"Long years have since elapsed, and my memory is feeble through much suffering."

Kyungsoo sighed, signing the document, he gave it back to the doctor. Suddenly, he had a coughing fit. Poppy flower blossoms together with blood adorned his hands.

“You see, Doc, I’m about to die”, he smiled sadly while wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth.

“Poppies? I never heard of someone coughing up poppy flowers.”

“Actually, on earlier x-ray scans I even have had the capsules in my lungs. Thinking about it, opium can be an effective treatment for neuropathic pain. Can one-sided love be considered a chronic pain or disease? Or love in general?”

“Hmm...”

“Why wasn’t it something like Belladonna? Something poisonous that creates hallucinations or heart attacks? I could have laughed because it would have made sense. But it was Poppy, something called in other languages “Schlafmohn”, to make someone tired, help them sleep. And I’m dying from my favourite flowers.”

“The surgery will be tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, eh? I’ll be dead tomorrow by this time.”

In thought, the doctor stared at Kyungsoo, who was rubbing his chest to ease the pain. He didn’t say anything in a long time, and neither did Kyungsoo.

“The surgery is complicated, it will take hours, if not around twenty in the end. And to be honest, Mr Doh, I don’t even know if the surgery would be a success since we have never dealt with Poppies before.”

Kyungsoo was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed, staring out of the window. He didn’t say a thing until he had a coughing fit again. The doctor rushed to his side and rubbed his back. Kyungsoo could hold himself together, but the sweat was glistening on his forehead and his deep breaths were cut short due to his constricting trachea. His breath was stertorous and shaky. He felt like throwing up if it weren’t for the doctor.

He held his chest with his hands and slumped further down into the chair, his strong posture long gone.

"There is one dear topic, on which my memory fails me not. [...] It was the radiance of an opium dream - an airy and spirit-lifting vision more wildly divine than the phantasies which hovered about the slumbering souls of the daughters of Delos."

“Mr Doh, could you possibly tell me more about your circumstances? I do have the files here, but information is sparse since your condition is so rare.”

“‘Circumstances’, what a nice word to describe a deadly disease. From the beginning of how the curse was bestowed upon me or just the ‘interesting’ part everyone wants to know about, the usual procedure?”

“Whatever you see fit, but I’m personally more interested in the whole story. As we don’t know about the surgery yet, and therefore we have time, unfortunately. My assistant is currently looking for a free spot or we'll just put you up as an emergency.”

Kyungsoo had the courage to confess to his crush, to tell them he liked - heck - loved them. But he was rejected in the most humiliating way imaginable. He couldn’t stand the pitying looks he got afterwards.

He tried falling out of love, but the disease manifested itself in record time. The chest pain started in the first month of the rejection, whereas it normally takes up to half a year, but in general nine months, to even show any signs.

He didn’t pay it any heed until the third month. The third month was the start of his body showing signs of intoxication. He couldn’t pin it down until he decided to look it up.

Narcosis-like conditions, he felt way too laid-back and mesmerised. He would often start to get back his clear consciousness after six to eight hours. That was when the penny dropped. Those phases of euphoria and elation were always introduced by nausea and vomiting.

In the fourth month, he finally decided to visit a doctor, after he couldn’t refuse it anymore.

He smiled sadly at the doctor before looking down at his clasped hands and took a break from speaking. The doctor was genuinely interested in the story, Kyungsoo could tell it. A coughing fit made itself felt. He took a gulp of water to ease the pain.

“According to your former doctor’s reports, they made an x-ray scan and you had to consult two lung specialists, so they would confirm the first medical report?”

“That’s correct.”

“They found fully developed poppy capsules in your lungs, two each”, the doctor was skimming through the reports once again, “Also, they would emit latex from time to time?”

“That was when I was intoxicated. And opium shows a way stronger physical impact if it is consumed through as a liquid or in the form of food than inhalation.”

“So you were an unintentional drug addict?”

“That’s the funny thing, I wasn’t addicted to it since my body registered it as completely normal, like white blood cells. Maybe it was due to the constant level of opium in my system, but I never showed any signs of withdrawal. I could even work like any other person.”

"I had become a bounded slave in the trammels of opium, and my labours and my orders had taken a colouring from my dream."

Another coughing fit built itself up and Kyungsoo almost threw up due to the flower petals and the demand for oxygen his body had.

“I don’t want to be nosy, Mr Doh, but about your crush? Are you still in lo-”

“Haha, no, I fell out of love, maybe thanks to the opium intoxication. Couldn’t love be considered a drug as well, as intoxicating as it can be? Happily married with two kids, I was even invited to the wedding two years ago. I declined. But I did send flowers. I think I’m one of those people you could call resentful. I sent them orange lilies.”

“Orange lilies?”

“They mean hatred, disdain, and also pride. I sent their spouse a bouquet of purple hyacinths and gardenias, meaning forgiveness and good luck.”

“Oh, okay? I only ever educated myself about the meaning of blue and black roses and daffodils, as these ones are more commonly associated with Hanahaki.”

“Yes, blue means the ‘unattainable, impossible’ whereas black means ‘death’. It’s ironic since it’s a good indicator that someone’s about to die when the colour shifts to black.”

“And daffodils are the epitome of ‘unrequited love’. Oh! I’m sorry, I got carried away, I didn’t mean to twist the knife in the wound.”

Kyungsoo just waved him off and smiled, “It’s actually pretty nice to talk with someone who isn’t only interested about my drug use. Did you know that there are also regional variations to Hanahaki?”

The doctor stared at him wordlessly and shook his head.

“In Japan, Hanahaki patients cough up tulips, since those mean ‘unrequited love’ in the Japanese culture. But the surgery is publically accepted, not like here, so not many people pay attention to such things.”

Kyungsoo stared out of the window, playing with his fingers, massaging his index finger. The anxiety started to crawl towards the surface. He knew he had to die at some point and he already lived way longer than Hanahaki patients normally do. He had a feeling he would die soon and when he got up this morning, hell, he threw up due to his anxiety. That has never happened before. Staring down at his hands, his vision became unclear, he could only make out the general shapes of his hands and the spots of red blood. The tears fell from his eyes and he sniffed. The doctor passed him a tissue and he dried the tears. Nodding his head towards the doctor, he blew his nose.

“Mr Doh, would you like to take a walk? I cancelled all my appointments for the time being when I heard you’ll come today.”

“A walk would be nice,” smiling, Kyungsoo tilted his head to the side. His eyes looked like they sank in and the white walls were no competition for his skin condition, “But I’m afraid I can’t walk anymore, I still feel my feet, but I have no strength left.”

“Please tell me, before you lose all feeling in them. We’ll stay near the emergency room. I’ll get you a wheelchair.”

“Thank you, do you have a garden with flowers? Maybe even poppies?”

“I-, yes, we have. The ER is stationed near the garden since there’s the helicopter pad as well.”

“Then let’s go there”, Kyungsoo’s pitch went higher, it’s been a long time since he appreciated poppy flowers in full bloom, and not withered, bloody and unsightly.

“I’ll call for a nurse to get us the wheelchair.”

“Thank you.”

Left alone, Kyungsoo stared out of the window. It was quite a clear sky for an early September day, especially since the summer’s weather was more or less unstable. He smiled. The poppies’ blooming period is from May to July, September, so with luck, he could witness the last blossoms of the year.

The coughing was always bad during this time. Even with a short blooming period, the poppies always grew new flowers every day. A sheer endless supply of coughing material. One advantage of summer? No intoxication, since no latex was produced, but it would start two weeks after the last poppies bloomed.

Staring at his feet, he tried to wiggle them, but it has been an hour since the last time he felt his feet. He tried lifting his leg. Without the foot support, it was a torture, but they were still working. He pondered if he should tell the doctor, but he knew it was already too late.

With the beginning of the summer, his coughing got worse and he had a feeling it was his last one. He contacted the last few people he knew, that weren’t a lot, he had no family left, his parents died early. Fortunately, they didn’t live long enough to see their son slowly die because of a disease that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

"[...] yet I am sadly forgetful on topics of deep moment; and here there was no system, no keeping, in the fantastic display, to take hold upon the memory."

His throat started constricting again, another surge of petals. The span of the coughing was longer and Kyungsoo didn’t know if he should vomit or try to breathe. The pain was crawling from his throat down to the chest.

When he calmed down, he couldn’t decipher between blood and petals, as they had the same colour. Tears were b in his eyes from the pain, and he slumped down. Lying with his chest on his legs, he tried to regulate his breathing pattern.

“It’s about time, huh?” he questioned himself, and once again, wiped the blood off his lips.

The doctor came back with a wheelchair, “We managed to get an early time for the surgery, we’ll start the preparations in an hour. I’m so sorr- Mr Doh! Is everything alright?!”

Kyungsoo waved him off and motioned him to come closer, his voice already turned hoarse, and he didn’t plan on straining it anymore. Using his arms, he heaved himself over onto the wheelchair and tried to find a comfortable sitting position.

“On y va!”, he said in a singsong voice and pointed towards the door.

At this moment, he didn’t look like a man destined to die, but like the 25-year-old young man, he was supposed to be. It was like sunshine was radiating around him, and the doctor was stunned for a few seconds.

“Doc, is everything okay?”

“Call me Robert, please, I insist on it”, the doctor offered.

“Alright, but only if you call me Kyungsoo”, he smiled at him.

And once again, the doctor was taken aback by the radiant heart-shaped smile. He couldn't help but wonder, “Say, Kyungsoo, how do you still manage to smile?”

“Everyone has to die, sooner or later. I just accepted the fact that I have to die at an early age. What do I have from being depressed? I should enjoy the days that I have left.”

While wheeling Kyungsoo outside, the doctor thought about what the young man said. The doctor lost his own younger sister, who was infected by the Hanahaki Disease, but she refused a surgery under all circumstances. Kyungsoo showed the same mindset as her. It was remarkable. He once again spoke up, “Well, you don't have to think so negative anymore, since the surgery is coming up and we have the best surgeons here in this hospital.”

“I'm relieved.”

They arrived at the garden section of the park and fortunately, a few poppies were left. But they were about to lose their last petals as well.

“Robert, would you mind leaving me alone for a few minutes?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, it's alright, if something comes up, I'll call for you.”

“Alright, I'll be over there. Just call me, promise?”

“I promise.”

When Kyungsoo was alone, he stared at the poppy flowers, “You're about to die as well, right? Since your time has come?”

He felt restrictment in his lungs, not the usual before he vomits petals, but like the poppies were responding to a call. It didn't feel too unpleasant, it was the opposite, to be honest. He heard about Hanahaki patients dying in horrendous pain. Meanwhile, his chest felt like the sun was shining on it. He held his hand over his heart, but he felt his heart starting to beat slower.

“Are you calling for me, poppies?”

He cautiously touched a petal, but it fell immediately to the ground. Touching his legs, he had no feeling left in them.

“I guess it's about time. Will you welcome me as one of your kind? Am I allowed to bloom together with you next year?”

A breeze came up and carried away Kyungsoo's last breath.

The doctor found him, will full poppy flowers coming out of his mouth, more beautiful and radiant as he has ever seen. Not just the poppies, but Kyungsoo as well, looking more content than ever, with his smile adorning his features. But it was too late. Kyungsoo became one with the poppies.

"Wild visions, opium-engendered, flitted, shadowlike, before me."