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Jonghyun’s POV

A day or two after the park incident, @ Jonghyun’s apartment………

Jonghyun, you’re such a wuss. A wimp. No wonder you’ve never moved on.A stupid irritating voice in my head reminded me.

I tightened my grip on my Xbox controller as I shot another pointless creature on Halo: Reach. It was 12 noon, and I was still in my sleep-clothes, a.k.a my dino-boxers and my“Dino’s Rule” shirt that SangMi got me.

I imagined the creatures I shot one by one to be EunSook, goddamn EunSook. It made my heart feel a little lighter.  If only that was really EunSook. I thought. I hated him, despised him. Was it because he had SangMi and I didn’t? Well yeah I guess you could figure that. But, it was also because I didn’t trust him; I didn’t trust him with SangMi. Even if I didn’t like SangMi romantically the way I did, I wouldn’t approve of him one bit. He just didn’t seem to care, not as much as I did anyway.

Suddenly, her image popped back into my head. That happens a lot nowadays. Thinking of her every day, it’s like breathing; I can’t go long without it. Without her, my life just seemed to have no point. If she ever left me, if she ever ceased to exist by my side, I wouldn’t be able to bear living.

Her hair, her soft caramel hair, her eyes, warm chocolate brown, her lips, rosy pink, her cheeks, flushed from the chilly autumn cold. Every time I see her, I’m just mesmerized, every single feature is just, breathtaking, like a goddess. How can one girl be so damn perfect? And right when I find the perfect girl, I realize that she could never feel the same way I do. I’m not worthy of a girl as perfect as her. Am I? Aish……….

Then, my phone rang; I flipped it open to reveal a picture of SangMi, and the time, 1:30 PM. I pressed the bright green call button.

“Yoboseyo?” I spoke into the phone.

“Jonghyun-ah! Heyy! What’s up with you?”

“Nothing much, playing Halo on the Xbox you got me for my birthday this year,”

“Oh haha, that was nothing really,” I could just imagine her smiling sweetly as she said that.

“Yes it was! You told me you saved up all your money to buy me it,” I replied.

“Yeah but it was for you, and you’re my best friend, I’m willing to spend all the money in the world for you,” she chirped happily.

“Thanks SangMi-ah, it means a lot,”

“Keke, you know what else means a lot? Today. It’s the most important day ever! I can’t wait for later,” she chimed, and I wondered in confusion about what she was talking about.

“Hope you have fun then,” I hummed, immediately assuming she was talking about going on a date with EunSook.

“Yah, you act like you don’t have any part in it!” she accused.

“I have a part in it?” I questioned in pure cluelessness.

“Arghhhh you obviously don’t remember, let me just give you some time to think, then call me back arachi?”

“Arassoooo,” I droned.

“Bye Jong-jong!”

“Bye Sang-sang,” I chuckled at her cuteness as I hung up.

Tossing my phone to the side, I tried to figure out what SangMi was talking about for the next couple of hours. But, I wasn’t able to pinpoint it, so I continued on with my game. I finally reached the 30^th level after what seemed like a century, and then several side-tracking thoughts of SangMi made me press the wrong buttons and I ended up dead.

Groaning loudly, and realized I had been thinking of SangMi the whole time I was playing this game, and I had been playing this game since noon, it was 8:45 PM at the moment.

You’re pathetic Jong, you were thinking about her even while having your own man time with your video games. You fail Jong, you fail.  I thought to myself.

I chucked the controller at the wall in frustration. Ruffling my dark brown and blonde hair, I fell back on my bed. I stared up at the cream-colored ceiling, and wondered why my life was such a mess at the moment. Then, fumbling with my pocket for my phone, quickly I skimmed through my contacts to find Key’s number. I pressed call.

“Yoboseyo?” I heard on the other line.

“Hey, Key are we all going out tonight or what? I really need to get myself together,” I sighed desperately.

“Oh I was just about to call you about that, wait did you……did something happen?” he replied worriedly.

“Ani, I just need to get out of the house.” I lied through my teeth. I couldn’t tell him now.

What was going to say? “Oh yeah Key I saw SangMi with her boyfriend and it pissed me off so I punched a wall” yeah, don’t think so. I’m just going to wait till I see them, or……I could try to hide it……..

“Okay, whatever you say dude, me and the rest of the guys will be over in a few. Be ready, okay? Bye.” His words interrupted my train of thought.

“Okay, bye,” I replied and hung up the phone.

I changed into a loose-fit shirt and some skinny jeans. Kicking on my Vans, I walked out of my room, passing ChoHee noona, who was watching her Saturday-night dramas. Her eyes we’re glued to the screen.

“Jonghyun where the hell are you going?” Noona barked at me while keeping her eyes fixated to the T.V screen, and her hand steadily popping kernels of popcorn into .

“Just gonna hang out with the guys, no big deal,” I smiled my signature smile, the one that usually got me whatever I wanted whenever I was a little kid. It would piss noona off so much when I gave my parents that look, since she usually never got what she wanted, well at least not as much as I did.

“Don’t play that game with me Jonghyun, if you get drunk and knock up some random chick at the bar I swear I will beat your senseless!” She said while munching on her popcorn.

“Jeez noona relax, I am not that irresponsible.” I assured her.

“Oh yeah, well remember that time when you teepee’d your school principal’s house you’re freshman year, and almost got arrested? Do you know how much I went through to make sure Umma and Appa didn’t find out while they we’re on their business trip?” She reminded me.

“Yeah, but that was--”

“And that one time when you insulted that dumb with the ugly- face, and got in a huge fist fight with him as a junior and almost got your arrested for the second time? Dammit I should’ve just let you end up in trouble, then you would’ve realized. But no, I was a good noona and called your brother-in-law to make sure you made it out alive and breathing,” she gave another example and I sighed deeply.

“Or that one time with the chocolate pudding and the Superman cape with---”

“Noona! Quit getting so worked up, I’m seventeen now, I think I’m doing pretty fine on my own,” I assured her again.

“Well I’m not the one going out and punching walls. It was a good thing you we're your emotional self and told  me, otherwise I would have never known!” She grumbled as I grabbed my jacket and proceeded to open the front door.

“Bye noona! I love you too!” I called back while shaking my head to myself.

“Kim Jonghyun! You-----” was all I heard of her as the door slammed shut and I quickly skimmed my way down the steps to find Onew and the gang waiting in Key’s car outside the apartment building.

“What took you so long goddamn long?” Key, the “designated driver”, groaned as I jumped in the back seat of his 2010 Volkswagen Passat.

“Two words: Kim ChoHee,” I replied as I slumped in my seat. I made a huge effort to keep my cast hidden from the guys, so I wouldn’t have to explain. I rested my head back against the seat and yawned deeply.

“Yo Romeo, don’t get too comfy, we have some serious partying to do!” Onew reminded from the seat next to me. He jabbed his elbow at my side that didn’t have the injured hand, and I flinched up just in time to jab him back.

“Yeah yeah chicken-face, I hear ya,” I replied while shoving him lightly.

“Hyung, why do you have a cast around your arm?” Taemin innocently pointed at my left arm, which I attempted to conceal from everyone with my jacket. I glared at him before tossing my jacket to the side.

“BWOH?!” Key shrieked and looked back, but I smacked him in the head so he would look back at the road. I swear, this guy was such a mom at times.

The other guys directed their attention towards my arm. They gave me a you’re-gonna-have-to-explain-sooner-or-later look, and I just shrugged. They shook their heads simultaneously in disapproval, then went back to relaxing in their seats.

After a little while, Key pulled up in front of some place I couldn’t recognize. When I looked closely, I realized it was a bar. Key parked the car and we went inside. I slumped into a seat at the drink bar, while the others went to dance and chill out in the lounge. I was left alone, bored and in the need of forgetting SangMi for a bit, so I decided to order a margarita.

After I had received my drink, I put it to my lips. The intense aroma of alcohol lingered at the tip of my nose. I took one sip, and the slightly bitter liquid made a strange taste linger in my mouth.

Is it really logical to try to forget her with booze when I think of her practically every second of my life? Even if I did forget her, that moment would be very short. It’d be until the next morning when I’d have a bad headache and be wondering why the hell I felt so sore.

I'd then remember that the only reason I was sore, was because I tried to forget that angelic face, the one that always keeps me up at night, yet gives me enough energy to get up in the morning. The one that gives me the courage to live my life without regrets, yet I have a regret that makes my throat tighten and my chest burn, one I face every day.

It’s the fact that I didn’t claim the girl of my dreams before someone else did. Now, because I hadn't, I have to mope around like a goddamn fool waiting for her to realize how much she means to me, and how lost I’d be if she wasn't here for me as much as she is.

But I can’t help but question, even if I did try to ask SangMi out, would she accept it? I, Kim Jonghyun, had been SangMi’s best friend ever since we were little clueless 10-year-olds. We shared so many memories, and have gotten through so much together. But, would she? Would she take me seriously? Or would she just want to leave our relationship the way it was, as friends, best friends?

Aishh, it’s been seven years, seven years hasn’t it? Seven years as best friends. And every year, we celebrated the day together, that special day when we first became friends………..wait, seven years…….what’s today?

I jammed my hand into my jean-pocket and flipped up my phone, but it was turned off. I quickly turned it on, revealing a picture of me and SangMi at the ice cream shop the other day. I scrambled to check the date, but not before I saw the words “14 missed calls from SangMi." as well as "18 new messages from SangMi.”

Holy , I forgot………

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A Word From The Author-So what did y’all think? Aishhh it was way to plain wasn’t it? But I did leave a cliff-hanger, try to guess what he forgot ;) and I promise  I’ll improve, I promise, but y’all better promise to keep reading! again, jongmal mianhe for the long wait. I promise not to do that again, thanks for staying with me guys! :D

-Chai <3