This world is filled with pretend and facades. How people try to be strong even though they’re hurting, or how people try to smile even though they're in pain. How people don't want to look and appear weak, so that they can move on and live their life forward.

So when Wheein is hurting, she keeps it inside. Because being an idol, it's her role to keep on entertaining people despite whatever emotions are going inside her heart. She holds on to any little enjoyment she could feel and brushes any pain and depression inside of her away, at least for her fans and for the cameras. 

That's the kind of life Wheein is living.

The feeling of coldness and emptiness inside of her whenever she arrives home to her empty apartment. The endless thought of giving up on her job. The suffocating pain of anxiety, insecurity, and her loss of confidence, while having to feed public's high expectations of her and her group in general.

The life that Wheein is living, is really heavy.

Heavy responsibilities and expectations, as well as the heaviness and loneliness inside of her heart. Her white canvas starts portraying darker shades of colour and emotions as time goes by.

Even though it's painful and suffocating, Wheein feels reluctant to share this thought to her family or her members. Everyone probably goes through the same feelings, and each of one of them deals it with their own way.

Hyejin eats her problems away.

Yongsun unnie travels.

Byulyi unnie uses it for her inspiration to write songs.

And Wheein drinks and draws her problems.

But everyone talks with each other whenever they're going through hard times. All except Wheein.

Wheein knows Hyejin is worried about her. Because she tries to get into her mind with her psychology tactics but Wheein always dodges well. Hyejin also tries to stop her unhealthy drinking habit and tries to look into her sketch book to figure what she is drawing to analyze her.

Wheein also notices how Yongsun would call her from time to time. She says, just to check up on you, when they're on vacation. Or how she always tries to ask Wheein about her feelings or troubles. Maybe because she is the oldest of the four, she is worried about her younger members.

Then Byulyi unnie... She texts her occasionally, since she is the busiest out of them four. She is rarely around because she has to record and shoot a mv for her solo song, she is also busy with her job at being DJ.

So when she comes home one day from her schedule, she is shocked to find the rapper standing in front of her apartment door.

“Hey” she greets sheepishly.

“Hey” Wheein greets back with a small smile.

Byulyi is wearing a casual white shirt which is tucked inside her black ripped jeans, with her blonde hair tucked under a black cap that is resting on her head.

“I'm sorry I visited without letting you know beforehand.” Byulyi says as Wheein opens the door for her to come in.

Wheein lets her fingers go through her short black hair, a habit whenever she feels flustered. “It's okay unnie, have you waited for long?” She asks casually, while watching Byulyi takes off her cap and puts it on the living room's table.

“Ah, not really” she says.

“Do you want to drink anything-“ Before Wheein could finish her sentence, Byulyi steps in front of her to block her from walking to the kitchen. Her brown deep eyes radiate under the dim lighting of her apartment, showing worry, concern, and... Affection.

“Wheein-ah, I'm sorry I haven't talked to you much these past months.” She says regretfully. She smiles softly, which makes Wheein's heart jumps a bit inside her chest. Her heart races when the older girl steps closer.

“Unnie...” Wheein could only mumble weakly as Byulyi engulfs her into a tight embrace. The younger girl hesitates, before wrapping her arms around the girl's back. The hug lasts for a while, making Wheein feels somehow really warm and comfortable. She then buries her face on the girl’s neck.

“I missed you” She hears Byulyi mumbles.

Wheein lets out a chuckle. “Greasy” she smiles a little. Silently inhaling the soft scent of vanilla from Byulyi.

Then after a few more seconds of comfortable silence and hug, Byulyi pulls herself away without separating both of them. Wheein shies away from the older girl’s affectionate stare, and instead fumbling with the girl’s shirt.

“I really do miss you.” Byulyi says sincerely.

Wheein feels the butterflies inside her stomach wreck havoc and her heart thumps loudly. She blushes as she leans her forehead on the girl's shoulder in attempt to hide her red cheeks.

Wheein has forgotten this feeling. The feeling of warmth and love whenever she’s near the older girl. The feeling of comfort and the feeling of being appreciated. And also, the feeling of her cold heart melting.

“I missed you too” The younger girl mumbles, while still hiding her face.

“Woah, did I just heart that right?? The one and only Jung Wheein said she missed me?” Byulyi .

Wheein slaps the girl’s arm in embarrassment. She glares at the girl's teasing full grin face. She shakes her head before she chuckles when she hears Byulyi’s cheerful laugh. She feels light and at ease.

After they calm down, Wheein walks to the fridge, followed by Byul. “What do you want to drink unnie?” She asks. “Beer?”

“Ah no” Byulyi rejects immediately, “I heard from Hyejin that you've been drinking a lot.”

Wheein chuckles sheepishly.

Byulyi then takes a can of coffee from the fridge and opens it. She takes a sip and sighs in satisfaction. Wheein does the same.

“So” Both of them now sits on the sofa comfortably. Wheein watches as Byulyi takes another sip of her coffee before putting them on top of the table, beside her black cap. She’s a bit wary of what they're going to do, or what they're going to talk about.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” The older girl asks like she could read Wheein's mind.

“Good idea” The black haired girl says. 

They finally agree on watching a rom-com movie, with cans of cola, one thick blanket wrapped on both of the girl's bodies, and suddenly a bowl of pop corn on the table. Byulyi sits closer to Wheein until their arms overlap each other for the blanket to fit both of them. Which makes Wheein’s heart beats a tad bit faster.

The room becomes dark as the movie starts. 

They are both engrossed on the movie as the plot progressed, sometimes chuckling when the characters crack a joke or two. After a while, Wheein feels really comfortable. She leans closer to Byulyi's body and rests her head on the girl's shoulder. She thinks Byulyi likes it, from the way she intertwines their fingers together.

When the bowl of pop corn and cans of cola are half empty, Byulyi asks her a question. “Are you feeling okay now?”

With just that one question, that one question that is asked with such a heavy and deep concern, Wheein feels her heart clench inside her chest, trying to held back her emotions from flooding her mind, before the feeling is too hard to contain. She then suddenly bursts into silent tears. She sobs quietly when she feels Byulyi’s arms wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her closer. Wheein buries her tears stained face on the girl's shoulder, wetting the girl's shirt.

Byulyi pauses the movie and the girl’s hair in a loving manner.

“You can cry Wheein-ie” She hears Byulyi says with such affection that Wheein feels her heart clench even more, and her tears bursting out of her eyes uncontrollably. She occasionally lets out a sob as her shoulder shakes violently. And when that happens, Byulyi hugs her even closer.

“Everybody is worried about you. They have tried, even Hyejin is extremely worried and hopeless.” She says. 

“I’m sorry I didn't do this earlier, there’s no other excuse than fearing you might treat me like you treated the others and I don't know how to approach you without you building a tall cold wall around you and pushing people out.” She continues.

Wheein grips the girl's shirt tighter when she thinks about her members’ effort to cheer her up.

“You know, Wheein-ah, you've always been special to me. I don't want you to bottle up everything inside of you alone, and I don't want you to push me away, I don't want you to act strong and put up a cold facade to prove all of us that you're okay. I'm worried about you, the members are, and I know it's hard to open up to other people, but the members and I, all care about you so much.”

She pauses.

“I care for you so much” she whispers.

Wheein feels her heart hammering inside her chest. Feeling thankful, loved, appreciated and somehow flustered and nervous at the same time.

After a few more minutes of Byulyi whispering sweet words to her and her hair softly, Wheein finally stops crying. She stays there on the girl's shoulder, feeling exhausted and drained, but light and relieved.

“I think you're really amazing” Byulyi breaks the silence.

Wheein perks up curiously.

“Putting up a strong wall when you're suffering greatly.” She says, “but that's unhealthy Wheein-ah”

The younger girl lifts her head up and looks at the older girl who is now smiling softly while brushing Wheein's black hair aside and wiping her remaining tears. 

“You have us.” She says, tucking the shorter girl's hair behind her ear after smoothing them. “You have me” she smiles.

Wheein smiles back. A genuinely shy and happy smile. A light blush decorates her face when Byulyi looks at her like she's the only person that matters in the whole universe.

“Thanks unnie” she shyly says.

“Anytime” she grins back.

After turning the TV off and tidying up their cans and foods, Byulyi and Wheein settles on the bed comfortably. Byulyi decides to have a sleep over and the younger girl doesn't mind at all. Being lonely now is not a good idea as well.

They cuddle while facing each other in the dark room. Wheein could barely make out the girl's features, but after her eyes get used to the dark, she finally notices the girl's loving eyes staring at her and her small smile on her lips.

“Thank you Unnie” Wheein once again says with a matching happy smile.

“Don't be.” Byulyi shakes her head a little. “I'm here anytime you need me” she says. When Wheein rolls her eyes, Byulyi chuckles, “well not here every time, but anytime you need someone to talk to, I'm just a call away” she explains

“I know unnie” Wheein grins.

They then stay silent, only staring at each other comfortably.

After a while, Wheein feels her eyes getting heavier within every second passing by. She feels her consciousness drifting away from her, probably from too much crying, but now she feels at ease and peace as the darkness consumes her, bringing her closer to a happier dreamland.

And just before she closes her eyes, she swears she hears Byulyi unnie saying, 

“I love you, Wheein-ah, good night.”

Or maybe it's just her imagination.

...

Wheein wakes up with a smell of a newly brewed coffee. She tries to open her eyes, only to groan in annoyance when the sun almost blinds her. She buries her face on her soft pillow when she smells a familiar vanilla scent. She jolts up when she remembers what happened last night. Her cheeks burn up a bit at her clingy and vulnerable side she showed.

She rubs her heavy eyes while walking away from the bed room lazily. The smell of coffee wakes her up a bit.

“Oh, you're awake” Byulyi greets her with a grin.

Wheein once again blushes, she averts her gaze to the coffee machine on the counter. “Thanks again for keeping me company” she mumbles shyly, looking up slightly to see Byul's expression.

“My pleasure, pretty” Byulyi winks.

Wheein scoffs at the usual greasy approach.

They both spend their morning happily with plates of toast and cups of coffee. Wheein feels much better now. She feels happier and lighter. Her smile is much more genuine and she genuinely enjoys her talk and jokes with Byulyi unnie.

So when Byulyi has to go to a recording, Wheein can't help but feel disappointed that their time is over.

Both of them now stands near the front door quietly, confused on how to bid goodbye to each other.

“I really enjoyed spending time with you” Byulyi says, “I'm going to miss you” She grins.

Wheein chuckles, “Cut out the grease unnie” , her expression then turns solemn,“I enjoyed it too” She says.

“I'll see you later? Or maybe tomorrow?” Byulyi stares at her hopefully.

Wheein blushes, “Yeah” she clears . “I'll text you” She averts her gaze shyly.

“Great!” Without looking at the older girl, she already knows that Byulyi has a huge grin on her face.

They both then stand quietly, one reluctant to go, one reluctant to let go.

Wheein then musters up her courage, ignoring  her erratic heartbeat and fluttering stomach. She looks up at Byulyi before taking a step closer and pecking her cheek in a speed of light. As soon as she does that, her whole face blushes in deep shade of red. She glances up at Byulyi's frozen and also red face before saying, “thanks again unnie, good luck with your schedule”

Wheein doesn't even give the older girl time to react before quickly pushing the girl out from her apartment. After the door closes, she smiles to herself, her heart thumping in excitement.

Of course, Wheein's anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt, and depression don't just disappear in one night. There are times when the day goes badly and there are times when the day goes greatly for her. But she has learned to open up a bit to her members about it, at least accepting their effort to cheer her up.

And whenever Wheein feels cold and dark, there's always Byulyi, who always holds her and embraces her, sharing her warmth and love. And whenever their fingers intertwined before appearing on stage, or whenever their eyes met before they started dancing, she feels like everything is going to be okay.

So now, her canvas starts to be colourful again. There’s still darkness over here and there, but now she has learned to paint them over with white and starts all over again. She has learned to paint with a bunch of colours. Yellow, blue, purple, pink.

And of course, the colour that is dominating her canvas.

Her favourite, the colour red.

The colour of Moon Byulyi.

__________

Thank you for reading! I appreciate it.