#04: A nameless bird that sings

Taehyung hates that he’s getting used to this again. Hates that he’s back to being alone. They say being alone and lonely are two different things, but for Kim Taehyung, it doesn’t matter which of them he is. Because both are something he can’t possibly avoid.

Now, it has almost been a month and a half since then, since everything had spiralled down so amazingly that he’d managed to ruin his seven years of Seoul life in just a matter of a month.

Jeongguk still avoids him like a plaque, though it’s nothing unusual if he excludes the fact that the former doesn’t even try to be subtle when doing so, briskly brushing past him as if he doesn’t even exist. It hurts, oh it does hurt, but it can’t possibly hurt more than the fact that he’d accidentally heard Jeongguk saying that Kim Taehyung doesn’t belong here.

But Jeongguk’s only speaking the truth, so all he did then was choke the bitter fact down his throat, school his face to a blank look and walked past the Circle like he hadn’t had his heart broken for the umpteenth times now.

Though, what conflicts Taehyung more is the grey line between feeling soothed and feeling frustrated over Jimin’s effort.

So many times Jimin had tried confronting him about what had happened, but Taehyung knows better, already knows his place in this new land, so Taehyung had taken it to himself to avoid Jimin instead. He knows Jimin is frustrated, because Taehyung is a stubborn fool, but he never give up. Has always always always put his best effort to talk to Taehyung.

But on the days when Taehyung felt as if his resolve is beginning to crack, Jimin’s pleading eyes gradually melting his cold heart, Hoseok seems eager to patch that crack for him when Taehyung had heard countless times of the things Hoseok would say to convince Jimin to just stop associating himself with the likes of Taehyung.

Often, he’d heard with his keen hearing of words that he’d wished he hadn’t heard.

“Chim, it’s too dangerous. I won’t let you.”

“But Hobi, Tae’s my friend. I need to talk to him.”

“That friend almost took you, Park Jimin. He's dangerous! ing listen to me for once!”

“But he didn’t mean to—“

“Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t mean it, okay?! You heard Joon, there’s no friend or foe for these things!”

These things.

Monsters, Hoseok should’ve just said it outright. He doesn’t have to be subtle about it. It’s not as if Taehyung doesn’t know it himself.

But Taehyung is not really concerned over what Hoseok says or said. It stings, sure, to be referred like that again, but it’s not exactly new, and Taehyung knows he’ll get used to it again in no time, as always.

Kim Taehyung is just a little uneasy, wary even, over the odd changes that he’d begun to notice the past few weeks. No, it has nothing to do with his inner demon, everything has been quiet and tame so far, the demon forced back into its rightful cage. And Taehyung is glad to have his sanity back.

He’s just apprehensive that the rest of the Circle is always in his periphery now. They are good at what they’re doing. They were subtle, lurking, their smell barely there, and Taehyung had to enhance his sense to be able to smell them, to hear them, but once he did, they are always there. They haven’t approached him yet, seem to be keeping their distance from him, but they are just—always there, always watching.

Taehyung has stopped avoiding them, just treats them as if they don’t exist. But it’s difficult to do that when they are always around. And Taehyung hates it, grates him that he can’t shake them off, so aware of their hawk eyes, of the looks they send him when they thought he wasn’t looking. He knows they can’t be blamed though. Because it's their job. It's what a hunter does.

Moon Hunters.

“Gyeom-ah,” Taehyung whispered out, his eyes oddly emotionless as he stared ahead, body rigid as he sat up on the bed. Yugyeom appeared beside him in a flash, his hair a mess of rumple and his eyes a reflection of deep worries and concerns.

Taehyung turned his head, his dark eyes locking against Yugyeom’s.

“Gyeom-ah, they know.” He’d said, merely stating them. There wasn’t any other way around it. Yugyeom nodded, already settling down in the bed beside him, craddling Taehyung in his comforting arms.

A tear fell against his will, despite the numbness that seemed to engulf him whole, the reality looming all over him, over his past, his present and his future.

“They knew, Gyeom-ah. They knew.” Taehyung’s voice cracked, burying his face into Yugyeom’s chest.

“I know, Tae. It’s okay.”

“It’s not, Gyeomie. Not okay. They’ll kill us.”

“They won’t.”

“They have to.”

“Should we leave then? Do you want to leave?” Yugyeom asked.

Taehyung was quiet for a while.

“We should, shouldn’t we?” He finally replied, weak and soft, reluctant but determined.

“If that’s what you want,” Yugyeom said, “But we don’t have to.”

“But— they’re hunters, Gyeom-ah. I can’t, we can’t—“

“Tae, they won’t hurt you.”

“They will. They might. We can’t risk that, Gyeom-ah. It’s what they do. They—“

“Tae, Tae, listen. Trust me on this.”

“But—“

“Tae, you don’t have to trust them if you’re scared. Just, trust me. I won’t let them hurt you.” Yugyeom promised. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

Taehyung’s honestly surprised that they haven’t jumped him yet, all things considered. He did freak them out with their little stunt the other day. Though, he thinks he thought that a second too soon when a voice breaks his reverie, his head tilting to the sound in tandem, not surprised anymore that Taehyung couldn’t sense them before he really sees or hear them. It’s afterall, what hunters do. They sneak and slither.

“Hey,” Yoongi is the first to greet, his face unreadable as he takes in the sight of Taehyung blinking warily at the three of them before he promptly lets himself sit at the table, Seokjin and Namjoon following his lead. “Mind if we sit here with you?” He finally asks and Taehyung actually snorts at that, rolls his eyes at them.

“Can I still say no?” Taehyung asks and Yoongi shoots him a small smirk, Namjoon sheepish just as Seokjin seems amused.

“You can try.” Yoongi says, “but hell be damned if we’ll listen.” Seokjin adds with a grin and Namjoon snorts at that.

Taehyung’s amused, but he’s more wary and cautious at the sudden approach, so he just represses his smile and shrugs his shoulder, tries to act as nonchalant as he could appear.

“Worth a try.” He comments, lets a smile fakes on his lips as he lets his eyes fall back to the opened book in front of him, a stray leaf lying peacefully on it. His fingers deftly take it in between, eyes focused solely on rolling it in his fingers even if his whole body is very much aware of the eyes that seem to bore through him.

It’s quiet for a while, none of them says a word nor form any noise, tense of what would be the first thing to say, of what’s okay to be said. But someone has to start, or Taehyung is going to go crazy at the tension that seems to surround the table.

“Taehyung,” Luckily it’s Seokjin who says it first, said male’s shoulders turning rigid promptly at the call. Taehyung would’ve seen the way Yoongi rolls his eyes if he had even remotely tried to lift his head up.

“No need to be so tense, kid. We just wanna talk.” Yoongi tells him casually as if it’s nothing too much, before Taehyung hears a pained yelp when Seokjin suddenly smacks Yoongi's head upfront.

Taehyung finally looks up, mouth hanging in surprise at their bickerings.

“Show some tact, will you?” Seokjin hisses and Taehyung weakly chuckles at that, smiles a little at the way they bicker, the way family always does, the way Taehyung has never experience ever since he was turned. He barely remembers this kind of fondness anymore, not until they show up.

“It’s fine.” Taehyung shakes his head, looking at the three of them. “There’s nothing tactful about what we were about to talk anyway, right?” He continues, and Seokjin drops his goofy look and purses his lips.

“Anyway, just the three of you? No the rest of the Circle?” Taehyung tries, wants to make this conversation a little less painful if he could. Namjoon huffs out a curt laugh, absolutely amused.

“It’s amusing to hear you really call us the Circle. We’ve only ever heard that from Chim and Yoongi.” Seokjin comments with a smile. Taehyung shrugs.

“Fits you guys well, don’t you think?”

“Because we’re a tight-knit group?”

Because you’re family, he thinks. But he doesn't let himself say that, just shrugs his shoulders and say, “Because you don’t let anyone else in.” Taehyung responds instead. Namjoon raises his eyebrow at that.

“Yeah, no, we didn’t.” Namjoon admits but doesn’t continue. Taehyung notices how he’d used the past tense when saying that, but he couldn’t really dwell on it when Seokjin interrupts his train of thought.

“How are you?” He asks out of the blue, and it takes a few seconds before Taehyung truly understands the question. And Taehyung frowns, suspicious. If there is anything that Taehyung expects them to ask, that is definitely not in any of his expected list of questions.

“Uh, I’m fine?” He answers anyway, narrows his eyes at the way Seokjin seems to beam.

“That’s great.” Seokjin grins. “I’m just glad that you’re feeling better now. Chim would be happy to hear that too.” He continues but the ridicule of it all only makes Taehyung frown even more, taken aback. Hunters don’t sympathise. They never do.

“You don’t have to pretend, you know.” Taehyung remarks.

“Pretend?” Yoongi frowns this time instead but Taehyung is just frustrated. Why is everything so difficult? Why are they pretending to be nice? To be concerned? Why can't they just be blatant? Why are they making this so diffcult? Why?

“Look, I know you’re concerned. And I also owe you guys an apology. I’m sorry that I almost harmed your friend. But I assure you that there’s nothing to be worried of. I’ll keep my distance from Jimin and hopefully, you’ll keep away from Yugyeom and I too.”

“Taehyung—“ Seokjin goes to rebut something, but Taehyung has to get them all out. He can't stop now, just can't, so he continues despite Seokjin looking pained at his dismissal.

“It’d be best if we just pretend we don’t know each other. Actually, please act as if we don’t exist. I promise you we meant no harm for being here. I know it’s against your law, but I hope we can coexist peacefully.”

“Wait, our law—“ Namjoon winces at his word, but Taehyung won't stop now. He'll tell them all, get it off his chest, he'll get them all out, all the hurt and frustration that seems to swirl mindlessly in his chest since Day One. Everything.

“Well, at least until we can sort this thing out and get out of your way. So yeah, you don’t have to pretend to be concerned with my being.”

“What the .” Yoongi says, scowling.

“What? Is that not enough? Or, wait, is that not the reason you guys are here?” Taehyung taunts because he's hurt, so hurt, so exhausted.

“Hold on, what do you mean not enough? Not enough of what?” Namjoon raises a hand, eyebrows pinched tight, not understanding everything that had been spilled so abruptly.

“Well, information. Again, if it’s info that you guys are looking for, I don’t have them.” The latter says, curt and concise. Namjoon shakes his head again, rubbing fingers over his pulsating temple.

“I’m, I’m still not getting this. What information are you talking about?” Namjoon asks. And Taehyung can only huffs out heavily, too frustrated to even hide them anymore.

“Look, I don’t know any other Moonchildren. It has always been just me and Yugyeom the whole time. I can’t offer you guys anything.” He states them clearly, eyes staring straight into theirs, confident.

“Wait, wait a ing second. You—“ Yoongi takes a deep breath. “You think we came here, sat down at this table at 2 p.m., in this hot ing weather, because we want information from you?”

“What else would you hunters want from a Moonchild like me? Other than having our heads and looking for more?” Taehyung scowls.

“What the actual .” Yoongi curses, rolling his eyes. And Seokjin looks at Taehyung sadly, as if he pities Taehyung for being a sad, sad -up.

“Why would you think that?” Seokjin asks in between his gritted teeth, hurt. Taehyung just grits on his teeth and scoffs. He’s so tired, tired of everything, tired of being a Moonchild, tired of living, tired of pretending, tired of humans, tired of Jeongguk, just so so so tired of existing.

“I’m not an idiot, Seokjin. You think I didn’t notice?”

Seokjin seems like he wants to say something but Taehyung looks so angry, so ferocious that he'd kept his lips mum.

“You guys were watching me, weren’t you? This whole month? You guys carefully kept your distance, but I’m a ing Moonchild. I know when I’m being watched. I’d be damned if I didn’t notice how most of you were always in my sight.” Taehyung hissed.

“Taehyung, that’s not—“

“You think I like being a ing Moonchild? You think I like having my own soul ripped away? You think I like being watched like I am a ing monster on the loose? You think I don’t know how disgusting I am? I know I ing messed up. I made a mistake, a gravely one. And , I almost harmed Jimin. I can’t undo that. But you don’t have to be so ing pressed that you’d resort to keeping eyes on me all the time. I’ve been a Moonchild for too long, I know how to behave. I know my limit. You don’t have to remind me every ing second by putting up a fence around me.”

“Taehyung!” Yoongi hissed, eyes alert with a pinched look.

“Taehyung, calm down! Please! Your eyes—“ Seokjin looks panicked, eyes glancing around as he scans their periphery, looking if anyone had witnessed the way Taehyung’s eyes are swimming in a blue flame.

Taehyung doesn’t even realise that, he doesn’t realise that he’s so mad that he’d lost control. He tries to calm himself down, the thrum of cold blood in his vein gradually slows down as he takes a deep breathe in, his eyes fading back to brown.

“Taehyung, we are not here to rile you up. Please, let us explain. It’s not what you think it is.” Namjoon tells him.

“It’s not?” Taehyung scoffs. “Are you saying that you weren’t going to annihilate us?”

“Annihilate—no! That’s not it!” Yoongi suddenly yells, palm slamming hardly against the table.

“Bull.” Taehyung calls out, almost snarls at him too.

“No, it’s not. Please, believe us.” Namjoon tells him, calmly, desperately.

“And why do I have to believe you?” Taehyung questions, staring at him indignantly.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything though, has nothing to say, his throat clamming up when he finds nothing to say. Because Taehyung really has no reasons at all to trust them. Taehyung lets out a huff at the silence.

“Fine, answer me a question and maybe, I’ll trust you.” He says, looking at the three of them each, before he finally settles his sight back to Namjoon.

“What is it?” The latter asks.

“Are you, or are you not a Moon Hunter?” Taehyung shoots, and he thinks, he already knows the answer before Namjoon can even reply him.

Because his hesitance is enough.

The few seconds that it takes Namjoon to respond is enough of an answer.

“Yes," Namjoon gulps, "Yes, but that's not—“ He goes to explain, but then, Taehyung has already shifted his body, abruptly standing as he gathers his stuffs into his arms. And then just as he briefly throws each of them a hard look, his eyes seem to blaze in an ice blue flame, just momentarily.

“Then, I have no reason to trust you.”

Taehyung wakes up groggy, his mind a soundless matter as he raises in his cold bed. It takes him a while to get used to, but he has come to appreciate the welcomed peace of his mind after a while. It used to be a little awkward when he'd suddenly found his mind feel so quiet after the last ordeal of him almost turning into a Stray. It takes a little getting used to when he'd been hearing voices in his head for almost three weeks.

It also takes a while more for him to notice that he's alone in bed. He remembers coming home yesterday with a mind so blank, and a chest so hurt that Yugyeom had immediately cradled to him and tucked him into bed. He'd hummed a soft melody that Jeongguk used to sing as a lullaby so he'd fall asleep easier. It worked even if it had both been different. It worked because Yugyeom was all he has left now, his home.

Sluggishly, Taehyung pulls the quilt off of him and shuffles out of bed. He swings the door open and immediately he smells the telltale of kimchi wafting through the air. Taehyung smiles a little and goes for the kitchen.

"Morning, Gyeomie." He greets, rubbing the sleep out of his tired orbs with his sweater paws.

"More like afternoon, but okay, Tae. Hungry?" Yugyeom asks, and Taehyung grins sheepishly.

"Famished." He says as he settles down over the kitchen island.

"Great timing. Kimchi stew is just about done now. Wait till I serve them." He says.

"You really make a great husband, Gyeom-ah." Taehyung teases, just as his mouth waters when Yugyeom places two bowls of Kimchi stew on the counter.

"You're lucky we're married then," Yugyeom winks playfully and Taehyung chuckles.

"I think we're more than married, aren't we?" The latter says and Yugyeom smiles too, albeit a little weaker than before.

"Always." Yugyeom comments as he puts a piece of pickled cabbage unto Taehyung's rice.

“Thank you, Gyeom-ah.” Taehyung says, a simple word of gratitude, but Yugyeom knows how much the words are hiding what it meant behind them.

“Anything for you, Tae.” Yugyeom answers, swallowing the food he'd cooked, even if they taste like lead to a Bird like him.

Taehyung notices it, notices how the turns of Yugyeom's lips don't really reach the usual curl, notices how there are dark circles forming under his eyes. And Taehyung feels the telltale of guilt begins gnawing at his chest, so Taehyung thinks it's best that he makes up for it soon.

"Hey, Gyeom-ah," Taehyung calls, cheeks still bundling with chewed food. Yugyeom hums and shakes his head, thumb reaching over to take off a stray grain of rice from the corner of his lips.

"What say you we do a bit of a food hunting today?"

"It's always food with you, yeah?" Yugyeom smiles, more earnestly now, and Taehyung's happy that he's the reason for that smile.

"We can go shopping too! You love shopping, don't you?"

"Uh-huh," Yugyeom raises an eyebrow and Taehyung pouts.

"What, I need to stock up on Kimchi and gochujang before we leave. God knows when we'll get to come back here again. Don't be mean." He pouts even more when Yugyeom bursts out laughing.

"I know it's all about food for you." Yugyeom says in between his laugh. Taehyung grins, satisfied.

"Anything to make you laugh, Gyeomie." Taehyung says quietly under his breath, enjoying the lull of Yugyeom's laugh, commits it into his memory, just as he once did for Jeongguk.

They don't always show their affection when in public, but Taehyung can't seem to refuse it when Yugyeom had taken his hand to intertwine their fingers together as they walk to the city. Taehyung in fact, marvels in the way he feels safe, tucked closely to Yugyeom's side as they chatter around. Although it's mostly just Taehyung chirping out excitedly over everything that is Korean. Yugyeom just listens to his excited ranting, talking about how he misses being surrounded with the pitter patter of Korean language, of how it feels like back home, of how he feels like he almost belongs there.

But they know it's all just talk. They don't really belong there. But they can dream, and this date they're having is just one of that, of wanting to go back to the time when it was all easy, all human-like and to forget just once that they're not exactly humans anymore.

It works for a while. They have been to a few street vendor, buying one each of everything, marvelling at the authentic taste of homemade food, just enjoying the moments, never once letting go of each other's hand, until reality slaps them back to the ground.

"Taehyung." It's always Yoongi first who says it whenever they meet, and Taehyung hates how much his body seized when he catches sight of the one he's been trying to get off of his mind. Yugyeom feels the way his hand goes still, squeezes back just a tad bit strong, as if he's giving him a bit of his strength. Taehyung feels himself quickly relaxing a little, his tense shoulder loosening slightly, just as he finds himself frowning once he gathers the group of people in front of him.

Taehyung raises an eyebrow at that, his face hardens at what the implication of the Circle being there at the same time they do. He doesn't even have to say anything when Seokjin scrambles to say—

“It’s really just a coincidence! We weren’t—“ Taehyung doesn't let him finish his words when he rolls his eyes and pulls Yugyeom with him.

“Whatever. Well then, we’ll take our excuse.” He announces, avoids looking at Jeongguk who has been glaring at him as if Taehyung had murdered the entirety of his family. Yet, it's always Jimin who stops him from leaving, from keeping their distance, from making everything easier for everyone here. It's always the sweet, sweet Jimin, who knows nothing, nothing of the imminent danger and the pain he's causing Taehyung quietly.

“Tae! Wait, please can we talk? I need to—“ And there's always Hoseok to stop Jimin, to twist the dagger that's been placed in his chest by Jimin's own hand.

“Chim, stop that!" Hoseok hisses, grabbing unto Jimin's arm. "Stop! He’s obviously—“

“A monster, right, Hoseok-ah?" Taehyung cuts him off, the corner of his lips twitching in anger. He then turns a little menacingly towards Jimin, a cunning smile that doesn't really belong to him appears on his lips.

"Yeah Chim, you really should listen to Hoseok once and stop talking to me. Or I might just turn you too. I mean, you’re just—“ Taehyung swallows nothing down his throat, takes a little effort for him to say this. “—a little too delectable for me not to.” Taehyung smirks, dark and twisted. Jimin flinches under Taehyung's dark stare, it pains him to do this, but maybe, this is what he should've done way before everything gets tangled up so messily.

“Tae,” Yugyeom whispers, tugs on his arm, warning him.

“Taehyung, what’s wrong? You, you never talk to me like that. I—“

“Well, that’s before you found out, isn't it? And now that you did, what’s stopping me from being myself? From ravishing you like a well-done dessert?” Taehyung raises a brow and Jeongguk snarls.

“Oh, stop it, Jeon. You think I’m weak, don’t you? Of course, you’ve always seen me at my weakest, always crying over you. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not crying because of you. I cried because you’re just a shell of someone I know. I cried because why would fate be so cruel, giving you his look? When you’re nothing close like what he was, when Jeongguk deserved so much better than you. Why Jeongguk, of all the people you could've manifested into—“

“Taehyung, stop.” Yugyeom tugs him, turning him around. It shakes him to the core, to see the pain swimming over Yugyeom's eyes, the concerns they bore behind the hard look on his face. It makes him regret, but this is how it should go, should've been so, so Taehyung nods his head, wants to tell him that he's okay, that this is the only way, and that he'll go through it no matter how hard it is.

“Yugyeom—“ He starts to say, but doesn't get to finish when Yugyeom himself pulls up a coy smirk, eyebrow raised as he turns to face the rest of them.

“Tae, you shouldn’t compare this Jeon with our Jeongguk.” Yugyeom speaks, the smile on his lips is unbecoming of the soft, kind-hearted Yugyeom that Taehyung has always known. It hurts Taehyung so much, to see how far Yugyeom would go just to protect him.

“Yugyeom-ah,” Taehyung warns, eyes searching deep into Yugyeom’s, hoping that his thoughts are being relayed to the other. Stop, this is my doing. Not yours. Not yours.

Yugyeom turns away again, watches the way Jeongguk strains at his words, as if he wants to rebut them, but he can’t, couldn’t, because this Jeongguk knows nothing about their Jeongguk. This Jeongguk shall not hurt Kim Taehyung. No, Yugyeom thinks, not even their Jeongguk will hurt Kim Taehyung. Not as long as Yugyeom lives.

“Well, whatever it is, I think we owe you an apology, Jeon.” Jeongguk bristles at the animosity in which Yugyeom says his name. Yugyeom is claiming, Taehyung knows this much and strangely, Jeongguk is responding to it. Taehyung immediately tugs unto Yugyeom’s shirt, shaking his head with a pinched look.

“We’re sorry that we mistook you as our Jeongguk. You’re far from him. It’s a bummer that we only realised this now. Our Jeongguk will never hurt his Taehyung like you did. Our Jeongguk would never stand there, across his Taehyung. Our Jeongguk, would never stand seeing Taehyung cries. Our Jeongguk—“

“Shut up!” Jeongguk screams, his face flushes red, fist clenching hard. But Yugyeom doesn’t listen. He would if it’s their Jeongguk that tells him that, just like the old days, but that is not the Jeon Jeongguk they know. That is just the oblivious form of the new Jeon Jeongguk, the one of this messed up life. So he continues either way—

“Our Jeon Jeongguk, would never look at us like that.” Yugyeom’s voice breaks at the end. “Jeonggukie would never look at us as if we were monsters.” He ends it there, just as he hears Taehyung chokes back on a sob.

“I’m sorry.” He hears Taehyung whispers, trying to hold back his tears. Yugyeom just shakes his head and pulls Taehyung further into a hug, pressing the latter’s face into the crook of his neck as he kisses the top of Taehyung’s hair tenderly. He then turns his head back to the rest and bows politely.

“Sorry about what Tae said before, Jimin. He doesn’t mean it. He’s just stressed over everything. We’ll take our leave then.”

“Oh, and also, Hoseok, right?” Yugyeom smiles, wicked, beautiful, cruel. “You don’t have to worry about your Chim.” He eyes Jimin briefly just as he stares back at Hoseok who’s beginning to cower behind Namjoon.

“These monsters you are referring to? You won’t be seeing us anymore.” He says, venomous. Jimin frowns at the news.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Jimin asks, anxious. But Yugyeom doesn’t answer, and Taehyung has no more strength to face them, eyes evading the rest of the group.

“Isn't that good news for you? Well then.” Yugyeom smiles, dark and vicious as he bows one last time, eyes glaring briefly at Jeongguk as they take their leave.

He won’t let him hurt Taehyung again, this Yugyeom promises.