It had all become too much. What they had started off as something so innocent. Like the bond between two children. Nothing was ever supposed to come of it, but now here they are.

In her quiet apartment, while rain poured down outside, providing the only sound filling the silence, Yongsun sat at her table. How did it all come to this? She kept asking herself over and over again. Memories of all of their happy times ran through her head as she searched for a reason to stay together. They had a lot of good memories. Years worth of good memories. But of course, even good things have an end. 

Her hands were cold, her heart paced slowly as the weight of her worries made it difficult to beat lively. It wasn’t sudden. Things had been going down for two months now. After a dinner with Moonbyul’s parents ended badly, all of the negative sides of their relationship became more prominent. Yongsun began to wonder why she was ignoring them before now. The other girl’s parents didn’t agree with their relationship. They insisted it was a confused phase due to the fact that they had grown up together. There was no way they could be in love all of the sudden. But it wasn’t all of the sudden. Since they were freshman in high school they knew. However they only found the courage to confess when they were in their first year of college.

Yongsun left dinner that night feeling defeated. She realized that they would never approve. Noticing the effect their words had on Moonbyul was the worst part. The younger girl slowly started changing after that night. Becoming more cautions about public displays of affection. She began eating, talking, and sleeping less. It was obvious that her parents made her feel ashamed of herself. Yongsun couldn’t bare to watch it anymore. She knew what needed to be done. In order to help convince herself it was the right thing to do, she began overanalyzing their relationship, searching for red flags and negative things. She needed to know that this was the right thing to do.

Her heart stopped beating as two knocks echoed through her apartment. She stood up slowly, not wanting to rush. As soon as she opened that door, everything would be different. The rain had become louder as she made her way to her front door like a ghost. She opened it to see Moonbyul who greeted her with a half smile. 

They had been through dry patches before, but nothing like this. Yongsun watched as Moonbyul slipped out of her wet shoes. As she hung up her coat, Yongsun turned around and started making a pot of coffee. Moonbyul walked to Yongsun’s room to get herself a towel to dry her hair. She walked back out, rubbing her head with the towel as the older girl poured their coffee into two mugs.

“The one day I forget an umbrella.” Moonbyul said in a joking tone as she stood on the other side of the counter. Solar didn’t say anything, but gave a light smile as she continued to pour their coffee.

“Thank you.” She said quietly as she accepted the coffee from Yongsun. She took a sip, feeling the warm drink slid down , settling in her stomach and giving her a warm sensation. 

Yongsun brought the mug up to her lips, the smell of the roasted coffee beans filling her senses as the steam ran through her nose. She hadn’t looked the younger girl in they eyes yet. She couldn’t bring herself to. As she thought about the next moments to come, she forgot she was originally going to take a sip of her drink. The sound of Moonbyul’s satisfied sigh from the coffee brought her out of her thoughts and she took a sip. She flinched when the liquid burned her tongue.

“So.. what did you want to talk about?” Moonbyul asked curiously. 

The rain had become softer making the apartment seem quieter than before. The air was thin and cold due to the weather. All of the lights were off, giving the room a low blue lighting like what you would see early in the morning before the sun was completely awake. The clock across the room read 1:16 PM, and Yongsun was wishing she could go back in time as she looked at it. 

“Yongsun?” Moonbyul said softly after a minute of silence went by. Yongsun was so deep in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed she forgot to answer. Her eyes darted away from the clock, landing on Moonbyul, who’s hair was still damp. She took a moment to examine every inch of her face, wanting to remember what she looked like before her next words. How cluelessly content she was. The taller girl raised her eyebrows, a gesture encouraging the girl in front of her to answer the question. Yongsun’s eyes fell from Moonbyul’s face and she slowly put down her coffee mug. She cleared as her attention remained on her hands.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.” She said bluntly. After 3 seconds of silence, a breathy chuckle escaped the younger girl’s mouth, wondering where the punchline to this obvious joke was.

“Ok.” She said as she brought her hand up and playfully covered her eyes. Yongsun watched her and became annoyed. She didn’t have the ability to joke right now. When Moonbyul lowered her hand, she looked to see if she had gotten a laugh out of her girlfriend. However she was met by a serious gaze, one moment away from being angry.

“What do you mean?” She asked, still confused by the sudden suggestion. Yongsun’s eyes continued to pierce the other girl as she further explained herself.

“I mean we should break up.” She said firmly. She had practiced these words one hundred times so that she wouldn’t stutter when the time came. Moonbyul felt like she had been punched in the throat. She took a step back as an attempt to catch her balance from the blow. 

“Wha- Where is this coming from?” She asked. felt hot. She could feel her airway beginning to tighten. 

Yongsun inhaled deeply and then exhaled before continuing.

“We haven’t been doing well for a while now. And I think the best thing is to-“ She was suddenly cut off.

“Is it because of me? Because of my parents?” Yongsun started to hear the desperation in the younger girls voice.

“No I-“ She was cut off once again

“I can change. I’ll change. I’l do better.” Moonbyul added as tears began burning her eyes. She walked around the counter in a hurry and grabbed Yongsun’s hands.

“I’ve just been working through some things but I’m better now. We can make it work.” She pleaded as the shorter girl avoided her gaze. She brought a hand up to try and move Yongsun’s head to face her but she flinched away at the gesture. 

She jerked her hand out of Moonbyul’s grip and subtly wiped the tear that was spilling from her right eye. Although she had tears in her eyes, her voice was strong and steady, unlike Moonbyul’s who’s voice was shaky and weak.

“There’s nothing to fix. We just don’t work.” She responded. After Yongsun rejected her touch, Moonbyul didn’t know what to do with her hands. They felt numb at her sides without the warmth of the other girl to hold.

“We work!” She said, trying her best to convince the older girl. She desperately searched her brain for the right words.

“We’ve worked for over 10 years, Yongsun.” She added before quickly bringing her hand up to wipe her tear, trying her best to do it before Yongsun noticed she was crying. She swallowed the rock in before continuing her plead. 

“Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what it is and I will fix it. I can fix it.” She said as she reached for the older girl’s hand again. Yongsun quickly yanked out of her grip before finally looking at her. Moonbyul felt small under her harsh gaze.

“There’s nothing to fix!” She yelled causing the younger girl to stumble back a step at the sudden aggression.

“You can’t fix it!” Yongsun had decided that only anger would get Moonbyul to back down. So that’s what she resulted to. 

“I don’t love you anymore!” She shouted as an attempt to not only convince the taller girl, but to convince herself as well. Her heart immediately cracked when she saw the other girls reaction to her lie. 

She kept a straight face for a moment, but then suddenly tears began streaming down her face. The older girl’s words pierced through her violently like a sword through her stomach. She felt sick. Like throwing up. A ringing in hear ear added to the chaos stirring inside her head as she tried to find what encouraged these lies. They had to be lies. She quickly reached out, grabbing the shorter girl and pulling her in for a kiss. She held tightly as Yongsun tried to break the grip she had. Their breathing was loud and heavy when the older girl finally managed to escape Moonbyul’s hold.

“You can’t tell me you don’t love me.” Moobyul said in between hitched breaths as tears continued to fall down her face. Yongsun had done a good job at keeping herself under control. The younger girl hadn’t seen a single tear from her, making her words seem more real. Her lack of emotions added to the pain. 

“I need you to leave.” Yongsun said firmly, causing the other girl to freeze. Moonbyul knew if she left then it was really over. Right now as she stood in her gloomy, cold, and silent apartment, there was still a chance. 

“No.” She said plainly was she planted her feet in her spot.

“Moonbyul.” Yongsun insisted.

“No. I’m not leaving.” A few moments of silence went by before Yongsun grabbed her hand to lead her out. Moonbyul quickly pulled her hand from the others grip.

“I’m not leaving Yongsun.” She said. Yongsun knew that this needed to happen. Moonbyul was falling apart, and the one solution was for them to split. She loved her more than herself. So much that she was willing to break her heart if it meant saving her.

The struggle to get Moonbyul out intensified as Yongsun began using her full strength to push her out of the door. They wrestled, but Moonbyul felt one million times weaker than usual since she said she didn’t love her. She fought until the very end. Pushing as hard as she could at the door to try and get back inside. Yongsun was using the wall to push off of to help provide extra strength. As soon as the door shut, she quickly locked it before Moonbyul had time to push it back open.

“Yongsun please!” Moonbyul cried as she shook the handle. Everything was falling apart. She could hardly breathe as tears continued to fill her eyes, taking away her sight.

“Yongsun!” She pleaded. The older girl stood on the other side of the door, tears gushing from her eyes as she listened to Moonbyul beg her to open the door.

“Please let me in! I’ll do better! I’ll do better!” Moonbyul said what she could manage in between her sobs. The lack of oxygen was making her feel dizzy, but backing down wasn’t an option. This was the love of her life. Her best friend. She couldn’t lose her. She frantically shook the handle, hoping if she did it enough the lock would shake loose.

“I’m sorry!” She cried “Yongsun, I’m sorry!” She desperately repeated herself. Yongsun couldn’t bare to hear her anymore. She loathed herself for doing this to her. She brought her hands up to her ears and covered them as an attempt to drown out the younger girl’s cries. She closed her eyes as sobs violently poured out of her. She knew she would never find a love like Moonbyul again. But some people weren’t meant to be together. She realized that she ignored all of the little issues in their relationship because none of them mattered. Not when compared to the positives. Not when compared to how fervently the two loved each other.

But then Moonbyul stopped eating. And then she stopped sleeping. Yongsun could see the cloud of depression that constantly followed her. And it all started after dinner with her parents. Family was everything to Moonbyul, so her parents rejection crushed her. She dated boys before Yongsun. It made the older girl feel guilty. As if she forced Moonbyul into this relationship, even though the wasn’t the case at all.

After a few hours of Moonbyul begging, it suddenly became quiet. With puffy eyes and a running nose, Yongsun stood up to look out her camera. The younger girl had finally left. Slowly, she walked toward her bedroom. She was exhausted. Half way to her bedroom, she fell to the ground and began sobbing. She didn’t think she had anymore tears left to cry, but she was proven wrong as she curled up on the floor and quickly created a puddle of tears. She tried telling herself that it was for the best. That it was for Moonbyul. However, nothing seemed to help. She needed to let herself feel this. Feel the pain and the loss. She didn’t know that you could physically feel the pain of your heart breaking. She held a hand over her chest as she continued to cry. She tried catching her breath and swallowed her tears. The feeling of her burnt tongue from the coffee she had earlier made the entire thing seem ironic. As if burning her tongue was a glance at the pain she was going to feel later on. Maybe it was the worlds attempt to try and keep her from talking. Or maybe a foreshadowing of the fiery and harmful words she was about to spit out. Either way, there was no taking back all of the pain she caused today.

Yongsun fell asleep on the cold floor after her crying stopped. Breaking her best friends heart was the hardest thing she ever had to do.