Love can come to anyone suddenly like the summer rain
The sound of rain so loud you couldn’t sleep
You are like the rain to me

001

“Did something happen to Sooyoung?”

“Mom?” My breath hitches. I think I might have whipped my head to the side too fast, so I’m dizzy and my blood seems to have curled back, failing to reach my fingers. I almost drop them - the car keys.

It takes one-too-many squints but at last, my eyes adapt to the darkness and, I can manage to tell apart my mother’s head from the hats hung near the walk-in closet’s doorway.  

“Sooyoung?” I stall while my hands noiselessly scoop the keys safe into my black hoodie’s front pocket. “She’s completely fine!”

My pitch rises. Maybe not the best thing to happen when I’m telling somebody that everything is okay.

Even in the dark, I can feel my mother’s calculating eyes on me. Thick saliva is starting to pool in my mouth. I gulp it down with difficulty. I guess it’s what happens when you’re lying.

“W-why would you even ask?”

“Well, it’s the only reason why you’d barge into our room to steal my car keys in the middle of a stormy night.” My mother’s tone is flat. The lights flicker on and I watch her hands shift to her hips and her eyes to my front pocket as if she could actually see what I’ve stashed in there.

My bobbing throat moves against the collar of my shirt. I can’t help it. I plead guilty. Pulling the keys from their hiding place and clutching them close to my chest, I beg.

“I’m sorry, mom, but please, please let me go just this once! Sooyoung’s waiting alone at the university and it’s raining sooo hard. Promise, I’ll drive really, really slo -”

“Fine.”

“Oh?”

She said it so abruptly that I had to double take to check if it was really my mother speaking. I didn’t think it’d be this easy. I was imagining a lot of yelling and maybe a pinch or two. 

“Mom…you…you really just said ‘fine’, right?”

My mother lets out a tired sigh and pinches her nose. “Just be back here before midnight, Kang Seulgi.”

I dash and tie myself around her, pinning her arms tightly to her sides.   When we break off (because she tells me her ribs are about to snap), my mother looks at me with concern swirling in her eyes.

“Be careful. Don’t get hurt.”

Her voice is long, far away and somehow, I figure out she’s not just talking about me driving on slippery roads.

“I will.” I respond, no matter which subject we were on. I offer her a smile to prove it, but I don’t get the same thing in return. 

My mother doesn’t leave her place but, her worried gaze trails over my whole body as her fingers smooth the creases of my red training pants and brush the invisible lint on my hood.  She caresses both of my arms and cups my hands in hers as if I’ve turned into her helpless little girl again.

“You like her way too much, you know.”

“I know.”

I squeeze her hands back firmly.

///

Seulgi-ah?

The speaker crackled. Or maybe it was the thunder? I couldn’t tell.

Sooyoung?

I didn’t think you’d pick up…Sooyoung made a sound that was a cross between a chuckle and a sigh of relief. …I thought you’d be asleep or something.

But you called anyway, huh? I teased, not missing a beat even if obviously I was missing some hours of sleep.

Laughter blasted from the other side of the line but, it was strained. I noticed. What’s up?

Sooyoung cleared before speaking into the receiver. Her chortling extinguished almost immediately.  Well…I’m kind of stranded right now.

Where? I rolled off the bed in seconds, my sleep all washed away.

I’m at the university. Cheon Jinwoo Research Complex.  

I moved, grabbing the nearest clothing at the foot of my bed. It was the black hoodie I wore for today’s practice. The thing was halfway my torso when I realized I forgot to ask some very important questions. Does your boyfriend know?

I stayed out late with my group because Sungjae promised he’d pick me up.

Sooyoung fell mute and the rain pealed like distorted static.

 …but he hasn’t come. It’s been an hour.

Oh. I tried to mask the disappointment in my voice with the zipping of my hoodie.

I stepped out into the living room to find an umbrella. I didn’t know which one belonged to who so I snatched the one with a shocking yellow color, which reminded me…

You didn’t bring an umbrella? I asked, genuinely curious because Sooyoung usually brought everything with her all the time. With an umbrella, she could have hailed herself a taxi or ridden a bus. She was really not the type to call and ask for help. Doing everything on your own - that was the Park Sooyoung way of doing things.

Sungjae has mine. I forgot I lent it to him.

Of course, you did. I muttered darkly. At this point, I wanted to yell, but it was pointless. It was not Sooyoung who I was mad at.

I pass my phone to my opposite hand, exhaling to blow off some steam. Okay, I’m coming.  

Thanks, Seulgi. Sooyoung answered, heaving a deep breath. I’m sorry for being a bother. I was really expecting Sungjae to fetch me but, something must have come up.

Yeah, sure. I said, but I wasn’t so sure. No problem.

Sungjae wasn’t the type of person to have ‘things to do’. He was just the type of guy who forgot.  He always did that. It was easy for him.  Oh, how I wished it was just as easy for Sooyoung to forget him too.

Honk! Honk! Honk!

A gray car speeds on a puddle and thin, dingy rain spits on my car window, interrupting my flashback.

My wipers can barely keep up but, the traffic light is now blaring green against the blur. My foot lands on the gas pedal and the car lurches forward. Meanwhile, the segment of the radio switches and an overly enthusiastic weatherman comes on.  

Welcome to the weather forecast! Tonight will be very rainy, windy and cold, the temperature being around 10º C. A thunderstorm is also expected at dawn so don’t leave home without your umbrella!

I fumble with the radio’s knobs to lower the volume and I drive, past wet pavements that shine yellow under the lighted streetlamps and past wind-beaten people scurrying to seek shelter.  The weather doesn’t seem like it would let up soon.

“Why is this day so gloomy?”

///

Its yellow terracotta, exposed concrete and metal panels are all pitch black at night but I don’t miss it - Seogu University’s Cheon Jinwoo Research Complex.  It’s right next to my college’s Sport Science and Wellness Center, which I knew like the back of my hand. It also helped a lot that Sooyoung’s tall frame stood out, leaning against the building’s horizontal channel glass.

BEEP.

I blow the horn gently yet, all of Sooyoung’s body jerks up in recognition of my mother’s beaten-down, baby blue, hatchback car. It’s nothing like the Ferrari Sungjae brings to school – flashy, jet black, and brand new - but at least it’ll take her home.

I come out of the front seat, bursting open the umbrella I grabbed without thought. It’s yellow - the color of positivity, energy, remembrance. So many happy meanings but, when I outline Sooyoung’s face in the dark, I regret not bringing an umbrella of a completely different color. With her long black hair bundled up in an unkempt ponytail, her usually big, bright eyes downcast, her plump lips pursed and her arms tightly hugging her own waist, I’ve never seen my tall friend look so small.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” She greets back feebly.

I give her the umbrella so I can bend down to pick up the familiar cardboard box lying on the floor beside her.

“Wow, this is a lot heavier than I remember. Meeting your desired sample size, I suppose?” I jiggle the box in my hands. It’s a depository of Sooyoung’s research survey forms. She’s currently a Health Communications major with an undergraduate thesis on the mental health literacy of high school teachers.

“Gives us more analysis work though.” Sooyoung’s lips inch into a half-hearted smile at my attempt to converse. I nod and wait for her to hold the umbrella up, but she struggles. It seems like she can’t hold the thing without wetting her other belongings or at the very least – without tripping over her khaki-colored trench coat.

 “Want me to hold your bag too?” I suggest, pulling Sooyoung’s backpack away from her.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” She frowns and swings it away.  

She can tell me she’s fine all she wants but her body talks otherwise. Sooyoung is a bad liar in a way that she’s hiding the truth but at the same time she wants me to see it. She tries her luck with the umbrella again, but her tote bags keep slipping from her arms and the little messenger bag on her shoulder slides down to the floor.

The sight is making me wince in pain.

I yank the backpack with more sincerity and I let a little bit of that feeling spill into my eyes. I really just want to make her feel better.

“Can you please just let me help you?”  

The Stubborn One looks at me for a second, reading into me, until she yields and hands me her backpack.

“It’s heavy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Sooyoung states as a matter-of-fact, her nose high in the air.  

She’s right. The weight makes me slouch, but it’s the only burden Sooyoung allows me to carry so I sling it to my shoulder without a complaint.

“You’re underestimating Kang Seul-guns.” I jest, flaunting my toned biceps, courtesy of my department’s mandatory weightlifting class. “Your bag practically weighs like a feather to me.”

My audience merely sneers.  “This liar…”

Liar? I flash Sooyoung a lopsided smile while I scoot under the umbrella’s protection.

Guess there’s two of us, then.

///

Most days I don’t mind what’s playing as long as there’s some sound that accompanies my driving.

Sooyoung changes the radio station even without my permission. It’s my car but I don’t care. We both think it’s her job whenever she rides shotgun anyway. She stops fiddling with the knobs when a woman’s nasal singing voice floods the car interior. As expected, Sooyoung plays songs only she knows - the sad, sentimental kind of trot.

I know nothing about the song except that Ku Hyesun covered it in Boys Over Flowers but Sooyoung, on the other hand, seems to know it by heart. She’s singing to it quite softly, with her pure, honey-like timbre.

What I needed was only a gentle love
Forgetting all the time flowing
Now without you, I can’t do anything
I don’t know anything but love

As the song comes to an end, Sooyoung’s hums are replaced by phone dials and briefly, I glimpse at Sungjae’s name flashing on the screen.

Toot.

Toot.

Toot.

The sound goes, until the voicemail comes up and the cycle is endless.

Infinitely lonelier than Sooyoung’s music.

Most days I don’t mind what’s playing as long as there’s some sound that accompanies my driving.

This isn’t one of those days.

Today, I wish Sooyoung had picked songs I could sing to.

///

I turn off the engine and my car halts right in front of Sooyoung’s residential building whose owner didn’t bother to clear a lot for parking space. Maybe he thought his property was too small to even need one or that his tenants probably didn’t have enough money to buy cars anyway.

“We’re here.” I announce, unbuckling my seatbelt. I lean on Sooyoung while she rubs her drowsiness away so I can open her door. Thank God she gave up on calling Sungjae at the latter half of the car ride and napped instead. Humid air wafts inside when she bends to snag all her research materials on the floor.

“Good thing, it’s just drizzling now.” I noted, relaxing in my seat. It’s easier to drive home with clearer skies and decongested roads. “The forecast said it was going to become a thunderstorm by dawn.”

“More rain tomorrow?” Sooyoung pouts, checking herself out with her phone’s front camera. “We’re already so wet, and it’s not even the y kind of wet.”

I snort too hard I end up coughing like I burst a lung and for the first time tonight, we’re thrown into natural bouts of laughter. We’re cracking up so hard that I’m in tears and Sooyoung is doubling over in her seat, clutching her stomach tight.

“Why are you like this!!!! Why are you crying!?” Sooyoung exclaims, punctuating her sentences with more maniacal cackling.

“Stop crying!!!” She consoles but, she fakes ugly crying with me.

If humans just didn’t run out of breath, we probably would have been giggling forever.

“I really wanted to end this day on a nice note.” I wipe my eyes with my index finger, still huffing and puffing, but I’m starting to sober up. “I guess this is it.”

Sooyoung leans over and wraps her arms around my neck. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m knocked out of breath but, all my senses are tingling with her smell, her feel, the sound of her unsteady breaths and the sight of her pulling away from me with her dazzling grin.

“Thank you. I love you.” She says.

“I love you.” I say back and I mean it much, much more than Sooyoung does.

When rain falls while the sun is shining, it’s called a ‘sunshower’, right? Then, what do you call it when it’s the other way around? When the sun suddenly peeks out while it’s raining?

Would the jolly old radio weatherman know how to describe it? 

This moment, this warmth, this fuzzy feeling?

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Like the warm spring day
When the flowers bloomed in my heart
You came to me