[TRIGGER WARNING]
Mentions of:
-guns
-murder/death

please skip anything that might make you uncomfortable

A/N: 

Hi, guys! 

I haven't forgotten about this, it's just that the last months have been quite a mess and I've been really busy with my studies. Also, finals start in a week so I won't be able to update in the next few weeks. 

Anyway, enjoy!

Mina entered the room again and threw herself next to Jeongyeon on the couch. The older girl was sulking. Mina didn’t know whether it was because of her conversation with Jihyo in the kitchen or because Dahyun had snuggled up with Chaeyoung and sleep seemed to be taking over her. She looked around and saw Jihyo sitting as far as she could from Jeongyeon. She was fidgeting with the laces of her sweatpants. Mina’s phone buzzed on the table and the screen lighted up. Jihyo passed her the phone and Mina read the email professor T had promised to send her with the program.

“Is there something wrong?” Chaeyoung asked noticing Mina frowning while she had her eyes fixed on the device on her hands.

“Uh, no. I don’t think so. It’s nothing, really.” the older girl said dropping her phone beside her. All eyes were on her by now.

“I think now it’s a good moment to talk about it, Mina.” Jeongyeon said almost whispering as her hand patted the Japanese’s knee.

“Well, I guess it’s my turn now.” she chuckled nervously. Dahyun sit straight to focus on her friend’s words. “Earlier this week, I received an email from a professor. She told me to meet up with her in her office.” Mina kept telling them about the offer situation. Everyone told her the same Jeongyeon had said to her when she had come home after the meeting. She should do what felt right for her, but also taking risks wasn’t a bad idea. The Japanese girl decided to postpone the subject for next day when she could read the program carefully. Mina tried to ignore the fact that the week was about to end and she needed to give Professor T. an answer. She had to make a choice.

“What about you, Dahyun?” Jeongyeon finally spoke after almost twenty minutes of being silent.

“Well, I...ehm…” she looked at her hands resting on her lap. She had practiced this moment for hours over the week. She had talked to Chaeyoung about it because she received the confirmation when they were going to a new café the younger girl had found on Instagram. Chaeyoung’s had on hers made her find the courage she needed. “I’mgraduatinginfourmonthsandI’llprobablybeonthestreetsnotlongafterthat.” she said as fast as she could which made Chaeyoung sigh out of desperation.

“C’mon, don’t make me say it.” Chaeyoung whispered in her ear.

“Ugh, fine. I’m graduation from the academy in almost four months. We’ve been told that we will be on the streets not long after. Obviously we will be assigned a senior and we’ll have our own badge which I’m very excited for-”

“And you’ll be carrying a gun.” Jeongyeon finished her sentence in a cold tone. Dahyun gulped and looked down. She already knew her oldest friend wouldn’t like the idea. She had had a hard time when the younger girl started to tell all of them about being a police officer. Jeongyeon had a bad relationship with guns and violence. Even though Dahyun had explained to her a thousand times that police officers hardly use their guns, just when they needed to protect themselves and other in the worst situations, she seemed to be triggered by it every time.

“Jeong” Jihyo started.

“Don’t you dare, Jihyo. I’m not listening to any of your words. You all know how much I despise guns. You all know what I went through when I was a kid. Don’t expect me to be okay with one of my best friends having one of those.” she raised her voice, which made the younger girls flinch. “I can’t deal with all of this right now. I’m sorry.” she said getting up from the couch and going to her room.

“Jeong, please…” Jihyo tried to get up to go after her but Mina’s grip on her arm stopped her.

“Let her be. She really needs to be alone right now. You know she’ll come around after a while.” she softly said looking at Dahyun who was now hugging Chaeyoung, trying to hide her tears. Jihyo didn’t know whether Mina’s words were about Dahyun or if she was talking about what had happened in the kitchen. She hoped she was right in both cases. It hurt her to see Jeongyeon like this. She was sure Dahyun meant no harm when she gave them the news. God knows how much the younger girl loved her unnies. On the other hand, Jihyo couldn’t say she meant no harm when she said she was leaving. Yes, she didn’t want to hurt Jeongyeon, but she knew she would and she didn’t come up with a better way of doing things.

Jeongyeon laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling trying to get her mind blank for a second. She wasn’t the type of person that would get easily triggered, but when it came to a certain issue or her friends, she was the first to jump into conclusions and panic about everything that could go wrong.

Taking a deep breath she got up and slowly walked to her bedroom door. She grabbed the door handle and opened the door just to see Mina and Jihyo hugging before the latter disappeared as the Japanese girl closed the door. The younger girl turned around and stared at her for a couple of seconds before heading to the kitchen. She could feel the disappointment in Mina’s eyes. She followed her and stood behind her friend as she made some tea. They remained in silence until Mina offered her a mug. She took it and stared at the liquid spinning in it. Somehow that eased her mind a little.

“You know.” Mina started. “I think I’m going to take the offer.” She took a small sip to avoid Jeongyeon’s gaze.

“Oh, really? You didn’t even open the program you received earlier.” the older girl said a little surprised.

“I prefer doing it this way. I’ll read it tomorrow after letting Professor T. know. I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” she chuckled trying to hide the awkward feeling on her stomach. She turned to the kitchen counter and put everything on its place.

“Wow. Where’s this confidence coming from?” Jeongyeon raised her eyebrows still processing Mina’s words. “Not that it’s a bad thing, but you know, it’s not a Mina thing.”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I’m just tired of living in a constant state of ‘what if’s and regret.” she said more serious than she intended. “Now, I think we should go to sleep. It’s pretty late already.” she said leaving her cup in the sink and exiting the kitchen.

“Ah, yeah. I’m so tired, a lot has happened tonight.” Jeongyeon sighed and followed her.

“By the way, you should apologize to the girls, you know? They just wanted to share how they’re doing. We shouldn’t make it about us.” she stopped in the middle of the room. “The only thing we can do is supporting them as much as we can. They’re our friends after all.” She put her hand on the taller girl’s shoulder and tiptoed to reach Jeongyeon’s cheek and place a kiss on it. “Good night, Jeong. Try to get some sleep.”

Jeongyeon tidied the cushion on the couch while Mina went to wash her teeth and prepare for bed. Once her roommate bidded her good night again, she copied her actions and entered the bathroom.

She stared at her reflection on the mirror as she took the towel next to the sink to dry her hands and lips. The blonde girl closed her bedroom door and laid on her bed. She closed her eyes trying to obey Mina, but sleep wasn’t planning on taking over her. She turned and laid on her side, extending her arm to grab her phone. The screen lighted up to show to messages.

S: Hey

S: I missed you today :(( Did you forget about me?

She read the texts several times before answering. Maybe talking to something would help her feel less bad about everything.

Jeongyeon: sorry :(( I’ve been busy with my friends coming over

S: you don’t sound happy about it. Is everything alright?

Jeongyeon: uhm… not really

S: wanna talk about it?

Jeongyeon: I don’t want to keep you up. You must be tired, it’s late.

S: It’s okay. I can’t sleep. Do you want me to call you?

Jeongyeon: okay…

Jeongyeon’s phone vibrated in her hand as the name appeared on the screen.

“Hi.” she started. A chuckle was heard from the other girl.

“We were chatting two seconds ago, Jeong.” Jeongyeon flinched as she heard the nickname Jihyo had used that night a couple of times. “Hi.” she said since Jeongyeon was still silent.

“Why can’t you sleep? Did you wake up late again?” Jeongyeon asked as she remembered how the girl had once slept past noon during the weekend and had had trouble waking up on Monday to go to work.

“Me?  Who do you think I am?” the girl half screamed pretending to be offended. Jeongyeon chuckled.

“Then what's keeping you up?” she asked, her voice low trying not to be noisy and wake her Japanese roommate up.

“I’m kind of freaking out. My boss emailed me to meet her on Monday. Something about an adjustment.” Jeongyeon felt her voice shaking at the end. “I've tried to think about what that could mean. I don't think I've ever done something wrong… But why do I feel like I'm going to be fired?”

“Whatever it is, everything is going to be fine. If they fire you, it's their loss because you’re so good at what you do.” Jeongyeon said with so much honesty she felt warmth inside her chest. Yes, she was proud of her.

“Thanks.” the girl said a little teary. “Now let's talk about you. Why are you up? You're not the type of person to stay up this late.”

“I can’t stop thinking about my friends. Everyone is achieving so much and I’m in the same place I was two years ago.” Jeongyeon grunted rubbing her eyes.

“But you’re not. I mean, okay, you didn’t get that contract you wanted so much, so what, as you said, it’s their loss. Don’t blame yourself for things that you can’t control. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are right now, I bet everyone in your life is proud of you.” the girl on the other side of the phone said softly. She had gotten used to Jeongyeon’s criticism when it came to herself.

“I know.” a sigh slipped through Jeongyeon’s lips. “It’s just, I don’t know. It’ll pass, I guess.”

“Talk to me anytime, Jeong, you know you can count on me.” the other girl said and Jeongyeon knew she was dead serious about it. “And I guess that’s not everything that’s bothering you, right?”

“How did you know?” Jeongyeon whispered on the phone, aware of how loud her voice could get and Mina was probably sleeping by now.

“Well, that’s my talent, you know.” the girl chuckled as she imagined Jeongyeon rolling her eyes at her words. “Now, talk.”

“Ugh, fine. I overreacted when one of my friends told me about she finally becoming a police officer.” Dahyun’s face when she snapped was still clear on her mind. The younger girl looked hurt. Jeongyeon hated herself.

“I don’t see any problem in what she said, but please, explain.” her voice sounded worried and somehow that made Jeongyeon feel warmer. She wouldn’t say it in front of anyone, but just like Jihyo, she had this tough side of her that she showed all the time, and being the oldest of her friends, she took the responsibility of being strong around the girls. Deep inside she knew she loved being taken care of.

“She’ll have a gun. I know what you’re going to say. Yes, all cops have a gun.” she took a deep breath. “It’s just, guns have brought nothing but problems into my life.” she stopped waiting for the other girl to say something and kept going when she didn’t say a word. “I grew up watching my father and uncle leave early in the morning and coming back with some dead rabbits and some birds. They came covered in dirt, shotguns hanging from their shoulders. I got scared every single time. As time passed, I tried to avoid those hours when they came back home, but my mum forced me to help her prepare the meat to eat it the next day.”

“That’s so ed up, Jeong. I’m so sorry.” the girl said, obviously moved and angry because of the story.

“Well, it only gets worse from there. Just tell me to stop if you don’t want to hear more.” Jeongyeon knew once she said it there was no coming back, memories would come back for a while and she will have to deal with them, like she did years ago when she lived them. She gulped and tried to clear .

“It’s okay. Let it all out if you want.” the other girl responded.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath. “One day, they agreed I was old enough to go with them. I cried to my mom and begg