Perhaps he should have noticed the beginning signs of the breakup. Perhaps he should have started to prepare for the split earlier, but he was too blinded by love, by his faith in his relationship with Jonghun. And now all he had was a broken heart and cruel memories that haunted him. Smiling bitterly, he gazed aimlessly at the red curtains in front of him from his bed, quickly succumbing to the painful, yet beautiful memories.

Hunnie, do you remember that day you asked me out? You were so awkward. But that was one of the many traits I loved about you.

Jonghun had taken him to frozen yogurt shop that day, just a short walk away from FNC Entertainment. And over two cups of melting vanilla ice cream, the guitarist had shyly confessed to him on a park bench.

“Hongki-ah, can I ask you something?” He had questioned softly after the vocalist had finished ranting about the CEO and the company.

“Mhmm.” The elder replied through a mouthful of yogurt.

“Uh, well I sort of like you. As, well, not as a friend should. So, um, uh, will you, uh will you go out with me?” He hastily finished.

“What?!” Hongki remembered yelling, tipping both cartons of ice cream over and attracting the attention of passing pedestrians. Throwing himself at his leader, he had screamed in excitement. “Yes! A thousand yes’s!”

And under falling cherry blossoms, inhaling the musky scent of his new boyfriend, the future seemed so bright and colorful.

How wrong I was. We were like fire and ice together, complete opposites. We were never meant to be. 

They had their first real fight months later. It was over something trivial, that Hongki no longer remembered. But he learned that night how cold the bed was without Jonghun. He learned how it felt to see his love storm away after spewing hurtful words at each other. He learned what heart break felt like for the first time.

They made up the next day, after a sleepless night. However, that was only the first of many fights that would eventually lead to their breakup.

The last fight was certainly the worst. It came totally out of the blue. I still remember the exact date of it – December 10th, 2014. We’d been dating for nearly five years, five beautiful years.

“Take a rest Hunnie. Perhaps you could gain more inspiration after some sleep. It’s one in the morning for goodness sake! Jonghun, please -”

“Oh my gosh, can you just shut up, Hongki? I need to finish this song. You’re distracting me, just go back home and leave me alone. It’s late.”

I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the many days of frustrations and annoyance, but I completely erupted.

“No, I will not shut up! I’m not your personal toy to use when you want to and be tossed away when you don’t want to play. Am I not allowed to be concerned about you?”

“There’s a difference between being concerned and being insecure, you know. You don’t need to follow my every move and track down everything I do. I’m a grown man, I don’t need someone to tell me what to do and what not to. Can you fxxking leave already?!”

“What the hell, Jonghun? If you acted like a fxxking adult, maybe I would treat you as one. But no, you put your health on the line for a fxxking song! You - ”
The yelling went on for nearly an hour, both yelling out their hurt, stabbing each other, shattering the last bonds between them with words that were never meant to be heard.

The fight finally ended with Jonghun breaking things off.

“Look, if you can’t be the support I need, then leave. I don’t need a fxxking imbecile holding me back from my dreams. I don’t need you picking up every chance to fight with me. I don’t need you.”
Hongki ran after the last words, passing the barren cherry trees in a blur of tears.

It was never supposed to be like that. We weren’t supposed to end up broken. 

Now, nearly two months after their split, he was still hiding from the world, tears soaking his bed sheets in the dark every night. Because no matter how much Jaejin and the maknaes pleaded, he didn’t want to face the awakening world, the colorful and bright skies, the flowering sakura trees that reminded him of the past, of a beautiful man that carried the beauty of the world with him. So he hid in the darkness, where only accusing whispers and forgotten dreams tore at him, where sunlight couldn’t blind his eyes and burn away the last fragments of his heart.