Sakura knows she is loved by many.

Although she doesn’t understand why, she accepts them and tries to see her worth, especially when those are from her fans as she feels that she’s disrespecting them by refusing to appreciate herself the way they do.

In her 7 years of her idoling career. She also has had countless suitors, has had many admirers, those claims, of her how beauty stole their breathe away, of how amazing of a person she is, and how much they love her. (She rejects them anyways)

She has never been a confident person, often  under appreciating herself, but the love from the people around helped her through her toughest times and undeniably she’s a tad too reliant on others to keep her going but that’s how it is, she’s an idol, she needs attention.

People love her, too many people, and Sakura cannot return all of them, it’s selfish of her to receive so many love but not share any of hers. Yes, she flirts, engages them, traps them in an endless cycle of tug of war game, pushing and pulling them, but never once she was serious about love. 

Although everyone loves her, she still doesn’t quite get the concept of love.

Heartless as it sounds, she remains unscathed when they leave, she has got many others, not to mention, she was never responsible for making them fall in love with her, it was never her intention to be unable to return back people’s feelings too. 

She remained unguility.

Sakura has never imposed restrictions on anyone. Their love was too deep, the disappointment was too much, some left, some remained, she doesn’t stop them.

(Love is yet isn’t a foreign concept to her.)

————————————————

Her head was ringing painfully, was tensed and clenched so tight she was having trouble breathing. Erratic pantings echoed in the living room as she staggered her way into the kitchen and quickly got herself a cup of water to sober herself.

Sakura gulped all of them down quickly and breathed out loudly as she leaned herself on the table with her head hung low. She stilled herself there while she tried to control her breathing, she didn’t want to hyperventilate and pass out.

The floor felt cold to her feet, cold sweat were trickling down her forehead, her racing pulse drumming in her ears it was painful. It was a senses overload, and she’s not having it good when she’s supposed to be sleeping.

The ringing pain in her head gradually dissipates as she blinks her eyes to adjust to the darkness, she glanced at the fluorescent clock indicating that it’s barely dawn.

she finally sighed as she slowly made her way to the living room and dropped herself carelessly on the couch.

Sakura thought it would be better. The unsettling, crippling sensation in her tummy.

‘It’s that dream again.’

Sakura inwardly growled as she grabbed a handful of her wet fringe which felt gross on her forehead and roughly combed it backwards.

Sakura dreamed that Chaeyeon left her, with a look of nonchalance, emptiness. Her eyes were glassy, like marbles, and the instant she thought of that. she could hear the sound them hitting the floor in the void space with endless horizons. There were no fire, no glint, nothing in Chaeyeon’s dark hallow eyes, as she casted Sakura a careless look and turned away from her sharply, her foot steps echoing loudly it deafened Sakura’s ears. 

Sakura remembered she was stunned, speechless as she watched Chaeyeon’s back drifted further and further away from her. She wanted to tell her to stay, but her pleas weren’t heard, and Chaeyeon didn’t look back. The floor beneath soon crumbled into nothing and she fell into reality, which led her to wake up in shock into a bumbling mess.

Coldness doesn’t go well with Chaeyeon, it absolutely terrifies Sakura when she sees it but she has been seeing it in her dreams so frequently it is getting on her nerves.

Her stomach squeezed as she recalled the unpleasant experience. She didn’t want to think why did it bother her so much, and what is this trying to tell her, Sakura just knows she hates seeing Chaeyeon like that, and never in the world will she be okay if Chaeyeon really looks at her that way. 

But what if Chaeyeon stopped loving her one day? Wouldn’t it be the same as the others? That they remained as friends and nothing would really change. 

Sakura knows. 

She knows that Chaeyeon is in love with her, and she is, indeed, very very smitten with her. Sakura is not dense when it comes to realising people’s attraction to her, she’s an expert in dealing with this. It isn’t the first time she has received such glances, or she has noticed the jealousy, or the subtle touches and brushes. It just doesn’t bother her because she has almost instantly regarded Chaeyeon’s love like any other, she successfully ignored it and thought that everything will be okay. Although it is a bit different as Chaeyeon is her best friend and she has a soft spot of her so she didn’t entirely treat her normally, if not better than most of the people, but otherwise, everything is the same and will unfold according to routine.

Numbing pain started to tingle in her head as she sank into ruminations, she chose to once again discard her thoughts and deduced that it’s not that important as this is just like any other experiences she had dealt with.

Sakura closed her eyes and knocked her head onto the cushion, hoping to stir up the sleepiness in her again. She was almost drifting into dream land when she heard movements in the dark, she instinctively peeked her eyes open, only to see Chaeyeon in her pyjamas looking like a deer caught in headlights with a towel and blanket tucked in her arms.

Ah, and so her heart did a flip, it always does this funny thing when Chaeyeon’s around, and Sakura wondered why.

Sakura didn’t know what that meant, but she knew that the unintended tug on the corners of her lips suggested that she’s happy that Chaeyeon’s here, her chest suddenly felt wholesome and warm too, and it’s a great pleasure in contrary to the dread seizing her just now.

It has always been like that, Chaeyeon brings comfort to people around her, it is a blessing having her around. Sakura wants to keep her around for long.

“Um, hey?” 

Chaeyeon sheepishly said as she just remained there, flickering her eyes all over Sakura’s face. Sakura observed how Chaeyeon’s coruscant eyes glimmered in the dark, how the blush slowly emerged from  her cheeks, adorably prominent with the help of moonlight. Her blonde hair was slightly frazzy but still managed to look silky and soft. Sakura trailed her eyes back to look into Chaeyeon’s pair and the shy smile that Chaeyeon probably had no idea that was growing on her face made Sakura melt. Chaeyeon looked so beautiful and Sakura wished she could capture how she looks now in her head so she could reminisce this moment in the future.

This is the Chaeyeon she knows, not the one she had seen in her dreams, this is her Chaeyeon, it’s real.

There was a sudden urge to run her fingers through the latter’s hair, she raised her arms but it felt heavy, she was exhausted and so she didn’t.

“Chaeyeon.”

Sakura replied, her voice sounding hoarse, Chaeyeon giggled at her sleepy state and placed the blanket on an empty space beside Sakura and held the towel close to her cheeks moist with sweat. Feeling the comfortable luke warm water cleansing her skin, she closed her eyes and allowed Chaeyeon to continue wiping her clean.

“You look very uncomfortable, is it because of the ridiculously sour sweet Yena gave you?”

“Yeah, I think so, my tummy hasn’t been feeling good. I mean, I fed her wasabi kkura bread the other day, guess this is my pay back.”

“You two are going to kill each other one day.”

“I look forward to that.”

Chaeyeon cradled Sakura’s face in her hand as she carefully wiped Sakura’s face and neck with the towel, 

“Was there something else that was bothering you?”

Sakura only hummed in response which did not answer Chaeyeon’s question. Sakura was just enjoying Chaeyeon’s pampering so much she didn’t even hear Chaeyeon properly, or maybe, Sakura didn’t want to answer her, it would be painfully awkward to hold this conversation at 2 in the morning.

Chaeyeon didn’t pry and instead opted to cover Sakura with the blanket when she laid down. The air is quiet, but both of them were obviously enjoy the peace (the group is always in constant chaos when yena and yujin constantly behave like hooligans). 

Sakura can feel Chaeyeon’s hand hover over her face and hear how Chaeyeon’s breath shook. Chaeyeon was nervous, and that because she's feeling things . Sakura waited for the caress on her cheeks, the one she actually doesn’t mind other than her own, the one she might even had grown a liking towards too. 

But Chaeyeon pulled her hand away, and the deep hesitance unveiled itself in her acti