“Allow me to try to love you, Seulgi.”

Seulgi froze.

The words Joohyun said won’t stop swirling around in her mind. She couldn’t help but think why didn’t she do it thirteen years ago? Why now, after thirteen years and all that heart break and denial? Seulgi was so close to getting her hopes up until she realizes something.

She avoids eye-contact with Joohyun. “Is it because Seungwan slap you on the face that you’re now talking nonsense?”

Of course, Seulgi was esthetically happy knowing that Joohyun wanted to try to fall for Seulgi, but the fact that she only said these words after Seungwan had slap her hard on the face, it made Seulgi thinks that Joohyun was only pitying her, as if saying such thing would give a small little beautiful hope for her.

A sad smile slipped on Seulgi’s face.

Joohyun takes a hold of Seulgi’s hand, her head’s hanging low. “It’s not… It’s not Seungwan… I… All this time I’ve always been denying the fact that I…l, like you… I’m just…scared.” She explained weakly. She had no idea if that will help her case here with Seulgi. She doesn’t know if all that is enough to convince her that she really wanted to try.

She was almost relieved when Seulgi pull her into her warm embrace, but before she can say anything else, Seulgi told her to get some more rest because she’s still not well enough.

Joohyun can tell that Seulgi was dismissing her.

“You’re not listening.” She said.

“I am, Joohyun.”

“Then why are you dismissing me?” Seulgi pulls back and engage her eyes with Joohyun’s doe ones.

“Tell me honestly, is it really possible for you to love me like I do to you? I never…” Her grip on Joohyun’s shoulders tighten. “…force you to return anything, even more your feelings for me.”

Joohyun couldn’t answer that.

Because in all honesty, Joohyun was still unsure. She wanted to try, that’s true, but she’s still doesn’t know if she can really end up loving Seulgi like she does to her. Seulgi’s love to Joohyun was so great that if it comes to it, Joohyun wouldn’t even be surprised if Seulgi would lay her life before her and her daughter. While Joohyun? She’s still very capable of putting Seulgi after other things.

Seulgi’s priority was always been Joohyun, and now Yerim too.

While Joohyun’s priority was Yerim and the public eye.

Maybe it was also because of how her parents taught her as she grows up to be the woman she is right now. They were never really explicit in telling Joohyun that same- relationship is wrong, but she can tell by how they react to things that had anything to do with those types of relationships. Without telling her verbally, Joohyun knew they don’t want their only daughter to be one of them and in the end, it also makes her think that she doesn’t want to be one either.

And yet, Seulgi turned out to be one of them.

It’s like the universe wants to rub it in Joohyun’s face the moment she knew that her beloved best friend developed feelings for her. She admitted that back then she had a hard time to accept her for who she is, even when she begged Seulgi to stay, she was still unsure of how she’ll take things further with Seulgi. But one thing for sure, she had never felt as brokenhearted as when Seulgi walked out of her life.

Now after years she came back, accepting Joohyun again, helping her, loving her daughter like her own. She didn’t even ask for anything in return, she only asked Joohyun to consider Seulgi’s second confession but even so, Joohyun still couldn’t do it and Seulgi didn’t push any further.

She always thought things are going okay the way it is.

That is until her own daughter wishes for something more with Seulgi.

“See? You look like you’re doubting yourself now.”

No… Joohyun pleaded mentally.

“It must’ve been the fever, that’s why you’re not thinking clearly.”

No… No… Please, listen to me first…

“I’ll prepare your meds.” Seulgi was about to raise from her position, but stop midway when Joohyun grab a hold of her wrist. “I won’t take long, just stay—”

“Listen…to me…” Joohyun said, weakly and Seulgi’s heart soften at it. She patiently sits back down.

“I’ll give you a minute.”

“Not enough.”

“Two then.”

“Still not enough.”

Seulgi sighs, “Okay, five—”

“Forever.”

Out of spontaneous respond, Seulgi gives her a puzzled look. “What?” She truly believes Joohyun is talking nonsense at this point. “Yah, Joohyun-ah, what are you saying, hm?” She joked, pinching Joohyun’s nose playfully.

Despite how her cheeks turning slightly red, Joohyun didn’t reciprocate the joke.

“I…don’t want you to go. I just want you by my side. I’m confused… I feel hurt every time you get angry; hurt every time you leave… I regretted your leaving, Seulgi… For thirteen years… I only live with regret for hurting you.”

For some reason, Seulgi doesn’t like hearing that from Joohyun. The fact that her anger, her leave, for thirteen whole years, only resulting in Joohyun’s regret all along. So, what if she were to leave again this time, will Joohyun regret it again? Only regretting it?

“Joohyun.”

“Please…”

“Joohyun.”

“Seulgi, please…”

Seulgi had to forcefully pull Joohyun’s hands away from her wrist. Seulgi couldn’t bear to hide her disappointment anymore. It hurts more than being rejected right in the face.

“Seulgi…”

“Don’t—” Seulgi avoids her eyes. “Don’t ever talk like that again. I’d appreciate it more when you reject me with honesty rather than acting as if you can love me. Now, let’s just stop talking about this. You should drink your meds. Don’t make Yerim worry about you more.”

Without waiting for Joohyun to say anything back, Seulgi stood up and went to prepare the meds.

She stopped for a bit, eyes looking back at Joohyun who remained still in her seat. She hates how she acted toward her like that, but the truth is Joohyun really couldn’t prove herself yet that she can love Seulgi, that she had always love her. It’s just hard for Seulgi to blatantly believe that. She sighs, trying to put the matter to the back of her mind and walks back to Joohyun with the meds, only she found no one there.

Seulgi was alarmed in an instant.

She put the tray on the table, then went for the bedroom; yet Joohyun’s not in there either. She went to the bathroom, and still she found no trace of the older woman.

Just then she heard Yerim’s voice from outside of the apartment, “Mama!”

Seulgi quickly ran out only to find Seungwan and Yerim by her side and holding her hand, but still no Joohyun around.

“Yerim, Seungwan… Where—”

“S—she went that way.” Seungwan stuttered. “What happened?”

“What’s wrong with mama? Bear, is she running away? She’s still angry at me…?” Seulgi kneeled in front of Yerim, patting her head gently.

“No, she’s not angry at you anymore. We were just fighting a bit and she’s upset with me. It’s okay, I’ll go get your mom while you go inside with Seungwan, okay?” Seulgi thanked all the Gods that Yerim listens to her really well and didn’t insist on coming along to get her mother.

Seulgi cursed loudly. She knows how Joohyun is when she’s fallen sick. She tends to do things without thinking and most of the times only giving Seulgi a hard time to handle her. Much like what is happening right now.

She looks up the stairs, catching Joohyun two floors above her and not stopping.

“Joohyun!” She yelled, hoping she would stop.

But all she got was, “Don’t follow me!”

“, she’s stubborn.”

Seulgi gathered up her strength before racing up the stairs with a faster pace, but when she heard a metal door opened, Seulgi’s heart picked up its pace. That’s got to be the door to the rooftop and she couldn’t help how her mind wandered to the worst thing Joohyun can possibly do.

Once she got to the top, she pushed the door open and sees Joohyun nearing the edge of the building.

“Joohyun!” She called her once again.

The single mother turned around, but not stopping. “Stop right there or I’ll jump!”

Seulgi was startled by that.

“Joohyun, don’t do anything stupid now.”

“It’s for the best, Seulgi.”

‘The best’ she said?

“The best? What do you know about what’s best and what’s not?”

That line seemed to successfully shut her up. Seulgi starts taking a few steps closer.

“I said don’t come any closer!”

Seulgi ignored her when she keeps taking steps closer, slowly.

“Seulgi! Do you want me to die?!”

Seulgi stops. They were only around two meters apart from each other now. And yet, Joohyun is still standing where she was originally, Seulgi noticed she didn’t take a single step back.

“You want to die? Then jump.” Seulgi dared.

Joohyun’s eyes went wide, finding it hard to believe that Seulgi can be so…

“Jump. Leave everything behind like you wanted. Leave everything as if with you leaving the world, it will lessen our suffering.”

Seulgi dares to take another step closer.

“Stay away from me!” Joohyun took a step back now and pulled out a kitchen knife from her back, her posture in defense mode while she pointed the knife at Seulgi’s direction. Seulgi tried hard to stay calm and keep on stepping closer.

“So, you want to kill me too now?”

Seulgi keeps on getting closer and now they’re only a half meter away.

“Alright, let’s die together then.”

Seulgi charged at Joohyun’s right hand where she’s holding the knife, then forcing it aim it at Seulgi’s neck.

“Come on, Joohyun…” She taunted; she can feel their hands starting to tremble. She couldn’t tell if it was her hand or Joohyun’s. Seulgi didn’t let go the whole time, she only tightens her hold as she says, “Stab me in the neck… Isn’t that what you want?”

“N, no…”

“You’re such an , Joohyun.”

She took the knife from Joohyun’s trembling hands, throwing it aside and away from their reach. The sky is turning grey and it rumbles as if telling them to hurry and get inside before it’s raining hard.

Yet none of them moved.

“Thirteen years ago, you didn’t hesitate to break my heart by ignoring what I was feeling, not even once you’re trying to acknowledge it. Only when I decided to leave, you asked me to hold on. But even so… After we met now, it turned out you were married and had a child with that bastard of a boyfriend of yours. The guy who ruined us in the first place. You even named your child with that name? God, Joohyun… You know what it means to me. Even the first time you called me, your purpose was to end your suffering, not to see me. You’re making me so crazy about you…yet you kept on refusing me. Ho