He had wanted to kiss him again.

When Jihoon had looked down seemly embarrassed by their kiss, Seungcheol wanted to say him not to. That he had wanted to keep kissing with the same intensity. 

But he had to face reality.

His reality was with Jeonghan.

And he had meant to say goodbye, but he couldn’t. So he had taken a deep breath and said goodnight with a kiss on the cheek.

It was like the end of a summer dream that could only stay in his memory. He was already lucky enough to have seen Jihoon once more.

Those sparkling eyes, sweet smile, beautiful hands and melodious voice accompanied him all his way to Seoul. But the guilty feeling appeared when he read Jeonghan’s message saying he had just arrived to Seoul and would be going directly to the hotel, because they were behind schedule for the grand opening.

Jeonghan had been working really hard since he was appointed as one of the top managers a few years ago, but he knew his ultimate role would be general manager. It had become easier for Seungcheol to see the other at work than at their shared apartment; Jeonghan had a personal suite in a couple of his family hotels, so when he was really busy he would spend the night there. And that made Seungcheol feel even guiltier, because he knew Mr. Yoon and all the pressure he put in his son; and he was well aware of how much Jeonghan had defended him and their relationship in front of his father, so he shouldn’t be thinking of someone else.

But Seungcheol couldn’t erase Jihoon’s kiss out of his mind. The kiss wasn’t like any other he had before, it was beyond the lips. He felt in his body the excitement of kissing someone he desperately wanted to kiss, even when he knew they wouldn’t do anything further than that. He had the feeling in his gut that he wouldn’t be able to go on if he didn’t do it.

It was a really strong feeling, but that wasn’t his reality. His reality was his engagement to Jeonghan. He had gotten used to that idea, but what he couldn’t keep up with was the pressure of their impending marriage. They had already postponed the date a couple of times, because Jeonghan wanted to focus on his work and Seungcheol had agreed. Seungcheol’s father always said that the Yoons were probably waiting for Seungcheol to assume his real role in Choi Company before planning the wedding, but Seungcheol wasn’t sure he wanted to be general manager.

It hadn’t been easy balancing their relationship and work, and even when Jeonghan didn’t seem to want to let go of any of them, he just kept moving forward in his career, while their engagement seemed stuck in the same place.

The feelings they shared at the beginning of their relationship were intense too. They were fresh out of university and wanted to do everything everywhere. They even made it into entertainment magazines headlines for being arrested for improper ual behavior in public. They were obviously scolded, but Jeonghan seemed happier and that made him happy too. And when they finally took a hold of their responsibilities, they settled down and moved together and it was enough to know he would see Jeonghan after work to make his stressful day worthy.

But with the years what he thought would be a comfortable companionship changed into a business partnership. Their parents got involved into new projects together and now it was up to them to make them reality and their relationship definitely took a blow because of that.

His life out of work seemed dull and he didn’t want to justify his thoughts about Jihoon, but it was like he had felt a spark inside he never felt before; and that scared him, because he knew it wasn’t real. They hadn’t actually shared any real information, so for Seungcheol to acknowledge Jihoon as a beautiful dream by the beach was the only way to appease his guilt.

************************************************************************************************************

“When you laughed, I loved it.

And I, like a crazy person, got lost in your gaze

The kiss that we shared in the night while you danced

Those are things I didn't expect

I felt like you liked me.”

“I like that song, Woozi hyung. Is that one of the songs we will show Vernon-ssi?”

Jihoon didn’t know what to answer. This song wasn’t supposed to be heard by anyone except for him…or Seungcheol.

“I’m very nervous about working with Vernon-ssi. He seems very chill, but manager hyung said we will have a special article in a magazine and I guess I feel pressured. My first album got everyone hyped up and…”

Jihoon tried to focus on Seungkwan’s rant instead of thinking about the song he had made as soon as he returned to his parents’ home in Busan after the festival.  After all he was hired to compose and produce Seungkwan’s next album. He had started working two weeks ago and Soonyoung had introduced him to almost all the staff. His reputation as a well-known producer in Japan let him get along with the other producers rapidly, but what he wasn’t expecting was taking part of an important collaboration with Chwe Vernon. He was the winner of a rap contest and had already signed with another company, but a collaboration had been arranged with the super rookie Boo Seungkwan and would be promoted in music shows.

It was a great opportunity, except that every song Jihoon could think of was intended for another person. In less than a week the meeting to choose the collaboration song would take place and he felt stuck.  The bittersweet feeling he had barely let him sleep.

Mingyu had been really busy as he was working for two new brands at the same time and Jihoon felt happy and proud of him, but at the same time he felt guilty when he saw the other’s tired smile directed towards him when he arrived to their apartment.

He really thought it would end with the first song. Seungcheol was supposed to be a teenage dream, but Jihoon couldn’t stop thinking about the other and the guilt just kept competing with the fluttery feeling in his chest every time he made a new song about Seungcheol.

Through the years he never thought about his relationship with Mingyu as an endless thing, but the idea of breaking up with the other didn’t make sense to him. It was always comfortable with the other. They got along well in almost every sense and they had gotten used to their crazy schedules and habits, they had a balance. But the last year without Mingyu made him realize many things. He noticed he had let himself be dependable on the other. It was okay for a couple of weeks or so, but after half a year without the other his eating habits were trashed, their apartment turned into a mess and Jihoon suffered buying new clothes. He had worked hard to fix all of that as he didn’t want to repeat the cycle in Seoul. But Jihoon had also noticed he had missed Mingyu’s company in the middle of the night when he got frustrated with composing and wanted to talk or just wanted to cuddle. They had formed a long-term bond that Jihoon didn’t want to break.

But the fluttery feeling…

Jihoon couldn’t remember it being there, not even in bed. He just felt good and protected. Mingyu was very supportive and when Jihoon moved to another city in Japan for university, a city full of strangers and away from his parents, he was the first person Jihoon put his trust into. He didn’t have to look further or search for another person.

And the years had just passed by like that. At some point Jihoon stopped thinking about the possibility of Mingyu returning home and saying he had felt in love with some other model, or maybe he just stopped being scared of his own reaction to that news.  The continuity of his relationship with Mingyu gave him an anchor, because Jihoon had been witness of all the drama some couples around him went through in the last years and he never felt he had to worry about that with Mingyu. He felt like that until now.

But he didn’t want to say a word about it. Because at the end of the day it was Mingyu with whom Jihoon would be sleeping in bed, not Seungcheol; a stranger that had puppy eyes and bright smile, a stranger that loved ice cream and was terrible at dancing, a stranger with plump lips and magical kisses, a stranger that lived in a different reality.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lyrics are the translation of the song “Te vi” by Piso 21. The lyrics in Spanish are the following:

“Cuando te reías, me encantaba

Y yo como loco, perdido en tu mirada

Ese beso que nos dimos en la noche mientras bailabas

Son cosas que no me esperaba

Sentí que yo te gustaba”