this the moment when you bury me alive?'

 

He glanced away with a pout and started mumbling something partially inaudible. All she got from it was “unfair”, “Yongsun-noona” and “scolding me again”.

 

'Look,' she started, amused by his reaction, 'I'm grateful for the fact that you've been such a faithful workout buddy all this time, but I don't want to become a burden if you want to quicken your pace.'

'It's not–'

'As a matter of fact, yes, I'm finding more and more difficult to keep up with our routine. Yongsun knows it, that's why she probably asked you to take it easy with me.'

'But then,' he asked, looking confused, 'why didn't you say so?'

'That's–'

 

She felt the heat creep up her neck and her lips start twitching nervously.

At some point, she decided to stop fighting and simply sighed her frustration out.

I guess some things never change.

 

'I couldn't. I sometimes fail to convey what's on my mind, especially if I feel like it's going to cause a nuisance.'

'Noona,' he shook his head, 'how long have we been friends?'

'Uh, do you expect me to remember that? You were barely out of school when we met.'

'Exactly. You don't need to walk on eggshells with me.'

 

She smiled at the image.

What was it with the kids lately?

It hadn't even been a couple of days since Wheein had confronted her for the exact same thing.

Somehow, she'd expected time to make her wiser, or just more relaxed when it came to expressing herself. But growing confidence on certain aspects didn't mean she'd stop being a coward in other situations.

And Wheein, who had always been the quietest, and for whom it was so unlikely to come at her for that particular issue, had been so adamant: it was more than time she felt ready to dive in.

 

'You guys all grow up too fas–'

 

She was cut off by the first notes of “Love & Hate”, –now that she thought about it, the fact that she hadn't changed her ringtone in all these years seemed odd–, and she picked up.

 

'Yong?'

 

She glanced at Geonhak, but the latter had already stepped away to give her the privacy she hadn't even asked for... and scratch the fluffy (and bounced) belly of an ecstatic Moon Daebak.

 

'Yeah, I'm in the park with Geonhak and Daebakie.'

'No, unnie,' she sighed, 'I didn't “lose a bone pretending to look young”... And that's so mean!'

 

She heard a crystalline laughter coming from her phone and couldn't help but join in.

 

'So,' she said after calming down, 'how's the horror party going?'

'The Conjuring? Well, I'm glad you'll be grinding somebody else's hand for once, mine needs a rest.'

'Um? Tomorrow?… No, no, I haven't forgotten, of course. I'll just pick Hyegi up at the company and we can all meet at Wheein's place after that.'

'Fine... yes. Yes, I'll bring breakfast. It's my turn anyway.'

'The gift?… No I know we mentioned it. I just... I don't know. She said she didn't want anything.'

'Okay. Yeah, I'll do that.'

 

There was a comfortable silence, but then she heard the sound of broken glass, followed by sputters. She felt her heart rate pace up slightly.

 

'Unnie? Are you okay?'

'Oh. I see...,' her face darkened, 'But please, remember not to drink too much.'

'Well,' she added with a chuckle, 'in your case, grandma, not to drink at all.'

 

She moved the phone away from her ear just for the time Yongsun needed to protest, grousing at her in a high-pitched voice. She'd never grow tired of teasing the older girl. She could perfectly picture her pouting face at this instant and she just loved the fact that this kind of thing still worked after all these years.

 

'Alright Yong,' she eventually said, her tone softening, 'you've got a film to watch. Don't make your friends wait.'

'Yes, I'll see you and the kids tomorrow.'

'Bye.'

 

She hung up and went back to where Geonhak had stopped.

 

'So, you're going to help Wheein-noona tomorrow?... Sorry,' he added almost immediately, 'I didn't mean to overhear. But if you need an extra hand, I'm available; only Hwanwoong has had schedule lately.'

'Don't worry,' she said, crouching down to scratch Daebak behind the ear, '...actually, the girls and I kinda want to do this on our own.'

 

Her gaze focused on a point just above the dog's nose. She knew that if she looked at her friend, she might start to feel a little heartache.

 

'Ten years, uh?'

 

She gulped down. This wasn't helping.

 

'Yes.'

 

He mentally slapped himself, realising he'd made her uncomfortable, but soon felt relieved when he noticed the soft smile stretching on her lips.

 

'Ten wonderful, delightful, meaningful years,' she whispered.

 

When she finally looked up at him, the tension had vanished. She looked at ease again.

 

'Ow,' she winced, rising up on her feet, 'come on now, let's go stretch before I do lose a bone.'

 

He jokingly promised to carry her if she collapsed, and after she'd punched him for that, they made their way to the nearest exit, Daebakie and his protruding tongue on their heels.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

She couldn't believe that she'd fallen asleep in a chair at the company just like that... It was what old men did in cinemas or libraries, not 30 year-old women in the prime of their lives! And now, on top of that, her back hurt, obviously.

Talk about prime, uh!

She stretched her arms and tried to put herself in a more comfortable position, but it was too late: it would feel sore all day.

 

She exhaled, embarrassed by her own decision, and looked around the room she'd spent the night in. It had been a while since she'd had a meeting in their old headquarters in Jangang-dong. Sure, the Gangnam buildings were modern, well-designed, and bigger, but they didn't give off the same kind of energy. Somehow, they had a different vibe.

 

Her gaze shifted to the clock on the wall, behind a row of tables that had been pushed back for whatever reason.

6 a.m.

She had gone to sleep around one, and she had another very quick schedule in 45 minutes to finish discussing the production and marketing details of her soon to be released second album. Hopefully, she'd be granted a nice cup of coffee and Park Woosang would've brought her a pack of delicious home-made biscuits or crackers.

 

She was technically supposed to have breakfast at Wheein's later on that morning, but it wasn't like the girls would know. And even if they did, it wasn't like she'd let them protest anyway. If she was hungry, then she would have food.

She rubbed her sleepy eyes and decided to head to the lounge.

 

She remembered the heaviness of her first days in Seoul. Being hungry, being scared... feeling too small in the big city. Every night when she picked up the phone, she knew she'd have to try and say she was fine despite feeling lonely. She didn't want to worry them. She even had to lie to her uncle at the time: “I'm okay,” she'd say, “I'm with Wheein, we can make it anywhere.”

 

We had to make it anyway.

She had made a promise to her dad, that no matter what, she'd make it big in the music industry. She would make them proud, they'd see. No need for degrees, or unnecessary tuition fees. Overall, what she needed was just time...

And so, every once in a while, when crashing at her uncle's place with Wheein, she would hide their hardships and hype the little things that made them feel slightly better.

Were they proud now? Her dad, her mom, her sisters... and, wherever he was now, him?

Because, as for her, she really was. She couldn't be prouder.

 

She took on her left, her fingers following the groove in the wall.

How many times had they passed by that very corridor along the years? Playing tag, pulling pranks on each other, running away from their managers and CEOs...

 

'The next door on the right,' she heard herself say, 'is where Wheein and Yongsun-unnie recorded their cover of UV's “No Cool, I'm Sorry”.'

'Then, if I take on the right, I'll end up in the dance room where we had our first audition as a full group.'

'And if I push this door...'

 

She didn't finish her sentence; instead, she just decided to go for it and made her way into the room. Their room.

 

They hadn't touched the sofa made of leatherette, and some of the posters from their first eras were still hung up there too. But obviously, with time, other groups had come and gone, and the room had changed accordingly.

 

She spotted a tiny piece of paper on the right side of the desk, near the cupboard where they used to store their ideas for potential lyrics.

It read “Congrats on achieving first place!! You're the Best!” and someone had drawn a cute beagle holding a radish in its mouth right below it. Strangely, she had no memory of whom had made it, nor of whom had put it there in the first place, but it made her smile in fondness.

 

There had been so many people showing them nothing but support. So much love had been thrown their way and had helped her realise the things they had done. A love so strong and true it had made them put all the negativity aside. The bad comments, the press, the “scandals”, blown away.

Years had went by in a flash, and still, they'd been felt intensely.

 

'It feels like we ran a long journey,' she whispered, nodding at the note.

 

The door behind her opened sharply and she jumped in surprise.

 

'Hyejin,' the man who had burst in said, 'I didn't know you were here.'

'Daepyo-nim... I'm sorry, I was on my way to the meeting room but... something here drew me in.'

'A ghost?' Kim Do Hoon asked, quirking an eyebrow.

'No... Actually, maybe yes,' she admitted with a crooked smile.

'We may have bumped into the same one then,' her CEO said in a chuckle.

 

He took a look around the room and came to sit on the sofa. Then, smiling at her, he patted the spot next to him and she had to roll her eyes at his goofiness... Or maybe she did that because she didn't want to show the stinging feeling that was starting to overcome her.

 

'Hyejin,' he started once she'd sat down, 'Do you still remember the day when I threatened to kick you out because you obstinately refused to listen to me?'

'Yes,' she laughed, 'I tried my best to apologise to you in an email after that, but the only words that came to me were clearly not the ones people think about sending in such situations.'

'True... but I think that's when I knew,' he said, staring at a poster that had been made for her “Twit” promos, 'I knew you'd be unstoppable. I knew you would put them all to shame, someday.'

 

She could tell that she was blushing slightly, but she didn't try to hide it from him.

For a moment there, they kept gazing at the walls, silent and thoughtful.

 

'Y'know,' he finally said, 'I come to this room everytime I stop by our old building.'

'Do you miss it here?'

'Yes, sometimes,' he nodded, 'and at the same time, not really.'

 

He pointed at the posters again with a very satisfied smile.

 

'Because I know that what we've built here is bigger and stronger than walls, windows and doors.'

 

She lowered her head, finding her feet very interesting all of a sudden, but Kim Do Hoon tilted her chin up.

 

'And I hope you know it too.'

 

She did.

Of course she did. She could see it fully: the line that went from fierce little Hyejin who dreamt of standing alone on a big stage to prove herself to the world... to grown-up Hyejin who'd found peace in singing her heart out hands in hands with her best friends.

 

'Making music diligently,' she recalled, 'that was our only wish.'

'I know.'

'We worked very hard for it.'

'I know.'

'I'm glad and grateful that each day was spent meaningfully.'

 

He gave her an affectionate tap on the shoulder, stood up and held out a hand for her to seize.

 

'Now, come on. Let's keep on making good music together, as we've always done.'

'Aye, aye,' she said with a teasing smile, taking his hand, 'lead the way, old man.'

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

She would always remember the little things that were never supposed to matter much.

 

Like when they used to wake up in the middle of the night, overwhelmed by the bugs and the noisy neighbours they'd never met... but absolutely didn't feel like meeting.

They would head out, out of this mess, straight to the rooftop, and screech at the top of their lungs, covering the cries of drama and taking the weight off their backs, even just a little.

And this infuriating light from outside the window!

She had almost forgotten that they couldn't afford blinds back then...

She used not to care. It wasn't even her house to begin with; she was young; she had other concerns, and a better health too.

 

She wished she could still not care, of course, but the first thing she did when coming home now was to close the blinds, shut all the lights and get away from any visual nuisance.

With age, somehow, living in the dark didn't seem as scary as it once had been.

She didn't cry as easily; talking about herself was a bit less hard... but she still didn't mind making herself small whenever she could.

 

She sat up on the couch where she had lain for a break, grabbed the remote that was getting lonely on the coffee table, and the AC.

A little too strong maybe; she could feel the cold against her collarbone.

 

Another scrap of time fell behind her eyes and she gave a faint smile.

She was back to their Summer days, when they avoided the house and stayed out until three or four in the morning. She could picture the cycling paths and the ironwork benches near the playground. They would come here at night to lie down on the grass of the embankments in Hangang Bridge's surroundings.

 

'We still have some time left,' Hyejin would say when one of them suggested they should go back, 'we're only half a mile away from the station.'

 

She let out a discrete giggle; they'd arrived so late at the company that day. And it wasn't their first time at that! She remembered the look on their CEO's face as he had seen them come in.

Stern behind his roundish glasses, the complete opposite of his colleague, who was all smiling eyes and nonchalant attitude, he had firmly scolded them, taking Yongsun apart for dragging all the other three into it.

 

Tracing her steps back to the changing room later that day, she'd overheard a conversation between the two men.

 

'Come on, Jinwoo,' Kim Do Hoon had said, 'we both know whose idea it was. You could've gone a little easier on her.'

'She's supposed to guide them,' he had argued, 'or at least, contain their impulses.'

'Give her time, she's still finding her marks with them. Her and Byulyi are finally on the same page, –well, kind of–, but... you know Yongsun, she struggles when it comes to the youngest.'

 

 

She lay down on the couch once more, staring at the grid on the ceiling, thoughtfully.

 

'She did struggle,' she said aloud, almost unconsciously.

'Who struggled with what?' a familiar voice asked, as its owner entered the living room and made her way to where she was lying, before giving a gentle tap on her legs, 'Wheein-ah, legs!'

 

Wheein exhaled loudly, feigning exasperation, but raised both legs almost immediately to let Hyejin sit... and put them back down again on her lap.

 

'Yongsun-unnie,' she explained, 'she struggled with us.'

'Well, we behaved like little brats all the time.'

'That's not what I meant,' she said, giving a snort of amusement, 'and you were a brat, always doing whatever you wanted.' She marked a dramatic pause, filling up her chest, 'I was an exemplary kid.'

'Aw, but of course you were, obedient small Wheein,' Hyejin said, patting her friend's head, causing her to snarl and bark in return.

 

As they started fighting playfully, they failed to notice the annoyed and questioning face that had appeared in the doorway.

 

'Hyejin,' the newcomer said, entering the room with a bunch of large folded cardboard boxes in her arms, 'put the cushion down, let shorty breathe!'

 

Upon hearing the nickname, Wheein let her head poke out from behind said cushion.

 

'Shorty?'

'I'm innocent,' Hyejin replied quickly in a very monotonous voice, dropping the cushion squarely on Wheein's face.

'Hyejin!' she shouted, even though the sound got muffled down by the object, 'That hurt!'

'Did it?' the younger girl asked with a smirk.

'Hyejin-ah, stop it,' Byulyi said firmly, closing the distance that separated her from them, 'you're doing it all wrong.'

'Pardon?' Wheein asked, slightly worried about what was coming.

 

In a flash, Byulyi was on top of her.

Having mutated into a tickling monster, she was showing no mercy to the poor Wheein who was squirming, screaming, and laughing to tears, while Hyejin the traitor, despite having literally zero strength in her arms, was doing her best to keep her feet pinned down to the couch.

The whole thing resulted into a loud and entangled mess which main effect had been to scare the hell out of Ggomo. Eventually, the latter decided it was best for him to leave the scene for a while, but not without a final yowling in the direction of the killjoys.

 

'What are you doing?' someone asked, putting an end to their nonsense.

 

The three losers froze at once, having recognised the tone that meant they were in big trouble. Cold sweat started running down Byulyi's temple and, from the corner of her eye, she saw Wheein gulp down. None of them dared move a toe.

 

'Unnie,' Byulyi finally said timidly, 'You were there?'

'What the hell, Byul-ah, I was always here. I arrived here before anyone else did.'

'I–I live here,' Wheein tried, before shrinking as much as she could under Yongsun's deadly look.

'I was in your living room before you even woke up!'

 

Hyejin snorted, but regretted it almost as immediately when she saw the oldest girl's face. She was really too scary when she was pissed.

 

'You even managed to traumatise the cat, I swear... Now, all of you, shush and get back to work!'

'Yes, Ma'am!' they sang in unison.

'And don't harmonise when I'm scolding you!'

'No, Ma'am!'

 

Yongsun sighed and judged preferable to go back to the kitchen where she'd been busy packing the plates and bowls when her friends' racket had interrupted her thoughts.

She was ready to let herself be engrossed by her task again when she realised she'd been followed.

 

'Wheein-ah?' she asked, her voice much softer than what it had been a minute ago, 'What is it?'

 

But the younger girl didn't answer straight away. Instead, she simply came closer, stood on the tip of her toes, and gave her a warm –and a tiny bit awkward– hug.

 

'I'm sorry. Thank you for your help,' she whispered.

 

She then ran back to the living room as fast as she could, squealing in embarrassment, and leaving Yongsun both confused and delighted for a while before she could focus on the crockery again.

 

 

When she came back to the living room after having battled for a good 45 minutes against a set of ceramic pots and as many meters of bubble wrap, she found the other girls busy and silent, each at a different corner of the room.

The sight sent a wave of affection to her heart: they looked so cute when they were this quiet and focused.

 

'Ah, unnie, can you put the albums in the grey box, please?' Wheein asked, as she was herself trying to gather all her books of poetry in a single spot.

'Roger!' Byulyi said, handling the items with extreme caution, as if she were cradling a baby, 'Here it is, old friends,' she started solemnly, 'The final journey... and down in oblivion you go!'

 

Wheein rolled her eyes. The older girl was almost caressing the albums now.

 

'Don't you think you're being a little dramatic here?'

'Absolutely not! Look at these colours, see how they compliment each other. Harmony, perfection, genius! And what are you willing to do with such glory? Locking it up between mediocre pieces of cardboard! You know what Wheein-ah? Your attitude devastates me.'

'Sure, absolutely gorgeous. A revolting treatment. Bad Wheeinie. Why did she think protecting them from the dust mattered? Ridiculous!'

 

Byulyi looked away with an over-exaggerated “humph!” and Wheein couldn't refrain a laughter.

 

'Put the glory inside the box, unnie, please,' she asked as she swiftly headed to the bedroom to find some more tape.

 

When she came back, the albums hadn't left their spot on the floor and Byulyi was looking like she had turned to stone with the empty box open in between her legs. Behind her, both hands resting on Byulyi's shoulders, Yongsun had put on a similar expression. To Wheein's surprise, even Hyejin had stopped rummaging through the wardrobe to come closer and take a look at what had caused their souls to suddenly leave their bodies.

 

'Alright,' the smallest girl chuckled, 'what are you guys do–'

'I never thought I'd get to see this pic again,' Byulyi whispered, and her voice sounded quite distant all of a sudden.

'What pi– Oh. This...'

 

Wheein came to sit down next to her and Byulyi handed her the picture. Eventually, they all sat in circle around the empty box and the piles of albums.

 

'I didn't know you had printed it out,' Yongsun said.

'Um, our manager took it with my phone, and I felt like I wanted it to exist... well, physically, you know?' Wheein passed her thumb on the smiling faces and scoffed lightly, 'It's silly, I completely forgot I'd stored it here.'

'Damn girl... you were young,' Byulyi teased with a fake pained face.

'Excuse me? Have you seen your bangs!'

 

Byulyi laughed as the younger girl tried to punch her, maintaining her wrists firmly to avoid her weak blows.

 

'Seriously though,' Yongsun continued, 'what was it with me constantly doing this pose? Did I think it was cool or something?'

'Probably,' Wheein chuckled, 'And as always back then, you looked like you were the youngest, and Hyejin… Okay, what on earth were you doing?'

 

In turn, Hyejin took the picture, frowned at it as she always did when she was trying to remember, despite knowing she had a terrible memory, then just gave up, shrugged and passed it on again.

 

'Meh, whatever I pleased, I guess.'

 

They flipped the picture over.

 

'Wow, look. It was taken a month before our debut.'

 

Byulyi's eyes shifted from the date to the albums, and to the date again. She felt like the room had gotten a bit chilly all of a sudden and wiggled her toes nervously. It only took Yongsun a second to notice, then one more to come place a hand on her back and start drawing circles along her spine.

Wheein and Hyejin kept their eyes on the picture; they knew she'd feel more embarrassed if they all began to comfort her at once.

 

'Can you believe we made it this far?' Byulyi blurted, 'Sometimes, I wake up and I'm convinced I imagined it all. I can still see the chubby, quiet and nervous wreck in her plaid shirts, wishing to be her own person one day. Be seen... be heard.'

 

Wheein nodded, staring blankly at her feet, letting her imagination wander.

She only looked up again when she felt her best friend squeeze her arm, the smile Hyejin gave her putting an end to her daydream.

 

Of course, she could still picture something like this too.

Who better than her, Hyejin or Yongsun could understand? It had taken them so many years to learn about who they were, who they aimed to be and how they'd make it come true.

Now, looking at this pic, it seemed like they'd all grown into better versions of themselves. Each at their own pace, true, but as one still.

 

'It makes me think, Wheein-ah,' Byulyi started, and everyone could see now the dried up tear at the corner of her eye, 'we've prepared something for you.'

 

'You what now?'

 

She looked at the three of them, one after the other, and at how they shared a knowing smile as Byulyi was pulling out what looked like a handmade photo album.

 

'Actually,' Hyejin corrected, 'it's us plus a bunch of other people. Family...'

'… friends from the staff,' Yongsun went on.

'… and many more,' Byulyi finished, handing her the album.

 

Wheein took it, but then, she kind of just froze and stared at it, feeling strange.

 

'Well, open it silly!'

 

She browsed through the album, each page bringing up recollections and pieces of time, sometimes deeply buried, or genuinely forgotten. They shared exclamations of surprise, “Oohs” and “Aahs”, laughs and nudges, coming across all these pics and nice little words.

 

The last two pages had been left blank on purpose. The one on the left read “May 2024 – Wheein’s Move”, and the one on the right “June 2024 – Our Encore Concert”.

 

‘You guys,’ she started, emotions choking her up, ‘What happened to my “no unnecessary gifts and heavy hearts” request?’

‘It just went down the drain,’ Hyejin said without an ounce of hesitation, causing a general fit of laughter.

 

At some point, they couldn’t really tell if the tears they shed were of joy or sorrow, but they were grateful to be together to share this moment.

When they calmed down, Byulyi grabbed her Polaroid camera and they tried to pack against each other as tightly as possible.

 

'Ready?' she asked, her face slightly pressed between Yongsun's chubby cheeks and Wheein's ears.

'Ready!'

'1, 2, 3, Mamamoo!'

 

It had become a habit of theirs to take group selcas like this. Most of the time, it made them look like they were blowing kisses at the camera, which they'd found perfectly ridiculous at first, but had now truly learnt to appreciate.

 

 

'Now, there's just one page left,' Wheein said, rubbing her fingers on the paper after they had stuck the new picture in.

'Yeah... one page,' Yongsun's voice died out in the air.

 

She didn't know if what she felt was pride or melancholy, or a bit of both, but it wasn't the moment to ponder on uneasy feelings and thoughts, so she discarded them almost as soon as they'd come.

 

'But to many more in the future,' she added, before slapping her own knees, 'Alright! Up, up, up! Let's finish here and go eat. I'm starving!'

 

 

Once everything was packed and sealed in cardboard boxes and the removal men were ready to take over, they decided to call it a day and go out for an early dinner at their favourite BBQ restaurant.

 

 

‘Wheein-ah?’ Hyejin called, noticing that her friend was staying behind as they were heading out, Byulyi holding a very sleepy Ggomo in her arms and Yongsun trying to make her way through the door without dropping the little guy’s travelling bag.

‘Can you… give me a minute, please? I just want to… you know.’

‘Sure,’ she took her hand, gave it a squeeze, and just before she left, leaned forward and left a light kiss on her temple, ‘I’ll tell the removal men to give you some time. We’ll be waiting downstairs.’

‘Um. Thanks.’

 

She closed the door behind her, leaving Wheein alone in the empty entrance hall.

If she had voiced out her feelings then, they probably would've echoed against the walls.

 

She had never thought she'd be the first to move away from Seoul. Actually, she had never thought she'd ever move from Seoul.

It was still too soon to say if it’d be a long-term prospect or not, but she’d figure it out. She’d have so much time to think about what to do, with whom to work, where, and how. Right now, she felt like they could all benefit some nice long holidays.

She wanted to take it slow, get used to the moment again and grow as things went.

Later that year, she had a few solo schedules planned already. Hopefully, she’ll also find the time to start up her workshop gallery in Jeonju.

 

With a very last look around the apartment, she took a deep breath in and pulled her head back.

 

'Goodbye, goodbye... until the day we meet again.'

 

Her smile couldn't have been any brighter.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

She was running down the staircase to join the moving platform below the stage.

As usual, her make-up had taken the longest to finish and, as usual, she hated the idea of the show starting late because of her.

 

Taking on her left, she had expected her members to all be in position already, under their respective corner of the big stage above. But in fact, they were right there, at the entrance of the small passages that led to the stage lifts, waiting for her.

The moment she arrived, a manager ran past them, saying that they'd probably need an extra seven minutes to fix a minor drum problem.

 

She didn't know if it was out of relief or out of breath, but upon hearing this, Hyejin allowed herself a sigh.

 

'Nervous?'

'You bet I am!' she exclaimed, 'I always worry about starting late. It kinda throws me back... you guys remember Paris, four years ago?'

 

They nodded firmly.

 

'Our first World Tour...,' Byulyi began.

'Wheeinie had managed to get locked up in the changing room's closet!'

'Oh my, don't remind me, I was so worried I'd never make it out of there!'

'And I was terrified you'd never make it out of there!' the youngest girl added.

'Agreed, it was horrible... but this, right now, is the scariest,' Byulyi went on.

'Scarier than the creep who followed us to our hotel rooms in Manila,' Wheein recalled.

'Scarier than the turbulences on the plane to Toronto,' Hyejin realised.

'Scarier than slipping on the stage in Rio,' Yongsun said, rubbing her waist at the memory of the painful mishap.

 

A short silence followed, during which the other three threw doubtful looks at each other.

 

'Okay, maybe not that one,' Byulyi admitted, 'but this is definitely the scariest I've felt in a while just before coming up on stage.'

 

'Four minutes!' a voice shouted from up the staircase.

 

'But you know, girls,' the eldest spoke, 'all these years, we've had tons and tons of encore stages. We've even performed “Um Oh Ah Yeah” more times than I can count, to the point that it's almost become automatic by now... There's nothing to be afraid of!'

 

Wheein seemed to hesitate.

 

'But it is different, isn't it? It's the last time, there isn't going to be another encore stage after tonight. When today's over, tomorrow will never be the same again.'

'True, it's different,' Byulyi agreed, thoughtfully, 'And at the same time... it's not.'

'She's right,' Yongsun said, 'For us, it'll never exactly be the last stage.'

 

All eyes were on her now. She'd managed to catch their attention in the bat of an eye, somehow, and it reminded her of the old days, when she was still groping her way through the dark as their leader. She smiled at them.

 

'We don't need to be bandmates to be good mates. We don't need a contract to stipulate that we were born to be together and that we are one. So please, my dear members, when we're old and grey and no one wants to see our faces on a screen anymore... let's still be the good friends that we are now.'

 

No one talked, no one answered.

There was no need to underline the obvious. Eyes, smiles and silences, sometimes, are more than enough.

Someone in the distance announced “Two minutes!” and they tightened their circle into their usual group hug. The one they'd made on the day they'd debuted; the one they'd made on the day of their first win. Ten years of hard-work and one shared promise had come down to this very instant.

When they pulled back, Yongsun held out a hand.

 

'Leggo?'

 

The other three approved as one, and joined their hands upon hers.

 

'1, 2, 3... Uh-ee!'

 

Quickly, they headed towards the lifts and, sharing a wink, took position.

At last, it was time again: show time!

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Long ago, they wanted me to feel like a 4 out of 10.

That wasn't my opinion, of course... but the confidence people envy in me wasn't born in the blink of an eye. I too, needed a lot of help and encouragements. I too, needed to hear that it was going to be alright. If we hadn't found each other, I don't think I could've made it the way I did. If I could wind back the clock, I wouldn't have it any differently. I feel calm now.

 

 

 

This is where I learnt to walk. On a stage like this.

I always needed a clutch before them and somehow, with time, they filled that role too. The quiet, essential and intimate wholeness of this friendship is what had me pull through for so long. As a teen, at 25, or even now... Yesterday was a leap of faith, just as tomorrow will be. I'm happy to be by their side as I try to fly on my own.

 

 

 

Will my life be okay without you? No, of course not.

But it's not like my life will ever have to be without you. I used to be lost, I used to be terrified, I wanted to be a bit more selfish. Sometimes, I'm still anxious, foolish, unsure. Worse, sometimes, I'm all of these at once! But lonely? Not a chance. We were born as friends, have grown up as friends, and will die as friends. No doubt about it.

 

 

 

We're a bunch of strange people. Bandmates? Soulmates.

I've spent many years wondering if this was for me, if I wasn't too late, if I was the right person to assume responsibility for all of us. These moments when I blamed you, these moments when I felt so proud I feared my chest might burst. However long the road, it was, is, and will be my pleasure to guide you. Goodbye Mamamoo, hello to us again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

___________

 

Heyo!

Writing this oneshot has been one of the most enjoyable things I've done lately. When I needed a break from Erased, it helped motivate me again, and I'm grateful to mamamoofic for providing the prompt and for letting me enter this ficfest. Hopefully, they'll upload what the other writers did for this round, because I'm really curious about it.

Anyway, there are many many details in this oneshot that refer to interviews, shows, songs, etc. that Mamamoo did. To words they said too, because I wanted to be as faithful as possible to their personalities and "thoughts" (even though I obviously cannot be in their head). And you know me by now (I mean, if you've read my other stuff), I like open endings and the uncertainty of what the future may bring. So I guess this story fits that too.

Let me know what you thought of it :)