Epilogue: Letter To Minghao

Dear Minghao

I'm so sorry Minghao.

I don't know where I went wrong.

That's a lie. I do know.

I was scared. Scared of my feelings. I wanted convenience. I wanted it to be easy.

Why didn't you tell me? Why did you lie? If I had known the truth I could have made it all ok.

I asked you to help me change. I said I needed you to hold the shirts. A lie. I wanted you to see me. I wanted you to look at me. I crave your attention. I'm an addict looking for a hit. I find it in your hungry eyes.

You used to sit and watch me work. You would just sit in the corner and pretend to study but I watched you watching me. But you stopped coming. I pretended I didn't notice. Another lie.

On Valentine's Day I came in with red roses. They were for you. I was a coward. I lied and said they came from a secret admirer. I wanted to give them to you and see you smile. You love cheesy romance. You would have loved it. You would smile and call me a Disney Prince and I would laugh and say that makes you my Princess.

I left you one on your pillow. You deserved them all and I could only give you one.

I forget you hate mushrooms until I see you forcing yourself to swallow them. I remember but it's too late. You smile and say it's delicious. I'm unworthy. I don't deserve you. Why are you so good to me?

Then I met her. She reminds me of you. I see your smile in hers and it feels easy. I give in.

I kiss her and I touch her and it's a lie.

You moved out and I missed you and I wanted you to come back but it feels like it's gone too far and I don't know how to turn it around.

She's not a bad person but I am and I have fed her so many of my lies. She doesn't deserve this. Neither do you.

I've told her to leave.

I want you to come back.

Remember when we were kids and I pushed you off your bike? I promised I would never hurt you ever again. I was such a liar.

I've hurt you and I'm sorry and I want you to come home.

I know it's too late but she's gone from the place that belongs to you. Our home, by my side, in my heart. It's yours. All of it. It always has been.

I'm done with the lies. You are my truth.

Please come home. Please come back to me.

I love you.

Always yours

Jun x