It was hot. Not just hair sticking to your neck and sweat through your clothes in uncomfortable places, it was the kind where you actually think you might pass out. There was also the exhaustion, and the summer heat didn’t help. They really needed to ventilate the practice rooms some more.

After about a month into the training program at RBW, exhaustion didn’t begin to cover it. Yongsun spent months carrying out rigorous exercise regimes and diets. Then there were the long hours of practice in preparation for her audition and as a trainee, the pressure only continued to build. It was always a ing competition.

A competition for beauty, for vocals, for choreography.

It gets tiring.

Doubt. It’s a scary thing. If you don’t watch it, it encompasses you, like a fog and then suddenly the vision’s gone and you don’t know what you were trying so hard to find anymore. Failure was not a foreign concept; it came with being in the industry. She also knew it didn’t mean that she didn’t have it in her to make it. That’s what gets her through. The talent didn’t hurt.

It drained her though, the constant criticism, the fear of the unknown, but she had determination. That she didn’t lack, so much that it even surprises her at times.

Eventually it happens, she gets there, she was going to be a part of RBW’s girl group. It wasn’t a bigshot company with an avid following already but it still meant something. The company saw something in her and she likes what their CEOs stands for.

Not everything in the industry shone as brightly as it seems in the spotlight. It’s all politics and power plays, distastefully patriarchal more often than she’d like. It felt a little different this time though. She needed to feel like all her work was worth something, terrified that she would amount to nothing. She wanted to make music that spoke to her, something that shows a piece of her. She believed in the art of it even amongst all the focus on business models, money and fame.

She needed this to work.

She needed to prove she could do it. For her family. For herself.

To tell them she wasn’t wrong in convincing them to let her take this plunge into the deep end.

She could only gasp as she sat wide-eyed staring at the CEO when he told her the news. This didn’t mean she was out of the water yet, but being a part of this group…it’s a start.

//

The practice room fills with a gentle melody from the piano, Yongsun’s body swaying with the movements of her hand. Her voice sings clearly over the music, dropping to slower progressions from time to time, the tone embracing deep emotions before returning to a gentle melody again.

“You’re… really good you know.” Wheein says leaning casually against the piano. “I mean, there’s probably a good chance we can actually make it.”

She looks down at Yongsun still lost in her music, playing around with the different tunes, and flicks her lightly on the forehead, snapping her out of her trance. “Unnie. Did you even hear me?”

Yongsun lets out an embarrassed chuckle and gives Wheein a nod of appreciation. “Yeah.. I guess. We’re good together, with Hyejin too.” She pauses, looking up at Wheein, her face blushing, showing slight discomfort, the way she always does when receiving compliments.

Her thoughts drift to other things as Wheein smiles in agreement. “Do you know the new trainee joining us? I’ve only ever met her briefly… Moon byulyi? And from what I remember—I… well, I don’t think we got off to a great start.”  

She recalls their first encounter and sighs, hoping she’s gotten past Moonbyul’s apparent rudeness when they met. They have to work well as a group. It wasn’t as if there was a choice in the matter.

Yongsun wasn’t usually annoyed, in fact, she likes to think of herself as easy-going, sometimes finding herself trying too hard to please other people. It irked her when she had felt so irritated before. What was it about her that made it so? Her eyes follow Wheein strolling across the room, waiting for her to reply.

“Byulyi-unnie? Yeah, met her at the last agency I was at before. Something happened? She seems pretty cool. We were supposed to be in the same group then too. Funny how things work out.” Wheein says, craning her head over her shoulder as she crouches on the floor packing her bag.

“Nothing really…just borrowed my shoes and didn’t return them. Long story. She was just– she’s younger than me right?”

“Yeah. Think so? Well we’re meeting her officially tomorrow as part of our group so maybe you can just meet her again. You’re stuck with her whether you like it or not.” Wheein laughs half-heartedly and begins to walk towards the door.

“Okay, I’m heading out. Don’t worry about Byulyi-unnie, you guys probably got off on the wrong foot.” She turns her head as she reaches for the handle, swinging her bag over her shoulder. “Oh and we’ll practice our duet for this month’s evaluation next week?”

“Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow.” Yongsun gives her a little wave and hopes that Wheein’s right.

“Don’t dwell. I know you dwell. It’ll be fine!” Wheein says knowingly as she walks through the door. 

Yongsun wasn’t dwelling. She just really hopes their team dynamic will be great. Moonbyul was quite the character. Who returns borrowed shoes like that? What if they hate each other? Damn it. No dwelling. Shaking the thoughts out of her head, she shrugs her shoulders back, fingers gliding delicately over the keys as she regains her focus again.

//

Music is scattered all over the table with a cluster of highlighters on top. Yongsun downs the rest of her coffee quickly, gathers the papers in her hand and swipes her phone off the chair.

.

She’s late.

Again.

She’s pretty sure that if she’s late one more time, Wheein might actually pull some of her hair out. She feels her phone vibrate in her hand and steals a quick glance at the screen as she gets up.

Wheein: Unnie.. where are you??? Why is everyone late. I thought we were all going to meet before the big meeting??

A couple minutes later: Ahh whatever, I’m just going to head to Kim Do Hoon CEO’s office.

Well, at least she’s not the only one late. Pulling the door open from the practice room, she walks out into the hallway and slams into another person before she gets a chance to lift her head to look.

Ouff.

She manages to retain all the papers in her hand. Immediately stepping back, she juggles the phone slipping out of her only free hand, barely catching it before it falls.

“Ah. Sorry!” She bows her head slightly to greet the person. “Oh.. Hi. I guess we were both late.” She laughs nervously, cautiously gauging Moonbyul’s reaction. It’s been a while since they’ve talked.

Let’s just say interaction isn’t her thing in general– she struggles to find what to say – awkwardly laughing again to hide her lack her grace, which didn’t help.

Moonbyul chuckles in response, raising a curious eyebrow and mirroring Yongsun’s bow, before craning her head in the direction down the hall briefly.

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. You woke me up right in time for the meeting. Let’s go, wouldn’t want to be late for the official meeting of our group.” Yongsun just looks at Moonbyul, studying the laid-back, almost nonchalant persona.

If she’s like this at 7am in the morning, perhaps it was just a misunderstanding the first time they met, maybe this girl is always …just carefree.

Moonbyul gives her a grin, an underlying acknowledgement that she’s excited to meet her members of the new girl group. She catches Yongsun’s pause in movement and reaches over to grab her wrist, tugging her lightly forward and surprising Yongsun a little.

“At this rate, CEO’s going to disband us before we even meet.” Moonbyul laughs.

“Right.. Yeah. We should hurry.” Yongsun murmurs as Moonbyul pulls her down the hallway.

//

The meeting had carried on much longer than they anticipated, and at this point, all four of them are struggling to pay attention, only pretending to nod at the right times as the CEO gives them another talk on marketing plans for their image.

Moonbyul sneaks a glance at her three other members and shifts her chair intentionally to make a noise, pulling them all of them out of the stupor they had fallen in.

They had all entered the meeting high on energy, excited to discuss roles and plans for a future they had anticipated for the most part of five years. The staff put a lot of ideas out there and the group couldn’t be more excited whenever they got to throw in an input. Though none of this really meant anything until the moment they debut, groups come and go, members get thrown out, members quit, it took all the stars to align for things to work out.

The excitement drifted to an anxious jitter as they each found numerous new tasks to complete and things they never expected to do. This was exponentially true for Moonbyul, her face desperately trying to mask the what the in her reaction when the CEO suggested experimenting with her as the rapper of the group. She had only ever trained and auditioned vocally, and this venture into the unknown was terrifying given the circumstances and pressure on them to do well.

She had zoned out of the conversation, anxious that it was because she wasn’t good enough. Did this mean she would never make it as a vocalist? Rapping was something she attempted in cramped, stuffy karaoke rooms with friends on a weekend. With the exception of a couple evaluations here and there, no one important has really seen her rap at all. It wasn’t something she could possibly do professionally. Was it? Moonbyul sits staring at a stray hair on the CEO’s head as she tries to imagine herself rapping her emotions the same way she had always sang them.

There are breaths of relief when they see the CEO beginning to stack his papers up and push his chair back to bid them an end to the meeting. Their manager and two other staff members follow suit and the four of them lag behind, stretching their necks as they shuffle out the room.

The four of them head to the practice room together to grab their belongings still trying to wake up after the lull of the meeting.

“That was exceptionally long.” Moonbyul states with an exaggerated straight face, her fingers massaging the back of her neck to emphasize her point.

“I know.” Wheein murmurs. “Seems our schedule’s going to fill itself up the coming year, but it’ll be amazing. It has to be.” She says this with a certainty that somehow calms the nerves in the room.

The four of them disperse into the room to gather their things to leave. Wheein and Hyejin chat comfortably in the corner as they pull their jackets on. Wheein retells some story she heard on the radio and Hwasa lets out a loud cackle, shoving Wheein lightly on the shoulder as she laughs at the story.

//

A little later in the day Byul strolls down the hallway at the company, pulling at the strap of her backpack hanging off on shoulder. She had just met with the CEO briefly to go over her schedule with the added sessions for rapping and writing. Honestly, she thought it all a tad ridiculous.  How was she supposed to learn the art of rapping in a three-month process? She scoffs again as she entertains the image of herself earlier in the meeting running over a couple of songs so they could gauge her style.

The RBW company had a series of glass and wooded walls, patterned with blurred tape and lettering. Byul glances as she passes the glass, peering into several of the practice rooms in her peripheral vision as she walks. She spots Yongsun dancing in front of the large mirror, clearly oblivious to anything else in the world, immersed in whatever she was doing, oddly attractive to Byul with her look of determination.

She inches the door forward and peeks her head in, a little hesitate to make an appearance still. Eventually she gives up and steps inside, waving in an attempt to catch her attention.

“Hey.” Byul says as Yongsun sees Byul’s reflection in the camera and locks eyes with her through the mirror.

“Hey!” Yongsun turns, a little out of breath as she walks over to stop her music.

“Still practicing?”

“Yeah. What time is it? God I think I’ve been here for a while now.”

Byul notices the strands of hairs that stick to Yongsun’s forehead and cheeks. She had her hair up in a ponytail, sporting a white tank and dark leggings. It clearly looks like Yongsun’s been working for a while at it.

Byul chuckles. “It would seem so…”

It was awkward. What do you say to your newly re-introduced group member? Byul’s heard about Yongsun, whether that’s through Wheein or some of her other trainee friends. She knew she was quiet, maybe a little introverted but talented nonetheless. Why did she come in here? Moonbyul leans her back against the mirror that spans an entire wall. If there’s going to be a time to get to know Yongsun, now would as good a time as any. She was usually pretty comfortable with idle conversation, humour came naturally and it was easy for her to make friends. Yet, she struggles to find a topic, especially with Yongsun looking at her like that, with a wide-eyed curiosity, almost as if waiting for Moonbyul to explain her unspoken invitation into the practice room. Moonbyul runs her fingers through the ends of her hair and fiddles with the bu