You met only a few days later, neither of you wanting to wait. So you picked a Café you knew he liked and waited for him in your usual spot.

Seeing the familiar shape of the rapper walk through the door, your heart drops to your stomach. He came. And he looks like .

As he looks around the cafe to find you, your whole body freezes up, unable to wave or smile. But his smile as he finds you, it's bright enough to light up the room. And it breaks your heart, shatters it into pieces actually. Because you know it wont hold for long.

Not after what you're about to say to him.

 

"I've missed you, y/n. So much. I am sorry for this whole mess. How are you? the guys say hi, obviously. But I suspect you've been talking to them, Jungkook asked me to bring him a specific kind of cake from here." Plopping down on the chair across from you, he laughs.

"I've missed you, too, Yoongi. Thank you for meeting me here. It's good to see that you're looking more alive. It was quite the shock to see how tired you looked in that interview. How's everything going, the album is out in like a month, right?"

He laughs again, the look in his eyes so hopeful.

"Yea, I looked dead. I am slowly recovering. I didn't realise how much sleeping next to you helped me sleep. After what happened, my depression, my anxiety, it all hit me again, like a truck. I collapsed. Unfortunately I just buried myself in my flat, by myself. I didn't think of asking the guys for help. Now they're there, aggressively helping. And now we can get back together right? ARMY, they're not against you anymore. They realised how bad what they did was. So it's ok, right?"

"I don't know, honey. I don't know if I can deal with what it means to be Suga's girlfriend. It's so much. I was so relieved when the reporters finally left. I don't know if i can put myself through that again. I want to be with you. I love you so much, but I want to be a person. Not a celebrity. Now I can leave the house without the mess of reporters or fans around, now I can go to work again. Do what I love. You know that that's why I chose to become a chef? Because I want to make people happy, but I can't take the attention or the amount of socialising necessary to be the face of something. I know I can't expect the press people or your fans to back off. It's just hard to be with both Yoongi and Suga. I can only try my best. And I want to try, for you. For us. Let’s just wait? Until the album is out, until the main commotion has died down… Please. I am only just recovering from everything with the broken engagement."

His face drops at your words, and your heart breaks all over again at the sight. Of course, he had hoped to get back together now. And when you break that hope, that hurts like hell. You hate to be the cause of that pain. But your own pain is still to fresh, the hate online, the fans who mobbed you at your workplace, at your home, just to get to know you, understand how you could be good enough for "their" Yoongi. You can't go back to that, not yet. You need a proper break, just living your life here for a bit before you turn it into "BTS Suga's Girlfriend"s life again.

It was after the interview, when you saw the responses online and a glimmer of hope touched your heart, that maybe the two of you could actually get back together. That's when you realised, you had never been your own person in this country. Sure, the relationship had not been public knowledge until a year ago, but you had still enjoyed the comforts of being an Idol's girlfriend. He had shown you the best places, you moved into an apartment he bought for the two of you, he did most of the research for your job, if you were perfectly honest. It had been a thing of necessity, your knowledge of the language still too poor to be able to comfortably converse in it or get the information necessary to work somewhere.

 

But he doesn't understand that, how could he?

So he is silent,the gears turning in his head almost visible.

 

"So... You want to take a break?"

 

"It's not really a break since we are broken up, still. I just want to want to be myself for a while before everything anyone sees is "Suga's Girlfriend" again."

 

"You're not yourself with me?" The heartbreak is thick on his voice, the look in his eyes almost one of betrayal.

Nothing you say comes out right. Everything just hurts him more. Even though all you want is some time.

 

"No, my love. I am myself with you, I am better for every second I spend with you next to me. But I am reduced to a role if I am with you. Even though I can be y/n with you, everyone outside sees me as somebody else because of course they do. I can't do my job like I want to simply because every achievement is discredited because I am your girlfriend. I can't go outside in peace because them getting to know me better is more important to them than me having a private life. I just .... I don't know.... I guess, I guess I need to learn how to compartmentalize, how to divide my life into y/n and a separate person, your girlfriend, in public. I am sorry, I just wanna find out who I am. Like, just me. We have been together for so long, I am not sure who I am other than the quiet girl that loves you."

 

"So.... what you're saying is, you need time? You don't want to be with me now? Even though the fans changed, you're still leaving me?"

 

"I am not leaving you, Min Yoongi. I will never leave you. You're the love of my life. I moved across the world to be with you and I don't regret any of it. I was overwhelmed by what happened when you told the world we are engaged. It was, it is, too much for me to bear. But I want to learn, I want to be able to bear it so that I can be by your side and love you forever. I just need time. We can see each other, in secret. I just don't want to be your girlfriend in public yet. I want to breathe. To be myself, to be us, like we used to be. Not the stressed out messes we were after we went public."

 

He just nods, the disappointment still obvious in his eyes.

So you hold his hand, tighter than before and smile at him, only love and hope in your eyes.

The silence between the two of you is sad, yes, but it's also comfortable. You said what you had to say, and he is processing it.

 

As you sit there, watching him, just looking at the man you love, you see a smile spread on his face. He points up, a small giggle escaping his lips.

 

"Do you hear this song? It fits too well, don't you think? "Hold me while you wait" it's called, I think."

 

 

*This is you, This is me, This is all we need

So won't you stay a while?

And hold me while you wait*

 

You smile, your heart almost bursting at the sight of him happy.

You missed him, so much more than you thought was possible.

 

"Can we go home? I just want to be with you. I missed you. Can we just lie next to each other, I felt so lonely since you left."

 

His face goes blank for a second, the rapper obviously surprised by your request.

 

"You want to come home with me?" He asks, his voice so soft it's barely audible.

You smile as you answer, squeezing his hand in yours.

"Or you could come with me, You decide."

 

There's a quiet happiness in how he looks at you after what you say. It makes your heart glow, and reconsider what you said before.

 

"Okay, I think Jin-hyung is cooking something at my place, the other members are probably also there again, they come over almost every day these days. If you're ok with that we can go and have dinner with them."

 

"Let's just sit here for a bit longer. I just wanna spend time with you. But yea, we can go eat with the guys later."

 

So there you sit, hand in hand with your ex, quietly, comfortably, almost back together.

Later that evening, you eat with the other members, and it feels so much like coming back home you almost break down crying.

And that night, you fall asleep back where you belong, in his arms. Holding on to each other while you wait for morning to break.