Donghae walked to a nearby bench and sat down, both trembling hands on his phone. His eyes blinked quickly. “This must be some kind of a sick joke, ” He said as he typed back a reply.

 D: Who are you 

He then stared at his phone’s screen, anxiously waiting for a reply.

But then there was none. 

Donghae threw his phone back into his bag and groaned.

"Why am I even so flustered for? Someone must have taken over his old number... Ugh, what a great start to my first day in College..." He held up the various handouts he got from the ceremony earlier. "New start." He whispered to himself and stood up to walk around his new campus.

The day went by smoothly. Donghae had been busy attending talks, touring around campuses and talking to his new classmates and lecturers. "Eunhyuk" hadn't replied, so Donghae had forgotten all about that strange text he received that morning.

It was around 4am when Donghae got ready for bed. He closed his eyes and was about to drift to sleep when his phone buzzed and the screen lit up the otherwise dark room. He quinted his eyes, sat up and reached out for his phone. When he saw the notification, his heart sank.

 E: Anchovy. 

A miilion thoughts flooded his mind. Anchovy was the nickname he used to call Eunhyuk with. No one else called him using this nickname. But how is this possible? I need to find out more, he thought.

 D: Just who are you? Stop joking around before I report this to the police. 

 E: I know you wouldn't do that 

Feelings of nostalgia hit Donghae. His mouth was left slightly ajar, and his breaths got heavier by the minute.

Eunhyuk is dead. He's gone. Donghae knows this very well. He attended his funeral. Heck, Donghae was the one who found Eunhyuk's dead body lying at the bottom of the school building. Eunhyuk jumped to his death from the school's roof top. But this conversation...it sounded so much like Eunhyuk... So much so that it hurts.

The phone lit up with another notification before Donghae could reply. 

 E: Lol let's skip the last period and go play football later 

 E: Com e on 

 E: Don't be a party pooper you boring brat 

 E: Brat 

 E: B 

Donghae eyes widened in shock as "Eunhyuk" continued to send a chain of messages.

The conversation sounded weirdly familiar...like deja vu. Donghae quickly searched through the chat history with the same words, and alas, these messages that "Eunhyuk" sent were the exact same ones that Eunhyuk had sent to Donghae before he died a year ago, while they were still in high school. Donghae heaved a sigh of relief. "ing sick joke" he said. He thought that whoever that hacked Eunhyuk's phone must have copy-pasted his old messages. It was a prank.

A moment later, "Eunhyuk" sent the next few messages:

 E: Don't ignore me, 

 E: Bra t 

 E: . 

 E: Don't 

These were the last messages Eunhyuk had sent before the both of them completely drifted apart. It was 6 months after this message. when Eunhyuk commited suicide. 

"Don't ignore me, huh" Donghae whispered as tears started to well up in his eyes. He clutched to his phone and bit his lips. His heart was in pain, and he couldn't think straight. "I'm sorry..." he said. "I'm sorry for.. ignoring you, Hyuk... was it my fault afterall? that made you killed yourself?" He sobbed quietly. The text messages stopped, but Donghae couldn't sleep that night. He looked at his phone and browsed through his contacts. 

 D: Hey Siwon, we haven't met since we graduated last year. Do you wanna meet? I need to talk to you about something. 

Siwon and Donghae met up at a cafe a week later. Siwon was Eunhyuk and Donghae's mutual friend from High school.

"So what's up?" Siwon said as he settled into his seat. Donghae hesitated and fumbled over his words, but he decided to just show him the entire text conversation. After reading through the conversation, Siwon looked up and stared at Donghae without saying anything. "Weird, I know," Donghae said. "Must be some hacker or something, don't you think?" Siwon puts down the phone and scratches his head. "Yeah, wow," He placed his palms over his mouth and thought hard. "You know what, er, try to ignore this, okay? I'll see if I can er, check for who hacked this phone or s-something," He subtly stammered. "Okay sure, thanks man, " Donghae said and smiled as he picked up his Americano.

After what seemed like a long pause, Siwon said, "That incident...you need to stop blaming yourself for it," He looked firmly into Donghae's eyes. The smile from Donghae's face slowly dissapeared. "I'm not, I forced myself to not think about it anymore, I don't think about it anymore, I swear," 

Siwon nodded. There was a cold silence that followed after.

"Thanks, Siwon, you know, for always being by our side," Donghae chuckled softly. "But this hacker, ... it brings back memories I didn't want to remember,"

Siwon said nothing, but continued to look at Donghae and listened to him talk.

"Like, maybe I shouldn't have ignored him... After he, you know, confessed to me..." Donghae faked a soft laughter.

 

**********

 

While they were in high school, Eunhyuk and Donghae had been very good friends. They weren't even in the same class. They first met during their 1st year in High school at the ice cream shop behind the school. Eunhyuk didn't have enough for the ice cream. Upon seeing this, Donghae went up to him and took out his wallet, but he was clumsy and his coins fell all over the floor. Eunhyuk burst into a fit of laughter. "Hey you, stop laughing else I'm not going to pay for your ice cream," Donghae commented as he hurried to pick up his coins. "I know you wouldn't do that," Eunhyuk replied.

Both of them had a good laugh and quickly became friends. 

They were opposites, but they matched well.

Eunhyuk wasn't that much of a looker, but he was out-going and cheerful so he was popular. Everyone knows him and even the teachers enjoyed talking to him. Donghae was considered incredibly good-looking, but he was shy and introverted, so he didn't really socialize. Despite being polar opposites in personalities, they both had similar interests. They loved playing football.

Siwon, on the other hand, was funny and calm-headed. He was Eunhyuk's friend from junior high who went on to the same high school. He would always be the one to qualm any conflicts or bickerings Eunhyuk and Donghae had. 

Due to Eunhyuk's slim frame, Donghae began calling him "Anchovy," and Eunhyuk would always call Donghae "brat".

Sometimes Eunhyuk would show up at school with bruises, but he always scoffed and said he played too much football. Donghae knew it wasn't football. "I'm telling you it's because I played too much football," Eunhyuk said with an irritated tone. Donghae sighed. He knew Eunhyuk had trouble back at home, but he never mentioned it and always had a smile on his face. Donghae didn't want to cross the line, so he didn't pried any further. 

However, everything changed one spring day.

"I like you," Eunhyuk said while looking into Donghae's eyes.

"I...like you too?" Donghae laughed, bewildered.

"No, not as a friend." Eunhyuk continued. "You know exactly what I mean." 

"I.." Donghae was taken aback, and his eyes were darting around, avoiding Eunhyuk's. "...I think I need to go," He replied and hurriedly turned to walk away.

They didn't talk for a whole week after that and didn't text either, until Sunday night. 

 E: So this is how things turned out huh 

 E: Don't ignore me, brat 

Donghae didn't reply to this text either. He cried that night. Donghae didn't know how to respond to Eunhyuk's confession. He asked Siwon for advice, but Siwon commented that Eunhyuk had shut him off too. "It's all my fault," Donghae hung his head. "Just remember to give him a proper reply, okay?" Siwon commented. Donghae nodded in agreement, but he never did what Siwon had suggested him to. 

Donghae was too scared to reply. He cherished their relationship more than anyone did. He thought he'd be all alone until Eunhyuk came into his life... to him, Eunhyuk was like a ray of sunlight shining through a window panel, into a dark, dark room. He didn't want to make things worse than it already is. 

How should I reply him? What if the situation turned out even worse? What if things will ever be the same again? 

There were so many questions in Donghae's head, and while taking time to tackle these limitless questions, 6 months had passed by.

Donghae was heading out of the washroom when he noticed a mobile phone by the basin. He picked it up and examined it carefully. His eyes perked up when he realized it was Eunhyuk's phone. Eunhyuk had their photo as his lock screen wallpaper. He unknowingly smiled. His heart raced as he thought, this may be a chance for me to talk to him again.

With positive thoughts, he headed out and walked around the school, looking for Eunhyuk. It was 4pm, and most students have already left the school grounds. But he knew Eunhyuk would still be around because he always played football after school until late at night.

"You're the brat," Donghae murmured softly and smiled, as he continued looking for Eunhyuk.

When he walked out to the schoolyard, it took him some time to register what he saw. Somebody was lying face-down on the school yard. Surrounding him was a pool of piercing red liquid. Upon closer look, he realized it was the same person he was looking for. The owner of the mobile phone.  

He gasped and kneeled down beside him, his pants soaking up the blood. His hands gently touched Eunhyuk's face, but he knew he was already gone. Eunhyuk's eyes were dull and unfocused. Donghae shifted his thumb to Eunhyuk's philtrum, and there was not an ounce of air. His blood kept flowing out from underneath him, and it wouldn't stop.

Donghae started to sob uncontrollably as Eunhyuk layed lifelessly beside him. They were physically together, but worlds apart. 

Memories of the aftermath were in bits and pieces.

The paramedics came and carried Eunhyuk away.  After a quick inspection, they placed the cloth of death over Eunhyuk. "Died upon impact," one of them said. They had to check on Donghae too. He had been crying to the point of passing out. The school also arranged school counseling for Donghae for witnessing that traumatic scene. 

"Red," Donghae would mutter random words under his breath during his first counseling session with the school counseller, Mdm Jung.

"All red" he repeated.

About two weeks later, Donghae recovered from most of the traumatic stress. He had gone back to eating and sleeping properly and stopped muttering words altogether. Mdm Jung saw his recovery progress, and commented that there was no more need for further counseling. All was well, she said.

"Hey, you okay to be back to school so soon?" Siwon asked in surprise when he saw Donghae in school. Siwon teared upon seeing Donghae.

"Of course, I can't be sad forever, " Donghae smiled brightly. 

"Was it hard, Donghae? To force yourself to smile like that, you idiot." Siwon thought to himself.

Siwon then noticed Donghae had 2 phones in his hands. Donghae noticed his stare, and said light-heartedly, "oh this? Hyuk's phone! As a keepsake."

Siwon hesitated, but said nothing.

They hugged and Siwon cried his lungs out. Siwon must have cried really loudly because no one noticed that Donghae didn't cry. 

Donghae didn't shed a single tear, and that he was smiling. 

 

The rest of the days went by like the usual. Siwon and Donghae both graduated and went on to different colleges. 

 

**********

 

After their short meet up at the cafe, as promised, Siwon went on to check for the hacker behind the text messages. But he didn't go to an IT specialist ー he went to see the counseller from his high school, Mdm Jung.

"Then it must be a hacker," Mdm Jung commented while fumbling over her desk of documents. She was busy with her work when Siwon came to visit her out of the blue.

Siwon looked down, and said firmly, "No it was not."

He didn't go to an IT specialist, because he already knew who the hacker was.

"Mdm Jung," Siwon looked up at Mdm Jung with tears in his eyes, "Eunhyuk's phone has always been in Donghae's posession,"

Mdm Jung's eyes widened, and paused what she was doing, like a still scene.

"So you mean..." her words trailed off.

Siwon nodded and clutched his fists tightly.

"I saw Donghae holding on to Eunhyuk's phone when he came back to school. And he miraculously recovered just two weeks after the incident? Why hadn't I thought that something was wrong back then?" He covered his face with both of his palms.

"He never recovered!"

 

**********

 

Back at home, Donghae plopped down on his sofa. His phone is with Siwon right now, however......

He then bent over and reached for another phone from underneath the table. That phone had a photo of Donghae and Eunhyuk as the lock screen wallpaper.

He stared at the screen blankly and smiled. 

"You brat," he murmured softly, and started typing. 

 

 

--- END ---