Lately, Minji has been losing sleep. Avoiding caffeine doesn't help, neither does packing her day with full of activities, trying to wear herself out helps. As the time on the clock inches closer to bedtime, she would still have her eyes wide open and random thoughts floating across her head. Countless nights of toss and turn have rendered her helpless.

 

So, instead of forcing herself to sleep, Minji has come up with another way to cope with it.

 

Every night, she would lay by herself on the bed and bury her body close to the wall as she counts the glistening stars in the dark sky through the glass windows (Minji is actually grateful that her college sits in the outskirt of the city and that the stars are more visible here without the city lights).

 

One, two, three, four, five...

 

Minji would usually start counting like this, as if she is counting down to her sleep. She can't remember exactly how many counts she would usually reach before falling into a deep slumber. What she does remember however, is that even when she was counting towards the hundredth star (which was very, very rare), the bed on the other side of the room would still be empty.

 

Then, somewhere around two or three in the morning, Minji would hear the sound of the jingling keys outside which sometimes cause an alarm to go off in her half-conscious state, thinking that a burglar is trying to break into the room (not as if they have any valuables for them to steal anyway). She must have read too much crime novels.

 

The door unlocks, heavy footsteps shuffle across the small room and after what feels like long minutes, silence is restored again. Minji didn't want to wake up but she did anyway. And she always loathes how much of a light sleeper she has always been.

 

When the next morning arrives, before the alarm is even set to go off, Minji would wake up to a throbbing headache that wouldn't disperse for a long time. The temperature in the room seems to have dropped overnight because as the cold air hit onto her bare stomach, she shivers. Peering over at the tainted windows with half-lidded eyes, she realises that it is drizzling - a perfect weather for sleep.

 

Barely awake, Minji wraps herself with the warmth in the thick blanket as she drags her body lazily across to the other side of the room where the motionless body is sleeping at.

 

"Siyeon, we need to get up now," her morning voice cracks a little.

 

The sleeping girl remains unmoved and Minji frowns, trying to wake her up for the second time by shaking her, "If you don't get up now, we will be late."

 

"Mmm," Siyeon groans and rolls over onto her side, with her eyes still shut, a deep crease appears between her brows, obviously displeased that her well needed sleep is disturbed. "A little while more. Just let me sleep a little while more okay? I promise I'll get up after that."

 

"But-,"

 

"Please, I came back really late last night."

 

Minji didn't think that Siyeon would come across as a persuasive person but every time she says something, somehow, Minji would find the determination that she has built up crumbles down so effortlessly. And she always wonders how the girl manages to do it.

 

Letting out a long yawn, Minji plops herself back onto the bed. The little clock that stands by her bed reads a quarter after seven, which means that she can still get a few more minutes of sleep before the alarm would ring. Just a little while won't hurt.

 

Readjusting her position against the bed sheets, Minji closes her eyes and is instantly reminded of the sleep that she has been losing due to her insomnia. Fatigue catches up onto her quickly and when the light snores and the sound of the rain hitting onto the windows engulf her ears at a steady rhythm, she realises how easy it will be for her to just drift back to sleep.

 

No alarms, no classes, no worries.

 

Forget about everything and just sleep.

 

And Minji always regrets (although Siyeon doesn't seem to care) because they always end up having to sneak into the lecture hall during the late hours and trouble their classmates by borrowing their notes while dealing with their interrogating gazes.

 

But because it's Siyeon.

 

Despite her unwillingness, the next day, Minji will still let the same thing happen all over again. And every time it happens, she would remind the other girl that it would be the last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is barely midnight when a loud bang on the door startles Minji. Thinking that someone has knocked onto the door by accident, she returns her focus onto her book. Because people have always told her that college life is going to be a little wild and that she will meet all kinds of people here.

 

She can't agree with it more.

 

Cheers and loud music often pollute the chaotic environment that won't die down till the wee hours, sometimes till near dawn. There are certain dorm rules to abide by but despite numerous warnings by the resident assistant, everyone seems to turn a blind eye to them. The corridor would still be reek of smoke and alcohol and faces that she has never seen before. It doesn't help that the walls aren't sound-proof.

 

Truthfully speaking, Minji never likes going to those parties even after her classmates have tried to persuade her to loosen up without success. She also never understands why people seems to find comfort in them, as if they are hanging onto the loose thread of the end of their youth, never want to carry responsibilities, never want to grow up.

 

"Why did you bring me back? I still want to drink."

 

The ruckus outside soon grows louder until it is hard to ignore.

 

"Ah, lose some weight. You're really, really heavy."

 

Without warning, the door suddenly bursts open, leaving Minji in dismay as she watches her disoriented-looking roommate comes into her sight with staggering steps, and there is someone else with her, she doesn't know who but her arms are hanging around the stranger's shoulders. They seem close.

 

"What happened?" Minji rushes over, the concern letting itself out of , carefully gesturing the stranger towards Siyeon's bed, and she momentarily neglects the fact that she can't rely on the blooming red on his face to tell her stories.

 

"I saw her alone," he points at the drunk girl who is knocked out, hiccupping a little and Minji worries if he is going to throw up anytime. She doesn't want to spend the rest of the night cleaning up vomits. "I-I already told her not to drink too much bu-but she wouldn't listen."

 

As much as they are different, Minji knows for a fact that like herself, Siyeon doesn't like to party much too. Maybe it's something about the lighting, the ambience, or the idea of losing oneself in the intoxication where the uneasiness spreads. The latter still went anyway when her friends insisted for her to join in the fun. But none of them have ended up like this night - face stained with dried tears and traces of smudged make-up running down her cheeks.

 

Minji knows with certainty that this will be a rough night for her.

 

"Thanks for bringing her back. I will take it over from here now," Minji says as she unknowingly creates a distance between them, suddenly wary of the way his eyes are narrowing down onto hers. It is making her really uncomfortable.

 

"Right," he breaks out of his trance. "I-I got to go."

 

As Minji walks the stranger out of the room with a pair of concerned eyes, unsure if he will be able to make it back to his room safely, she doesn't forget to mutter another quick 'thank you', even though it isn't even her responsibility to do so.

 

Strolling back into the room, Minji sighs and shakes her head at the piece of mess that has just intruded into her peaceful night. The familiar stench of alcohol reaches her nose and she has to admit that the smell is pretty sickening.

 

"Lee Siyeon, why are you always giving me so much trouble?" Minji grumbles.

 

Nevertheless, she diligently removes Siyeon's shoes and socks (she is pleasantly surprised when the mini Captain America print appears in her sight), followed by her outer wear. She decides to leave her clothes alone as she doesn't want to be accused of taking advantage of the girl while she is drunk.

 

Besides, she doesn't think that they are close enough to see each other .

 

Grabbing a small towel, Minji wets it with warm water and wipes it over Siyeon's neck and arms, making sure that every inch of the area is covered. At least that's how a drunk person is supposed to be taken care of in dramas.

 

"You know, I'm really, really sad," Siyeon is suddenly awake, with the built-up tears that is threatening to fall if nobody gives her the attention that she needs.

 

"And why is that so?" Minji probes hesitantly and purses her lips, feeling a little nervous with continuing the conversation.

 

"I don't know either," Siyeon's hand moves to clutch the left side of her chest and the sight of her lips drooping downwards, resembling totally like a child who has lost her candy, makes Minji's heart wrenches. "Here, my heart, it hurts," She didn't think that she would live long enough to see the girl reduced to such a state because she's always so happy, smiling and laughing every time she sees her.

 

Minji opens , wanting to say something but the unsaid thoughts are left hanging at the tip of her tongue. Instead, she turns away from the girl and heads back to the kitchen, focusing on getting the piece of towel washed. Sometimes, silence is gold. Maybe it will be better for her to not say anything.

 

Because it's never her greatest virtue when it comes to comforting people. There's no particular reason - she is just bad at it - not good at telling people what they want to hear, not good at deriving at the right choice of tone, basically just not good with words. Or dealing with emotions.

 

When Minji returns to tuck the girl into the blanket, the midnight silence only grows, except for the heavy breathing and busy set of footsteps that is shuffling across the room. But now all of that have to make way for the muffled sobs that Siyeon is trying to hold back.

 

"Sleep with me?"

 

"What? No!" Minji rejects with a face of disgust, thinking about how she has been used to having the whole bed to herself all these years, and how uncomfortable it will be to have to accommodate another human being into her space. That isn't even the main point. Why would she want to sleep with her in the first place?

 

"Please."

 

"I said no."

 

A hand now grasps onto her wrist, "Just for tonight. I really need someone."

 

"But you really smell," Minji insists with extra cautious as she tries to brush off the swinging palm but Siyeon's strength is as strong as her stubbornness. She doesn't want to become the second culprit in breaking the fragile heart.

 

But her concern arrives a tad too late when Siyeon's expression changes and the sobs let themselves go. Instantly, Minji is met with a teary face that she knows her soft heart won't be able to look away from. "Am I that detestable? Why is everyone so eager to leave me?"

 

"Of course not," Minji panics. "I didn't mean that."

 

"Then just ing shut up and lay down beside me, won't you? Which part of 'sleep with me' do you not understand?"

 

"I-,"

 

Minji isn't allowed another word when she is hastily pulled, causing her to lose her balance and collide onto the bed. Letting out a deep sigh, she let her shoulders drop in defeat as she turns into a more comfortable position with her back facing the girl. She figures that there's no point in fighting a heartbroken.

 

Slender arms come wrapping around her waist with Siyeon's head resting on her back. The girl is pressing so hard onto her that she is afraid that she will create a dent. But Minji doesn't dare to move. Even as the warm moisture has seeped through the fabric onto her skin, she let her.

 

Ironically, much to Minji's delight, sleep comes easy this time round.

 

But she's still wondering what has exactly happened and who made Siyeon teared. She takes these questions into her dreamland.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The morning sun peers its way through the curtain into the dimly-lit room.

 

Minji has slept well, waking up only when the alarm sounded. She also had a warm shower and an egg sandwich that she had bought from the seven-eleven store yesterday for breakfast. It has been a serene morning, a rare and great start of the day. Until Siyeon begins stirring in her sleep and before Minji can make an escape, the girl is already up, eyes squinting through the morning brightness, trying to make sense of the new world.

 

"Urg, my head hurts."

 

The brown and silky long hair is all over the place, tousled, and melts down right onto the greasy face. A little messy but she still looks like a baby. But oh, if only anyone ever known the troublemaker that is hidden beneath the facade.

 

"You were really drunk last night. Your friend, or whoever it was, brought you back."

 

"Did he?" Siyeon grouches, gently sweeping aside the hair that is covering her face as she clutches onto one side of her head. "Why can't I remember anything?"

 

"Serve you right. That teaches you not to drink beyond your capability," Minji reprimands.

 

Hastened footsteps fill the early morning as Minji makes Siyeon a cup of warm ginger tea (it was a great solution for her indigestion but she isn't so sure if it will be the same for hangover) and hands it over to her. She doesn't forget to remind the girl to be careful.

 

"If your head still hurts, idiot, there's some painkiller in the second drawer of my cabinet. Just take it yourself."

 

Minji keeps an eye onto Siyeon to make sure that the girl does at least drink a mouthful of the ginger tea before heading to the door. The memory of last night's continues to linger in Minji's mind. There are many questions in her head that she wants to ask but decides not to when she sees the time on the clock.

 

Those things can wait.

 

"Wait, where are you going?"

 

"To class?" Minji states nonchalantly, tossing off the sandals on her feet when she suddenly recalls that there will be a laboratory lesson today. She hurries off to pick up a pair of socks from her wardrobe.

 

"And you're not intending to wake me up?" There's a slight delay in Siyeon's reaction which Minji figures is caused by the hangover.

 

"You seem to be a bad condition so I thought that I'll let you sleep in."

 

"Oh."

 

Minji sits down on the step as a frown appears on her face, fingers fiddling with the shoe laces that have mysteriously untied themselves. And she momentarily notices the growing concern in the longing pause. "Don't worry," she reassures the girl even though it might not be the source of concern at all. "I'll tell the lecturer that you're calling in sick today."

 

"Would it be too troublesome for you?"

 

Minji looks up with a raised brow, full of surprise at the question but is even surprised when she catches a hint of guilt on Siyeon's face. That is so out of the ordinary.

 

"Nothing is too troublesome after last night," Minji doesn't mean to come off as sarcastic but those words seem to roll of her tongue that way.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry," a huge realisation seems to have struck Siyeon as she apologises, with an expression wreathed with a sheepish grin. She scratches her head in embarrassment. "Come to think of it, I must have caused a really big mess."

 

"Relax, it's nothing too big to be worried about. But if you're sorry, maybe you can treat me to lunch later?" Minji suggests.

 

"Dinner will be better."

 

The corner of her lips lift upwards when a smile finally turns up on Siyeon's face like a ray of sunshine. It slowly spreads into a chuckle, a silly one and Minji finds herself falling into a frenzy of worries when she actually finds the sight adorable. She laughs it off. What a weird feeling!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji doesn't ask but she learns from the stranger last night (he sort of mentions that his name is... Hyunsik?) that he is Siyeon's high school friend, and that she has broken up with her long-term girlfriend of three years, who's also in the same clique as them, when he offers to sit beside her in the lecture hall. She hasn't got the chance to inquire further when the lecturer enters. But she's still caught in a daze.

 

Because she never knew that Siyeon had a girlfriend in the first place. And she also never knew that Siyeon is into girls.

 

Later that evening, when the full day of lessons have ended, Minji returns to their shared room to find Siyeon in the kitchen with her back facing her. The pink apron that she has brought from home to decorate the tiny cooking area is now tied around her waist. It is an entertaining sight.

 

"Oh, you're back."

 

Minji nods, holding back on a giggle, "Yeah."

 

"How's lessons today?"

 

"Well, I'm sure you know the answer better than I do," Minji places her canvas bag down onto the bed, seemingly amused by the question. Then again, her life has been pleasured with all sorts of amusement after Siyeon recklessly barges into it. And it isn't even necessarily a bad thing.

 

"I had to ask, you know, as a courtesy."

 

"Tsk," Minji snorts. "So, we're talking about courtesy now, huh?"

 

"Not a bad topic if you ask me."

 

The evening out for dinner is eventually cancelled simply because Siyeon doesn't feel like going out. Instead, she offers to cook (and it is her attempt other than making cup noodles, unless that counts as cooking) which Minji isn't so sure if it is something that she should feel pleasant about.

 

"I found some recipes online," Siyeon had told her earlier.

 

But Minji becomes increasingly unsettled, eyes boring into the sea of messiness in the kitchen, especially at the pot of pasta that has been in the water for a long time already. Has it even boiled already? Making a tomato spaghetti is simple. It shouldn't even take that long.

 

Her worries are proven right when a yelp comes from the kitchen - Siyeon has accidentally cut her finger instead of the spring onions on the chopping board. In the midst of a wave of awkward apologies, Minji decides that it would be better for them to just order take-aways.

 

"But the pasta is going to be done soon," Siyeon says.

 

Minji digs her eyes into the pot of pasta, shaking her head, feeling pessimistic about its fate, "By the time you finish cooking, I would've fainted from hunger already. And I would rather waste some money than hurting my poor stomach."

 

"Ah, I really can't do anything right, can I?"

 

"Oh, no, it's totally okay," Minji quickly chimes in upon the realisation that she has probably said the wrong words. "Really, no worries. I used to be really bad at cooking too." She turns off the fire on the stove and pours everything into the bin. "In fact, there was one time when my mum wasn't at home and I nearly poisoned my dad and sister with my dishes. There's always a first time in everything."

 

And Siyeon stays silent, the remaining arguments in her head diminishes. 

 

They didn't have pasta. They had fried rice instead from a Chinese eatery that Minji has recommended.

 

As the cold night sets in, silence fills the room as they settle back into their own activities, with Minji reading a crime novel that she has borrowed from the school library and Siyeon sprawled across her bed with her eyes glued onto her phone. It feels like a really long time since they are both present in the room even if they are just doing their own thing. And Minji secretly wishes for things to stay this way.

 

In the end, Minji mentions no words about the new information that she has gotten because Siyeon doesn't look like she remembers anything from last night. She also doesn't look like she is going to tell her anything either.

 

But there's time.

 

And Minji is willing to wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that eventful night, Minji has started to notice that her roommate has been coming back earlier. Sometimes, she wouldn't even be out. 

 

It is a good sign except that among the many nights that she has gone out, Siyeon would return with Hyunsik, both drunk and barely conscious, sometimes with lipstick stains on her cheek and neck. A few times, she would be accompanied by a foreign set of voice and footsteps to stay the night with, only to be chased out by Minji before they were able to set their feet into the room. She has had enough.

 

"Stop bringing girls back into our room!"

 

But Siyeon isn't listening.

 

She stumbles her way into the room and latches both of her arms closely around Minji's neck as she playfully blows hot air onto her face. She isn't sober but somehow, her subconsciousness wouldn't let her forget that the girl in front of her hates the smell of alcohol. It is fun to .

 

"You know, Minji, I-I really, really love girls, and that includes you."

 

Blushes creep up onto Minji's cheek and her heart tingles with excitement, thoughts wandering off everywhere to every possibility that she can think of. She should be feeling proud and honoured, because the girl has just come out of her closet but her hands are busy fending off the puckered lips that is approaching her.

 

"What? Did you just come out to me?"

 

Siyeon giggles with the silliest grin, "Uh huh, th-that's my sincerest confession from the bottom of my heart. I told many, many, many people today but apparently, some of them didn't li-like what I said. Are y-you like them too?"

 

"I have no comment," Minji assures as she tries to pry off the posessive arms which only tightens to pull her closer. "Urg, it's your life, whatever makes you happy."

 

"I knew it. I k-knew you were different. Y-you always support me."

 

"Yeah, yeah. Glad that you know. Now, can you let go of me?"

 

Siyeon doesn't utter a word but those unspoken thoughts are put into action as she loosens her grip and slides her fingers down Minji's arms. Their fingers intertwine for a moment and then, a surprise kiss is snuck onto her cheek, swift and hard, and Siyeon only laughs, ruffling her own hair before pacing away from the door while muttering some unclear words, leaving the victim in total bewilderment.

 

What in the world?

 

Minji quickly lifts her hand to rub away the traces of red in embarrassment.

 

"Urg, so hot!"

 

One by one, Siyeon starts shedding herself off the irritable summer heat, starting from the black Adidas baseball cap, to the body-hugging halter top, to the ripped jeans and Minji trails behind frantically, releasing a series of sighs as she hurries to collect the scattered clothings... and then she watches as the fingers go around her back to the hook of her bra.

 

"Wait, stop," Minji drops everything and hurtles to the girl to prevent the moving hands from reaching its destination. Then, the realisation of the girl only in her undergarments catches up onto Minji. And she tries not to peek at the absurd sight right in front of her eyes but oh, they are blue. "Keep them. Don't take them off."

 

"Why? I don't like to sleep in them," Siyeon whines as she turns around with a scrunched-up face, wriggling, using her whole body to express her reluctance. 

 

Minji is flustered, her gaze doesn't dare to meet Siyeon's and is instead, darting around to whatever spot she can find other than blue. And the girl actually has the audacity to ask her why. "Just, please respect my eyes, okay?"

 

"Oh, I get it. You like it, right?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"My body is so attractive th-that it turns you on."

 

Of course, Minji thinks, of course. Drunk Siyeon means troubles. It means a clingy, needy, gloomy and sometimes, a little flirty roommate, everything in one package but not in a good way. And she doesn't even want to think about whether the girl's body is attractive or not.

 

"Okay, you know what, Lee Siyeon? You're going to head to your bed, close your eyes and sleep. Can you do that?" Minji bites onto her lips, carefully tapping on the patience that is running out.

 

"Yeah, duh, that's too easy," Siyeon raises a hand and nods, a little too enthusiastically, like a student eager to answer a question that the teacher has just asked. "Lee Siyeon will always, and you hear me, always, li-listens to Kim Minji."

 

"Oh, good."

 

There aren't any other disagreements as Minji follows quietly behind Siyeon's swaying figure, watching her every step closely. A yelp suddenly echoes as the girl stubs her ring toe onto the bed post. Then, she falls flat onto the bed, knocked out, leaving the unbearable stench of alcohol to invade the room and the trail of mess waiting for Minji to clean up. And she wonders why does she even bother to do so.

 

"Gosh," Minji shakes her head.

 

Too kind and too generous is what everyone has said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You're going somewhere?" Minji asks when she sees Siyeon in front of the mirror busy applying lipsticks and looking all dressed up. She thinks the previous shade of red looks better on her lips than the current maroon one.

 

"Mmm, a concert."

 

"Oh, whose?"

 

Siyeon gives out a secretive grin but Minji can already sense the excitement that she is hiding, "I don't wanna tell you in case you get jealous of me. But you can make a guess if you want."

 

Minji rolls her eyes and scoffs at the only possibility that comes into her mind. The last time she remembers, they don't even like the same artiste. Rock just isn't in her blood although some ballad rock might be fine. She prefers something melodic and easy to sing, like maybe pop. "One Ok Rock?"

 

"Yes, oh my god, I can't believe this! It's the standing pen ticket somemore!"

 

"Wow, so the decisive part of you finally gives in? After a long debate? Unbelievable. I remember hearing you talking about saving up a few days ago. What happened?" Minji says in a mocking tone.

 

"Of course I didn't pay for it. Someone invited me."

 

Minji raises a questioning brow, her eyes following Siyeon across the room as the latter sits down in front of her study desk, messing up the stuff in her drawer, pretending to be searching for something. "Someone?"

 

"Fine. A friend."

 

"A friend?" Minji continues her teasing.

 

"Yeah," Siyeon nods vigorously and returns an equally firm stare, "A friend," and it doesn't take too long before she backs down again. "Well, at least, she's a friend for now."

 

"Ohhh..."

 

"Wait, stop," Siyeon suddenly stands up and slams her palm onto the desk. "This must be a trap." She grabs her shoulder bag hastily and heads off to the door. "What have you fed me? If not, why am I answering all of your questions so honestly?"

 

"Oh dear, how did you know? Did you see me when I was spiking your drink just now?" Minji joins in the act with a pair of widened eyes and a face masked with fear and shock.

 

"You finally admit it, Kim Minji." Siyeon points a finger at her with an overly-dramatic voice and Minji doesn't even know what to make out from her expression. Anger? Fear? She can't be sure but she is sure that her amateur acting will never make it onto the big screen. "I will report you to the King later. I will make sure for you to be banished far away into the cold palace to repent on your evil deeds. You shall not return until I say so."

 

"Gosh, stop watching those Chinese palace dramas," Minji gets up from the bed when she has had enough and heads towards the kitchen, fumbling the refrigerator for any food, feeling hungry already. She hasn't eaten since yesterday's lunch. "And what, you're going to put me in the cold palace? How dare you? Do you not want to live anymore? Then you better not come to me when the lecturer asks why haven't you been attending his lectures all these whiles."

 

Siyeon immediately scrambles back to her side and put an arm around Minji's shoulders, "Hey, don't be rash. Let's talk things out. We're best friends, right?"

 

"Oh, now I'm your best friend?" Minji says sarcastically as she grabs the jar of pudding from the freezer, the only thing that is edible but she will make do with it, though she has no idea why it was in the freezer in the first place.

 

"You've always been my bestest best friend, Minji."

 

"Of course I'm your best friend when you need your attendance." Minji tries to open the jar but even when she has used up all her might, it still doesn't open. "But please don't go around telling people that we're close," she rubs the lid of the jar against her t-shirt. "I'm only helping you because I pity your grades."

 

Siyeon let those words fall on her deaf ears as she snatches the jar over, easily opening it and she is instantly greeted with an expression filled with amazement from the other girl. Feeling satisfied, she finishes off the victory with a smug grin before returning the opened jar back to its owner, "Your notes, Minji. You're going to lend them to me too, right?"

 

"Do I look like I have a choice?"

 

"You're the best, Minji!" Siyeon leaps herself into Minji's arms for a brief moment before turning back towards the door. Turning around, she takes another glance at Minji before she leaves, "Love you so much, best friend." And she sends a flying kiss along the way.

 

Minji is dumbfounded. She thinks that Siyeon is going to be the death of her one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The cramped corridor is noisy and crowded. One by one, people are leaving with a baggage in their hand with the longing for home. The long weekend that is granted to them because of the polling day, even though it is just a mere short five days, is enough for Minji to be full of envy. Because she has already made the call to break the news that she wouldn't be going back. The bus fare is on its peak. Her parents think so too.

 

"Wait for me! I'm heading to the bus terminal too!"

 

"Walk faster, will you?"

 

The voices and footsteps fade away gradually and the building has turned awfully quiet, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Minji lays on her bed, releasing a sigh of regret as she stares blankly onto the white ceiling, occasionally stealing glances at her roommate who is on her laptop, engaging in an online game session. The thought of being cooped up in the room for all five days bore her. Then again, at least she won't be alone.

 

A series of knocks land on the door, pairs of peeking eyes have invited themselves through the slit of the ajar door when nobody answers. And Minji vaguely remembers hearing their neighbours telling them something about having a hotpot dinner together in their room tonight.

 

"Where's Siyeon unnie?" Yoohyeon asks.

 

Minji takes off her slippers and aligns them neatly against the wall, "She's meeting a friend for a movie first."

 

"Ah," Yoohyeon nods suggestively, "No wonder she hasn't been online recently," And Minji doesn't fail to catch the disappointment that is dragging at the end of the sentence. But Siyeon was clearly playing games in the morning. Then, she recalls how the girl is always complaining about how Yoohyeon is a bad gamer who only hides and doesn't attack. Oh well, she remains silence, not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings.

 

"Cola?" Yoohyeon breaks her chain of thoughts as she swings a can of cola in her sight.

 

Minji shakes her head, "I have gastric. So no carbonated drinks."

 

"Oh, okay. I have green tea. Both canned and tea bags. Or do you prefer juices?"

 

"I'll take the juice then. I drink tea everyday. Kind of getting sick of it already."

 

Yoohyeon chuckles and gives Minji a pat on the shoulders, "No problem. I have everything here." The occupant squeezes through the sea of people before returning with a can of grape juice. "This brand is nice. And it's not iced. Gastric . Yoobin has it too and I've seen her acting up. Better take care of yourself more."

 

Minji smiles at the concern. It makes the warmth in her heart grow, "Thanks. I appreciate that. "

 

"Ayy, you don't have to be so polite. We all come a long way from our hometown without our parents and friends. Which, I have to admit, it's pretty lonely sometimes. Of course we have to take care of one another."

 

Yoohyeon might be dense, sometimes a little muddle-head but Minji thinks that she must be a reincarnation of an angel. Not only she's pretty, she's also so considerate and caring, always putting others' needs in front of hers, which triggers the protective side of Minji, making her wants to cherish this little sister even more.

 

"Hit me up someday when you're free. Lunch or dinner on me. Whatever you want." Minji says.

 

"That's so out of the blue but I like it!"

 

Minji nods and ruffles Yoohyeon's hair, earning a grumble from the younger girl. "Yeah, why not, right? We can have a nice date together. Just forget about Lee Siyeon, she's ungrateful." She makes a face, "Fancy ditching us for someone whom she hasn't known for more than three months."

 

"Ha, I agree. She's too much. It's a deal then. Let's take Yoobin too."

 

"Sure."

 

More and more foreign faces arrive as the night deepens and the atmosphere is suddenly livened up like what can only be seen during New Year's. Minji has lost count of how many people Yoohyeon has invited. All she knows is that the room is getting warmer and everyone is starting to fan themselves from the unknown heat. Minji tries to get away to catch her breath from the overwhelmingness but she is stuck in the seat between Yoohyeon and Yoobin. The two hosts are too engrossed in chatting with the others that they didn't realise her discomfort until she nudges against Yoohyeon's arm.

 

"Oh, hey, Minji." Minji sees Hyunsik coming in her way with that cheery smile. "Siyeon isn't here with you?" It's the umpteenth time that she has been asked this question just for tonight. Minji thinks that they must have been together so much that it's weird to see one without the other.

 

"Hey there," Minji waves and greets back, feeling a little dreadful already. Come to think about it, she has been seeing Hyunsik around her sight lately. It seems too coincidental for her liking. "She's in a movie with a friend but she will be coming later."

 

"I see. So, you came alone?"

 

"Yeah, but I have some friends over there," Minji tip-toes and glances over to the two hosts who's still busy entertaining the guests. Poor them. "It's quite stuffy in there. So I thought that I'll just come out to catch some breath."

 

"Oh yeah, it sure is pretty stuffy in there. Will you fancy my company then?" Hyunsik asks with a confident smile and Minji just returns an awkward smile, not sure about how to continue the conversation. She just wishes that he will catch onto the hint and leave but he is either too caught up in himself, or simply doesn't want to give up. To be honest, she doesn't see any common topics between them.

 

"So, you like reading James Patterson's?" Hyunsik suddenly asks.

 

Actually, maybe they can be friends. 

 

"Yeah I do but, why," Minji pauses her words to gather her thoughts. "I mean, how? How did you know about it?"

 

Or not.

 

"Oh, I saw those books on your bookshelf the other day. They were arranged really neatly."

 

Minji grins proudly, somewhat impressed by his observance. She likes it when people praises her knack for keeping things in order. Although sometimes her friends think that she has OCD. She likes it even more when people notices the series of books that she has been collecting painstakingly for near to a decade now.

 

"Thanks, I take that as a compliment."

 

"Of course it is one."

 

They return back into the room when the crowds disperse. They talk about James Patterson's novels for a while and even though Hyunsik says that he reads them too, Minji knows that he doesn't. But she still let him continue. The topic gradually shifts and the rest of the time is spent listening to him talking about his high school's days, occasionally Siyeon's name pops out and it interests Minji but mostly it's about how he was leading a rookie basketball team who won a gold medal in a friendly match with another school. It bores her but fair enough. He did listen to hers just now.

 

"Siyeon unnie!"

 

Minji's ears perk out at the mention of the name and she turns around to see Yoohyeon swinging a fist bump to the girl at the doorstep, not caring if she is being rude by interrupting their conversation. Instead, she is cheering inwardly at the arrival of her saviour.

 

"Ah, Siyeon's here already," Hyunsik states the obvious.

 

And Minji nods, "Yeah, finally," emphasising on the double meaning behind her words. 

 

"Sorry, was at the movie just now," Siyeon apologises.

 

Minji is about to go up to her when she sees another petite figure appearing after Siyeon. The same denim jacket that they are wearing catches her attention instantly. But the girl looks familiar. Has she seen her before somewhere?

 

"Oh, wow, hi, who is this-," Yoohyeon waves excitedly, a smirk plastered on her face as she gives Siyeon a nudge on her shoulders, expression turning into a teasing face of disapproval. "I thought that we're buddies? And you didn't even tell me anything about your new girl?"

 

"Right, Siyeon unnie. You should at least give us a warning." Yoobin joins in and holds Yoohyeon's arm, cradling her head on her roommate's shoulders. She must be really tired.

 

Siyeon's eyes dart over to the petite girl, who only looks away with a faint smile as she brushes her hair behind her ears, leaving the main person in custody to fend for herself. "You guys are weird. Bora and I are just friends!"

 

"Oh, so, Bora is the name," Yoohyeon says, "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Yoohyeon," she introduces herself as she grins, extending her hand out for a handshake. And Yoobin follows suit. Both elated at the newcomer.

 

Bora, Kim Bora. Minji remembers now. She is the leader of the dance club. The Dancing Queen, that's what people call her because of her mad dancing skills. She can pretty much dance to any music. Hip hop, contemporary, Jazz, Samba. Just name anything and she will do it. 

 

"Nice to meet-,"

 

But the two hands are slapped away before they have a chance to be in contact. And Yoohyeon groans in pain while Yoobin laughs, rubbing the back of her hand to soothe the redness. Siyeon looks at her victim apologetically and grants her a chance to hit her back when she realises that she has used too much force.

 

Yoohyeon giggles and gives a small tap onto Siyeon's palm as she invites them in, sweeping the trashes that the guests have left behind to the side. And she snaps when she sees the pair of intertwining hands right before her eyes, "Siyeon unnie, what happened to 'just friends'?"

 

"We're still 'just friends'."

 

"Don't, remember you taught me that we should take responsibility for what we do," Yoohyeon retorts.

 

"Oh, shut up!"

 

Minji watches carefully as Siyeon casually strolls past her before shoving a wink at her, accompanied by a knowing grin of what seems to appear like victory. Then, she gives her a smug grin upon the sight of the man beside her. She isn't even sure what they mean but the girl must have crossed her path on purpose because she is sure that the hotpot is on the other side of the room. 

 

"Hi, Minji," Bora greets her with a smile and Minji is surprised at the fact that she knows her name. "And hi to Hyunsik too!" Nevertheless, she waves and greets her back with the same smile.

 

"Hey there," Hyunsik's voice sounds from the side and Minji has nearly forgotten that he's still here. He pats Siyeon on her shoulder and grins, "By the way, nice one, Siyeon. Last long."

 

"Told you we're not a couple."

 

Minji heads to the kitchen and helps herself with another can of grape juice after withstanding the thirst for quite some time already. She stands by the shoe rack quietly, sipping onto the fruit juice even after Hyunsik has left, who claims that he has an early class tomorrow, which she doesn't really want to know. And Minji absolutely doesn't believe in 'just friends' when she sets her focus on the excessive skinship and the smiling eyes that Siyeon and Bora are giving to each other all night. 'Just friends'? Bull.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siyeon starts to invite Bora to join them for lunch. She had asked Minji if she would be okay with it. The latter only nodded for she had no reason to say no.

 

Then, the next day, Siyeon would ask the same thing. And the day after, she would ask again. Gradually, the initial consulting of Minji's opinion is no longer needed because she always say yes. Even if Minji doesn't feel like it, Bora will still join anyway. There's nothing that she can do about it.

 

They were two but now, they are three.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So babe, what do you want for your birthday?"

 

Minji is on her way back to her room after a fulfilling dinner with Yoohyeon and Yoobin (because Siyeon has ditched them again) when she hears Bora's voice ringing past the closed door. That's the difference between Bora and herself, the former is always loud and always makes sure to get her thoughts across. Unlike her. But she remembers Siyeon texting her that they are having dinner together tonight. Why are they back so early?

 

"I want you only."

 

"Lee Siyeon, you-," The cozy sight of the two girls cuddling against each other on the bed greets Minji as soon as she enters the room, her free hands stuffed into both sides of the coat's pocket. The temperature in the corridor has a tendency to fall lower at night especially when it's nearing winter. "Oh, hi, Minji," Siyeon waves and both of them sit up instinctively.

 

"Looks like I'm back too early," Minji says with a raised brow as she closes the door behind her.

 

"It's okay, three is never a crowd, you can watch us. Or you can invite Hyunsik here if you feel left out."

 

"Oh yeah, I heard about it," Bora chimes in with a snicker. "Hyunsik is so persistent. Maybe you should give him a chance?"

 

Minji turns away from the couple and shakes her head helplessly, feeling speechless about the mention of Hyunsik. The guy has broken past the stage of small talks and has been actively pursuing her for a while already even though she has made it clear that she isn't interested in a relationship now. What's worse is that every time the guy came to find her, Siyeon always happened to be there and what came after that were endless teasings. It doesn't help that the girl had told her girlfriend about it too. One thing Minji hasn't expected though, is for Bora to mimick Siyeon's behaviour, considering that she is the more sensible one in the relationship.

 

"Big mouth Lee Siyeon," Minji says with a deliberate raised volume so that the girl can hear her clearly. Feeling stuffy, Minji removes her jacket and brings it closer to take a quick sniff, hoping that the smell of the barbecue earlier on hadn't stain onto it since the restaurant has a ventilation system. She doesn't want to send a perfectly clean clothing into the laundry yet.

 

"I have a much bigger mouth than you think."

 

Minji watches as Bora brings her arms closer around Siyeon's waist possessively and grazes her thumb across her lips, chuckling before looking back at her, nodding and comfirming her doubts, "Yeah, Siyeon told me many great things about you."

 

"Great?" Minji sneers, skeptical about what the girl meant by 'great' but somehow, she is feeling happy inwardly that her name was often mentioned in their conversation. Is this considered a best friend's pride?

 

"Mostly about how you're a bully and is always picking on her for even the smallest stuff."

 

Minji widens her eyes in disbelief, "Wow, I-,"

 

"You dare to say that it's not true?" Siyeon interrupts before Minji can finish her sentence while grinning sheepishly, knowing that she has her girlfriend to back her up this time. "You always nag at me for not tidying up my bed and scold me for not finishing my homework. Last week, you literally threw me out of my bed just because I couldn't wake up."

 

"For your information, I nagged at you because I didn't want you to fail your test and you should really tidy up more often because your mess always crossed over to my space. And why did I throw you out of your bed? Because you were late for class and if I didn't find ways to wake you up, I would be late too!"

 

"Even so, you didn't have to be that harsh!"

 

"Harsh? How is that harsh? You totally deserve it, okay? Idiot."

 

"Calm down, friends," Bora interjects in the midst of the bickerings while holding back her girlfriend who is almost ready to fight. She admits that she is loud enough but seeing the scene in front of her, she thinks that she finally has a worthy competitor.

 

Siyeon opens , struggling to get out of Bora's grip, ready to launch a counter-attack, "No, you see, Bora. She calls me an idiot! She always does that-,"

 

"That's because you are one!" Minji retorts.

 

"I-,"

 

"You girls are cute, to be honest. Totally friendship goals."

 

The sudden comment from a third party effectively shuts the two girls up as they look away from each other in disgust. And Bora chuckles at the blushes that are creeping up onto their faces. If Bora hadn't known the both of them well, she would have gotten jealous and thought that they are a couple instead of Siyeon and herself.

 

"Nah, we're not," Minji shakes her head.

 

Siyeon follows suit, "Yeah, we're totally not."

 

Carefully wrapping the jacket around the arms of the chair, Minji heads into the kitchen and wanted to pour some water into her bottle but the kettle is emptied when Siyeon beats her to it. She watches the girl gulp down the remaining water with her eyes fixated on hers teasingly before scrambling to the toilet while making a face, rambling about how she can't hold her bowels in anymore. Minji wets her own lips at the unquenched thirst. She has to remember to refill it afterwards.

 

"Will you be free on Siyeon's birthday?" Bora breaks the silence, her hands patting the eye-catching bunch of stuffed toys lined up orderly on the side of the bed. Minji was the one who had tidied them up because she couldn't stand the mess any longer but she thinks that it won't be long before it will be reverted back to its old way. "I was thinking that we can gather all of her friends and throw a birthday party for her. What do you think about the idea?"

 

"Um, I don't know, why are you asking me? You plan it."

 

"Well, because you're her best friend. You must know what she likes the best."

 

"And you're her girlfriend," Minji argues.

 

"But you know her the longest."

 

"Seriously, why does everyone thinks that we're very close?" Minji strolls back to her desk and sits down, her eyes focused onto the printed copy of the timetable that is pinned onto the wall. "To be honest," Then she frowns and rubs her fingers against her chin. "I don't think we're as close as you think we are. We are only close when she needs my help. Like how she always borrowed my notes when you girls skipped lectures to go on dates."

 

"Oh god, Minji, I never thought that you are one to hold grudges," Bora laughs, legs lifting up to step on the bedstands and she hugs her knees close to her chest. "Now I feel bad for taking Siyeon away from you."

 

Minji is baffled, "What?" 

 

"You girls attended the same classes, went for lunch together and spent days and nights together in this little room. Not only me, nobody else will believe it if you tell them that the two of you aren't close. Just look at how you girls were bickering just now."

 

Minji doesn't know which is funnier - the fact that she didn't mean it as a joke or the fact that Bora's words make sense. Of course they are close, of course they care for each other but if someone were to ask her questions like what is Siyeon's favourite food, what is her shoe size or what is her favourite subject, she won't know how to answer them. It is weird though she has no idea why but she is sure that it will be the same for Siyeon as well.

 

"What are you girls talking about? I think I heard my name," Siyeon comes out of the bathroom after the toilet flushes.

 

"Not telling you," Bora says.

 

"What's so secretive?"

 

"Don't worry, babe," Bora reassures and stretches her arm out to grab Siyeon's hand, pulling her girlfriend to sit onto her lap. "It's something good. You will know when the time comes. Right, Minji?"

 

"Right," Minji nods, trying to hold back on a chuckle at an idea that just comes up onto her mind. "Of course it's something good. I just told Bora about how deadly your farts are."

 

"I'm sorry, what?!"

 

Minji quickly stuffs the earbuds into her ears and turns her focus onto the opened lecture notes to prevent any more commotions, letting the lingering voices drown into her songs. And before the song switches, she overhears Bora saying something about liking the smell of her own fart, and that Siyeon should fart more in her presence. Then, laughter mixes into her ears for a moment and she thinks she hears Siyeon saying 'okay'. What? They are two weirdos indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't want to see you again."

 

"Great, let's not then."

 

The past few months have been an emotional ride for Minji. Being a mutual friend with a couple doesn't benefit her at all. When things are good, she's the third wheel who gets ditched whenever they go out for a date. When things are bad, she is the both the peacemaker and the comforter, one side trying to talk some sense into Siyeon and another side trying to cheer Bora up. And she thinks that if there is an award for the best middleman, she totally qualifies for it.

 

"She looks really angry. You're not going after her?" Minji asks, side-eyeing Siyeon when she sees the girl still sitting on her bed looking daze, even after her girlfriend has already stormed off the room for quite some time now.

 

Siyeon fiddles with her fingers, "Why should I always be the one chasing after her when she's the unreasonable one?" Then she lowers her head, avoiding the gaze that Minji is giving her, "If she thinks that I'm not spending enough time with her, then I'll just let her go so that she can find someone else who can keep her company all day."

 

"You do know that she said that out of anger."

 

"That's the point," Siyeon frowns, feeling wronged. "I know we can have differences sometimes but we can always sit down and talk things out. She doesn't have to say those words." And she finally admits, "It really hurts, you know."

 

"Then, tell her that." Minji let out a long yawn, frustrated at the morning commotion that had woken her up. Classes only start in the afternoon, there is no reason for her to be awake this early. "What's the point of saying it to me when she's not going to hear them? And by the way, you said hurtful stuff to her too."

 

"That's because she started it first."

 

"Oh gosh, then do whatever you want," Minji grabs the nearest pillow and ducks her head below it when she has had enough, "Go after her, bring her out, or make out with her, I don't care." And she closes her eyes, in hope that she can regain some sleep, "Just let me have some peace here."

 

There is silence. Then, she hears a sigh, another sigh comes after that, and more sighs. The feet paces around the room for a while before it picks up the speed and hurries off, leaving behind the sound of the creaking door. Finally.

 

When the last lesson of the day finishes, leaving behind Minji who's not feeling very happy about the rearrangement of the team for a new project, she just wants to indulge herself in a warm shower and turn in early for the night. But before the door fully opens, Minji hears someone squealing and through the slit, she sees a body laying on top of the other. They are kissing. She quickly shuts it quietly and sends a particular number a text to take her in for the night.

 

Thankfully, she has Yoohyeon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji is getting restless. Studying is usually her past time activity especially when exams are nearing but she can't concentrate well. Not when Siyeon is next to her, rocking her chair from side to side, and the pen in her hand is being spun, and spun, and spun around. Like the theory that she has been trying to memorise in her head.

 

"So, how long have you and Bora been dating for?"

 

"I didn't really count. Why?"

 

"Just curious," Minji pretends to be focused on the notes while paying extra caution to the nosiness that is peeking out of her voice. She doesn't want to sound too concerned.

 

"Hmm, let me see," Siyeon drops the pen completely and flips the cover of her phone. Minji didn't think that the girl would comply to her curiosity. "Okay, we got together in February last year and now is... October, so we've been together for around one year and nine months-," and her eyes go wide. "Holy , it's nearly two years!"

 

"Is it really supposed to be that surprising?" Minji questions with amusement written all over her face.

 

"It feels like it was just a few months ago when we first got together and now it has been like what, one year and nine months? I can't ing believe this."

 

"Time really flies, huh?" Minji murmurs, thinking about how Siyeon and her have known each other for more than three years now and yet, all of these also feel like they just happened a few months ago.

 

"Ha, yeah."

 

The topic is left aside momentarily when Siyeon's eyes is now completely glued onto her phone with a wide smile hanging on her face. The girl is too easily distracted and it sometimes makes Minji wonder if she has any problem with focusing. Because it seems to be a tough task for her to just stay still and do nothing.

 

"So, you've settled down now? With Bora?"

 

Siyeon raises a brow and the expression full of uncertainties suggest to Minji that she has never thought deeply about the question before. Then again, at this age, who would? "Maybe? Who knows?"

 

"Hmm but you rarely stayed out late nowadays, guess you're changed man now-," Minji quickly corrects herself. "Oops, I mean changed woman."

 

"You sounded as if I was a total jerk before!"

 

"You literally brought girls back into the room!"

 

"That didn't mean anything!" Siyeon retorts with a raised voice, trying to match Minji's. "It was just two willing parties having a little bit of fun, you know. It wasn't that serious."

 

"I just think that you should learn to take care of yourself more."

 

'Don't worry, Minji. I always do," Siyeon's expression softens as she leans back into her chair, trying to shakes her head off the fatigue that's setting in. Then, a brief smile flashes across her face before it turns into a mischievous one. "What's more, I have Bora to take care of me now."

 

"Poor thing, she must be having a hard time taking care of this big child."

 

"Hey, I'm not a child, okay?"

 

"You totally are. I can totally imagine you clinging onto her all day, trying to get her attention while she's busy studying or something," Minji continues to tease the girl, letting her know how it feels like to be on the receiving end.

 

Siyeon scoffs in disbelief, "Tsk, why do you even think that I'm the clingy one?"

 

"Because you're annoying."

 

"Ow, you're really mean," Siyeon pulls a face and pouts, knowing how easy it will be to incite the guilt in Minji. "And I'm really hurt. Say sorry."

 

"If I don't want to?" Minji challenges.

 

A screeching sound from the moving chair against the floor pierces its way into Minji's ears and the notes that she was reading a while ago is now filled with scribbles as the other girl hovers over her. Astonishment engulfs Minji as she watches the girl finishing the last of blue ink with a grin of victory.

 

"Really? Lee Siyeon?"

 

"What?" Siyeon shrugs, feigning a face of innocence as she sits back down onto her chair, eyes narrowing down warily at her victim. "Anything happened?"

 

Minji blinks her eyes in disbelief with agape as she try to form words in her head. In the end, she only let out a resigned sigh and shakes her head. Lee Siyeon. A child indeed. Sometimes, she doesn't even know why she would still be surprised by her actions anymore.

 

"I only annoy people that I like. So, you should feel honoured," Siyeon reasons with a smug that Minji wants to wipe off from her face badly. Maybe she should ask her to rewrite the notes that she had ruined.

 

"Oh, is that the case? Then I sincerely hope that you will approve my request to leave your list of favourites."

 

The space that is unoccupied closes in again suddenly and Minji moves back instinctively at the lack of privacy until her back touches the wall. The girl is too close for comfort. With the way Siyeon has been leeching onto her these days, she should have known that her advances know no boundaries. Yet, she isn't doing anything to avoid them.

 

"Tell me, how will you bear to leave me?" Siyeon corners her and shamelessly throws herself onto Minji's lap, her head nuzzling against her chest and she feels her neck tickles at the loose strands of hair. She is so red and so nervous that she thinks that the girl is going to hear the rapid thumping of her heart. "I know that I'm definitely at the top of your favourites. So, I'm just going to cling onto you for the rest of my life."

 

And... Siyeon is right.

 

"You're disgusting. And I'm telling Bora."

 

Minji rolls her eyes and hastily pries the arms off her after managing to recompose herself. She watches the other girl jumps onto the bed with a satisfied grin, which soon turns into a full-blown laughing session and her body bounces upwards against the gravity. The big and fluffy bunny stuffed toy that Bora has given to her on her birthday is now in her arms, squashed against her chest. "You should have seen your face, Minji." In the end, there wasn't any shared plans and Bora had Siyeon for the whole day. And the pop-up card that Minji had made was left aside somewhere in the drawer.

 

Siyeon is at the top of Minji's favourites but that doesn't mean that Minji too, is also at the top of Siyeon's favourite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is December and the long-awaited winter break has finally arrived. The bus to Daejeon is still fully packed even though Minji has already avoided the peak hours by choosing to leave two days later. The two-hours journey back home has taken a longer time than usual due to the snow but Minji still makes it in time for dinner.

 

Coming home is nice.

 

Minji gets to taste the home-cooked meal that she hasn't eaten for months. She never fails to notice that every time she comes home, the dining table would be full of her favourite dishes and of course, her mum wouldn't forget the must-have on the menu - kimchi tofu stew.

 

None of the kimchi tofu stew in the eateries that she has tried could fare up to her mum's cooking. Because only her mum would know the exact combination of spiciness and sourness that would satisfy her taste bud.

 

Her favourite of all in her trip home would be having her little sister welcoming her home at the door, only to be pushed aside as soon as she has gotten her desired gift - it is a pink graphic shirt that she has bought in a flea market. Except that this time, her sister walks away with a look of despise while lamenting about how childish the design looks.

 

Children nowadays.

 

And every time Minji returns, she would take the chance to measure how much her little sister has grown since the last time she saw her. The red ink on the wall is marked at a higher height this time - little Minju has grown five centimetres.

 

Coming home was supposed to be nice if not for a certain someone who has insisted on tagging along simply because she has quarreled with her parents and Bora's house isn't convenient to allow her stays.

 

"Eat more, Siyeon. These are Minji's favourites so, don't stand on ceremony. There's still more rice at the back if it's not enough." Minji's mum breaks the silence at the dining table with a dedicated smile that she would only show when there are guests in the house.

 

"Oh, thank you, eommonie. It's actually enough."

 

"No, how is that little amount of rice in that bowl enough?" Her mum narrows her eyes onto Siyeon's and chides.

 

"I don't usually eat a lot," her voice gradually becomes softer, making her existence seem smaller than ever. And Minji chuckles, thinking about how the mighty Lee Siyeon has finally met her match today. Typical Asian Mum. Her classmates in high school would be able to relate.

 

"I'm sorry, what did you say again? I didn't catch that."

 

"Oh, it's nothing. I-,"

 

"Mum, she is not a kid," Minji interrupts, unable to watch the unbearable scene anymore as her teeth grinds down diligently onto the unchewed food in . "She can decide for herself if she wants more."

 

"If you are capable of doing so, you wouldn't need me to keep reminding you to eat properly. Look at all these skin and bones," Her mum grabs onto her skinny arm which hasn't discard the chopsticks in her hand on time and Minji suddenly regrets speaking up for the girl. Her mum really loves to embarrass her in front of everybody. "This is why we can't trust you young people to make your own decision these days."

 

A pair of chopsticks, coupled with pieces of pork meat make its way onto Siyeon's bowl and before Minji is able to protest, she watches helplessly as the same is delivered onto hers. Of course her mum's cooking is nice but she too, has a small appetite. Besides, she isn't really a fan of pork. She prefers chicken.

 

"Your father works so hard to put food in your bowls. So, stop complaining and just eat," Her mum says sternly and Minji can hear Minju snickering beside her.

 

Her little sister has been sending her texts of complaints about how she wasn't allowed to have fast food again after falling sick last month and that she had to endure having home-cooked meals everyday. She must be feeling glad that Minji is now back home to share the burden with her.

 

"This is how our family is like, always bickering day and night," Minji's father speaks up with a kind smile, his eyes casting a gentle gaze as if he's talking to Siyeon like his own daughter. "But anyway, just eat what you can. Don't worry too much about the food," he says. "We can always save the leftovers for the next day's lunch."

 

The rest of the evening on the dining table is spent with Minji's mum constantly bombarding Siyeon with endless questions such as - where is your hometown (Daegu), what does your parents do for a living (They opened a supermarket), how many siblings do you have (I am the only child), do you have a boyfriend (No-, um-, I mean, yes, I guess so?) and Minji momentarily notices how stiff the girl has become with an awkward smile hanging on her face. Her mum probes a little too much sometimes.

 

"Do you perhaps know of any nice boys who you can introduce to Minji?"

 

"What the, Mum?" Minji's ears perk up at the question, suddenly feeling shy about the topic, especially when it is discussed right in front of her best friend. She can already sense the pair of judging eyes that Siyeon is hiding behind the raised brows and puzzled expression.

 

But her pleas are completely ignored as her mum turns away from her and continues to chatter away about her criteria for an ideal future son-in-law, "Actually, I don't have a lot of requirements. His financial background doesn't really matter, as long as he has a stable income. And let's be realistic, he doesn't have to be very handsome. Just decent-looking will do."

 

"Um, actually there's someone-,"

 

"Oh, there is? Who? Do you have a photo of him?" Her mum chimes in excitedley.

 

But Siyeon's mind comes to a standstill at the gaze that Minji is giving to her. She gives her a nonchalant shrug on her shoulders, blatantly ignoring the girl and continues anyway, "She rejected him though."

 

Minji hides her face behind her palm and immediately has a bad premonition about what is about to come next. Her mum isn't going to let her off this time, "Aish, look at this daughter of mine, her brain is always filled with studies, studies and studies." And she rests her head on her arms while she listens to her rants, "I don't want to be thick-skinned but I think my daughter is considered pretty so I always can't understand why she hasn't gotten herself a boyfriend yet. Now that you told me about it, I finally understand why."

 

"Mum, I told you before that I just want to focus on graduating from college first."

 

"After college, you will be working. Tell me, where are you going to find the time to meet new guys and go on dates? Trust your mum, college is the best time." Her mum argues, eyes landing onto the children's dad. "I still remember I was barely sixteen when I met your dad. And he has to chase away many other guys to get to me."

 

"Mmm, back in those days, your mum is a rose in the forest," Her dad says with a proud grin.

 

Blushes are planted onto her mum's face as she buries her face into the bowl of rice, feeling embarrassed about it even though she's the one who started the topic, "Don't even think that you can escape on washing the dishes just because you said these honeyed words."

 

"Ew, dad and mum," Minju says with a face of disgust. "Stop being so mushy."

 

And the whole family laughs at the youngest's outburst, who has probably endured too much of the love they have for each other. Minji turns around to peek a glance at Siyeon, who is smiling widely at the scene. The smile looks genuine and she thinks that it's a pleasant one to look at.

 

When dinner is done, Minji finds herself shuffling between the sink and the dining table when she is forcefully escorted out of the kitchen to keep her best friend company in the living room. She remembers how her mum used to complain about how nobody would help her with the dishes and now, she isn't allowed to even if she wants. As the years go by, she feels as if she is becoming a guest in her own house.

 

"I'm going to work," her dad announces after coming out of his room, fully changed into a thicker outfit.

 

And Minji quickly follows behind, "I'll send you off, dad."

 

Her dad has started driving night shifts these days because the business at their small eatery isn't picking up. Living costs are getting higher and her dad is afraid that their little business wouldn't keep them going until the youngest member in the family completes college. Which is why Minji is eager so, eager to graduate so that she can help out with the burden of the living costs.

 

"Do you have enough money for the rest of the semester?" Her dad asks when they're outside.

 

Putting both of her hands into the side pockets, Minji nods, her eyes boring into the new found dirt on the sidewalk. "Yeah, don't worry, dad. Don't forget that I still have my savings too."

 

While Minji understands that their family's financial status isn't the best, she isn't lying. She didn't have much to spend on anyway. Cafeteria's food is cheap and most of the time, she was just staying in her room, studying, reading a book or doing whatever that mostly didn't require heavy money spending. She is telling the truth so she can't comprehend why her dad is still pushing those notes of thousand wons into her hand, insisting for her to accept them.

 

"Dad, I told you I have-,"

 

"I won a little money from last week's lottery."

 

Minji doesn't know what to say, "Oh." Lottery. Now, that changes everything. Of course, her dad's expression says it all. All these years of buying lottery, they had never won anything until now. This quick break certainly makes her feel a little less guilty for wanting to accept these moneys.

 

"Just keep them," Her dad assures before putting a finger onto his lips. "But don't tell your sister anything about it. Or else, she's going to complain about me being biased again."

 

The end of her lips twitches, meeting from eye to eye as a knowing grin shows itself, painting the colours of childhood joy onto Minji's face. She loves keeping secrets, and she has been keeping a lot, especially when it's between her dad and herself. Just like how her dad used to bring her out for ice-cream without her mum's knowledge, just like how her dad used to bring her to arcades after school, just like how her dad had a relapse on his back injury recently and didn't want to tell anyone about it, fearing that it would cause worries for her mum.

 

"I got you, dad," Minji casts an understanding smile and quickly stuffs those notes into her pocket, matching her promise with an 'okay' sign.

 

And when her dad turns away from her to the vehicle after bidding goodbye, for the first time, Minji notices how well-built her dad's shoulders are, which must be why her mum had chosen him back then out of many others. But the responsibility of being the family's sole breadwinner seems to have weighed him down because he is slouching. And Minji suddenly feels the warm tears building up in the corner of her eyes at the sight. She quickly wipes them off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry if my mum makes you uncomfortable. She is like this, often speaking what she was thinking at the moment," Minji apologises, coming out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth to see Siyeon tip-toeing around her bookshelves filled with books and photo frames of her younger self - 

 

Pink singlet, pink dress, pink hat. Pink everywhere. She was a pink princess. And she still is one.

 

And she isn't embarrassed to admit it.

 

"It's fine, your mum is cute though. I was just a little awkward. Just a little," Siyeon turns around, emphasising on her last words and plops herself down onto Minji's bed without permission, letting the smell of the floral softener invades her nose. Then again, when was she ever the type to ask for permission to do anything? 

 

Minji chuckles and side-eyes the girl, taking the full advantage of this opportunity to because what kind of joke this will be - the social butterfly in college isn't social at all with her best friend's parents. "You were very awkward." 

 

A bolster is thrown across the room and fortunately, Minji manages to dodge it thanks to her quick reflex. The Taekwondo lessons that she had attended during elementary school isn't wasted. She shakes her head and places the bolster back onto her bed without words before leaving the room, her mind too tired to start another argument with Siyeon.

 

When Minji enters the room again, this time however, dragging another set of mattress and pillow along with her, it is now Siyeon's turn to be speechless. "Wait, this is for me?" She pauses with a little hesitation, "Aren't we sleeping together?"

 

Minji stops by the empty spot next to her bed and sets up the mattress, feeling a little amused. "You are the guest so you sleep on the bed. And, we don't sleep together back in the dorm either, do we?"

 

"Mmm, fine, I can sleep alone," Siyeon hums and Minji thinks that she muat have hurt her pride by rejecting her when she sees the wide smile that the girl is giving her, as if she's trying to cover the look of disappointment that has just flashed across her face. Yes, the girl loves cuddling, she must be really disappointed.

 

Too bad, Bora isn't here. And she isn't Bora.

 

Lights are off, the door is closed and windows are shut. All is silent, except for the old fan that is creating all kinds of buzzing noises. The neighbourhood is asleep already and Minji thinks that she should too. So, she hoists the blanket up her chest, closes her eyes and let her calm breathing takes over. Sleep, she tells herself. She is in the air, she is floating, she feels the fluffy clouds first and then she hears the sound of the winds passing by.

 

"I envy you, Minji." Her eyes suddenly flutter open at the solemn voice that breaks the silence. Damn, so close. "You and your family have such a good relationship."

 

Minji curses inwardly. She was never one to do so but today, she is impatient, a little frustrated and a little helpless. She has had a long day and all she wants right now is a good night rest. But somehow, the presence of the girl has slipped off her mind. She figures that she wouldn't be getting sleep any time soon.

 

"What?" She probes anyway.

 

"I said, I envy how you and your family are so close to one another."

 

"Mmm," Minji murmurs lazily with a long yawn while rubbing her eyes, mind still hazy about what the girl has just said. They should be sleeping. She has no idea just what kind of thoughts the girl is thinking about in the middle of the night. "Like you said, we're family."

 

"But my family and I don't get along though."

 

"Well," Minji breathes out a sigh, bringing her arms to the back of her head as she stares blankly into the ceiling, "Maybe you should stop finding faults with your parents and starts to appreciate what they have done for you. No matter what, they are still our mum and dad, they brought us up, you know."

 

Siyeon quarrels with her parents a lot, that was what Bora had told her.

 

"It's not that."

 

Minji makes a face, "Then what?"

 

There is a long pause in the silence and Minji turns to her side, anticipating for the girl to continue with her words. Because she is sacrificing her sleep, so she thinks that Siyeon better makes it worthwhile. The room is pitch black but Minji can still make out the figure that is back-facing her. Then, she hears the sounds of the shuffling bedsheets even though the girl never fully turn to face her, and what comes after that seems to sound like a series of sighs with frustration, "Ah, never mind, it's nothing," Siyeon let out a half-hearted chuckle, she must be crazy to be laughing at herself. "Why am I even telling you all these?"

 

Minji might have heard it wrong, it was vague, but she is quite sure. Was that just a harmless statement, or was that something more than that, like disappointment, indirectly mocking at her inability to figure out the worries that the girl is hiding behind her laughter. Maybe she has said something that she shouldn't have. Thoughts are running wild in her head and Minji thinks that there certainly has to be a better way to jolt her awake than this.

 

"You can ignore my words. Let's just sleep," Siyeon says.

 

Even though Minji has known for quite some times already that Siyeon isn't someone who will let her heart out of her sleeves, and that she has been fine with that all these whiles, she sorts of understands now, what Bora has often been talking about, the frustration of being Siyeon's best friend - not being able to be there for her.

 

Minji isn't an impulsive person but somehow, at this night, with the half-moon watching over them from high above the sky, she is fuelled with the determination to let the girl know that a great pair of listening ears, a shoulder to cry on, her best friend, Kim Minji, exists.

 

"What's up with your family?" Minji doesn't know how the concern turns out to be so awkward, so unfeeling, so lack of affection but those were the most suitable words she could come up with at the moment.

 

"Told you it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

 

"So, are you going to continue to keep things to yourself?"

 

Minji hears the figure above shifts, the then sound of her nails clawing against the bedsheets engulfs her ears. She doesn't like that. She sinks deeper into the pillow, trying to tune the unbearable sounds and maybe, if she tries hard enough, she will also be able to tune out of the insecurity of not being good enough.

 

Not being good enough.

 

"It's not that," Siyeon's voice drops. "I just don't feel like talking about it now."

 

"It's been a long time since we last had a nice talk, you know. Especially after you've gotten together with Bora, I barely get to see you. And you say we're best friend but you never tell me stuff," Minji's voice trails off as she reminisces about those days when she would fall asleep alone and when she woke up the next day, it was still the same sight of an empty bed that greeted her morning.

 

Being away from home is a constant battle with loneliness.

 

"Ah, I get it," A playful glint twinkles in Siyeon's eyes, followed by a smirk. "You must have missed me, right?"

 

Minji rolls her eyes, subconsciously fending off any ideas that the girl is trying to put into her head. Rolling eyes has become her specialty now. Even so, she can't deny those words because what she has said is sort of true. She snorts, "I did until you opened your mouth."

 

Laughter fills the room, not sure for whatever reason, the situation itself is just funny. And for a moment, the mood appears to have been lifted and they are back to their old selves until Minji has to put an end to the laughing session, afraid that they will wake the others up. Because they can spend the whole night laughing if they want to.

 

A mischievous idea strikes Siyeon as she rises from the blanket and rolls her body downwards but Minji hasn't got enough time to make space for her in which her back ends up hitting onto Minji's knees. It hurts a lot and she almost let out a yelp, if not for the palm that has timely covered .

 

"Oh my god, Minji, are you ing made of steel?" The victim whimpers, tears almost spilling out of her eyes.

 

Minji hastily rubs her palm gently down Siyeon's back, feeling a little guilty as she glimpses at the girl who is wincing in pain and she has to bite down onto her lips to prevent the muffled laughter from escaping, "Idiot."

 

"Stop calling me idiot!"

 

It is hilarious, it is ridiculous.

 

They have to stop laughing because it is close to midnight, everyone has to wake up early and go to work the next day. But when Minji lifts her head and her eyes catch onto Siyeon's, the scene just now flashes across her mind and she can't help but crack up again, titters escaping between every breath.

 

"I swear, if your mum suddenly comes into the room and scold us, it will be all your fault," Siyeon says.

 

"My mum isn't that fierce!"

 

Letting out a series of cough, Siyeon lays back down onto the mattress beside the occupant as she let her eyes rest, feeling a little worn out, mind deciding that she isn't going to return to the bed anymore. It is comfortable here, right by Minji's side. And Minji doesn't mind a bit.

 

"Oh god, I haven't laughed so hard for a long time."

 

MInji chuckles, her lungs hurt, "I know right."

 

"But-,"

 

The unfinished words stop, the joviality fades away, leaving the unnerving silence to linger in the air. But Minji is focused onto catching her breath and recollecting her thoughts instead and doesn't want to pursue further even though she won't mind listening if Siyeon wants to tell her more. She can listen to her all night even if it means losing sleep.

 

"I'm sorry," Siyeon speaks first, her voice feels warm against the cold air and Minji nods even though she isn't sure what the apology is for. "I never thought that you would mind," and she takes a deep breath, fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt, "It's just, I've never been good at expressing myself so it's kind of hard for me to talk about stuff like this."

 

Minji pushes the hair behind her, "It's okay."

 

"I love you, Minji," Siyeon confesses as she covers the blushes on her face with her palm, feeling shy. And the same goes for Minji who turns her gaze to the floor. "Even though I might not say it a lot but when I do so, I really mean it from the bottom of my heart."

 

"Oh..."

 

It is cheesy and it isn't like the girl at all to confess about the true feelings in her heart. Likewise, it isn't like Minji too, to be able to accept those words with an open heart. But they feel right coming out of Siyeon's mouth. Like she's meant to say them and Minji is meant to keep them.

 

"Wait, don't ruin the mood, let me finish."

 

"Okay," Minji complies.

 

"I feel grateful to have you in my life and I want you to know that you're someone whom I really cherish a lot. And I hope that our friendship will be able to go on for a very, very long time."

 

Minji stays quiet even though she feels the same way. She doesn't know what to say because after high school, within the span of three years, she has both lost and gained new friends along the way. She has seen through many things and eventually, she has come to an understanding that in life, people come and go. Some are meant to stay and some are meant to go.

 

So... what about Siyeon?

 

She is both anxious and afraid of their future.

 

"Hey, this is awkward, you should at least say something," Siyeon nudges her.

 

Minji breaks out of her thoughts with a raised brow, "Um, thank you, I guess?"

 

"Thank you? That's all? Really? After I poured out all my feelings to you?" Siyeon laments as she can't believe what she is hearing, her face scrunched up with dismay, mind filling regrets about baring her emotions to her best friend. 

 

"Aish, you know this is really embarrassing for me too." Minji admits.

 

A string of suppressed laughter fills Minji's ears and she feels her cheeks burning up. Oh god, she shouldn't have said that because the girl is going to about it all night and she definitely isn't going to let her hear the end of it.

 

"So, you're like me too. We're the same."

 

"No? Of course not," Minji quickly denies and scoots away from the girl, pulling the only blanket closer to her side. "You're terrible, who would want to be like you?"

 

"Why not? I'm so kind and undeniably pretty. Everyone falls for me."

 

"Yeah, more like they fall over you."

 

Minji learns a lot about Siyeon that night. Like how she grew up every day watching her parents fighting with each other, like how she would run away from home to spend the night at the internet cafe, like how she had met her first girlfriend who was working part-time there, like how they were so in love and clinging onto each other all day, and how everything fell apart as quickly as it started because the long distance relationship was getting harder to keep them alive.

 

"To think that I still continued to work in the convenience store so that I could buy the train ticket to visit her during the weekend. That was really foolish and naive of me." Siyeon rants. No wonder Siyeon always came back to the dorm so late every day.

 

"I've been meaning to ask... What is it about Bora? Like, what do you like about her?"

 

"You don't need any reason to love someone, do you?"

 

"Oh," Minji is grossed out. She tells herself that she is never going to be this way if she ever gets into a relationship in the future. "Cut those mushy stuff out. It's disgusting, to be honest."

 

Siyeon let out a grumble and hits onto Minji's shoulders lightly before breaking into a smile, a blissful one, "Well, she's nice and fun to be around with."

 

"And?" Minji encourages and scoots closer, knowing that there's more to it.

 

"And... we share the same interests, we have similar eating habits, we like the same movie genre. Oh, and someone said that it's a good thing that we're both talkative so that we don't have to worry about running out of topics to talk about. Can you imagine us trying to get our thoughts across to each other with those fallen teeth when we've become grannies? That would be hilarious..."

 

Minji lays onto her side, her hands supporting her head and she listens quietly as her best friend continues on with her stories. Her gaze falls upon the dark eye circle under Siyeon's eyes and Minji wonders if hers are as deep, probably deeper, as much as the time she has spent on missing her. Then, her eyes trace the silhouette of her face, down to her nose, to her lips, meticulously taking in every feature. She finds the girl endearing, her mind in awe because how can anyone look so beautiful even when she's talking about someone else?

 

But her eyelids are drooping lower and Minji finds herself drifting further and further away from her consciousness. She will have to think about the question another time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four years have passed in a blink of an eye and graduation comes surprisingly quicker than Minji has thought. Life after college is full of fog and Minji is lost already. She thought that she already had her life planned out but now, standing at the crossroad, she doesn't know where to head for next.

 

When Yoohyeon joins an engineering company as an intern, Minji follows suit.

 

The location is a little secluded but the environment looks decent and the people there seem easy-going. The working hours are a little long though and aside from an experiment that Minji is allowed to assist with, she soon finds herself doing many things that often carries no meaning.

 

Alone in the room that she has rented with Yoohyeon, and Yoobin would visit occasionally, Minji would often do nothing except for staring at her phone, pining on the hope that it would ring or at least, blink up at a text message from a certain someone. But she receives none. It was only when she learns from Yoohyeon that Siyeon has broken up with Bora, Minji initiates a text in which they share a brief conversation. 

 

That's the last time she has heard from the girl. She didn't text her back and Minji doesn't want to be the first one to do so.

 

So, when the new intern at her workplace asks her out for dinner, Minji doesn't reject, even though at the back of her mind, she knows that this isn't just a friendly dinner especially with the way the wide smile is glued onto his face. 

 

He is nice, humble and caring. A total gentleman and a good listener, sometimes a little goofy, she later discovers and it somehow reminds her of Siyeon in a way.

 

Minji went out with him a lot - for the first date, the second date, the third date and then, somewhere around the forth one, she doesn't wait for Siyeon anymore. Her desire takes over and she gives in. She doesn't pull away when the inching hand grabs hers and when he leans in to place a kiss on her cheeks, his eyes slowly falling onto her lips, Minji doesn't hesitate to kiss him back with the same intensity.