-SUNGJONG POV- 

I stared at the vast and dark view that my hotel room is offering me, it was late and the sky is littered with twinkling stars and the city is illuminated with fluorescent lights. A soft music playing as I enjoy the eerie yet relaxing midnight sight. I should be sleeping I know but being here in a different country alone in my hotel suite and the adrenaline of being surrounded by fans got me all energised and drained at the same time. 

This feeling encasing my whole being is neither good nor bad, it was neutral. It’s making my head clear yet clouded at the same time. Clouded with questions and what if and yet clear from stress and noise. I brought my legs up and hug both of my legs as I then rest my head on my knees as I continue to enjoy the view in front of me. 

Life has always been a rollercoaster ride for me, it was full of ups and down and yet the adrenaline is what keeps me from quitting and the thrill is what keeps me from doing it until now. I had been battling with depression and anxiety the past years but luckily I’m walking away from it, finding a way to break free from it and accommodate myself. 

Lately I felt like I’m more complete, more at ease, more than what I was before. But then again another part of my heart feels like there’s missing. My mind say it doesn’t know what it is but my heart says it fully knows what it is that was leaving my heart hallow at times. As my work schedule getting packed my personal life is getting limited, I was happy for being able to do what I love but I was also conflicted loosing those precious time and realising how it’s getting limited. 

The sound of the doorbell broke my musings and I scrutinised the door for a few seconds before standing up and opening the door which revealed my boyfriend of six years standing in front of my hotel room, years of being an idol yet all he ever fancied on wearing is black outfits. He was wearing his black cardigan and shirt and black shorts and his Adidas slippers looking all casual especially with his hair down. But nonetheless still handsome without a doubt

“Do you want to grab some coffee?” 

Do you know what time it is?

“It’s 2:18am”

Sigh let me get dressed then 

I let him in and walk towards my luggage and pulled out a shirt and a pants I took off my bathrobe as I then put on my clothes, once I was done I then grab my phone and wallet as I then put on my coat. As we step out of my room I grab my key card and we head to the elevator. As we got to the lobby the receptionist smiled at us and I bowed at her thanking her for her warm smile despite how late it is. It was quiet and there’s not much people in there to see us. 

As we step out of the hotel cold air hits our skin yet we’ve experienced far more chilling breeze. I followed him as he head towards a secluded 24 hour cafe shop that we would surely visit everytime we are here. And as we reach our destination the door chime resonated on the small and quiet cafe, the aroma of caffeine intruded my senses and I couldn’t help but relax. 

I took a sit on the far and secluded corner of the cafe as Myungsoo went and order our drinks, being together for a long while he has finally memorised what I would like to drink at times like these. I look around and see more or less five people in here minding their own business probably seeking refuge for tonight or maybe just like my random lover craving for a midnight drink. 

Once Myungsoo returned holding two steaming cups in his hand he handed one to me and I thanked him as I took it gratefully. I stare at the window and look at the quiet road and study the closed stores and the flicking road light and stop lights. I blow at my drink a few times before I took a sip on my drink, I sigh  in contentment as it’s taste invaded my taste buds. 

“Why were you still awake?” 

Just thinking... You?

“Lost track of time, I was playing some game” 

You do know you’re eyesight would go bad if you don’t try to control that

“Don’t worry it’s only when I have free time” 

Mhm... 

“What were you thinking about? Are you okay?” 

Nothing in general... I am. Why? Do I not look fine?

“You do but normally you would be asleep by now if nothing was wrong.” 

Don’t worry I’m fine, I’m just feeling neutral. 

“That’s good right?” 

I don’t know... I hope so... 

“Jjong...” 

I’m really fine... 

He didn’t speak so I tore my eyes away from the window and look at him, he was staring at me. Studying my facial expressions and I just put down my drink as I then fiddle on my phone making it spin and I took a peek at him and still