I just staring in the front of my pc…

Stuck,

How could I continue writing this love story,

—when mine was a total wreck...

How could the love once bloomed within us,—

Now only become a painful memory...

 

My editor just called,

He said the latest draft is not enough

I’m tired

Can I just escaped from this reality

 

I finally left my apartment

After since a while I’ve locked up myself

I’m trying to be better.

After all, maybe this broke up story,

Is probably trying to tell me something

Far more better

 

I picked up my pen, —trying to focus on writing

Surrounded by the fresh air

Filling my lungs with positivity

When suddenly I heard some soothing melody

So beautiful that I can’t even pretend I didn’t hear that

I looked up

Only to saw the source of this serenade

I didn’t realise time could moving this fast

 

Today is pouring hard

But I didn’t feel gloomy at all..

After all, I’ve already found my purpose once again.

I wonder if I could ever meet her once more.

 

I went to the same park

My muse wasn’t there

That is okay.

If the fate allows me, —

Maybe we could met somewhere else

 

Today is a good day.

My Editor satisfied with everything

Now I only need to fixed some here and some there

It’s just a matter of time—

Until I saw my other work on display

 

I celebrate the good news

To the place far from luxury

But I was wrong

It is better than any five star fancy stuffs

Since I get to saw my muse once again

As expected, her voice hypnotising my mind

To the point I could feel myself into the arms of angel

Suddenly my phone buzzed—

I tried to ignore it, —but I’m more afraid of the consequences

—cliché, how the universe didn’t want me to enjoy my life

As I left the café,

I set my goal

If—after this I met her somewhere outside this café

I’ll chase her to the end of the world

Even to the end of my life

That’s my promise to the fate

 

I thought my suffering was over

But I was wrong—

As I handed over the newest draft

But still rejected because it wasn’t that good

The deadline is near

I wonder when I would get a chance to meet my muse again

Regretting my life choices

From the only chance

When I could engage her, while I can

Maybe after all, fate is messing with me.

 

I went to shop for groceries

Preparing to lock myself for another week

It still nowhere near half of story

But I am progressing

And just when I thought I’m going crazy—

From seeing things for the past weeks

I didn’t

I run down from escalator—

And went back upstairs to chased my muse

Ignoring all the stare I was given

Which didn’t bother me at all

Since my heart just broke with the sight I lost

Once again, fate is toying me

 

I went back to the café for nth time

To work my off near the deadline

But I know I was lying

It was all in order to catch a glimpse of her

But all the attempt I did

It never works

 

My car broke this morning

Just when I have to attend an important meeting

I took a bus after what it seems to be a long time not.

It was packed,

—remind me the reason why I never took a bus anymore

But she was there

Queuing in front of the back door

I realised my voice is higher than usual

Ignoring the glare I’ve received when I shouted

But it was too late

She is already gone

 

While my hand moving to give them my signature—

I beamed my genuine smile to all of them and interact.

For a brief moment

I put down my pen

Looking up, there are still half of the audience

I flinched for a second.

I still haven’t gotten used—

With my brain tricking me

That I just thought I saw my muse—walking behind the audience

Which I brushed off

After all, it has been years

 

As the centre of attention,

I brought my glass up to the air

Cling the luxurious champagne, gift of my successes

With the help of these people

I’m proud of myself that I could be for what I am today

Better self—

Yet, still with the hole inside my heart

The flings that I had

Never ever been enough

It has to be her.

And fate, is really cruel

After all the years I’ve been spending

After all the search that I’ve been through

After all the time I thought I’m going crazy

And at this moment

I could listen to the same aria—

That my head keep replaying over and over

—I turned around and stood up,

In the verge of tears

Slowly walking my way towards the front of stage

Gaining the attention from all of the corner

But I didn’t care

“It is beautiful”

Accompanied with a slow claps

It is the only sentence I said—

after long, intense stare throughout the whole song

Which left me surprised—

Since she didn’t break them at all

—still serenading me with the softest smile ever

Fate indeed works in funny way

 

;;;

 

To be standing here has always been my dream

All of the years of hard work I’ve been through

It was worth every single of it

This is highest point in my life

Which I know it’s going to be even higher from now on

After the new contract We’ve signed earlier this month

Yet, all of these happiness

Something inside my soul is missing

Compared to the moment when I met her for the first time

Foolishly standing at my first busking

I could clearly remember her sheepish smile

—even after all these years has passed

But God has different plan for me

My life turned even better from five minutes ago—

—when I saw her approaching

Her twinkling eyes, and the same sheepish smile

Getting closer and closer

I almost choked, but I have to keep professional

I couldn’t avert her burning gaze

I want to braze this moment deep inside my memory

And took it together to the end of my life

“It is beautiful”

She said

With flushed cheeks and trails of tears I just nodded,

Exchanging smile between us

 

Today is probably the last chance

For me to “coincidentally” encounter

Whose has always been my only love at first sight

Whose always fill my gauge to going live

Before we get busier

To reach the top

This time

We get few recognition from wandering audience in the park

Crowded

Some even regulars

Right after we finished the first song

Flashback to the time where it was—

Only her sole eyes, appreciating our performance

In the middle of same park

I tried scanning all of the people

Before accepting the fact

She wasn’t nowhere to be found

 

I woke up feeling so nervous

Deciding today is going to be my last attempt—

Our last attempt

If today wasn’t going well,

Choices never has been this hard.

To keep holding on—

Or

To finally let go,

What so called passion

 

My band mates turned around

Of course I know my sigh could be heard—

Maybe even miles away

Every one of us is feeling the same

I am so selfish

To only thinking about myself

 

I screamed on the top of my lungs

Letting out all the frustration in one go

When I thought my life is going to be better

Suddenly each of my members have separate reason

For why our band didn’t seems to work out for everyone

I blamed myself, —

For ignoring this big problem earlier

I cried

Alone in the studio room

 

The illusion of she was everywhere

I was already gotten used to it

But, —not even an action

Led me to try to end my single life

Because, —here I am

Haven’t move on from the same person

Even after years has been passed

Holding on to my promise

To my own self, few years ago

 

Today I hang out with my whole band mates

We are celebrating my promotion

And I know I am a bit naïve

For not noticing worries inside their gaze

For not handling the growing snowball—

—that could be prevented

For brushing them off

Only to counter them later

 

I snickered at the passed bus stop

Probably the last time I went from this route

Since I’m moving to a closer rent from my workplace

I pushed stop button and looked to the bus driver

Noticing a familiar figure

But by the time, —I already know

My mind pulling a trick to me

 

Finally I’ve been accepted!

It is a small start-up company

But still

A stable job

Which I’ve always wanted

To support my life better

 

We keep busking in the same park

And gaining our popularity each time

But deep inside I know

My eyes only searching for the same—

The only figure

I’ve been thinking for the last few months

 

One more job opening to attend

Only before the weekend

I walked in the middle of sidewalk

Turned my head around

So fast that I swear I could hear my neck cracked

I called the young lady

Who was already few step ahead

Grabbing her shoulder to get her attention

But it wasn’t her

Maybe these fatigue already eating my sane mind

 

I’m laying down on my bed

Staring at the empty paper cup

“You’ve amazing performer aura! Good work!”

Is all that was written

Given from the barista

Said it was from the long black haired girl

Who left few moments after she got a call

That moment on,—

I’ll put it inside my cabinet

A treasure only for me

 

I’ve been in night shift

Not getting plenty of sleep

But it doesn’t discouraged me

To keep performing

And God is good

All the sacrifice I’ve been doing is fruitful,

Because I get a chance to saw the strange girl

That has always appearing in my conscious mind

Standing in the middle of crowd

Whilst I’ve been sing out my soul

I saw her approaching the cashier

Wait—wait!

Where are you going!

Don’t go!

 

Lately, the sky has been crying a lot

Marking the ending of harsh cold season

We got a call from unknown number

A small even, with small pay

Even so, —it is still a job—

we are willing to take

For the sake of better future

We are aiming for

 

Again, I don’t think they’ll accept me

I couldn’t even count

How many times

I’ve been doing the same things

Over and over

With the same result

 

And I am sure

By now, that I am a believer

I believe in the love at first sight

Which if I ever happen to meet her once more

I swear to God

I’ll never let her go

 

Funny how God works

Even after days has passed

I couldn’t forget her twinkling eyes

My heart felt the warmth

Of her dark brown eyes—

Mesmerized to our busking

Staying for the whole performance

—all with bright grin and flushed cheek

Which pumped my whole crew

To work even harder

 

I picked up my standing mic

Looking at my all of member’s eyes

Concealing my shyness, whilst exhaling oxygen

I chant the spells

Hoping to attract a bunch of audience

But nobody stopping by

Not even a flinch

Except the black haired girl in front of me

Who I recall, —was the same stranger

Who dumped by her ex-girlfriend

 

After few thoughtful meetings

We are decided

To continue performing

Even it is again all odds

We’ll keep pursuing our passion

 

Today is one fine perfect Tuesday

The cool wind blowing gently

Announcing the changing season from summer to autumn

Today is perfect day to stroll

If only I’m not rejected by another company

And on my way to my second part time job

But— probably my life is not harder

Than the broken hearted girl few metres away

Who her lover just shouted loudly—

And give her what it seems to be painful slap

—before left her alone

In the middle of the street

Drowning in her own tears

Attracting some lookers

I wished I have enough courage to cheer her up