Memories

 

   I don’t know what’s with this older guy but I find myself listening to him…to him and his story. Maybe it’s the way he looks so alone…or the way his eyes would look in one direction, yet you can tell that he isn’t really seeing what is in front of him…or maybe the way he looks like he is looking for someone…someone that isn’t here anymore…someone he can’t reach anymore…someone he can’t be with anymore. Anyway, I really don’t know the reason why I’m listening to his story…I just am.

 

   He tells me that even before he got into middle school, he was already a child that caused others to have headaches. Doing bad things…joining gangs…beating other people…punching and kicking others constantly. The cases of violence continued on and on…but there were also things that didn’t go that way.

 

   And so his story begins…

 

----

 

   “Oh my! Look!” I heard somebody exclaim.

 

   “Ewww! What’s that? Should we call the cops?” another said.

 

   I got up, groaning at the pain of the wounds and bruises I got last night while fighting a member of an enemy gang. I was so dizzy and in pain I didn’t manage to reach my house, I just slumped in the sidewalk and slept there. I woke up to the sound of two girls gawking at me…and to say I was pissed-off was an understatement.

 

   I threw my shoes in the direction of the girls; unfortunately I was still dizzy they didn’t hit them. “What are you looking at es? Be careful next time or I will punch you till I break your nose! Get out of my sight!” I yelled, sending the two girls my best death glare.

 

   The girls immediately scampered out of my sight. “Scary, I wonder how his parents educated him,” one of the girl whispered, yet I still caught it. I look down upon myself…my clothes were tattered; my body was covered in wounds and bruises. My body was screaming in pain but I still forced myself to stand and go home, even though I was limping slightly.

 

   My family…they were still alive. But…we were nothing but a cold family. We were one of those rich and conservative families, and therefore had a respectable stature in the community. My family was composed of a father who didn’t care about his family…a mother who only cared about her husband and her appearance. There was never a time the three of us went out together…the chances of us eating together was zero. The only memory I had of them was…

 

   “Get out! You embarrass me!” my father shouted, slapping me in the face. Instead of retorting or doing anything, I just kept silent…as if nothing happened, as if I didn’t feel anything. The pain is not something new to me either so I didn’t really care.

 

   “In this world, there are two kinds of people. People who are needed and people who are not …you’re the second kind! You don’t even know how to respect your parents! Don’t ever step in this house anymore!” my father continued shouting.

 

   “Dear…” my mother appeared, looking anxiously at my father.I just looked at her quietly, no emotion whatsoever in my eyes.

 

   “Why? Kyuhyun-ah…why did you become like this? Do you know how terribly I’ll be scolded by your father? Do you know what kind of gossip the neighbours will whisper about me?” my mother asked me. Every word that comes from invoked a feeling in me…the feeling of anger. Until the very end, all she could think of was herself, and that angered me very much.

 

   “Do you hear me? Answer me! How could you-” she stopped when I suddenly punched the wall to my side.

 

   In a shaking voice, full of anger and hatred, I told her, “You know what? You shouldn’t have given birth to me!”

 

   “I never…” my mother uttered, totally loss for words.

 

   “I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!” I shouted.

 

   That was the day I left my house…hoping to never set foot there again.

 

   My whole body…it felt like it was pierced by shattered glass. Even my parents…or my friends, they couldn’t be trusted as well. They only made other people suffer even more! I thought as I rode my motorcycle around the city…without any particular destination. Midnight…riding the motorcycle everywhere emotionlessly. The feeling at that time…felt like laughing and crying. I felt like I could go anywhere…felt like I couldn’t go anywhere…because there was no place for me…

 

----

 

   “Cho Kyuhyun! You finally came to school…what’s wrong with your clothes? What are you wearing?” the teacher asked me. Instead of wearing my uniform, I wore my gang clothes with matching earrings and spiked bracelets.

 

   “Come here…I’ve got something to say to you! I’m going to contact your parents,” the teacher said, dragging me away from the prying eyes of the other students.

 

   He dragged me into the faculty room of the teachers.

 

   In middle school…anything that happens can be accounted for. So…the day when I met him must have been fated.

 

   “Don’t you think you’re being rather shameless? Only being a trouble to others. That attitude of yours only brings problems to the hard-working students! You-wah!” the teacher scolded me, then shouted in surprised when I suddenly grabbed the nearest chair and raised it up. All the teachers backed away immediately.

 

   “Shut up! You’re annoying!” I yelled. I was so tired of adults who kept on telling me what to do or what not to do, I was tired of everybody messing with my life…I had enough. With a wild glint in my eyes, I looked at the teachers in front of me, as if daring them to come near. “You think by saying that it’ll frighten me? Speak up!”

 

   “Idiot! Stop! Has anyone contacted his family?” someone asked frantically.

 

   “Listen…listen carefully. Stay here and be quiet until your parents get here,” one of the teachers said before going out of the room along with the other teachers who were probably a little bit afraid of me. They knew I would not hesitate to hurt them, and they would make their escape before that happened.

 

   “DON’T TRY TO ESCAPE PIGHEADS! NONE OF YOU EVER CARED ABOUT ME! WHY YOU ARE PRETENDING THAT YOU’RE SO IMPORTANT! IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW LONG YOU WAIT, THEY’RE NOT COMING!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, but the other teachers ignored me and just closed the door in my face.

 

   I was panting, tired from shouting and my raging emotions.

 

   “What’s wrong?” someone quietly asked from behind me. I turned around to see one teacher, whose name I couldn’t be bothered to remember, staring at me. As far as I remembered, this teacher was just new. Quickly, I studied the teacher’s appearance. I had to admit he was handsome - brown hair and small black eyes partially hidden in his glasses. I bet it would have looked nice if he smiled but I just shook the thought out of my mind.

 

   “What made you so angry?” the teacher asked. At his question came the renewal of anger in me I slightly forgotten due to my surprise at his presence.

 

   I glared at older man. “What? Who are you? If you want to preach, go find others, you pighead,” I said, drawing one of the chairs and sat on it.

 

   The teacher just looked at me coolly. “I didn’t say that I wanted to preach…I just wanted to know what made you so angry,” he said, putting one of his hands in his pocket, studying me quietly with his eyes. He made me feel like he was studying me through a microscope, and the discomfort it gave me just increased my anger.

 

   “What does that have to do with you? Just get out of my sight and stay in your corner,” I grumbled, looking anywhere but at the teacher in front of me.

 

   The teacher just shrugged nonchalantly. “Ok! But…I still just really want to know the cause,” he insisted.

 

   “The cause is everything!” I shouted, finally losing my temper and slamming my hands on the table. “You’re so annoying! Everything…everything…everything makes me mad! Those bastards teachers…and those bastards students…and those bastards in the gang…and my bastards parents! AND YOU! Everything…everything…YOU ALL! I HATE ALL OF YOU!”

 

   The teacher just looked at me, and let me say whatever I wanted to say. “Treating me…as if I’m such a rotten person. Aren’t you all just the same? YOU’RE  ALL NOT BETTER  THAN ME! I really wish everyone just disappears. How great would it be? People like you…it will be great if all of you die. Go and die…those scumbags deserves death… go and die! Get lost! All of you just go die!” I yelled. I was a roller coaster of emotion, but prominent among all was my anger…my hatred for everything…for my ed-up life and for the ed-up people around me. My every sentence was fluctuated with a bang at the desk; my hands were so numb by the end of my rant.

 

   The teacher just kept silent, letting me ride my emotions. After my outburst I just slumped on the desk. I felt like a tire that lost all its air, and I was tired, physically and mentally. I didn’t expect the teacher to say anything, and that was why I was quite taken aback when he spoke all of a sudden.

 

   “But…did you hope that someone will care about you?” he asked in his naturally husky and gentle tone. “Did you ever hope that someone would pay attention to you? Hope…that other people will also need you…right?”

 

   I lay there, wide-eyed and motionless. I didn’t know how in just a matter of seconds…this mysterious person in front of me managed to see through me. In just a short exchange of words…he saw what other people didn’t see and heard what other people didn’t hear.

 

   The teacher removed his glasses and cleaned it with his shirt. “You hoped…that others will listen to you…understand you…accept you…and also…hope that someone will love you…right?”

 

   The teacher gave a brief smile, “I…am like that too.”

 

   There’s a moment of silence when the teacher just continued to clean his glasses, until I broke it.

 

   “Why…” I began, “Did I…become like this. I…” I remembered my mother’s question that was directed to me, Why did you become like this?

 

   “Actually I…was the one who wanted to ask that myself the most. Why? Why did I become like this?” without meaning to, my tears fell. Like a floodgate being opened, my tears fell like there was no end. There was just too much pain…confusion…discontent…anger…and sadness inside of me, and all of that flowed out along with my tears.

 

   How did the problem occur? Where did I go wrong?

 

   “I feel sad…and very lonely,” I continued, still crying. For the first time in my life, I was able to let go of all my feelings…because for the first time too, there was someone there to listen…there was someone there to understand.

 

   Always a loner…I really hoped that I could become a person who could love and be loved. I wanted to live happily. But I was only able to become who I was then...

 

   I didn’t know when the teacher in front of me moved. I just realized that he moved closer when I heard his voice beside me. “Are you very lonely?” he asked. “Then…get out of it. I’ll help you” the teacher said, taking my hand and dragging me out of the room. I was so taken aback I didn’t manage to put up a fight until I realized we were already out of the school grounds.

 

   “Wa-wait!” I exclaimed, trying to stop the teacher.

 

   The older man looked at me. “Ah…I’m Yesung. Kim Yesung. Nice to meet you,” he said, smiling brightly I couldn’t help but just stare. The smile was miraculous - he looked much younger, and much more handsome.

 

   My first impression of him was…‘what a weird teacher.’

 

----

 

   “Oi…is this really okay?” I asked when we arrived at a ramen restaurant.

 

   “What’s wrong?” Yesung asked, noticing how I was fidgeting a lot and how I looked very awkward.

 

   I looked at him in disbelief. “You are a teacher. Going out with me…isn’t it bad?” I asked, feeling incredulous that I still had to spell it out to him, as if it wasn’t obvious.

 

   Yesung laughed. “Don’t worry. Actually, I really don’t want to become a teacher, I’m just a trainee,” he told me, as if that settled the matter.

 

   Is his character truly this nice and caring…or is he just pretending? I didn’t really get it; going out with a student that he only met for the first time…taking me out like nothing happened…this guy was really weird.

 

   “Why…are you treating me nicely?” I asked after a while of silence.

 

   Yesung looked at me…then smiled mysteriously, “Hmmm…what do you think?”

 

   “Is this your hobby?” I asked, hating the vagueness of the older guy.

 

   “Actually…I’m quite interested in…your beautiful philtrum,” Yesung said at the same time as he reached and touched my philtrum.

 

   I blushed. “D-don’t touch me in such a familiar manner. What is this guy doing?” I said, turning my head away from him to hide my burning face.

 

   Yesung just laughed, “Yes, I’m sorry.”

 

   That day…I realized something…that ramen is really delicious! It made my wounds hurt…but the ramen that two people eat together is really delicious…so delicious that I couldn’t stop smiling.

 

----

 

   After getting to know Kim Yesung, each day was different and full of surprises.

 

   “Afterwards…were you not scolded by the other teachers because you took me out of school without permission?” I asked. We were in the fire exit of the school, a place that was good because there were no people there except for the two of us.

 

   “Eh? Not really. I just told them you were feeling emotionally unstable so I sent you back home,” Yesung said. “Well…I still have my father’s influence,” he added, rather thoughtfully.

 

   “Influence?” I asked curiously.

 

   “My father used to be a teacher here, but he’s retired now. I heard that he had taught in this school for many years. It seems he is quite famous as being a great teacher. So…everyone remembers me as that teacher’s son, so I’m treated with respect …and so my father had hoped that I become a teacher,” Yesung explained.

 

   I looked at Yesung earnestly, “Don’t you think it would be a good idea?”

 

   Yesung smiled. “I don’t really like this…but it isn’t all bad. If you don’t abuse it in the wrong way, then you can take advantage of it. Even if you bend the rules now and then, no one will fault you for it.”

 

   “Don’t…don’t tell me that you’re one of those who make trouble for other people?” I asked in disbelief.

 

   Yesung just simply laughed, “Thank you.”

 

   “It wasn’t a compliment!” I exclaimed.

 

   Yesung stood up. “Okay, I need to go to afternoon lessons. You’re going to keep skipping class?” he asked me.

 

   “Of course,” I answered without hesitation.

 

   “Perhaps you don’t want to see me teach…baby Kyu?” Yesung asked.

 

   I didn’t like the way Yesung called me baby, he made me feel so young. “I’m not a baby! I’m grown-up now! Can’t you see that?” I retorted.

 

   Yesung stopped in his tracks and look back at me. “I certainly did notice,” he said, smiling at me. He waved at me before going out the door.

 

   “Oh,” I muttered, blushing a furious red. I watched Yesung as he made his way out of the fire exit.

 

   He only knows how to put on airs…and looks like cold and distant person.

 

   I also made my way out of the fire exit. Damn…he’s making me totally confused. He must be playing around with me, I thought.

 

   But…I think I’m falling for him.

 

----

 

   After that, I went to school regularly.  Of course, I never went to my classes…it was just my way of seeing Yesung during lunch breaks.

 

   “How is it being a teaching intern? Do other students like you very much?” I asked, just simply curious about his answer.

 

   “I’m okay now,” Yesung said. “Forming a good relationship with others is one of my strong points.”

 

   “Wah! That’s bull. Your only strong point is that you’re a good liar,” I scoffed. I knew Yesung wouldn’t take that as an insult - he was a man who didn’t take anything personally.

 

   Yesung smiled. “Thank you,” he replied with his usual response along with his usual smile.

 

   “It wasn’t a compliment,” I exclaimed.

 

   “Baby Kyu didn’t get into a fight recently?” Yesung asked.

 

   “Nope,” I simply said. No matter how much I told him not to call me Baby Kyu, he still wouldn’t listen. Getting tired of the same old thing over and over again, I just let him call me that.

 

   Although time was fleeting…it still made me very happy.

 

----

 

   “Kyuhyun! Why didn’t you attend the meeting yesterday?” one member of the gang asked. “Do you wanna fight or not?”

   I just glared at them.

 

   “Next time you don’t come around, the bosses won’t sit idly by and do nothing,” he told me, not getting even a little bit intimidated by my glare.

 

   I just sighed wearily and look outside the window, Yesung, he must be sleeping by now…I always appear during lunch break, I wonder what he thinks of me? Why does he still bother to be concerned about me? I mused silently.

 

   I wonder…if he has a girlfriend…or a boyfriend. Now…I wonder what you are doing right now.

 

----

 

   “Ehh! No way Teacher Yesung. Those glasses are so out of fashion!” I heard somebody exclaim. I quickly rounded the corner only to see Yesung surrounded by three female students.

 

   “Why is teacher still wearing glasses like that?” another asked.

 

   Yesung laughed. “Don’t you feel that wearing glasses makes me seem more like a teacher?” he asked.

 

   “Eh? What kind of reasoning is that?”

 

   “Haha! Teacher you’re so weird.”

 

   All four of them end up laughing good-naturedly. I felt a twinge in my heart, seeing him close to other students…but there’s nothing I could do since he was not mine. I left that place with a heavy heart.

 

----

 

   “Tomorrow…my internship is ending. So tomorrow, I need to say goodbye to this school,” Yesung informed me. We were at our usual place, the fire exit since it’s the only place where we could talk in peace. It’s the only place where I felt that Yesung was mine and mine alone…a place where no one could take him away from me.

 

   I felt like the whole world collapsed on me, crushing my heart into pieces. But I know there’s nothing that linked him to this place, so there was really nothing I could do.

 

   “Oh…I see,” I said, keeping any sort of emotion on my voice. “Then…are you going to become a teacher?”

 

   “I’m not becoming a teacher,” he answered immediately, no traced of any hesitation on his voice. “I only interned as a teacher to fulfil the expectations of my father and the others. But…I’m not interested in being a teacher. Besides, the teaching profession still doesn’t seem to be suitable for me.”

 

   I looked at him as he looked at me…our gazes locked with each other. I envied the way he was so sure of himself, of what he wanted to do with his life. In this world where people live on top of one another, it’s rare to meet a person like him.

 

   “Since I’m a rather eccentric person…I always asked myself if someone like me would be able to become a teacher. My strange personality has no cure,” he added.

 

   “How can you say that to yourself?” I asked amusedly.

 

   He laughed shortly, and then became serious. “My father is a very strict person…very strict in regards to attitudes and behaviour. Because I didn’t say what I really thought, I just followed what they wanted me to do. I thought because of that, no one could criticize my actions. By the time I realized that I shouldn’t follow what others think, I had already turned into a person who only lives to satisfy my father and the others around me,” he said, looking far away.

 

   “Do you…hate your father?” I asked cautiously.

 

   Yesung had a thoughtful look on his face, “Rather than actual hate, saying there is a gap might be a better way to put it. But…after my mother recently passed away, I feel that the gap is getting smaller and smaller…and we argue less now.”

 

   That day I realized that this person in front of me must be lonely…he must be lonely with his current self. Otherwise…he wouldn’t have said anything like this.

 

   “Aren’t you bored when I talk about this kind of things?” Yesung asked me, apology written on his face.

 

   I shook my head furiously, “No! Not at all, it’s not boring!”

 

   “Really?” Yesung muttered, smiling a gentle smile.

 

   Actually…I want to know more about you, I thought, smiling at him in return.

 

----

 

   But…I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore. Everything…had come to its end.

 

   “You’ve done a good job, teacher,” I said, slightly blushing. I went to the parking lot to intercept him before he left, just to say a few last words.

 

   “What’s with the sudden formality?” Yesung asked, laughing in amusement.

 

   My face was totally red now in embarrassment. “Shut up! It’s just one time, so savour it,” I told him, pouting a little.

 

   Yesung smiled, “Then I’ll savour it…forever.”

 

   I cleared my throat to erase the tension. “I wanted to attend at least the last class but…uhm…that…the classroom…it’s scary,” I said, avoiding Yesung’s earnest gaze.

 

   There was no place for me in it…it was impossible for me to get along with other students anymore.

 

   “So…yeah. I just came here to say goodbye,” I continued even though it was apparent I was just babbling and still avoided looking at him. “I just want to…you know…thank you for the past few days…and oh I just want to-”

 

   I didn’t manage to finish my meaningless babble when Yesung suddenly appeared beside me and grabbed my hand.

 

   “Now…I’ll take you to the place that you’d like to go the most,” Yesung said

 

   “Eh?”

 

----

 

   “SEA! SEA! IT’S THE SEA!” I exclaimed, looking at the beautiful, crystal-blue ocean. For as long as I could remember, I always loved the sea. It gave off a tranquil feeling that made me feel calm and at peace. It was just a wonderful sight to see.

 

   Yesung smiled at the pure happiness on my face, “You really look like a puppy, Baby Kyu.”

 

   “That’s because I’m looking at the sea! SEA! YOU BASTARD!” I yelled, completely high from my exhilaration.

 

   Yesung just shook his head, “This is my first time seeing someone behaving like this just because of a sea.”

 

   “Teacher,” Yesung looked at me and studied me carefully. “Thank you. You’re really such a nice person.”

 

   “I’m not sure if your judgement is right or wrong,” he simply answered.

 

   “Really? I think you’re nice,” I insisted.

 

   He just gave me his usual gentle smile and walked away to inspect the sands. I look at him and felt my heart fluttered.

 

   A person like me who was like an abandoned alley cat…instead of giving up on me, he protected me…that’s why I liked him the most. That’s why that day; I made a promise to him.

 

   “I…I will try my best…and improve myself. I’ll study hard…and I’ll go to high school. I’ll try my best,” I promised him and myself that.

 

   I regretted that I acted so childishly…and regretted the way I lived my life until now. Even if…time can’t be returned back, at least I can be a normal guy and continue living…I must have the courage to say ‘I like you’ without being embarrassed.

 

   Suddenly I felt bold and a surge of courage went through me, which pushed me to run to Yesung and hugged him. I felt comfort and security as the latter’s arms enveloped me.

 

   “Thank you,” I mumbled to his chest.

 

   Yesung chuckled. “What happened? From the way you’re acting, it’s like we won’t be able to see each other again in this lifetime,” he stated.

 

   “That’s right. We won’t be seeing each other anymore,” I said with a heavy heart. I emptied my mind of all thoughts and just savoured the moment.

 

   “Baby Kyu...” he said then snickered. “Of course we’ll have opportunities to see each other again in the future. If you think that this small, little, tiny school represents the whole world…that proves that you’re still a baby.”

 

   I looked at him in shock. Hope and happiness filled my insides, making me grin like an idiot.

 

   “Besides…trying your best to finish your studies must be very difficult,” he said, his serious tone change into a teasing one.

 

   I didn’t retort at that. Instead, we just smiled at each other.

 

----

 

   At that time…I still didn’t know the real reason why Yesung was still willing to see me. Although I was very happy about it, on the other hand, I was at a loss.

 

   After that, Yesung decided on a job at pharmaceutical company.

 

   “That is because I’m interested in a job related to research and development,” Yesung told me when I asked him why he accepted the job.

 

   I sighed, looking at my Science assignment. “I think I’m hopeless at this,” I said, looking sadly at my untouched pile of work.

 

   “It’s okay. You can do it, I’ll help you,” Yesung replied before starting to look over my assignments.

 

   We decided that he would tutor me during the weekends.

 

----

 

   But…I’ve paid the price, in retribution for all those happy times with Yesung.

 

   I coughed and saw blood coming out of my mouth. My body was covered in blood due to the large number of wounds in my body brought upon by all the punches and kicks I received.

 

   “Since you want to leave my gang so much, then you must at least make this sacrifice,” my gang boss said. I looked at them and saw everyone advancing on me with pipes on their hands.

 

   “You are so dumb. Do you think from now on you gonna get a chance to live a new life?” he sneered at me.

 

   I just closed my eyes when they raised the pipes, mentally preparing myself from the severe pain I was sure was about to come.

 

-----

 

   When I regained my consciousness…I was already in a hospital bed. The teachers and policemen who came and went…my parents who found excuses not to come…and I who couldn’t take my exams due to my condition. My brain was filled with pain and misery…and most of all, shame.

 

   It wasn’t easy to ask Yesung to tutor me. I became too ashamed to face him. After all his efforts, I still let him down. I’m used to letting myself down…but it’s painful to disappoint the one person that truly mattered in my life.

 

   Broken arm, fractured ribs and some other broken bones…in addition to that was the various wounds, deep and shallow, that coated my body, plus some cigarrete burns adorning my arms and legs. My injuries earned me two weeks in the hospital. After two weeks, I found myself standing in the house I swore I would not set foot into, with all my clothes packed in a bag.

 

   Only one sentence stuck in my mind…you reap what you sow.

 

   “Get out of the house,” my father said as soon as I stepped inside, depositing my luggage in front of me. “You already got released from the hospital, and I’m disowning you…no, you’re no longer our son. Don’t come bother us anymore! If you like to live, then live…if you want to die, then die. Do whatever you want.”

 

   I felt empty…no feeling whatsoever. This is what you call reaping what you sow. For all the things I’ve done in my life of my own free will…this is probably my punishment.

 

   “So…to the child who doesn’t fulfil your expectations, you just tell them they’re not your children anymore?”

 

   I whipped around in shock, recognizing the owner of the voice at once. Sure enough, Yesung was there. He put his arms on my shoulder.

 

   “Teacher…” I mumbled.

 

   He ignored me and continued to address my parents, “So you only acknowledge those children who doesn’t do anything wrong in their whole life? Do you think that you’re so pure and innocent? Or do you think…you don’t feel the need to be responsible and give up on your special position as his parents?”

 

   “What did you say?” my father asked, taken aback by Yesung’s sudden appearance.

 

   “Teacher! Enough, you don’t have to say anything more,” I said, putting one of my hand on his chest to stopped him.

 

   “Why are you stepping into another family’s business?” my father asked. The surprise quickly vanished…anger taking its place.

 

   “It makes me feel bad saying this about your family…but you’re still the parents of the guy I want to marry,” Yesung announced, matter of factly.

 

   “Eh?” I exclaimed…completely shocked at the words that came out of Yesung’s mouth.

 

   “Marriage? Are you talking about Kyuhyun? Are you serious?” my father asked, incredulity shaping his face.

 

   “Yes, I think I am serious…at least a lot more serious than the both of you,” Yesung stated coolly. “Are you going to oppose this marriage?”

 

   “I never believed that there is anyone who would fall in love with this trash of a person. Suit yourself, he is no longer a part of my family,” my father said, openly mocking me. Though through my dazed state, the words didn’t fully register in my brain.

 

   Yesung picked up my bags of clothes. “In a few days I might have to come over again with the marriage license documents.”

 

   “Whatever, just get out of here now.” That was my father’s final words before walking away, probably the last thing I would ever hear of him.

 

   “Follow me,” Yesung said. When he realized I wasn’t following him, he went back, grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the house. When we’re far away from my house, he let go of my hand and walked in front, with me trailing at his back.

 

   “You suddenly disappeared. You made me worry so much,” Yesung said, maybe something just to fill the silence.

 

   “Teacher why-”

 

   “After that, I had no choice but to call your home and your mother told me that you’re getting discharged from the hospital today,” Yesung said, cutting me off from what I was about to say. “I didn’t expect something like this to happen!”

 

   “Teacher I-”

 

   He didn’t even look back at me, just continued walking ahead. Irritation got the best of me, I yelled, “Ki-Kim Yesung!”

 

   Finally I got his attention. He stopped and looked back at me.

 

   “What…what you said just now…you were not serious…right?” I asked. I wanted it to be the truth more than anything in this world, but it was just too good to be true…and if it was not true…well, I couldn’t bring myself to hope, the pain in my body would be nothing compared to the pain that would come with it. It would crush me.

 

   “I am serious,” Yesung told me, along with his serious face, no trace of humour or amusement on his face. My heart thumped furiously. “I am very sorry. I had no choice but to use that method to propose to you.”

 

   My heart was drumming rhythmically, hope and happiness whirling inside of me, but my pessimistic side was still trying to quench it.

 

   “That’s…that’s enough! You don’t have…you don’t need to do so much for me!” I told him. “I don’t want you to take care of me like this! It’s enough just to get me out of there…I’m alright already…so don’t worry about me anymore! So…you don’t need to sacrifice so much!”

 

   He looked at me, with that blank face I grew accustomed to.

 

   “This is…unexpected. Do you think I said that out of pity? You don’t believe me?” he asked. There was something in his voice I couldn’t name…was it pain? I didn’t know…I had no idea. All I know was I was very confused, to the point where I didn’t know what to believe in anymore.

 

   “That’s because I don’t understand!” I shouted at him. The confusing emotion inside of me was making me irrational, almost mad. The only way I could deal with it was to get mad and shout. “I don’t understand why you chose me! I don’t understand you even a little bit! I really don’t understand!”

 

   “It’s because you cried!” Yesung said in a loud voice, not as loud as mine but enough to surprise me. This was the first time I heard him speak in an emotional way. Finally, I could see emotion in his eyes, there was pain there, and sadness, lots of it. For the first time, I could finally see the real him he was hiding behind his calm façade.

 

   “You cried while telling me that you were lonely. I felt that you are someone with so much pent-up emotions. I really…like the you like that,” Yesung said in a heartfelt manner. “I was once the same as you in the past…thinking that everyone except me were all worthless…I couldn’t cry honestly…I couldn’t even cry.”

 

   He looked at me and the pain and sadness in his eyes vanished, something replaced it, something I couldn’t put a name on. He went near me and took my chin, gently forcing my head up, and looked at me straight in the eyes.

 

   “Actually…because you’re still only in middle school I could only think about it. But…ever since the beginning, I never planned to let you go. Choose me!” Yesung pleaded. I felt like melting not just with the words he said, but with the way he look at me…like I was the only one worth looking in this world…and finally, I could put a name in the expression in his eyes…it was love. Love…adoration…it was there…and I could see it.

 

   Tears gathered in my eyes, threatening to fall down any minute. But I didn’t care… for the first time in my life I was crying because of happiness.

 

   Yesung’s face became gentle, “If you still don’t believe me…if hearing it over and over can make you feel secure. No matter how many times you want me to repeat it…I am willing to say it…a hundred times, thousand times…even a million times. So…can you please choose me?”

 

   My tears fell, blurring my eyesight. I put my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. I probably wet his shirt but he didn’t say anything. He just hugged me tight and drew me near, rubbing my back in comfort. No words were needed; we both knew what would be my answer based on my action. It’s pointless to struggle and think of what ifs at that moment. All I did was relieve my life, asking myself what good things I did to deserve this degree of good fortune.

 

   “Yesung…are you a e?” I asked, teasing him as a payback for making me cry.

 

   Yesung chuckled animatedly, “Where did you even learn that word?”

 

   He disentangled himself from me and looked at me with love shining in his eyes. “This is your entire fault…for not being born earlier,” he said, amusement twinkling in his eyes. “And now…for your punishment…”

 

   In one swift move, he crossed the distance between our lips. His kiss brought me a whole new load of sensations. It’s like the soft caress of the sun rays in summer…like the warmth brought upon by snuggling on a blanket in front of the fireplace with a hot chocolate in winter…like the perfection of watching the beautiful leaves of the trees falling in autumn…and like the happiness you feel by watching the rebirth of everything, flowers and tress bringing colours to the world, while birds sing merrily in the sky in spring.

 

   It was a sweet sensation that became more meaningful when you were with the person you love.

 

   We parted to give way to both of our needs for air. I buried my face on his chest again, hiding my totally red face. It was my first time to be kissed and whilst I enjoyed it, I still felt embarrassed because it was just then that I realized we were in the middle of the street, just in front of the children’s playground…and kids were gawking at us, some mothers were looking scandalized while some were saying something along the lines of they were also that passionate when they were young.

 

   “ Really Kim Yesung…you’re definitely not suitable to be a teacher,” I said, face still burning in shame.

 

   Yesung chuckled, and playfully gave a thumbs-up to the kids who also flashed him a thumbs-up too. “Thank you,” he whispered in my ear, hugging me tighter.

 

   I smiled, relishing at our familiar banter.

 

   “It wasn’t a compliment.”

 

 

 

-tbc-

 

 

A/N: I'M BACK!!! Did you miss me?? :D

Well,,yeah~ For my comeback this is my three-shots,,and I'm also currently working on a new chaptered fic...hopefully I might post the first chapter next week :> Just a little warning...enjoy the happy ending now....because you'll not get any in the next part ;>

Comments please!! (To those who love Fruit Basket like me...I'm sure you know this story :D)