Sehun’s birthday is a quiet day. He assumes even Jongin forgot. There’s no call from the distant cousin that checks in every few months. There’s nothing from their friends. And Jongin makes it apparent that he’s avoiding Sehun. That’s been obvious since their argument in March and it’s been two weeks since Sehun’s been discharged from the hospital for fainting in the middle of the street, but Jongin still won’t give him the time of day. 

Sehun thinks that’s better and keeps to himself too. Jongin’s understandably upset and Sehun may or may not have overreacted when he stormed out that day.

He supposes that the only reason they lasted so long was because of Jongin’s effort and now Jongin just doesn’t want to try so hard anymore.

The assigned reading on the history of technology is tossed aside as Sehun decides that he’d rather be eating than reading about goddamn boats. The apartment is empty, Jongin choosing to do his homework and study at Kyungsoo’s place instead. So Sehun is alone, on his birthday, making instant noodles and thinking too hard about his stupid mistakes.

After cracking an egg inside the boiling pot of spicy, red soup, Sehun crushes the empty eggshells in his hand. The sound seems to echo, reminding Sehun of how he’s by himself. It’s that singular moment that makes Sehun think and wander, and suddenly, he’s drowning.

He can hear it: the ear-piercing screams from his mother and the sound of the metal around him crushing so easily like the eggshells in his palm. The noise is so loud in his ears, he feels like he’s experiencing it all over again. He grabs at his hair with both hands, smearing the remains of egg onto himself and screams.

When he feels a touch on his arm, Sehun falls, and Jongin doesn’t even have time to turn off the stove before Sehun hits the ground. He screams again, eyes shutting with tears trailing down his cheeks. His face is blotchy, hair covered in egg, and his entire body can’t stop shaking. Even when Jongin holds him tight against his chest, steady thumping of his heartbeat against Sehun’s ear resonating with home, Sehun cries even harder. He doesn’t want to remember. He doesn’t need this.

“Sehun, you’re safe. You’re fine. You’re here. You’re okay.” Jongin repeats those same words over and over until Sehun’s cries have tapered down into soft hiccups and his breathing is normal. He