It's been months already. i dont know how i manage to survive. never did i imagine that it'll happen to us. you were here with me all the time but what went wrong?....

***

[cellphone ringing]

"Hello"

"hey babe. where you at?" ask the voice over the phone.

"practice room as usual. where are you?" i growled back at her.

it been 2 days since the last time i saw her. i don't know what's with her or what she's been up to lately. and worst, even the other seems to be busy with something i don't know.

"uhm, just somewhere doing something very important"

"important? is it more important than me?"

"JungAh, don't be like that. you know you're the most important to me right?"

"yeah whatever."

"babe please, bear with me in this one...it'll be over soon"

"sure, whatever that is. when will you show up yourself to me anyway?"

"uhm..tomorrow maybe. why? miss me already?"

"......" the question made me blush and speechless.

"i know you are. anyway, need to hang up now"

"already? okay, i lov...."

beep came into sound even before i finish my sentence. i look onto the phone on my hand. still confuse but decided to shrug it off.

***

i hung up the phone even before she finish her last sentence. i know what she'll gonna say anyway.

i'm not really that busy. but i decided to take 2days off to plan what i've been planning for a few months.

imma propose to her.

Me and JungAh has been together for 3 years now. going strong as ever with the help and support of everyone around us and of course with the very foundation of our relationship....LOVE.

it took me a year before i confess what i really feel towards her.

what took me so long? simple...im coward.

i got coward with the thoughts that she may not like me, that she may reject me. but things fall into pieces and we ended up being together. crazy it may seem but she said she loves me too.

i dialed the phone on my hand to call the other kid.

"hello" said the voice who answered the phone.

"Kim Uie, did you already bought the wine that i ask you to?"

"not yet unni, imma pick up Jupal unni first then we'll get it together for you"

"ahh~ don't forget about it okay?"

"yes yes" answered Uie w/ the somehow annoyed tone.

"hahaha! im sorry Uie, im just nervous and i want everything to be perfect."

"i know unni. i can understand you. dont worry, we wont forget it"

"okay..thanks very much"

"okay" she said before hanging up the phone on me.

i dialed again to call another member.

"yes hello..."

"JinAh, did you arrange it already?"

"uh yes appa. me and Lizzy just came from the florist to order the flower that you want."

"did you get the while roses?"

"yes. like what you've said. the florist will deliver and arrange it over there tomorrow morning"

"ok good. gotta hang up now. thanks kiddo"

"no problem appa."

after i hang up, i dialed again for one last time.

"Bekah, you get it?" i asked even before the girl on the other line answer.

"yes. me and Raina is here right now to get it."

"make sure not to lose it okay. its the most important thing tomorrow night"

"of course unni. don't worry"

"okay gotta go now." and again, i hang up even before Bekah answers me.

i can hear a piano paying from where i stand and walks directly to where the sounds came.

"hmmm... very romantic." i said when i step in to the room.

"it is good appa?" ask Eyoung.

i ask Eyoung's help to arrange this song that i composed.

"yes. i like it very much. so romantic and mellow. i bet JungAh will love it too."

"she will appa. being the hopeless romantic omma is...hahaha" said Eyoung while still playing on the grand piano.

"anyway appa. we can go to the studio now to record this and put it in your mp3 so that you can listen to it"

"oh is it? we shall go now then."

Me and Eyoung is in this private rest house somewhere in the south of Seoul that stood in an alta tierra over-looking the beauty of the city at night. i rent it for this very special occasion.

the girls suggested that i should propose in the public place. but i want it to be special and intimate so i decided to propose to her with just the two of us.

we leave the house and head to the studio. Me & Eyoung arrived in no time. Eyoung walks directly to the studio while i walk in the direction of our boss' office.

i knocked 3 times on the door before opening it.

"Boss, can i talk to you?" i said sticking in my head.

"yes, Kahi, come in"

i sit on the sofa before i talk. "can i ask you a favor, boss?"

"What favor?"

"uhm.. you know that i plan to propose to JungAh tomorrow night right?"

"yes i heard. what is it that you want to ask then for me?"

"uhm, well, simple boss. can you like order JungAh tomorrow to go to this address tomorrow at 6PM?" i said while giving a piece of paper to our boss that has the address of the rest house that i rent.

"just that?"

"ahh~ yes. that would be it. thank you boss"

"okay. tomorrow. 6PM"

"ne~ thanks boss. i gotta go now."

i go directly to where Eyoung is after i talked to our boss.

"Eyoung-ah, are you done yet?"

"almost unni. im just putting it now on your ipod" said Eyoung. i seat beside her, watching her transferring the mp3 on my ipod.

"thank you Maknae-yah"

"aish~ unni its nothing. anything for you and JungAh unni. you know how i want you 2 to be happy" Eyoung said while smiling.

"i dont know. but can you believe that your appa is actually nervous now? aish~ no one had made me feel nervous before... not even my own father." i said scratching my forehead.

"you just found your match unni." Eyoung said, laughing at me.

"i guess..hehe. that Kim JungAh." i sigh.

i then feel Eyoung's hand on my back, patting me. "just be the usual Park Kahi that we know, unni. you can pull it off."

"yeah. anyway, you done? let's go home now."

"ne~~"

Eyoung and I went home after that. i actually don't intend to come to the dorm but i had to as i need to get the ring from Bekah.

***

"Appa!"

i am preparing dinner and i suddenly hear Lizzy's yell. suddenly feel excited. she's here. after 2 days, im gonna see her face again.

not trying to hide what i feel, i leave what i'm doing and run to the living room. there. i saw her. standing in the doorway, taking off her shoes.

"Yah! Park Jiyoung! where have you been?"

”aigoo~ JungAh, not now. im tired and hungry."

"but you owe me an explanation, babe" i said pouting on her.

"yes, but please feed me and Eyoung first. we're really hungry right now."

"Okay. you 2 arrived just in time. dinner's ready." i said while helping her taking off her jacket.

After dinner, i go to Eyoung's room first to ask the kid. i know she won't lie to me if i ask her where she and Kahi has been.

knock knock. "Eyoung-ah, can i come in?" i ask through the door.

"yes, come in omma."

i found Eyoung combing her hair. she just had a shower. i sat at the edge of her bed.

"What is it omma?"

"may i ask where you and Kahi has been? i mean you two came home together so i assumed you're with her the whole day."

"ah~ that. boss ask me and Kahi unni to arrange some piece so we were in this studio arranging it. why?"

"is that so? uhm, nothing really."

Eyoung smiled at me as an answer and so i decided to leave her and go to Kahi's room after.

i knocked 3 times but i hear nothing from the inside so i took the initiative to come in. i opened the door and find it dark inside. i adjust my eyes to the darkness for a while and that's when i found her on the bed.

she's asleep. that made me wonder. she don't go to bed without saying goodnight to me. i walked to her and kneel beside her bed. hoping that she might be still awake.

"Kahi." i whispered.

"........"

"you're asleep already?" i whispered again.

"......."

i wait for her to open her eyes. she yawn. indicating that i woke/disturb her up. that made me feel guilty somehow because i can see that she's really tired, so not to disturb her more, i just kiss her forehead and bid her goodnight.

i woke up the next morning finding Kahi all set and ready to go out.

"where are you going?"

"somewhere."

"where?"

"aish~ JungAh, you're so nosy." she said with an annoyed voice.

"im sorry. but can you just at least tell me where you're going?"

"i don't have time now okay."

"you have time to go out yet you don't have time to tell your girlfriend where you could possibly go." i snapped at her.

"let's talk about this later okay."

i ignored her last sentence and go directly to the kitchen. i didn't even bother to bid her goodbye. early in the morning and she's pissed off already. i don't know why, but she's acting weird and cold towards me since last night.

this past few days she's been acting weird. she call me from time to time alright but the sweetness is not there.

we fight and all but this time is not the usual. i mean i can feel that she has changed. does her love for me fades away? is she getting sick of me now? that thoughts made me worry.

i love her. i do love her more than my own life. and im scared to death that she might have fallen for someone else already as she has been so cold to me lately.

i shrug the thoughts off my mind. maybe she's just busy.

i then started the day like the usual. cook breakfast for the kid. take a shower and go to the gym since we had a week off.

3PM. i was having a nap when i received a call from our boss. he ask me to come over to Pledis because he wants me to go over some place.

i reach Pledis at 4PM. i go directly to our boss' office. he gave me this piece of paper that has an address on it and he told me to go there at 6PM. he said someone will meet me there and will talk regarding our next album.

that made me confuse. i mean why me? i'm not the leader am i? but then i remember that Kahi is busy with something that's probably why boss let me do the job of a leader this time.

since it is still early, i stayed at Pledis for a while and decided leave at 5PM.

i took a cab and asked the driver to take me to the address in that piece of paper. it is still early but its dark already.

i reach the address and found the house. and it is dark inside the house though i can see some luminescence light from the 2nd floor. i hesitate for a while and thought that i might get to the wrong place. bu i look at the number of the gate of the house and it is the right one.

i then decided to come in inside the house. the door is open and i can hear some soft music. probably someone is playing a piano.

i found a stair and i decided to go up. funny, but there's some pink and white rose petals scattered on the stairway leading upstairs.

as i took a step and lead the way up, the sound grew louder and stronger. someone is playing a piano and singing at the same time.

i reach the 2nd floor and that's when i recognized the voice. it is her. it is her voice.

 I love you, I fell in love with you at first glance,
My heart beats faster whenever I see you
The world gave me the biggest present,
you're my first and last love

I love you, I love you even if I try to deny it,
the phrase that quietly leaks out of my mouth.
I love you even if I lose everything I own,
I love you even if this world ends 

i walk slowly towards the direction of the voice. but came to halt few steps aways from her. there. on the floor is a word made out of red rose petals that read: Will You Marry Me?

i don't know what to say. i don't know how to react. suddenly, a tears fell down my cheeks. i'm crying. and these tears are tears of joy.

the song came to stop and she stood up.

***

i am wating in this dark, silent house alone. i hope boss did what i asked him to do.

everything is all set. the roses. the wine. the song. the ring. everything is here but her.

i look up at my wrist watch and it says 5:52PM. 8mins before 6 o'clock and that's when i hear a car.

i look outside the window and saw JungAh came down from the taxi. she look up, worried look in her face. she might be having a second thought whether to come in or not. after what seems like forever, she walk through the gate.

i then hurriedly goes to the grand piano. i started to play. continued playing and then decided to sing when i hear her footsteps coming upstairs.

she walk and stop few steps away from me. i can't read her face. i don't know what's on her mind but one thing is for sure, she's crying. i saw some tear rolled down on her cheeks.

i stop playing and stood up. walk to her and stand in front of her. clear my throat before i talk..

"I've never loved a girl nor i wanted love in return. But lately, something has changed. That empty bed of mine, so comforting has lately changed its feel... the silence is disquieting. and when I lie in bed at night I find- I find I lie awake. The silken sheets, so smooth against my skin cannot smooth my inner ache. It's true, I can't deny it. this girl here, whose heart she locked away, has lost it to a girl piece by piece and day by day. So I give up...the towel's been thrown, and here I am to ask you~ Will you be mine and mine alone?" i took the ring from my pocket and kneel in front of her as i say "Kim JungAh, will you marry me?."

***

she kneel in front of me, asking me to marry her. i don't know what to do.

more tears rolled down my cheeks as i nod to her and say "Yes."

she took my hand and put the ring on my finger.

"you don't know how happy you have made me." she said.

"I hate you, Park Kahi." i pushed her playfully as i continue crying.

she pulls me in and hug me tight. "I'll be forever yours, Kim JungAh. this i promise you. FOREVER."

"God knows how much you made me happy tonight, Jiyoung." i said while hugging her tight, not wanting to let her go.

she held my hand and lead me to the balcony. there i find a small round table with a wine and white roses.

she pull out a chair for me and gave me a glass of wine. we talked and kiss and smile and stare at each other. its as if the whole world has stop. at that very moment, nothing matters except me and her.

after a few minutes of talking and staring at each other, she stood up.

"we should get going now babe, i bet the girls is waiting for us at the dorm." she said while smiling.

"wait. the girls knew all about this?" stunned.

"ofcourse JungAh baby. i can't pull this off alone."

"aish~ those kids. and you even ask Eyoung to lie to me, did you?"

she scratch her head when she say "I had to. this wouldn't be a surprise if you knew."

"ayy...okay. lets go now."

"okay." she said. she held my hand and we walked together outside the house.

"aigoo~~" she sudeenly say when we reach outside.

"why?" i asked her. confused.

"I forgot to bring an extra helmet."

"what? you drove your big bike again? yah! Park Kahi! i told you to stop riding that, did i?"

"hehehe...okay ma'am. this will be the last. lets go. anyway, you wear the helmet okay."

"nah~ i want to feel the breeze on my hair tonight." i said.

"hmmm...okay Miss Kim."

we hopped in to her red Ducati. she put on her helmet and asked me if im set. i hugged her waist tightly before saying "okay."

she was driving so fast in this wide lane. the breeze is playing with my hair as i whisper to her ears sweet nothings.

how i wish for the time to stop at that moment. it was all so perfect.

i hugged her waist tightly and kissed her shoulder and whisper 'I Love You' to her.

she would answer 'I love you too' to me while shouting. afraid that i may not hear it as we were speeding.

all of a sudden she ask me to take the helmet off her head. i ask why and she answered that her head is become sweaty.

i took it off of her and put it on myself. she then ask me to hold on tightly. i did what she had ask me to.

"JungAh..."

"hmmmm....?"

"I Love You."

"........"

"Forever." she continued. that's the last thing i remember hearing from her before everything turns black.

*

here i am now. standing in this mountain. feeling the wind on my skin. letting it dry my tears away. that night we met an accident. she knew we'll be in an accident that's why she ask me to take the helmet from her and wear it.

why did she have to go? all my time with her seems like yesterday.

never did i imagine a single day without her. i try not to feel the pain. im hoping and praying to see her again.

now i don't know where to start. if only i can see her again.

only now i understand what she mean by 'FOREVER'.