Tonight was the night I had gather all my courage to confess to my best friend about my true feeling for him and i was going to do it in front of all of his friends but the heaven was not on my side. When i finally enter the ball room, I saw my best friend, the man whom I have loved for so many years holding another woman in his arms. I have seen him with multiple women before in the past but I knew he didn't love them. But this woman that he is embracing was unlike all the other women he was infatuated with in the past. This woman had stole his heart and all of his attention and I was fearful that if I dont confess now, I may lose him forever. The group of friends who had came to the party with us slowly gather around the new couple and congratulate them on their love. I quickly wipe away the tears that had fallen down my face and I forced a smile on my face like I was happy with them. And without realizing my own action, I had join in on the clapping like a dumb sea lion performing at the zoo. I continue to clap like an idiot and I blink so many times just to hide the tears forming in my eyes as I watch his every movement. When his eyes met mine from across the room, his smile grew wider and like an old habit, I smile back.

"You are so lucky" one of his guy friend shouted.

"You both are such a cute couple" one of her friends added.

"Kiss!" Another guy friend shouted and within seconds everyone started shouting and encouraging them to kiss.

"KISS KISS KISS!"

He smiled at everyone but slowly and surely his hand gently touched the side of her beauitful face, his fingers finally cupping her chin and lifting it. He look into her eyes than lean in and gave her a innocent but passionate kiss. My heart felt like it was being stab and stomp but the smile on my face never disappeared. I can see a smile forming on her lip when his lip touched hers and jealously erupt from my heart yet i can't do anything but stood here. She lift her arm up and slowly wrapped it around his neck as they both continue to kiss like this world belong only to them. Everyone cheered in excitement at the scene in front of them but no one knew how i truly felt and hie hurt i am.

I slowly took a few step back away from the crowd than I turn away and the fake smile finally disappeared from my face and my tears finally fell down freely as I ran away. I begin to sob and weep uncontrollably as I ran out of the ball room without looking back.

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I left the party and got home before midnight and at 3:30 AM, I can hear the door of our studio apartment slowly creaked open and the sound of foot steps can be heard as it approaches the living room where I slept on the floor. I kept my eyes shut and I lay perfectly still as if I was in a deep sleep. I felt his hand gently placed on my head and he planted a gentle kiss on my forehead like he does every night. He pushed my hair behind my ears, fixed the blanket so it covers me than left to the bathroom to get wash up. My eyes immediately shot open once I heard the bathroom door closed and I begin to cry and weep again silently. I couldn't fall asleep that night so i stare at his back for hours. We have slept together since I was 6 years old and I am 18 years old now. I stare at his back and tears slowly fell down again as my shaking finger traces his shoulders down to his arm. Before i knew it, he turn around and mumbles something in his sleep and his arm wrapped around me. He held me tightly, plop one of his leg on top of my hip and his chin rested on the top of my head. I gently pat him on the back and hum his favorite melody and this made him stop mumbling and fussing.

At 6 am, I got up and I stare at everything in our studio from our pictures that we have taken together since young to the few pots and pans we own and my heart broke even more when my eyes landed on the trophy that he had won first place playing volleyball. I kneel down and picked him his clothes that he had toss on the floor and I tidy up the place. I made his favorite meal, ground pork with rice noodles soup fill with green onions and cilantros.

After cooking, I gently touched the trophy and thought back to when we first met. I first met him when I had lost my parent due to a car accident. I was placed in a orphanage at the age of 6 years old and I cried every day because crying was all i could do. I didn't understand the situation and I knew what happened to my parent but I truly didnt understand where heaven was or how to get there. I was told by several people that my parent went to heaven but i didnt understand why they didnt come get me or why didn't they return. Did they not want their poor daughter anymore?

After their death I never spoke a word again. It was when i was getting bully by the other orphanage kids that he interfere and got into a fight with one of the boys because they were making fun of me for not speaking. He was 5 years older than me and he stood up for me even when he didnt know who i was. This tall little boy with perfect white skin and deep dimples was standing up for me. We became fast friends after that incident even though I had never said a word to him. We had a mutual connection and understood eavh other. We met every Friday when he came by with his mother who was volunteering her time at the orphanage and soon after I stopped crying.

I was at that orphanage for 3 years and I watch as other kids get adopted but i remain here. No one wanted me or dare to get close to me because of a rumor. I overheard the ladies said that i was bad luck because my parent passed away in a car accident and I was not injuried at all and the lady who work at the orphanage that got close to me suddenly became ill and passed away. I didnt know the definition of bad luck but I knew i was not wanted.

"They are stupid. Dont listen to them." He would always reassured me when he sense that I am sad because he has heard of the rumors too.  We always sat with our back against each other when he came to the orphanage to visit me. I was always so happy when Friday came around because I get to see him even though I never spoke a word to him but he always has so much to say and so many stories to tell me and i didn't mind it because I like listening to his stories about his school, how he got into trouble stealing food that was meant for his deceased grandparent and ect. Some times he will come and whine about his father to me and at times he would cry and we both will cry together with our back against each other. I would never say anything to him and I always just pat him on the back reassuring him that everything will be okay. There was a lot of times he will steal snacks and shared it with me, he would buy me hair clips from the mall and gift them to me and when he found out my birth date he would sneaked in a cupcake just for me. I would always split the cupcake in half and we would share it together sitting with our back against each other.

My tears fell down harder and harder as I thought back to those good old days when we were young. He was still in a deep sleep so I carefully lay next to him and within seconds his arms pulled me in and he held me. He always held me like this and he does it without knowing it. I listen to his breathing and finally I lift my head up so I can take a good look at him. My finger gently trace the bridge of his nose down to his jawline and than I whisper under my breath "I love you...do you know that?" My hands now lay on his cheek as more tears fell down. I closed my eyes and than I snuggle my head in his chest and hugged him tightly.