Stay awake, don't rest your head

 

Seokjin ran his fingers through Namjoon’s hair. He felt the tension in his boyfriend’s body ease up a bit, a relaxed sigh leaving his lips before being followed by a wet cough. Namjoon had been sick for days, and when they finally took him to the doctor he had been in critical condition. The infection had torn through his already weak immune system.

 

Don't lie down upon your bed

 

When Namjoon was healthier he insisted that it was nothing but a little cold, which would at worst become the flu. He was right about one thing, it turned into the flu. But Namjoon had always been stubborn about taking his medicine. And what started out as “a little cold” had turned into pneumonia. And now here they were, in the intensive care unit of the hospital.  

 

While the moon drifts in the skies

 

Seokjin let out a sigh before bringing the thin blanket on the bed up higher. Namjoon likes having his blanket up to his chin. He ran his fingers through his lover’s hair once again, noting that he would need to wash Namjoon’s hair since it was doused in sweat.

 

Stay awake, don't close your eyes

 

Visiting hours in the hospital had ended hours ago, but since Namjoon wasn’t on speaking terms with his family the doctors decided Seokjin could stay. Honestly it was one of the only times he could say he was grateful that Namjoon’s family hated them.  He drove Namjoon to the hospital after Namjoon complained about difficulty breathing. Seokjin knew if the doctors had kept him out of the room to wait for family to arrive he would have gone insane from how worried he was. As much as Seokjin wished he could sleep, he knew that something could happen to Namjoon as he slept. So he had been pumping caffeine into his system for the past three days to try to make up for the lost sleep.

 

Though the world is fast asleep

 

Seokjin looked through the window to the night sky. The sight of all the stars filled him with happiness, because Namjoon loved the night sky. Seokjin had been a victim of Namjoon’s ramblings about space and philosophy many times. He knew that even though he heard it all before he would still ask Namjoon to tell him about it again. Because nothing was more beautiful than the light that shone in Namjoon’s eyes when he was talking about something he was passionate about. Sometimes, when their neighbors were sound asleep in their beds, they would sit on the roof of their house to look at all of the stars in the sky. They would talk about their goals for the future, and what they hoped they would achieve together.

 

Though your pillow's soft and deep

 

Seokjin rearranged Namjoon’s pillows a little bit, just so he had something to do with his hands. Namjoon shivered a bit, his unfocused eyes following Seokjin as he flitted about the room. Seokjin quickly threw an extra blanket on Namjoon to help with the chill. Namjoon smiled a bit, and extended his arm out from under the covers. Seokjin grabbed it quickly.

 

You're not sleepy as you seem

 

Namjoon Seokjin’s knuckles with his thumb. He let out another wet cough before speaking in a whisper. “You know this isn’t your fault right?” Seokjin shook his head. “I knew your immune system wasn’t in the best shape but I still made you shovel all of that snow. And I know how you are about taking medicine but I never made you take it when you were supposed to. How is none of this my fault?” Seokjin said, tears gathering in his eyes. Namjoon let out a sigh. “But I wasn’t wearing enough layers to protect myself from the cold. And I stayed outside for hours even though I knew I shouldn’t have. And I’m a grown man, you shouldn’t have to force medicine down my throat like I’m a toddler. Stop beating yourself up over this.” Namjoon squeezed Seokjin’s hand before giving the back of it a small kiss. “None of this is your fault. Okay?” Seokjin nodded as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “Good.” Namjoon said, his eyes slipping closed.

 

Stay awake, don't nod and dream

 

The next thing Seokjin knew Namjoon stopped breathing. He pulled the emergency wire to alert the nurses. Everything after that moment felt like it went by too fast. It was all a blur of nurses and doctors rushing into the room. They tried everything they could to bring Namjoon back. But in the end there was nothing that could be done. All Seokjin remembers after that is going into hysterics and throwing himself over Namjoon’s body and refusing to be moved until the doctors had no other choice but to sedate him.

 

Stay awake, don't nod and dream