*Hyejoo POV*

'Hyejoo-yah!' I quickly pause the game I've been playing and free one of my ears from my headphones. Turning my head, there she is.

'Yes, unnie?' She smiles sweetly at me and points at the hallway behind her. 'Dinner is ready.' I raise my eyebrow at her playfully.

'Don't give me that look. I just heated up some food Jiwoo-unnie brought by earlier.' I smile and quickly save my game before shutting my computer off and getting up. Stretching my limbs, I walk towards Chaewon.

'I was worried for a moment I'd have to break out the fire extinguisher again.' A playful slap to my arm makes me chuckle. She pouts playfully, making my heart skip a beat. How adorable.

'Shut up and come on before it gets cold.' She drags me out of my room and into the kitchen. Sitting down together, we end up feeding each other and teasing as we eat. I love how comfortable I am with her.

I freeze for a moment at that thought. Shaking my head and blinking it away, I drink some juice to calm myself.

We clean up the table and decide to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie together before bed. It was still early so we could still sleep on time to get up for classes tomorrow. 

* * *

As the movie ends, I notice Chaewon feel heavier against me. Soft snores confirm my suspicions as I turn off the TV and turn to carefully pick her up. 

She wraps her arms around my neck. I can't help but nuzzle against her hair, she smells so sweet. Walking her into her room, I set her down gently on her bed and cover her with her blanket.

Before I can leave, her hand gently clings to my sleeve. 'Hyejoo-yah...' Her voice is even smaller than usual when she's sleepy.

'You need to sleep, unnie.' She nods and tugs at my sleeve. 'Thank you...'

Chuckling lowly, I remove her hand from my sleeve and tuck her in properly. 'Goodnight, unnie.'

'Goodnight, Hye...I love you...'

A cold chill runs up my spine. We've been friends and roommates for a year now. She said I love you before, a million times.

But before, I didn't realise I might like her than more as just a friend.

What's wrong with me? Chaewon would never see me in that way.

I quickly run to my room and turn on my computer. Playing games should distract me, help me forget.

* * *

'Hyejoo.' 

I rub my eyes, lifting my head up from the book in my lap. 'Sooyoung-unnie?' With a deep sigh, she sits next to me against the tree.

'Why have you been avoiding Chae?' I squeeze my eyes shut, tightening my grip on the book. 

Looking down, I mumble softly. 'I'm not avoiding her. I've been busy with school work.' A lie. I've told so many lies this past week, to avoid Chaewon-unnie... I can't get over the fact that she'll never tell me she loves me the way I want her to... The way I love her.

'Then explain to me why my girlfriend called me 5 minutes ago in a panic, saying that Chaewon is at our house crying because she misses you and doesn't know what she did wrong?' 

My heart falters and drops in my chest. I turn to Sooyoung-unnie, eyes wide. 'Crying?'

It's not true, tell me I've been lied to
Cryin' isn't like you

She nods and my heart breaks. I made her cry? She's crying because of me?

I angrily throw my book in my backpack, pulling my knees up against my chest. Angrily staring over my knees at the grassy fields ahead, I feel an arm wrap around me.

What the hell did I do?

'What's going on, kid?' I sigh. I can't lie to Sooyoung-unnie. Maybe she can help? Would she even understand?

'She said she loves me...' I glance towards my side to watch her expression. A frown shows up on her face, confusion evident in her eyes. 

'She says that all the time though? And we say it back?' I feel tears pricking at my eyes. Vision blurring, I shake my head.

'I don't say it back.' She sighs and squeezes my arm. 'Yeh, but you're more of a closed-off person? What's going on, just tell me please.'

I take a deep breath and look up at the leaves of the tree above us as they sway in the wind. 

'I don't say it back. Because I can't say it with the same meaning...' 

One of the leaves gets ripped off with the wind, slowly making its way to the grass below. I turn to meet Sooyoung's eyes. A sad look of understanding overtakes her features and she pulls me into a tight hug.

'How long have you felt this way?' I cling to her tightly, now letting my tears fall freely.

Never been the type to
Let someone see right through

'I think I've always liked her as more than just friends... I just fully realised a month ago.' Sooyoung rubs my back comfortingly.

'Then why suddenly pull away now? What happened last week?' I sniffle and move away to rub my eyes.

'I carried her to bed after we watched a movie because she fell asleep. She was loopy and told me she loved me after I tucked her in... It just hit me so hard that no matter how often she tells me, it will never mean to her what I want it to...' I start sobbing again as Sooyoung-unnie tries to comfort me.

'You don't know that. And even if it is so, isn't it worth it to talk it through? You know just as well as me that Chae could never look at you badly. Either way, you won't lose her. But if you keep carrying this around, you'll only hurt more. And now Chae is hurting too and I know that's the last thing you wanted to happen.'

I take in her words, she's right. I've been such a coward.

'Will you take me to her?' A nod. A hand helping me up. I need to do this.

* * *

Walking into the house, I can hear Chaewon's soft sobs from the living room. My heart breaks again. I feel hot, my hands clammy. Sooyoung leads me into the living room, one hand on my shoulder to steady me. 

'You can do this.' I swallow thickly as the sobs become louder. 

There she is, wrapped in Jiwoo-unnie's arms on the couch, crying her heart out because of my cowardice.

'Chaewon-unnie?' My voice cracks a little as it breaks through the room. Her head instantly shoots up. She runs out of Jiwoo's arms and straight towards me.

Her small hands form fists, hitting me on the chest in frustration. Tear streaks run down her face.

'Where have you been?! Why have you been avoiding me?! Do you have any idea how much I missed you?!' My heart skips a beat. She never fails to make me feel this way.

I reach forward and grab her wrists, stopping her assault. 'I'm here.'

She starts sobbing again, this time falling against my chest as I wrap my arms around her tightly. Whispering soft apologies into her hair as she cries, I notice Sooyoung-unnie and Jiwoo-unnie look at us contently. Sooyoung takes Jiwoo's hand and guides her out, shooting me one last understanding nod.

I sigh and lead Chaewon back to the couch, setting her down and sitting next to her. My hands automatically reach up to wipe away the tears I caused.

And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say I love you

'I'm sorry...' She sniffles and plays with my sleeve. 'Why?' Her big sweet eyes meet mine and I'm lost. This is it. I have to do this.

Not finding myself able to look her in the eye any longer, I rest my gaze on her soft fingers now playing with mine.

'Remember last week after the movie when I carried you to bed?' Her hand grips mine softly. 'I remember. You tucked me in.' I nod and take a deep breath.

'You said thank you and then... You said you loved me.' Chaewon makes a small confused sound. 'I always say that though?' 

I love you
And I don't want to

'I've liked you for a while now Chaewon-unnie. It hit me hard that night, you said I love you so sweetly. And I always want to say it back, but I know it won't mean the same to either one of us. It hurts...'

I tear up again, looking up to see her reaction. Her eyes are big and shocked, mouth slightly agape. Of course.

I get up and rush out of the house. Nobody stops me or calls for me.

* * * 

Up all night on another red-eye
I wish we never learned to fly

I haven't heard from her in a week now. I'm spending my nights at Yerim's place. She's a childhood friend that always has my back. Even her girlfriend Yeojin has been super welcoming and they've been playing games with me and trying to distract me.

'It'll be okay, Hyejoo-unnie! She just needs time. You did too.' I nod and ruffle Yeojin's hair. Her positivity is almost up to par with Yerim's. They work well together.

Yerim walks in with a plate of cookies, smiling at us both. 'I brought snacks so we can get this mariokart marathon under way!' I chuckle slightly before frowning.

'What's wrong, Hye?' I shake my head. 'I just remembered Mariokart is the first game I ever played together with Chaewon-unnie...'

Suddenly she stands up, hands on her waist. 'OKAY, THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING BACK TO YOUR DORM RIGHT NOW AND FACING THIS!'

I shriek as Yerim and Yeojin both drag me out of my chair and towards their car. 'Guys, seriously, maybe we're better off like this. She obviously doesn't care.'

Yerim sighs.

Maybe we should just try
To tell ourselves a good lie

'She's been a mess, Hye. Jiwoo-unnie told me she barely goes out and doesn't know what to do. She wants to contact you but is just as much of a scaredy-cat as you! So get your in gear!'

Didn't mean to make you cry

* * *

Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were trying to make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say I love you
I love you
And I don't want to

Walking into the dorm, Yerim and Yeojin stand by the door to make sure I don't try to escape. Turning the corner to my room, I hear Chaewon crying in her room.

I walk up slowly and knock softly. 'Unnie?' Her sobs quiet down for a moment. Her feet shuffle across the floor and pull open the door.

The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dyin'

Her hair is a mess, she looks like she hasn't slept or showered in a week. She probably hasn't.

But despite that, her smile is dazzling. 

'Hyejoo-yah!' She jumps into my arms, holding me tightly. I hug back, realising how much I've missed her.

Sooyoung was right. Even if she doesn't feel the same, I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all.

* * * 

We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in Central Park

'Hyejoo-yah.' I look down, tearing my gaze away from the leaves of the tree we're laying against. Chaewon-unnie has her head resting on my lap, her one hand playing with mine. I pull a stray leaf out of her hair.

'Yes, unnie?' She smiles, widely and sweetly. My heart warms.

There's nothing you could do or say

'I love you.' Her smile doesn't falter. A little sparkle in her eye.

* 'I love you too, you idiot! I didn't know what to do or say either. Don't you ever leave me again, understand!' Her whiny voice has never sounded sweeter as I pulled her closer against me. 'I won't. If you promise to shower.' She laughs and smacks my shoulder.*

I can't escape the way I love you​​​​​​​

 She smiles up at me and I lean down to press a soft kiss against her forehead.

I don't want to
But I love you​​​​​​​

The meaning of love isn't the same to everyone, but it can change over time.

It happened with me, and by some miracle, it happened with Chaewon too.

'I love you too.'