Summary: heejin knows that loving is not leaving. so, her heart stays with the ones she loves, no matter how far she goes away.

~

The summer leading up to seventh year is different from others. Heejin misses practicing magic still, as does Hyunjin’s surprise visits continue (and the heart attacks that come with it), but, this time, she feels a part of herself dreading the start of the school year. It’s not that she didn’t want to go, in fact, it’s the complete opposite of that. What pulls her back is that this will be her last year at Hogwarts, her last year at a place that has become home to her. As a first-year, Heejin never thought she would harbor such affection and attachment to the castle, but, the way her heart aches at the thought of leaving proves differently.

Three weeks before the start of the school year, Heejin is Facetiming Jinsol, like she normally does every other week on Wednesday’s.

“I didn’t think I’d be this sad, Jinsol.”

Jinsol, now black haired, looks emphatically at Heejin. No one expects the coming of goodbye’s to be as melancholy as they are. After Jinsol, Sooyoung, Haseul, and Vivi left Hogwarts to move on with their lives, the four of them seldom got to see each other as a group. Sure, Jinsol saw Sooyoung more often than the others for their quidditch matches, whether or not she was playing against her or cheering for her on the stands, but, it wasn’t the same. Most days, she’s okay, busy with how life moves her around. But, when she’s afforded the time to rest and slow down, she is often brought back to how easy it was to talk with her friends and how they used to be at her fingertips when they all went to school together. It’s been awhile since she has heard Haseul’s voice and Vivi’s comforting hugs and it would be a great lie if she said she didn’t miss them at all. Jinsol supposes that a part of her heart is sorted into all of these different places that her friends go to and as happy as she is for them, she misses them sorely.

“Heekkie, I can’t lie to you and say that it gets better, but, I think, as time goes, you just get better at dealing with the sadness. And that’s what makes going on easier. We’re always here for you—maybe not as readily as before—but, if you ever need us, any of us or all of us, you know we’ll be there.”

There is no mistaking the wisdom that Jinsol shares. Heejin knew that too, that her friends are the unmoving loyal constants in her life that she could depend on, no matter where they were. Thinking of that, Heejin misses them a little less and looks forward to her last upcoming school year.

Heejin keeps strong to her promise she made at Hogwarts Express. Her seventh year will not be in vain and she’ll be sure to fulfill all of the things she desires to do so that when she looks back into the archives of her memory, her heart will know enough happiness to be okay in its sadness.

When Heejin goes to bed, she wears the shirt Hyunjin left behind for her during her last visit a couple of weeks ago. It’s not the same as holding her and feeling the rise and fall of her chest and the soft pleasure of waking up beside her, but, the scent that lingers on her clothes does well at lulling the girl to a peaceful sleep.

~

Approaching King’s Cross, Heejin feels the resonance of walking through the station’s doors and the image of people bustling around, hurrying to their destination. At Platform 9¾, Heejin kisses and hugs her parents goodbye and when she looks back at her mother, her eyes are b with pride and affection for her. Heejin has always loved her mother, for being endlessly supportive and open, for loving Heejin and showing her how to love all of the same. But, especially for opening the world of magic to her and showing her all of the unimaginable possibilities, Heejin feels her heart’s gratitude. Running through the pillar for the last time to start her journey towards the castle, Heejin tries to remember the sensation of coming through and being greeted with the sense of comfort Hogwarts Express brings. From the printed moving ads, the sound of students’ chatter, the rattling of carts, the Gryffindor tries to take everything in to scribe them into her memory.

On the other side of Platform 9¾ where Hyunjin expects Heejin’s arrival with anticipating eyes, she is occupied by Chaewon, Hyejoo, Yerim, and Yeojin. When Heejin comes through, it feels like coming home. With Chaewon’s arms open for a hug, Hyejoo and Yerim’s warm smiles, Yeojin’s (loud) welcoming voice, and Hyunjin’s gaze shining with adoration, Heejin tries to remember the feeling of having all of their eyes on her.

Boarding the train, all of the girls but Heejin find a compartment to settle in into and the emptiness that comes with not having Jungeun and Jiwoo chattering along with them is a veiled grim feeling. The presence of those who left feels like ghosts in the room. In random gaps of the compartment are places where their friends used to sit. Hyunjin misses how Jiwoo would put her legs on her lap while she would tell stories of her summer, misses how Jungeun would lean her head on her shoulder while she slept. (Out of all of the things Jungeun leaned on, other than Jiwoo, Hyunjin’s shoulders was one of her favorites). Hyunjin doesn’t have long, missing the weight of legs on her lap, because Yeojin’s come to rest on them and when she looks to the fifth-year, her eyes are comforting and warm, as if she knew of her forlorn disposition lingering around. Yerim’s voice is usually a sound of the summer, warm and inviting, but, her heart’s melancholiness is obvious when she speaks, “I miss them; it feels so empty.”

And there is no one who could contend because it does. Instead, Hyejoo links their pinkies together while Chaewon takes hold of her other hand. Yerim has Hyejoo and Chaewon, until, she doesn’t. This would be the last year for Chaewon, as well with Hyunjin and Heejin. It’s hard to shine when dark heavy clouds cover the sun.

It’s silent until it isn’t.

Yeojin, now a fifth-year, carries the biggest burden of them all. Being the youngest, she would watch all of her friends leave and she would be left alone for the year that supposedly mattered the most. Thinking back, only her first and second years had the full puzzle that everyone longed for. Back when Haseul was still Head Girl, with Jinsol and Sooyoung teasing each other and playing around until they would fall asleep cuddled together, Vivi being the one to hold their hands through everything—especially Haseul’s. Even with Jungeun and Jiwoo, Jungeun would still be breaking curfew with Jiwoo—exploring, doing nothing and everything—and telling their friends about it in the morning. But, looking around the compartment, Yeojin finds that there is still time—happiness. She has Hyunjin to rely on, Hyejoo to sneak around with, Chaewon to sleep on after dinner, and Yerim to come to when things were looking grim. Even Heejin, Yeojin has her still. She still has someone who she could come to for help in school, someone who could reassure her and calm her down.

“I know it feels empty now, but, we all have each other. And we’ll help each other move on. We’ll be okay!”

(And they will. But, the lingering question remains. Who will help Yeojin when the time comes for her to be alone? It’s a question the fifth-year puts in a box and shoves away for another time to uncover. Instead, she thinks of her sad friends that need a generous serving of pep and hope.

With Haseul as her sister guiding her through life, doing that is a piece of cake.)

Slowly, the atmosphere of the compartment brightens with Yeojin’s smile and jokes.

Even as the youngest, her mind and her heart are beyond its years.

(Yeojin will be okay—even if her puzzle is left with gaps, she is in no hurry to complete it. She knows her friends and her sister. She won’t ever truly be alone.)

(Haseul sends enough letters and the occasional Howler for her to not feel alone. Soon enough, she’ll be the seventh-year receiving eleven letters of encouragement and love.)

When Heejin comes to finally rest in the compartment towards the end of the ride, she expects the girls to be sullen and down, but, at the sight of Hyunjin’s smile from outside of the window and the sound of Hyejoo’s laugh once she opens the corridor door, the weight on her heart lifts away.

As long as the girls with her were okay, she would be too.

~

If someone had told Heejin seven years ago that she was a wizard, would find the love of her life, and be appointed with the highest authority a student could have in school in her teenage lifetime, she would have laughed and assumed there was something a little more streaming in their veins than just blood and oxygen.

The first night of the welcome, watching the first-years finding their places at the Gryffindor table, Heejin feels herself caught with nostalgia. Time is an oddity and thinking of how that was her a couple of years ago, nervous and finding a spot beside Haseul, Heejin has to pinch herself to come back to reality. She hopes that Hogwarts and being a Gryffindor fosters a home of memories for these new first-years like how it did for her.

Living in the castle for the past six years, she has become attached to the moving portraits hung on the wall, the stories the house ghosts tell, how the stairs move on their own whim, how the candles look when they gleam in The Great Hall. There are places that she passes by where she can see vivid memories of the past playing out.

When she walks through the pillars of the entrance to the castle, she sees the image of her and Hyunjin play-fighting with their wands at the courtyard. As she walks through the doors of Hogwarts, her subconscious loops her arm with Chaewon’s and it reminds her of her first year. Walking down the corridor, she sees how Jiwoo and Jungeun would perch at one of the windows and talk and welcome her and Hyunjin warmly after their Herbology class. As she enters The Great Hall, she remembers the Yule Ball and dancing with Hyunjin. When she looks at the lone chair at the front of the tables and the sorting hat sat on the seat, she sees Yeojin—small and innocent—sitting with her eyes closed in anticipation and blinking them in elation when she hears her house placement. Looking over to the Slytherin table, she sees (a slightly shorter) Hyejoo walking down the aisle to sit with Hyunjin and how she beamed at Yerim who was sending her the brightest of smiles from the Hufflepuff table beside Vivi. Looking at the Ravenclaw table, Heejin imagines the bright blonde of Jinsol’s hair, the endearing gummy smile Sooyoung has when Jungeun whines at the mess Jinsol makes while eating. When she sits down at the Gryffindor table, it almost feels like Haseul is sitting beside her, talking to her, and holding her hand while Chaewon smiles with them from across the table. When Heejin looks up and across, Chaewon’s eyes are on her, her crooked smile already fixed on her face.

At least she still has Chaewon by her side. And what a ing gift she is. Chaewon might as well be an equivalent to God for Heejin at this point for giving her the people she imagines these memories of. The smile that blooms on Heejin’s lips is soft and warm, a silent understanding between the two seventh-years.

It’s a melancholy feeling they share. Looking back at her memories, Heejin feels her heart’s gratitude and grief in having the opportunity to have felt the emotions she feels. If by how heavy the elephant that sits on her chest at the thought of leaving is any indication, Heejin knows she is being afforded the best thing the universe could give her.

The truest sadness comes after the laughter of true happiness. She would rather be happy than not at all; it is a trade she is willing to accept. It’s given her this much happiness this far. With the friends that have left her and the friends that are still beside her and Hyunjin as the one she has bravely given her heart to, Heejin would never take anything back. They have made her, and still make her, so immensely happy. There’s nothing in the world that could recover or replace their existences. The way her heart aches is but a symbol of how well loved she is.

(And Heejin knows she’s well loved. Even at the consequence of people leaving, her heart knows she’s not alone. It’s what gets her through.)

~

The next day, when Headmaster Kim calls her up after dinner, Heejin is a puzzle. Her conduct has been pretty much perfect, minus the nights she would spend patrolling making out with Hyunjin by the Slytherin dorm (the Head Boy heard of Jiwoo and Heejin’s daily games of hide and go seek and relocated them, but, evidently, jokes on him) and the uniform rules that she very lightly heeded to. As it turns out, Headmaster Kim brandishes a Head Girl emblem for her to wear and Heejin can only beam with pride and elation.

She knows better than anyone else the effort that she put into being a good student, not for the title, but for the sake of proving people wrong and rising above the expectations people had, herself included.

(Heejin was always determined to be a good witch, but, ever since her fourth year, she grew a burning motivation to be the best witch she could be. If not for herself, to rub it in the face of the Slytherin boy who degraded her enough for her to cry the night after she heard his nasty words at the library.

It pleases her greatly when she hears that she is faring better than most students at Hogwarts, the boy included.

Indifference is victory, but, so is seeing the boy’s shocked face when he sees the Head Girl badge on her robes.)

(It also pleased her when Hyunjin told her about the Puking Incident of Fourth Year. When she had told her about it during one of their dates at the practice pitch, Heejin had slapped her shoulder in shock and scolded her for risking her playing eligibility, but, the way she kissed her after is enough for Hyunjin to know that Heejin was anything but mad at her. In fact, it seemed as if she was rather pleased.

She was. Greatly.)

When she comes back down to The Great Hall, Heejin is greeted with five eyes looking at her expectantly. Hyunjin sees it first, whoops out in glee, and pulls Heejin’s arms around her to hold her tight. Pulling away and cupping the girl’s cheeks—so much that she looks a bit like a rabbit with its mouth full of food—she peppers kisses on her cheeks, her nose, forehead, and chin. Heejin laughs and it feels like the spring and watching how flowers dance through the wind.

“I knew you’d get Head Girl, Heekkie!”

Echoing her are her friends’ voices congratulating her and Hyejoo even kisses her cheek in praise too.

(For having less than half of her puzzle with her, Heejin feels complete enough to be okay and move on.)

~

For Heejin’s duration of her time at Hogwarts, her parents have been sending her a bit of money here and there for her weekend trips at Hogsmeade. Sparingly using her monthly allowance, Heejin has been saving money on the side for the past two years. (However, Hyunjin is proving to be equally stubborn as Heejin is and she often pays for whatever the Gryffindor wants, no matter how much she contests her generosity. Heejin doesn’t think it’s fair, but, Hyunjin said that being repaid in kisses and songs would be enough retribution.)

(Hyunjin thinks it’s more than plenty. Hearing Heejin sing for her and watching her strum at a guitar at the shop in Hogsmeade reminds her of her happiest memory and there is not a single measure of monetary value that could ever come close to what it feels like to have Heejin love her.

Having Heejin beside her—loving her and supporting her—it’s priceless.

With Heejin, all on her own, there is nothing that could ever amount to the value of her existence.)

In Heejin’s fourth year, during one of their visits to Hogsmeade, Hyunjin had dragged Heejin with her to the shop that sold quidditch gear` and goods. Heejin didn’t know the difference between a lot of the products, but, Hyunjin seemed to be incredibly well-versed on what was prime and what wasn’t.

(Heejin couldn’t care less, but, she likes how Hyunjin’s eyes twinkle and how her smile beams when she talks about things she loves.)

(Too often, Hyejoo is on the other end of that gaze, listening to how Hyunjin feels so adoringly for the Gryffindor.)

(Hyejoo can’t complain because she rambles twice as much about the two people who reside in her heart.)

(How Hyejoo, Chaewon, and Yerim aren’t together yet, Hyunjin doesn’t know. If this was how it felt to watch how she and Heejin danced around each other—painfully in love, but, with nothing to physically show—Hyunjin finally truly understands the inner frustration.)

As the years came, Hyunjin would always end up gaping at the Firebolt Supreme. Rode on by the Bulgarian quidditch team who had won the Qudditch World Cup of 2014, Hyunjin had always desired one to play with. Known for its speed, reliability, and its limited quantity, Hyunjin knew that having one in her inventory would greatly help her performance and increase her effectiveness in matches. But, great broomsticks are not easy to buy. Rather costly and hard to get, Hyunjin had settled on purchasing the broomstick after she gets drafted into the professional leagues and earns enough money to buy it then.

Hyunjin had failed to consider how attentively Heejin listens to her and wishes to see her happy. During one of the mornings where Hyunjin practices throwing shots through the hoops at the practice pitch with Hyejoo and Yeojin, Heejin had scuttled off to Hogsmeade to purchase the broom with the money she had saved in the past two and arrival of three years. Hyunjin’s birthday had arrived and Heejin wanted to surprise her with a gift. All too often, Hyunjin was the one doting on her and taking her out on dates. While Heejin did the same too, the Slytherin was adamant on planning their outings.

(Of course, materials aren’t always the way to the heart, but, Heejin was already in hers and she wanted to see the elation beaming from her girlfriend’s eyes when she finally opens her gift.)

Quickly purchasing it and making her way back, looking at the broomstick now laid on her bed, Heejin didn’t know how she would go about wrapping it. Her father didn’t exactly teach her how to wrap cleaning supplies and she was only comfortable with wrapping geometric shapes anyway. Catching Chaewon who was about to leave for the practice pitch with Yerim to watch Hyejoo doing her thing with Hyunjin and Yeojin, Heejin calls for her.

“Chaewon?”

The, now blonde, girl stops in her tracks and looks for the person who called her name. Locating Heejin, even Chaewon who lacks interest in quidditch knows what is sitting on her bed.

“Heejin! Is that the Firebolt Supreme?”

The other Gryffindor nods and stands with her hands on her hips, perplexed on how to wrap her gift.

“I’m trying to wrap it, but, I have no idea how to. It’s not like people give broomsticks as gifts in the muggle world!”

(Whenever Heejin talks about the muggle world, Chaewon is endlessly intrigued and amazed at how life goes on without magic. Being full-blooded, Chaewon only knew what living with magic was like. When Heejin told her about phones and how she could send a text to Jinsol and get a reply in minutes, Chaewon had found the one fault in magic and communication. If she could easily get ahold of her friends like that, she would miss them a lot less. And, Merlin, if she could call Yerim and actually hear her laugh, Chaewon thinks her life would be much brighter.)

“Why didn’t you just ask for a box at the shop, Heekkie?”

Heejin freezes.

“These come with boxes?”

Chaewon giggles. For being a top witch at Hogwarts, Heejin still had her moments of innocence with magic. (It’s endlessly endearing to watch her learn more about the little things magic had in store for her. Hyunjin loves the sight; she considers herself quite the enthusiast for it. But, then again, whenever Heejin is considered in anything, Hyunjin is more than just simply enthused to be by her side and to show off how proud she is of her—not because she’s her girlfriend and that tethers them together in the material world, but, because she knows Heejin deserves all of the praise in the world.)

“Come on, I’ll walk with you back to Hogsmeade so that you can get that box.”

“But, weren’t you going to watch Hyejoo with Yerim?”

Chaewon shrugs and her crooked smile is still just as charming as it was her first year.

“They’ll be okay without me. We’ve gone much longer without seeing each other.”

Heejin raises her eyebrows and looks at her with knowing eyes, “Maybe, but, that doesn’t mean they like it.”

Chaewon laughs and it sounds like bells twinkling through the air, “Maybe so, Heejin. Maybe so.”

(Definitely so, Heejin. Definitely so.)

Finally getting the appropriate box, Chaewon even mentions to Heejin that there was a spell that could wrap her presents for her. Heejin, ever so stubborn, turns down the spell.

“It feels wrong not wrapping it myself. It feels like lying. And plus, I’m really good at wrapping anyway. Honestly, I think it’s quite calming.” 

Chaewon never knew wrapping presents could be considered as meditation, but, she wasn’t going to question Heejin’s means of relaxing. For all she knew, anything that calmed her down and made Heejin less tense was something worth being considered.

It doesn’t take much long after Heejin finishes wrapping her present does Hyunjin’s practice end. (She always usually ended at a quarter after ten.) Lollygagging around for another thirty minutes (the time it takes for Hyunjin to shower), Heejin makes her way to Slytherin’s girls’ dormitory. Waiting for Hyunjin outside, the Gryffindor listens to the paintings’ anecdotes. When her girlfriend finally steps out to find wherever Heejin is, she’s glad to see that her search is quick and easy.

(At first, Hyunjin wasn’t too fond with starting off her birthday without Heejin cheering her on at the stands, but, she couldn’t dictate her girlfriend’s actions. And plus, Hyunjin knows that Heejin wouldn’t deliberately leave her astray, especially on her birthday.)

Looking as endearingly beautiful as always, the smile that comes to Hyunjin is natural and genuine.

(Heejin loves her smile. If she could, she would frame it in every existing museum out there, both muggle and magical. She thinks she would like the magical one more because she’d be able to hear the laughs coming from behind it.)

Greeting her with a kiss, Heejin isn’t anything less than smitten. Even in the way she says her name, talks, Hyunjin feels the affection saturated in her voice, “Happy birthday, baby! I’m sorry I couldn’t be out there with you this morning. But, I have a reason for it! And I know you’re hungry, but, I want to show you something.”

(It’s almost tangible how much Heejin loves Hyunjin and it’s one of the things that comforts Hyunjin’s heart the most—it reassures her that she wouldn’t leave, that she would stay.)

Letting Heejin lead her—she’d follow Heejin wherever she led—Hyunjin is all too familiar with the turns Heejin makes and their arrival to the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory is not a surprise. When Heejin tells her to close her eyes, Hyunjin does not hesitate to heed to her directions. Hearing Heejin tell the F