It started with an itch. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, like a pestering voice that just couldn't shut up, no matter how many times he's been trying to shush it. It was like that tiny gasp when you walked at night alone, trying not to think about anyone following you, even though you knew you're alone in the calm streets. 

When Kyungsoo thought nothing of it, the voice died down. 

He was sixteen when he started noticing both boys and girls. How much alike their bodies were, but just what differences the physiques could have. 

First, it was girls on his mind, of course. It was taught that boys like girls and girls like boys. Like math and equations, with well-thought and set formulas, it was natural to follow the example of his parents, grandparents, people on the street, couples on TV. 

He kissed the first girl when he was still in middle school, feeling butterflies and fireworks and everything in between. The girl wasn't his first girlfriend as it later panned out, but he was still glad for her because she had put things in a different perspective for him. 

Following the steps, Kyungsoo started lusting over feminine bodies, voluptuous behinds, and chest, quickly finding himself in relationship after relationship. 

It was easy - he was good-looking, with pretty lips and doe eyes that girls found irresistible. Of course, with first loves, came first heartbreaks and getting back up, pathing what was left of his heart. 

There were endless nights where he doubted himself when it came to being able to love and most importantly, being able to be loved, but everything was on loop when the next interest came across. 

Kyungsoo fell in love, fell out of love, dragged his body to different parties where alcohol lead to one-night stands with different faces, different flimsy skirts, and crop-tops until he went on a break. 

He was in his early twenties when the change happened. 

Rather than a change, an eye-opener happened overnight. 

His mind was always fascinated with different shapes, sizes, shades, and faces that matched all those mentioned bodies. It was normal to look after a girl, following her steps as she moved, or a boy, and all the positive things that he could find on either. 

Girls' s pulled their shirts tight, while boys' legs gave him a run for his money when he gazed longer at the taut muscles and shallow dips. 

It was normal to admire something if it was in favor of admiring, but something changed when instead of feeling jealous of someone's cheekbones and thin wrists, Kyungsoo found himself wanting more to kiss the birthmarks hidden on the shoulder blade, or drag his lips along the thick thighs where the summer shorts were draped over a leg. 

A male's leg. 

He always thought it was natural to watch boys' bodies too, when it was soft-looking, inviting to his eyes upon being revealed, or taunt and muscular, tense when it was worked out. 

But soon, Kyungsoo realized that his interest in girls was almost overthrown by finding different body parts of males even more interesting. 

Like one could, for him started with . 

Ever since pubescent years, he'd discovered how to indulge in his fantasies alone, finding out more and more about himself when his strained against his jeans on particular scenes and sounds. 

He knew what turned him on, what drove him to the wall, and eventually, what made him . 

But in those years of being a nasty viewer of modern art, he failed to realize how he always paid more attention to the male actors and their bodies, rather than actresses playing opposite while choosing his movie for the night. 

He was still falling in love with girls, having those same fantasies acted upon when they would fall to the sheets, but he was still careful with his picks when it came to the movies. 

When their arms were veiny, almost thick when they flipped their colleagues in the scenes, Kyungsoo ached beneath his boxers. Pretty, pink, plump lips being coated with nothing but the spit, while straight teeth pulled and mulled over, spilling profanities while ing; would make him see stars as he focused more on their faces, rather than their crotches. 

And a male towering above a female lead, grabbing her hair and pulling, all the while having this strong and dominating aura around him - made him twice as harder, and twice as faster. 

Quite literally—but still not there—Kyungsoo was ed. 

It didn't help his case that his best friend was this runaway from ancient sculptures, molded from the finest marble. 

They were born just two days apart, and even though they've been living in the same town from birth, Kyungsoo'd met Jongin in their final years of high school. 

Jongin didn't have a problem with expressing himself, either with his different hair colors each month, or loudmouth when something or someone wasn't getting his way. 

He hated hypocrisy and injustice, loved puppies and cheesy romantic movies, and Kyungsoo admired him more and more as they got to know each other better. 

Jongin didn't care if his parents couldn't agree with him on the ways he lived his life, and he didn't care that their whole college talked about his tendencies. He was loud, outgoing, and cute. Adorably cute. 

And he was also openly gay. 

With a few boyfriends under his wings, Jongin was out and open about it, not even blushing anymore when someone called him up on it. 

Kyungsoo loved to see those scenes where someone from their college stepped out, thinking how they were the only one being brazen with a smart-mouth, thinking anything spitted out on Jongin could deter his days.

Insults, open, teasing invites to the dirtiest scenes Kyungsoo couldn't even find in his precious , even some punches being thrown, couldn't stop Jongin from smiling. Always smiling. 

… While cursing them in their faces, but he was always smiling.

'I'm enjoying life, Soo', Jongin would also repeat, and Kyungsoo couldn't help but follow his lead. 

There were days when people left him alone, going their own way, not minding how Jongin came to his first class in pink shades and white feather boa around his neck. 

When Jongin deemed it was enough of provoking, he pulled the boa off his shoulders and draped it around Kyungsoo's neck instead, repeating how chic it made him look. Needless to say, Kyungsoo rocked the piece until they parted ways in the evening. 

The bottom line was - Jongin didn't care. And Kyungsoo cared too much. 

Apart from Jongin, he still had friends around college, with a handful of friends from his old high school. There was his roommate - Minseok, his colleagues from the local newspaper he's been the editor at - Chanyeol and Jongdae, and some of his best friends from his childhood - Baekhyun and Sehun. 

He wasn't still living with his parents, ever since his father had a conversation with him about being a responsible adult that needed his own place if he planned to start a college. 

And they all depended on him somehow. 

His roommate was always late on their rent since he needed to send his hard-earned money home, catering to his single mother - and Kyungsoo couldn't really blame him for being a considerate son. His colleagues couldn't finish the papers without his approval; and his childhood friends still saw him as the only serious one in their little group of friends - the designated driver and a cover whenever either of them had to get away for a minute or two.  

And he never even said anything back to his parents, let alone got up from the deepness that was deemed normal. For them, it was enough that he was swimming in the sea of 'normal' with his head hung low—'what others consider normal is rather overrated, don't you think', Jongin would say—rather than swimming with his head upheld high, in some peachy swimming trunks and fruity drinks, like Jongin was.

Jongin was the only one with a free spirit, with whom the friendship blossomed just because; when Jongin was persistent about the two being in the same study group back in high school, bursting through Kyungsoo's doors for some extra work when he deemed it was necessary.

And Kyungsoo admired him for what he was. For he was still on his parents, friends, colleagues' sides, knowing that he couldn't even be brazen like that, courageous enough to pull out of the water and except himself truly. 

That he was attracted to boys too, and despite all, Kyungsoo still piqued it as a phase in his life; like that time when he was only interested in blondes.  

Friday night found him in the local club, too sober to indulge in his friends' antics, and yet not bored enough to leave. He was alone at the bar, calling the bartender for another refill. 

The beer was pretty cheap, the bartender was also pretty, and the club was packed. Talking about sweaty bodies grinding against each other, as the DJ hasn't spent songs with nasty beat drops to play yet. 

All in all, Kyungsoo downed half of his stein, before locking eyes with Baekhyun somewhere on the dance floor. The elder had a shorter girl hanging from his arms, twirling her around when some new reggaetón hit song came through the large speakers being tucked everywhere he could see. 

When Baekhyun smirked as the girl pulled upwards to stand face to face, Kyungsoo turned his eyes off the dance floor. What waited for him at the other side was enough. 

   "Jongin... You came.."

The said smiled, widely so, opening his pink mouth to grin even, white teeth peering out. He was dressed in clubwear—not that different than the rest of his clothes, all flashy and edgy—and each step he took coming closer to Kyungsoo, left the shorter out of breath. 

   "Have I ever missed a party?" Jongin smirked, pushing the hair out of his eyes, as he leaned down on the bar instead, overlooking the packed place. Kyungsoo could barely hear him over the loud music, but he still knew what the predatory look in his deep brown eyes meant. 

   "So, who's the next victim on Kim Jongin's list?" Trying—and failing—to be indifferent, Kyungsoo asked, leaning back also. Another beer was in his hands as the pretty bartender handed him with a wink, and Kyungsoo tried not to think about Jongin's words.

But like many times before, the younger surprised him once again. 

   "You!"

Kyungsoo blanched. 

   "Come on, Soo. Dance with me.."

Jongin with his blond hair, the strands dripping half-wet from his forehead in a messy fringe, with golden shadow lining his lids, and dark peach gloss on those perfect lips. Jongin with his mile-long legs, tucked in inexplicably short shorts, glistening under the artificial blaring lights of the club, presumably coated in some body lotion or worse. 

And finally, Jongin with his honest, deep eyes, as he waited for Kyungsoo to take his hand. 

   ".. Me?" It was embarrassing how much he actually squealed, but Jongin didn't mind. 

Instead, he pulled him off the bar, taking the drink back to the countertop, before dragging them through the throng of people losing themselves to the music. 

When his back met with Jongin's front, Kyungsoo's breath hitched. 

   "Relax, Soo... I'm not gonna eat you." 

Well, when he put it like that...

The song soon switched to some deeper rhythm, like a slow burn in the bottom of his belly, as Jongin pressed from behind, holding him close. If he wasn't so exhaustedly confused before, he was on a verge of throwing it all away and running off. 

There were lips pressed in a slight pout at his neck, like whispering without a trace and Kyungsoo closed his eyes. 

Nothing else mattered, right now, at this moment, when Jongin ground to the music, being glued to his backside. Kyungsoo was weirdly aroused, but with enough mind to look around if they're being watched. 

When it was all in his head, Kyungsoo let go. 

He was the one to pull back and twist in Jongin's hold, surprising him when his hands found purpose on the taller's nape. Jongin held him again, stopping when Kyungsoo found a change in his tone. 

Even with the blaring music, he still heard it. Still watched as Jongin's lips moved. 

… Almost against his own.

   "Soo.."

Kyungsoo couldn't look him in the eyes. There was a twirl of emotions crashing at his frame, making it hard for him to breathe. Every desire, fear, want love, hate, passion, disgust, anticipation, and finally trust mixed all together, bubbling from the inside, ready to drown him even it was needed.

Jongin pulled him close, shifting so he could hold his back instead, as Kyungsoo felt a huff—like a silent plea for something. 

But instead of being selfish, he was wasteful. 

Jongin looked up when Kyungsoo pushed enough to look between both of his eyes, finding a trust where it absolutely shouldn't have been. Jongin was ready; he was waiting for him to take it, and offer first. Jongin was ready for whatever Kyungsoo wanted; was ready to fight and finally win in this little game. 

But Kyungsoo pulled away.

   "It's getting late," Without turning around—he couldn't see the disappointment in the most beautiful eyes he's even seen—Kyungsoo walked out. 

Even the fresh air outside the club couldn't settle the fire that started in him. 

   "Hey, up for around?" 

Kyungsoo looked up from the latest photographs their photograph, Junmyeon brought in. His section in the papers changed each month, as seasons changed as well. Two months ago, Junmyeon was busy photographing the solemn state of the streets where the snow has melted, capturing their city perfectly. The way his work was still one of the best Kyungsoo's ever seen was because Junmyeon created the scene even without inviting you to visit. 

Looking back at their newspaper, he could honestly say Junmyeon's section was still one of his favorite. If not the most favorite part of his work. 

So when Junmyeon'd announced a new season coming up through his lens, Kyungsoo beamed. 

Jongdae was in the middle of throwing the ball in their little basketball nailed to the wall, challenging Chanyeol previously for a match. He was a one-time winner kind of guy, and when everybody in the redaction beat him, he wanted revanche.

Kyungsoo smiled at his persistence but still turned it down. 

Because he's been looking through Junmyeon's new set of photos for their next issue, getting lost in people this time. He wasn't the type to set himself goals when it came to his passion. He was just there; existing with the rest of the notion, coming up with different angles and expositions right there on spot. 

Just in time for Kyungsoo to go through the pile of previously made photos, which were a pile to go through for a couple of best ones that could find a spot in the next issue; Junmyeon showed up. That was the worst part of his job.

   "So, boss, what do you think?"

Kyungsoo looked up to find their photograph smiling from ear to ear. He was happy for his new collection, and whether two, three, or none of the photos made their place in the next issue, Junmyeon still appreciated the opportunity. 

Instead, Kyungsoo stopped to ask. "What was the motivation for this time around?"

Junmyeon leaned on the table where his photos were sprawled out, thinking which one to pull out. When he spotted a pink-dotted one with a lonely girl sitting at the front steps of their college building, he pulled it ou