When Jinyoung asked Mark, rather guiltily, what his news was, Mark only shook his head and stuttered, “I got a near perfect score on my Algebra quiz.”

He rifled through his bag to find the darn thing, but the goddamn quiz didn’t want to be found, and Mark kind of felt the same from the utter humiliation he was currently experiencing. In the end, he told them that he couldn’t find the quiz and simply excused himself muttering something unintelligible and hoping that Jinyoung and Jaebum wouldn’t follow. If either Jinyoung or Jaebum saw him teary eyed or red cheeked, neither of them said anything and just let Mark be on his way.

The whole relationship dampened Mark and Jinyoung’s friendship.

Lunch times were no longer just Mark and Jinyoung. Nowadays, their table was taken by Mark, Jinyoung, and Jinyoung’s new beau Jaebum. It would have been fine, honestly, but Jaebum and Jinyoung acted so much like a couple that it grated Mark to the point that he began to spend fewer and fewer days with them during lunch.

Instead, he started hanging out with two freshmen who started following him like ducklings would their mother. They went by the names of Bambam and Yugyeom. They were an interesting duo. What one lacked in one category, the other made up for in that same aspect. While Bambam was short and loud, Yugyeom was tall and rather shy in comparison (though he was shyer when Bambam was not around). They were as dumb as they were smart, and they were plenty smart.

The Fridays that were reserved for Mark and Jinyoung ice cream time were replaced with date nights with Jaebum. Mark wasn’t jealous, no, but he would totally appreciate it if Jinyoung would spend more of his days with him. Alone. Away from Jaebum and this messy triangle that Mark got himself into.

Instead, Mark’s Fridays went by with him, Yugyeom, and Bambam going to the arcades where they would spend the whole day (and most of their allowance) playing until their wrists stung and thumbs felt numb. Fortunately for them, both Mark and Bambam were on the upper class status of the economy, which meant that they had more than enough tokens to use to play games and buy prizes. It wasn’t for nought though, seeing as it enabled Mark to win a ton of Pikachu themed items, ranging from stuffed toys to backpacks and even hats and keychains.

If Pikachu reminded him of one Park Jinyoung, no one was the wiser.

Mario Kart days in Mark’s room became a Mario Kart party, with all of them cramped inside those four walls. Jinyoung got along with Bambam and Yugyeom, so much that he started teasing them mercilessly about every little thing. Jaebum, on the other hand, felt more like a fatherly figure that would rein them in when they got too wild. And being 13, squeaky voiced, and immature, the duo did have a tendency to get incredibly noisy as much as they were obnoxious.

Two years went by quickly and painfully. They went by like this:

With Mark watching Jinyoung and Jaebum from afar. Mark wished it was him that Jinyoung said yes to. He wondered how everything would have played out then.

With Mark watching their held hands across the table. Mark wished it was him on the other side of Jinyoung. He wondered if Jinyoung missed the warmth of holding Mark’s hand as much as Mark did.

With Jaebum planning a party for Jinyoung’s birthday. Mark wished it was him who was able to say ‘Happy Birthday, Jinyoungie’ right before Jinyoung blew his cake. He wondered what Jinyoung had wished for, hoped it was something that included Mark.

(Mark gave Jinyoung a cute little peach pin and a sky blue shirt for the occasion. It matched the pastel pink hat and bunny pin that Jinyoung gifted him just a couple weeks before for Mark’s own birthday. The pink was his favorite headwear, and he found himself using it at least twice a week, while the pin was forever clipped to his backpack.)

With Jinyoung and Jaebum kissing each other during the New Year. Mark wished it was him whose lips touched Jinyoung’s, fireworks exploding in the sky, the temperature cold but everything feeling just right. He wondered if his image fluttered across Jinyoung’s closed eyes when Jinyoung and Jaebum kissed.

With Mark staring at the way Jaebum and Jinyoung danced during their high school dance. He wished it was them two who were gliding effortlessly on the dance floor, hands on each other’s waists, heads resting on each other’s shoulders, feeling like the two luckiest people in the world. He wondered if Jinyoung thought of him then, if Jinyoung ever thought about him at all these days.

It was near the beginning of the end of the school year wherein Mark solidified his decision.

It had been weighing on him, the thought of leaving it all behind. Perhaps it was Mark’s cowardice or his love for his parents that pulled him back. Maybe it was his friends and the thought of missing their bright smiles and brilliant laughter that restrained Mark from actually going.

Deep down though, Mark knew the real reason. And The Reason^TM was simply an arm’s length away. Both Mark and Jinyoung were on the nearby playground, sitting on swings they hadn’t sat on for months, and hanging out alone for what seemed like years. It all felt oddly relaxing yet bittersweet.

Snow covered the surrounding grassy area, and Mark and Jinyoung’s breaths came in puffs of smoke. The winter made Mark’s toes freeze as he swung his swing, grip tight on the ice cold chains that supported him. He’d always been susceptible to the low temperature.

“I don’t know yet,” Jinyoung answered his question, stopping his swinging and looking very unsure of himself. “How about you? Which university are you going to attend?”

Mark slowed down to a stop and shrugged. “I’m not sure either. Maybe somewhere far away from here. I think I need a break from this town.”

“Well don’t go too far away now,” Jinyoung chuckled nervously before clearing his throat. “To be honest with you, my vision of the future was always the two of us rooming together for university. Exploring the city each day, probably eating with unhealthy habits like having ramen or take out every night.”

The thought of not being able to do that physically ached Mark’s bones.

“Is that what you want?”

Jinyoung glanced at him then. “Are you kidding? Obviously. You’re my best friend.”

Right. The best friend, Mark thought bitterly. Not the boyfriend.

“I just thought you’d choose Jaebum to be your roommate instead,” Mark smiled sheepishly.

“I suppose yeah,” Jinyoung said thoughtfully. “That would make more sense wouldn’t it.”

“Are you happy?” Mark asked. Jinyoung raised an eyebrow.

“I’m very content with my life right now.”

Mark nodded.

“Okay,” he said with a wanton smile. “Just wanted to make sure.”

The wind was suddenly too chilly for Mark to handle, and Mark shivered in his seat.

“Tsk,” Jinyoung shook his head and stood up, removing his own scarf to wrap it comfortably around Mark’s neck. Mark wanted to protest since he saw how red Jinyoung’s ears were from the cold, but the words were stilted as soon as they left his lips and chattering teeth.

It further proved the fact that Mark was worse off than Jinyoung. “Why do you never use scarves? I told you they really help, especially during the winter.”

Mark snorted. Scarves made his neck itchy, but Jinyoung was right about the fact that it made him warm. Though he figured that was probably more due to the fact that he could smell Jinyoung's trademark scent, a mixture of tangerines and something sweet like honey.

“Anyway, we should go,” Jinyoung hauled him up by the hand. “Or we might get sick.”

Upon standing up, Mark was painfully aware of the mere centimeters between them. And Mark felt the sudden urge to do something incredibly stupid like kiss Jinyoung in this playground. The look that Jinyoung was giving him made his breath short, and Mark knew then that this was a dangerous moment for them to be experiencing.

Because Mark was selfish, he would have gladly took Jinyoung by the lips that moment had it not been for the chilly breeze to blow past them once more. It shocked Mark back to reality.

Kissing Jinyoung now would cause more problems than it was worth. Jinyoung said he was happy with his life, and causing Jinyoung to be unhappy would be the last thing Mark would want to do.

Because even though Mark was selfish, he was also in love. And he loved Jinyoung. And what was love other than putting that person’s needs and happiness before yours?

So that was why, a month before graduation, Mark told his parents that he would be flying to California. His mom had gone into hysterics. His dad not much better. But they calmed down to the idea seeing as the universities there were highly ranked across the country and the world, and Mark made them promise not to tell anyone until he left.

And that was why, right after the graduation ceremony, Mark asked Jinyoung once more.

“Are you happy?”

To which Jinyoung answered, “Yes, I am.”

And Mark gave him the longest hug to date. Tried to memorize the way Jinyoung fit against his body. How he felt under his hands. Inhaled his scent one last moment.

“I’m glad to hear that.” He whispered into Jinyoung’s neck, and then he was walking away to Jinyoung’s shout of “We’re still on for this weekend, right?”

To which Mark gave a thumbs up without looking back, because if he did so, Jinyoung would have seen the way he was gnawing at his lips and the dramatic drop of the first tear falling from his eyes.

Early the next day, Mark gathered everything he loved and placed it all in a box. The matching necklaces he bought for him and Jinyoung. The Pikachu wristwatch Jinyoung gave him when they were young, now broken but stayed strong for a while nonetheless. The popsicle sticks with jokes on them that made Jinyoung laugh until his sides hurt. The movie ticket stub from their first movie together as well as the receipt from Kim’s Diner from the dinner after. The pastel pink hat that he considered his favorite, along with the rabbit pin that Jinyoung gifted him for his birthday. The scarf Jinyoung wound around him during their time on the playground. And some of the more memorable notes that Mark and Jinyoung had passed to each other during class and a few other items that he placed sentimental value on.

He closed it gently, before taking out a sharpie and writing DO NOT OPEN with shaky hands. Satisfied with his shaky handwriting, Mark placed the box in his closet, on top of the high shelf that was built in there. That morning, he said goodbye to his memories as well as his parents.

Mark went to California but left his box of treasure, as well as his heart, back at home.

***

Mark and Jinyoung are lying half- on Jinyoung’s bed, their shirts having been discarded somewhere between the kitchen and the living room. Jinyoung has his head on Mark’s arm, while his own are thrown across Mark’s chest. Mark can feel the feathery sensation of Jinyoung writing something on it, and Mark can’t help but giggle.

“That tickles.”

Jinyoung looks up at him, smirking.

“Does it now?”

Mark nods. Jinyoung doesn’t stop.

“Since we’ve missed out on each other for the better half of the decade, let’s play a game of questions so we can learn each other the way we used to.” Jinyoung suggests as he makes more circling motions on Mark’s chest.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Mark hums and closes his eyes. “You go first.”

“Are you single?” Jinyoung asks before laughing lightly. Mark opens his eyes and stays silent for a while, and the longer the silence, the lower the volume of Jinyoung’s laughter became. Jinyoung sits up quickly, looking at Mark in disbelief. “What the , Mark? You’re not single?”

Mark chews on his lips. “It’s complicated. I am single. Soon to be.”

“What do you mean soon to be?” Jinyoung pulls at his blanket as if he trying to hide his exposed body from Mark.

“I’m separated from my wife,” Mark says meekly, wincing.

“A wife, Mark? A ing wife?” Mark has never heard Jinyoung so livid, or curse really.

“We already agreed that we’re getting a divorce. We already signed the papers and everything, but it takes a couple of months for things to take into effect,” Mark explains. It seems to satisfy Jinyoung the tiniest bit, and Mark takes that as his go ahead to pull him closer once more.

“Jinyoungie,” Mark begins as he tucks stray hairs behind Jinyoung’s ear. “I already told you before that the reason I came back was because my roommate was trying to make my life a living hell. Well that roommate is my wife. Or ex-wife, I should say.”

And when Jinyoung still doesn’t say anything, Mark holds both of his hands and continues. “And I also mentioned that I’m here because I had to stay away and think about whether or not I’ve done the right thing? For my future and my life? Well that ‘thing’ was the divorce.”

Jinyoung is still pouting, but Mark can see his exterior beginning to crack. He’s being totally honest, and Mark just wants Jinyoung to genuinely believe him.

“So you’re really, truly divorced?” Jinyoung questions nervously.

“99.9%. We’re just waiting for the government to send us confirmation of our status.” Mark his lips.

“And you don’t feel anything for her anymore?”

“Nothing,” Mark shakes his head before clearing his throat. “And nowhere near close to what I felt for you.”

“And I’m not just a rebound?” Jinyoung asks softly. Mark laughs because that’s the last thing he would call Jinyoung.

“Far from that,” he answers, squeezing Jinyoung’s hands. “You were always my first choice.”

Jinyoung in a breath. “Always?”

“Always.”

“Even during high school?”

“Even before that.” Mark has never been more sure of anything in his life.

But Jinyoung looks like he wants to throw Mark off a cliff, and Mark is confused because he thought that that was what Jinyoung wanted to hear.

Jinyoung pulls his hands away as if he was burned. And then he’s slapping Mark’s shoulder in quick successions.

“Then why- the hell- did- you leave- me here?!”

“First of all, that hurt,” Mark pouts as he rubs the place Jinyoung was hitting just seconds before. “And second of all, technically that’s your third or fourth legitimate question so I think it’s my turn.”

Jinyoung huffs petulantly, crossing his arms like the big child that he is. “Fine.”

Mark rolls his eyes before taking a deep, exaggerated breath. “Why did you date Jaebum?”

Bullseye. Jinyoung is looking at anywhere but him, lips sticking out cutely. It seems like he doesn’t want to reveal the answer, as if doing so would change the situation somehow, or alter their path in some way. Mark needs him to know that there’s probably nothing he can say that will make Mark run away again.

Mark tilts Jinyoung’s chin so that they’re face-to-face. “Just be honest with me, Jinyoung. The past has passed, and there’s nothing we can do about it now. But just know that there’s nothing you can say that will change my feelings for you.”

Jinyoung gives him a firm nod.

“Well, I did like him back then, even if that’s not what you want to hear,” he begins, eyes not leaving Mark’s. “I liked him, and he asked me to be his boyfriend, so I said yes.”

Jinyoung chews on his lips, and Mark motions for him to continue.

“Obviously that’s not all. Like you, I also had feelings ever since we were children. Even if I liked him back then, I still liked you a lot more. And I remember, so vividly, the night he told me about this because it changed my thoughts forever. He said that you said I was single.”

Mark is shaking a little, fists clenched. Jinyoung also liked him. After all this time, of wondering whether or not Jinyoung reciprocated his feelings, Mark finally gets his answer. And it just makes him feel exhausted. He wants to berate Jinyoung for not waiting one weekend, one damn weekend, before saying yes to Jaebum. But he’s also angry at himself for giving up so quickly. They wasted so many years away from each other, so many years apart when they could have been in each other’s arms.

Jinyoung scoots closer towards Mark, as if sensing the wild emotions raging inside him. Jinyoung rests his hand on Mark’s thigh, and it feels warm and brings Mark out of his head and back to reality.

“And when he said that, everything just felt hopeless. The fact that it was you who said it made me believe that you genuinely felt nothing more than friendship for me. And I thought that I couldn’t wait anymore. I had been waiting for years and years, and at that moment, all the years I spent waiting seemed so fruitless. So even though I wanted you, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life, I chose Jaebum because I would have rather settled for second best than be that friend who followed you like a puppy and a broken heart.”

“You should have waited one more weekend,” Mark sighs, but Jinyoung frowns.

“You’re not getting the point, Mark. I was tired of waiting,” Jinyoung grits his teeth. “And you could have not given up so easily. You didn’t have to run away either. And did you really have to do it without telling me?”

Jinyoung is fuming again, and Mark thinks this is going in the wrong direction. They shouldn’t blame each other for things that have already happened, seeing as neither of them could go back in time to change it.

“I don’t think I would have been able to do it if I actually had to say goodbye. And what would you have done? Would you have followed me and leave behind everything you had?” Mark demands. Jinyoung is silent, stone-faced and unmoving. “And how could I have gotten between you and Jaebum with a conscious mind? Did you want me to be a home wrecker? Because I don’t think-”

“No, of course not,” Jinyoung breathes out, voice cracking and emotional. “I just- I don’t know.”

Jinyoung brushes his hair with a sweaty hand, staring at the blanket and looking entirely too tired for this whole exchange. “I just really wish we could have done things a lot more differently, you know?”

Mark curls and uncurls his fingers. He knows. They were both dumb teenagers. He looks up at the ceiling and takes multiple breaths. But then Jinyoung is lying down and pulling Mark down with him. Mark lets himself be dragged, finds salvation in drowning along with Jinyoung. They’re on their sides, facing each other, breaths mingling between them. Mark is so content just doing this, looking at Jinyoung, tracing his figure his eyes, memorizing every curve and line and dot on Jinyoung’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung whispers. “I think everything is just still too fresh, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to handle everything.”

“Me too,” Mark says gently. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice. You just make me feel a lot.”

Jinyoung laughs lightly before bringing his hand to Mark’s face and swiping his thumb against his cheek.

“I really, really missed you,” Jinyoung admits before leaning in and giving Mark’s lips a peck.

“Trust me, I know.” Mark gives him a kiss back.

“So two things we uncovered today,” Jinyoung says as he kisses Mark once more. “We were dumb back then.” Another kiss, this time softer, longer. “And we still have feelings for each other now.”

Mark whines, thinking Jinyoung would dive back in again but didn’t. Mark shivers. He momentarily forgets that they’re shirtless, and it’s winter. Jinyoung gulps before winding his arm around Mark. “What should we do now?”

“I think we spilled too much truth today,” Mark answers unsurely, but Jinyoung is nodding slowly as well. “So maybe it’s time we take a step back from all of these feelings. And put a momentary ceasefire on all of these questions. And reasons for this and that. We can continue with questions on a two-a-day basis, or more depending on how emotional we get. Let’s just be us for a while and take it one day at a time. ”

“What do you mean by that?” Jinyoung sticks his lips out, and Mark has no choice but to plant a kiss on them again. Mark could get used to this. Jinyoung is addictive.

Mark sits up and gets on his feet, pulls Jinyoung to his feet as well so that they’re standing toe-to-toe. It slightly irks him whenever he’s reminded of the fact that Jinyoung has height on him, and worse now that he also has bigger muscles than Mark.

“Let’s just take it easy, and do things that we missed out on.”

Jinyoung giggles, looking at the ground shyly. “Is this you asking me out on dates?”

“This is absolutely me asking you out on dates, movies, sleepovers, adult sleepo-”

Jinyoung playfully hits him on the chest.

“Ow.” Mark rubs his chest in mock offense. “Do you not want to have an adult sleepover, or?” Mark enjoys the way Jinyoung’s ears are burning as much as his cheeks.

“I do,” he manages out, chin held high. “But you have to take me out first, of course. You’re not just gonna sweep me off my feet and get me in bed just like that.”

“Wanna bet?”

“What?”

And then Mark pulls Jinyoung up bridal style. Except, Jinyoung is 65 kilograms of muscle and Mark is 59 kilograms of skin and bones, so naturally they fall to the bed together in a fit of laughter.

They laugh again when Jinyoung realizes that Mark literally just did what Jinyoung said he couldn’t do, literally sweeping him off his feet and getting him onto his literal bed.

***

Jinyoung groans.

Mark’s hands hurt.

This is a lot harder than it looked.

Mark’s hands are getting tired.

Jinyoung sighs.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Jinyoung says. “Here let me help.”

“Fine.”

Jinyoung takes the wrapping paper from him and begins wrapping Mark’s gifts with ease. It’s all very practiced, with Jinyoung’s fingers moving swiftly across the whole thing. He’s so attentive to detail, ever the perfectionist, and it makes Mark’s heart flutter.

“You’re really good with your hands, you know that?” Mark giggles.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Can I get more tape?”

“That you can.” Mark rips off little pieces for Jinyoung to use as he makes clean folds and cuts on the paper. When he finishes the wrapping, Jinyoung turns the gifts around and upside down, as if checking to see if there were any imperfections on the thing. Hint: there isn’t. When he’s satisfied, Jinyoung puts everything on top of the mini coffee table.

“I really like what you’ve done with the place,” Mark mentions after looking around. There’s a mini Christmas tree in the corner near the fireplace. Some decorations hang on the fake branches, colors ranging from red to green to blue. A star sits on top, and it looks adorable with Jinyoung’s gray wall as the backdrop. There’s also a hint of Christmas in the air due to the festive lights that are pinned against the wall and some of the shelves. “I didn’t notice it earlier because we were kind of making out all the way to your bed.”

Jinyoung laughs. “Well, thank you. I figured it was about time to start celebrating Christmas again.”

Mark rubs his neck and asks shyly. “And why’s that?”

“I used to find Christmas a depressing holiday,” Jinyoung admits openly, sitting closer to Mark. “But I think it’s time to let the death of my parents go and move on. I know they would rather me be happy during this time of the year than be sad all of vacation.”

“That’s great,” Mark smiles, and it is. His big head just kind of thought that maybe he also had something to do with it.

“And you too,” Jinyoung says as he rests his head on Mark’s shoulder and takes his hand. “I wanted to celebrate you too.”

It makes Mark feel warm.

“Anyway, do you want to watch a movie?” Jinyoung asks.

“And cuddle?” Mark has his hopes up.

Jinyoung nods.

“Heck yeah, I do!” Mark cheers.

“Alright,” Jinyoung kisses him on the cheek. “Why don’t you pick a movie while I go microwave us some popcorn.”

Mark scans the selection giddily, wondering to himself what the best movie to watch that will get them into a soft seasonal mood.

He ends up picking Love, Actually, a season favorite for couples and a quiet night in. Mark brings over the big comforter from Jinyoung’s bed so that they’ll be more cozy on the sofa. Jinyoung comes back with a bowl of popcorn and two mugs of steaming hot chocolate.

Mark settles himself in Jinyoung’s arms this time, content with either being the big spoon or the little spoon so long as Jinyoung is on the other side. And it’s not long before both of their breaths match each other and begin to even out.

Jinyoung falls asleep first because Mark could hear the slightest hint of snores from his deep breathing. He’s about to comment about moving to the bed so that they’re more comfortable when the words die in his mouth, and instead, finds it harder to move anything else. So he lets sleep take over him.

Mark is warm even in his dreams.

He wakes to Jinyoung gently shaking him.

“Mark,” Jinyoung whispers, leaving a trail of kisses on Mark's jawline. “Mark.”

“Hmm?” He stirs.

“Mark, wake up, it’s midnight.”

“S’midnight?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung chuckles quietly. “I think you should tell your parents that you’re okay. Your phone’s been buzzing for a couple minutes now.”

Mark reaches out blindly for his phone and finds it surprisingly quickly on top of the coffee table.

He squints to read, but the screen is still too bright and hurts his eyes. Upon closer inspection, he sees that he has two missed calls from his mom and one from his dad. Sighing, Mark sends a quick text saying he was fine and that he was sleeping over Jinyoung's.

“Bold of you to assume that I’d just let you stay the night,” Jinyoung teases.

Mark’s eyes widen, preparing his lips for a pout. He’s about to argue when Jinyoung laughs again and pinches his cheek. “I’m just kidding. You’re so cute.”

“Mmm, tell me more about my good looks.”

“Come on, handsome,” Jinyoung sits up and pulls Mark along with him. “Let’s get to bed.”

“But it’s so far,” Mark complains. He’s about to stand up when Jinyoung suddenly picks him up bridal style. He doesn’t yelp, no, but just about. Mark flushes, hiding his face and embarrassment in the crook of Jinyoung’s neck. “You didn’t have to carry me.”

“You were complaining,” Jinyoung says with controlled breathing. “And I wanted to try it.”

They make it to the bedroom with ease, Jinyoung depositing Mark gingerly onto the mattress.

“And? What’s it like carrying a million bucks?”

“Not as hard as I thought.”

Mark giggles. “And are we having an adult sleepover tonight?” Mark tries as he drags Jinyoung down onto the bed.

“Oh no, not tonight.”

“But Jinyoungieee-”

“I think we should do it after Christmas, or tomorrow when we’ve both cleaned down there and showered and stuff.”

Mark huffs. “Fine. But when we do, we’re going to all ni-”

“MARK!”