Yongsun’s first thought when her manager had told her about the offer was that it was a good opportunity to make herself, and by extent Mamamoo, more well-known, considering that the show was quite a hit all around the world.

 

Her next thought was if she would make a good wife, or if she would just tarnish the group's reputation by being on the show. She was shy and not a very good actress. She was unsure if she would be able to get along well- or at least act like she did- with a virtual stranger.

 

Finally, her thoughts jumped to Byulyi, the woman she's had a growing crush on ever since they cleared up their initial misunderstandings. While Yongsun didn't want to be too hopeful, her best friend's recent behaviour made her feel like her crush wasn't as unrequited as she had thought. Would Byulyi be fine with her going on this show?

 

Yongsun told her manager that she needed more time to think about the offer. The virtual marriage would take up quite a bit of time in her life and was sure to disrupt their schedules so she wanted to discuss it with her members first. Although really, while it was a legitimate concern of hers, her main priority was to see Byulyi's reaction.

 

Her manager gave no resistance, but Yongsun didn't miss her strong encouragement to go on the show, reiterating several times how popular the show was and how much recognition Mamamoo would gain from being on it.

 

When Yongsun brought it up after practice later that day, Wheein and Hyejin were supportive as ever, as she had expected, and Yongsun pretended not to be disheartened when Byulyi just grinned and agreed that it was a wonderful idea. Guess her crush was in fact one-sided then, seeing how unaffected Byulyi was by how she was essentially getting married to another man.

 

Too hurt she had been to see the strain behind that smile.

 

They were distant after that, for a short period of time. Byulyi would latch onto Wheein or Hyejin more, not to say that she hadn't before but it had always been more special between the two of them and-

 

Yongsun didn't know how to explain the unease growing in her heart.

 

Then, all of a sudden, Byulyi clung to her more than ever. Yongsun was confused, but didn't want to cause any unnecessary drama. Plus, as much as she pretended she didn't like it, she had missed the constant hugging and reassuring touches.

 

So, Yongsun thought she would initiate some of those once in a while.

 

Yongsun was never one to be blatant with her affections but she was willing to make an effort if Byulyi was always this flustered by it. That woman was just too cute...

 

Shoving all her feelings aside, Yongsun went to her first day of filming.

 

---

 

It was awkward between them at first, inevitably, in addition to the fact that she was kind of pissed that he took so long. Eric more than made up for it afterwards however, with his gentlemanly actions and utter sweetness. Yongsun could see herself falling for him if she hadn't already had someone else in her heart.

 

At first, she treated Eric like she would any other friend, thinking that if she ignored the fact that they were virtually a married couple then she would be more relaxed. And it did work, for a while, but with this show and its missions, it was difficult to ignore all the underlying romantic connotations their actions had, or the discomfort it gave her.
 

The show brought a lot of new experiences to her, whether it be a mission or either one of their ideas. Yongsun explored new places and did new things, things she truly did enjoy. But even as she went through all these with Eric, all she could think of was Byulyi. Her mind was often occupied with thoughts of her best friend while filming.

 

Byul would totally love to eat this...

 

Oh, didn't Byul mention wanting to do this?

 

Woah, I should bring Byulie here!

 

Thoughts like that floated through her mind constantly before she would remember that she was in the middle of filming and hope that the camera wouldn't catch her spacing out.

Still, Yongsun found herself relieved that Eric was the one that she had to get into intimate situations with, even if not ideal. It was easy to immerse herself in their relationship while they were in front of the camera.

 

Eric played along with her silly antics, joining in whenever she would randomly break out into a dance in the streets whether or not there was music. He told jokes that fit her humour perfectly and filled their time spent together with laughter. He was always thoughtful of her, paying attention to even her passing remarks, taking note of her likes and dislikes, and they worked well together as their ways of thinking were often on the same frequency.

Yongsun knew he liked her too, could feel Eric's loving gaze even away from cameras. He was always putting in the effort of making romantic gestures, grand or small, that Yongsun would never admit she really did swoon over, although she was sure that her inability to hide the blush on her face more than gave it away.

 

He may have not so subtly implied after filming one day, in private, that his constant attempts at skinship weren't entirely for show, hinted that his flirtatious remarks were all completely genuine. Eric never shied from announcing that she was his ideal type or how proud he was to have her as his wife, and Yongsun was flattered (but subconsciously found herself pulling away whenever she found his gaze too intense or his touches too fond).
 

However close they were though, Yongsun couldn't bring herself to talk about Eric whenever his name got brought up while she was promoting with the other girls of Mamamoo. It felt too weird, to mix two separate lives together. There was just a line that she could not cross. In the end, her marriage with Eric was fake, and her friendship with her girls was not.

 

---

 

Turns out, bottling up your feelings doesn't make them actually go away, Yongsun realised after she got into yet another fight with Byulyi.

 

At first it was over something dumb, as usual, but the both of them were nothing if not stubborn and neither were willing to give in. Then they tried to talk about it but things ended up escalating instead which, Yongsun didn't know how, brought them to fighting over her commitment to the group.

 

The leader was, quite frankly, appalled. Had she done something to make the other members question her loyalty? But no, she was sure she hadn't. Byulyi was just being irrational, surely. Maybe she was just being insecure and Yongsun only needed to reassure her like a good leader would.

 

But then Byulyi started spewing some nonsense about her wanting to spend more time working on that damn show with Eric Nam than on anything with the rest of Mamamoo and Yongsun got truly pissed. From there on, it didn't take long for them to devolve into a screamfest and Byulyi was grabbing her things and stomping out of the house and slamming the door as hard as she could while Yongsun stood and watched, urging her to leave with fury fueled words.

 

And then she was alone in the house.

 

Yongsun huffed as she sat on the couch in her living room, by herself, with no one to poke and prod her elbow with a toe or two as they lay across the length of the couch. It was a rarity in the past few weeks with how often Byulyi had been visiting. Without the other woman, it felt oddly quiet in the house.

 

Yongsun never knew silence could be so loud.

 

...

 

She wiped a stray tear rolling down her cheek and decided she would go to bed early.

 

Yongsun spent the night tossing and turning on her bed, mind filled with thoughts about the fight. She hated it whenever she got into fights with Byulyi, as often as they did, and this was no exception. All she wanted was for that dumb Byulyi to apologise quickly so they could make up and cuddle like usual.

 

For a minute, Yongsun considered being the one to apologise. Their fights didn’t usually last long but this one had seemed particularly bad and she didn’t know how long she would have to wait for Byulyi to give in. She knew she wasn't the one in the wrong but maybe if she had handled it better...

 

Yongsun gave up on sleeping for the moment and took her phone out, eyes squinting at the sudden burst of light in the darkness. She opened her usual messaging app, and scrolled through her contacts before stopping at one in particular. Her thumb hovered over the familiar name for a long time... before eventually scrolling away. Yongsun was tempted to give in, but she didn't want to admit defeat so easily and she wasn't even the one in the wrong. It was totally that annoying Byul's fault and Yongsun would wait for the other woman to ask for forgiveness first, she decided, no matter how long it took.

 

In the meantime, she opened up her chat with Eric instead. He was surprisingly still awake and kept her company until she finally felt drowsy. Her eyelids heavy, she shot him a quick ‘goodnight’ before going off to bed.

 

---

 

Yongsun didn’t have to wait long, it turned out, as Byulyi was apologising to her within a week. Whatever they had even been arguing about was long forgotten, overtaken by the need to hold her best friend in her arms again.

 

---

 

It was completely unexpected when the other girls appeared at the hotel she'd booked. So Yongsun had no time to mentally prepare herself before Byulyi leapt off her lounge chair and launched at her, literally sweeping her off her feet in a crushing embrace.

 

The girls came in like a whirlwind, immediately hyper and full of energetic yelling. And while Yongsun wouldn't usually hesitate to join in, she glanced at Byulyi, then at Eric, and felt the need to hold back.

 

Yongsun didn't mind the added advantage the girls brought though. The four of them teaming up to embarrass Eric did make her feel better about their unannounced visit.

 

That was until they suggested playing some games, then Yongsun knew that they were definitely up to something. Her hunch was confirmed soon enough.

 

Yongsun was hyper-aware that Byulyi was watching as Eric kissed her cheek. She also couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that hung around her after what she later dubbed as the most dreaded moment in the episode, somewhat feeling like she was cheating on Byulyi, even if it was with her “husband”.

 

The guilt didn't last long when Yongsun remembered that her best friend had played a part in that particular event and then she just felt bitter about the whole thing.

 

That episode was also the first time she’d had to stay overnight for filming. She was exhausted from the day’s events and easily fell asleep centimetres away from Eric, ignoring the eyes she could feel on her. While it was nice that she had the chance to stay in such a cozy house for a night, the downside was that they were woken up at an ungodly early hour, unfortunately a norm for singers such as them.

 

After filming their individual black room interviews, they were released. The fake couple stopped first to thank the staff, who had yet to be done for the day, for their hard work before leaving. Yongsun noticed she still had some time before having to show up for work so she headed home first for a brisk wash up before going over to the RBW building.

 

She was still relatively early and so was surprised to see the lights in the practice room already on. Yongsun opened the door to see Byulyi inside, practicing their new choreography by herself in a loose white tee and her signature ripped jeans. Byulyi was quick to notice the new presence in the room and stopped her movements, walking over to turn off the music that had been playing.

 

“Byul-ah, what are you doing here so early?” Yongsun approached her casually.

 

“I could ask you the same, Yongsun-unnie.” Byulyi easily redirected the conversation away from herself.

 

There was an aloof air about the way she spoke that filled Yongsun with apprehension. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact too, her eyes fixed at some point on the wall beside them instead. Yongsun frowned. Did Byulyi think that she was blind?

 

“Filming just ended so I came here early,” Yongsun snapped impatiently. “Now it's your turn to answer the question.”

 

“... I couldn't sleep.” Byulyi took a moment to answer, and her eyes were still infuriatingly stuck at that single point on the wall. Yongsun turned to look at the plain wall, scrutinising every inch of it, only to confirm that there was indeed nothing of interest on it anywhere.

 

“Byulie, look at me,” Yongsun said firmly, then softening her voice, “What's wrong?”

 

She was honestly quite worried. The other woman usually didn't hesitate to approach her for advice, so why was she holding back now?

 

Byulyi finally glanced at her before letting out a huge sigh which did nothing to alleviate the older woman's fears. Yongsun was about to speak out in indignation at whatever that sigh could mean when the rapper started talking.

 

“I was jealous,” Byulyi spitted out all in a rush. “Of Eric,” she added after a beat.

 

Yongsun raised an eyebrow questioningly but said nothing, not wanting to scare the other woman into silence.

 

“I just- I'm the one who's always been with you, but now he's the one who's exploring new places with you and doing new things with you when- when-” Byulyi paused, brows furrowing into a frantic expression that betrayed the conflict she felt inside.

 

She cast her eyes down and her shoulders sagged. She finally continued, “When it should be me.”

 

Yongsun's breath hitched at the words. Byulyi sounded so defeated that Yongsun felt her heart ache. But at the same time, her mind was racing with questions as to what Byulyi could have meant.

 

Yongsun wanted to believe that her feelings were being returned but couldn't shake the feeling that she could just be projecting. If she was wrong then it could ruin their friendship and subsequently, Mamamoo’s group dynamic. As the leader, Yongsun just could not take that risk.

 

Putting aside her own inner conflict, Yongsun gathered the tired looking woman into her arms and tried to soothe her the best she could. She struggled to find the right words to say, her mind fighting with itself as to what Byulyi even meant. Byulyi almost immediately latched onto her arms, reminding Yongsun of how affectionate the woman could get around her friends. That's right, friends...

 

It all made sense to Yongsun now, how Byulyi had gotten so distant for a while after she accepted the job, and the fight they had the other night. The rapper was afraid that their friendship would be compromised by the show, which was absolutely ridiculous because Yongsun thought of Mamamoo as her family and would never even entertain the idea of abandoning them.

 

“Byul-ah, you don't have to worry about losing me, okay? We'll always be the best of friends,” Yongsun said in the most comforting voice she could muster as she ran her hands up and down the other woman's back.

 

“Right, just friends…” Yongsun thought she heard Byulyi whisper but passed it off as her own wishful thinking.

 

---

 

The turning point in her virtual marriage was the Chuseok event, as all the viewers could agree. The kiss on his forehead marked the first time she ever took the initiative with that sort of contact between them. It was a spur of the moment kind of act and she didn't regret it. It had won them first place along with a luxurious trip to Dubai, after all.

They got increasingly comfortable with each other after that. Yongsun always liked it when someone had the energy to play along when she fooled around but Eric was also braver than before in making moves on her. He still always watched out for her and was also more considerate of her than most. And the more Yongsun thought about it, the more she felt like maybe she could fall for him eventually, but what she didn't know was that she never would because he wasn't her Moon Byulyi.

 

So by the end of the filming for the show, despite her previous declarations, Yongsun was frustrated at herself for not being able to see Eric as anything more than a good friend.

 

That being said, she was genuinely sad on their last episode together. She did actually enjoy his company and had fun during their outings.

 

Eric kept his word and messaged her regularly after the show ended. Their conversations started casually and easily, especially without the pressure of having to act like more than they really were on the side. Yongsun also realised that without having romantic situations forced between them, what she previously thought were possible feelings for him had faded away quickly, and she was left feeling like they were more suited to a brother-sister type of relationship.

 

However, after the fresh release of the Memory album, Yongsun was swamped with work and her replies got less frequent. Eric seemed to have his own busy schedule too and it got difficult to keep up with daily conversations, soon slowing to just a few messages a week.

 

That was, until, their final reunion at the end of the year for the MBC Entertainment Awards ceremony.

 

Mamamoo had an event scheduled right before that and Yongsun didn't even have the time to get off her post-performance high before already being rushed off to the award ceremony. She bid her members farewell and was dragged off by her manager.

 

It was a surprise when a hand reached out to stop the lift doors just as they were closing.

 

“Hey.” Byulyi sounded out of breath, as if she had ran to catch up with them. “I'll send you out.” A lopsided grin slid easily across her face, a hand naturally reaching to grab Yongsun’s wrist as she squeezed into the crowded lift with them.

 

The two friends had been in more intimate situations than that before, as embarrassing as that sounded. But being so close to her crush in such a confined space with a whole group of people around them never failed to make Yongsun feel shy, even more than she had ever felt around Eric, and she leaned her body into the warmth of the (ever so slightly) taller woman.

 

A swarm of paparazzi and their multitudes of cameras greeted them as the glass front doors opened. The furious clicking of camera shutters and flashing lights bombarded their senses as her manager gently pushed her through the crowd, dress in hand. The warm grip around her wrist disappeared as she descended the ramp outside the building.

 

As Yongsun was ushered into the car, she couldn't help but cast one last glance back at the waving Byulyi before her manager pulled her attention back to fuss over her appearance.

 

---

 

Yongsun arrived just in time for the ceremony to start and as it proceeded, her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Byulyi watching her go, off to her virtual husband one last time.

 

She brushed it off when Eric leaned over to ask if she had prepared a speech, doubtful that she had shown the man enough love as his “wife” to win any award.

 

Yongsun had barely registered it when it was announced that they had indeed won the Best Couple Award.

She was bewildered and started to panic about having to quickly think of a speech on the spot. But all she could think of was how Byulyi was currently watching as she went up to accept the award, and she stuttered into the microphone, her mind a blank as she tried to improvise a speech.

 

Byulie is listening to this too, she thought repeatedly as she rushed through a hastily thought out speech, before stepping back to let Eric say his slightly more well thought out speech. Her cheeks burned at her rare moment of unpreparedness.

As Yongsun sat back down, she thought of Byulyi again, pictured her backstage with their younger members, all of them probably laughing their asses off at their silly leader on screen. And Yongsun smiled at the image.

 

---

 

There was an afterparty, as most of these types of events usually do. Yongsun stuck to Eric, not really as close to any others there. She socialised with the celebrities he introduced her to or that would approach her themselves, accepting glasses of champagne even if she felt like she couldn't handle drinking anymore, just because she wasn't good at rejecting people she wasn't close to.

 

As Yongsun accepted yet another glass (of white wine this time), she could already feel her body starting to heat up from all the alcohol and she was sure her whole face had turned red.

 

“Hey Eric, does my face seem red? It feels hot in here and I’m pretty sure my face is red, right?” Yongsun rambled, as she stared into the glass of wine she was swirling in her hand.

 

She turned her head towards the man when she heard no response, only to find the glass being whisked out of her hand the next second and downed in a flash by the man who took it.

 

Yongsun looked at him incredulously. “You didn't have to do that!” she whisper shouted as she gently slapped Eric's shoulder. He clutched at his shoulder with his free hand in response, pouting at her with mock hurt on his face.

 

Yongsun chuckled at his exaggerated behaviour. “But thanks,” she continued as she took the now empty glass back, casting Eric a grateful smile which he didn't hesitate to return.

 

There was a lull in the conversation and Yongsun was about to leave to put down her empty glass when-

 

“I like you.”

 

Yongsun blinked at the goofily grinning man. Eric himself looked shocked for a moment at his own words but recovered quickly.

 

“Will you go out with me?” Eric continued, voice unwavering.

 

The shy, fluttering feelings that usually came along with being confessed to by someone she liked was absent. All Yongsun felt was dread.

 

The feeling hit her like a bucket of cold water. She sobered up immediately, taking a moment to process the statement. She would never have guessed that he would ask her out outright that night, expecting his little crush to fade away quietly. She should have known that he wasn't the type to let it go.

 

Yongsun should accept him, right? This was possibly her only chance to be in a normal and socially acceptable relationship. But then why did she not want to?

 

And despite all her previous thoughts of maybe liking him and how safe he was, she found herself hesitating and thinking of Byulyi, and she couldn't.
 

“I- Thank you but I- I'm so sorry…”

The stupidly kind Eric Nam let his smile falter for only a split second before he forced it back into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. As Yongsun stumbled through an unconvincing excuse of wanting to focus on her career and not having the time to date, Eric only nodded weakly. With all the energy in his voice gone, he muttered that it had been worth a shot before excusing himself and trudging off towards the bar.

Yongsun watched guiltily as the usually boisterous and outgoing man shrunk into his seat, cradling the glass in his hands, and found herself unsure that she made the right decision. She soon excused herself, unable to stand the strained tension anymore and having lost her one comfort in the unfamiliar surroundings.

 

Yongsun hailed a taxi and headed home. It was nearing midnight by the time she reached back, and so she was surprised to see an extra but familiar pair of shoes in her doorway.

 

Though all four members of Mamamoo visited each other often enough, Byulyi was the only one who visited her so frequently that it was practically her second home. Yongsun welcomed her any time, telling the other woman as much when she had given her the passcode to her house those months ago.

 

Padding softly across her living room, she found the woman she was looking for sleeping peacefully on her couch. Said woman was donned in a soft looking sweater and some sweatpants. Yongsun recognised the clothes as ones that Byulyi had left over some time ago, on another night that she had stayed over. Yongsun would never admit it but she would sometimes wear those clothes when she was feeling like she particularly missed the rapper and lowkey hoped that Byulyi wouldn't take it back.

 

Byulyi lay sprawled over the couch, hugging a throw pillow close to her chest with one leg limply dangling over the edge. With eyes closed and mouth ajar, her relaxed expression made her look so peaceful, a stark contrast from the usual turmoil of their schedules.

 

And as Yongsun stood there, arms by her side, staring at the woman before her, she realised that she was sure. Despite all her previous thoughts of how Eric at least liked her, and was a man too so their relationship would be a lot easier, and earlier doubts of ‘should I really have thrown that relationship away?’, Yongsun was sure that she had made the right choice.

 

With that realisation, and that acceptance, Yongsun found herself suddenly able to breathe easier. It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. The corners of her lips unconsciously curled up into a gentle smile.

 

“Byul-ah… You don't even know how much I love you.”

 

Yongsun chuckled softly. It was weird how the only time she could be true to herself was when no one else was listening.

 

She stood under her shower head for a good while, letting the steady spray of water wash away the worries of her day. Yongsun was grateful that Eric was too nice to enact any kind of revenge on her and had let her go without any protest. She changed into some pyjamas as well before returning to the living room and the woman resting there.

 

“Byul-ah…” Yongsun called out softly, reaching a hand over to gently prod the woman.

 

“Mmrh..?”

 

Sitting up and rubbing an eye sleepily, Byulyi looked so cute that Yongsun felt her heart squeeze at the sight. The former finally seemed to be regaining her senses as she looked around the room and mumbled out.

 

“Ah… Sorry, I was trying to wait up for you but I must have fallen asleep.”

 

“It's okay. Come on, let's go to my room. The bed is much comfier.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Yongsun faced no resistance as she dragged the groggy woman towards her room. Byulyi didn't hesitate to flop onto the bed the moment it was within reach. The owner of said bed only chuckled at the sight as she climbed under the covers as well, pulling the blanket over both of their bodies.

 

Byulyi moved to snuggle into the body beside her when she felt a dip in the bed, smiling contentedly as the familiar warmth lulled her back into dreamland. Yongsun in turn wrapped an arm around the lithe body curled into her, accepting her role as the big spoon. Giving in to the exhaustion of the day, she too let herself drift off into slumber.

 

---

 

Yongsun opened her eyes to empty space beside her, but the absence of her best friend was forgiven when the wonderful smell of breakfast wafted through her nose.