Your Story is Called What?!: ☠☠

A Repulsive Love

Your title is grammatically correct. It is able to reflect the general theme  and mood of the plot and a clever use of words to represent the different “types of love” you attempt at discussing in your story.
However, it lacks a certain charisma that a title needs and isn’t as catchy as it could be.

So this Thing Right Here...That's a Description and a Foreword...? You've Got to be Kidding Me!: ☠☠☠☠
 

Your description has three big issues. The sentences and vocabulary is choppy and bland, the grammar is problematic, and the overuse of rhetorical questions is terrible.

If you read the description out loud, there is no flow between the sentences and no flow even in one sentence. Some of it ties into the grammatical errors but a lot of it is that the sentences are very bare. There is no detailed description and so the description becomes boring.

As well, the sentences are not in a logical order. The reader is told that Jiyeon and Suzy played and lived in the countryside for years, but now, suddenly they haven’t seen each other for a year and they’re in university? And before the reader takes all of that in, the fact that Jiyeon is in love with Suzy is thrown at them. It’s very “What the **** is going on!” for the reader. Yes, the description should try and give general background knowledge but you are piling on years and years of experiences onto the reader in four sentences.

Errors:

• • “They didn't meet each other for a year.” → “They haven’t met each other for a year.”

• • “Jiyeon went to Seoul to continue her studies, whereas Suzy continued her studies back at home. “ →
  • “Jiyeon had went on to Seoul to continue her studies, whereas Suzy was continuing her studies back at home.”

• • “Jiyeon likes Suzy the same way as a boy would. But Suzy wasn't aware of that.” → “Jiyeon liked Suzy the same way a boy would, but Suzy wasn’t aware of that.”
    • [Here, the way you’ve worded how Jiyeon likes Suzy is actually quite odd. It implies that all boys like girls romantically or that girls cannot like girls romantically. But I suppose that depends on a person’s viewpoint...]

So, onto the rhetorical questions. Just no. Rhetorical questions are meant to emphasize an idea, mostly to be used in writing with persuasive intentions. They can also be used in fictional writing sometimes in the way you have, but instead of emphasizing something, you’ve created a chaotic and confusing mess. There is a lot of unnecessary questions asked. Just “What will Jiyeon do if she knows that Suzy already has a boyfriend? ”  is actually enough to convey the meaning, and the reader doesn’t get bored with the onslaught of rhetoric.

• • “Love is a word which has many meanings, depending on how we apply this in life.” → “Depending on how we apply it, love is a word with many meanings.”
  • “Love can make people blind to everything, just for the sake of unloving thoughts towards the lover. ” → “Love blinds people to everything else for the sake of loving thoughts towards their love.”
    • [ I assume that since this is describing Jiyeon, that she is loving towards her ‘lover’? But, if Jiyeon doesn’t have a lover in your story, she is in love with Susy, or later on Myungsoo. So it would make more sense to say, towards their love.]
  • “Love is a human's deepest feeling. We are willing to sacrifice anything for the happiness of loved ones. ” → “Love is a human at their most passionate, when they are willing to sacrifice everything for a loved one’s happiness.”

Jiyeon is too irrationally angry most of the time, "spontaneously [punches]" Taemin or Myungsoo for unknown reasons multiple times, and randomly pinching Suzy's cheeks or suddenly bursting into tears. Go in depth about Jiyeon's emotions. Why is she so angry? Yes, we can infer that Jiyeon is jealous of Taemin, but backstory and more detailed reasons please! Don't just make the readers guess what Jiyeon's exact feelings are. When Jiyeon is trying to cheer Suzy up, don't just give the surface reason. Take the time to make it possible for the reader to sympathise with Jiyeon. You want us to realise that Jiyeon really cares for Suzy, even if it is actually a sisterly/platonic love. That way, readers will be cheering for dear Jiyeon and she won’t seem like the unrealistic or bipolar character that she is now. Jiyeon’s sudden realisation that she actually only “loves Suzy as a sister” is also a huge contributor to the unreasonable and two-dimensional factor. (see: Are You Sure You Know What You’re Doing? for continuation)

With Taemin, Myungsoo, and Suzy...

Taemin seems like an over-dramatic and whiny child, tagging along with Suzy everywhere and crying out for her attention, unable to understand what is actually going on, repeating the fact that Jiyeon “is a lesbian” everytime something doesn’t go his way. Myungsoo doesn’t seem to understand what “no” means and he just seems to be crying of self-pity all the time. Suzy is just... plain. She seems somewhat like a Mary Sue; getting angry and pouting over little things and big things, not really able to do much. In general, your characters are way too emotionally unstable and don’t have realistic personalities and actions.

I also suggest more detailed and vivid description of the scenes and characters. Yes, Suzy has an innocent face, but what else does Jiyeon think about it? Why is it innocent? What is her smile like? Also, try to use the active voice; I found that you seemed to use the passive voice very often, but the passive voice isn’t very interesting to read.

“He kept stealing glances at me, which made ​​me upset.” → “He kept stealing annoying glances at me; I rolled my eyes, upset.”

“I waited for her bus by pacing back and forth, and saw him approach me.” → “I paced back and forth, waiting for her bus, and saw him approach me.” [Is it Myungsoo approaching Jiyeon here? Don’t forget to make the subjects and direct/indirect objects clear!]

I Can See Why You Like Writing Better Than Arts ☠☠

    The first poster is quite nice. The background is not bad either, but it would make more sense to have a background that covers an entire page as the tiled look seems a bit unprofessional. I would say that graphics with a bit more colour would fit your story more.

*YAAAWNNNN* Meter: ☠☠☠☠
    A Repulsive Love may have the potential to be highly interesting and engaging, but it flops because of a lack of cohesiveness, understanding of the main themes (homouality and love), and unrealistic as well as unoriginal characters and storyline. The bland description even though an expansive vocabulary is used throughout bores and choppy, confusing sentence structures make it an almost painful read.

VERDICT: ☠☠☠☠/☠☠☠☠☠