I can feel Baekhyun’s constant glances even as he drives us back to our penthouse. But I make it a point to keep my eyes up ahead on the windscreen even if I am not aware of the cars driving past or the traffic ahead of us. I just don’t want to look at Baekhyun right now.

The moment Baekhyun parks the car, I exit the vehicle without even waiting for him to turn off the engine. Flustered, my husband quickly plucks the key out of the ignition and gets out of the car, locking it as he jogs up to me. I can feel his anxious eyes on me but it is easy to ignore it when I am feeling so angry and betrayed by my own husband.

Baekhyun is smart though. He doesn’t say anything because he knows the moment he opens his mouth, I would blow my top again and yell my lungs out. So the tension festers around us, blowing up like a balloon as we take the lift up to our penthouse.

I am usually neat and tidy with my shoes but this time, I simply leave them haphazardly at the entrance. I can hear Baekhyun lagging behind to help me keep my sneakers in the shoe cabinet. While he does that, I storm my way up to our bedroom, take off my clothes and leave them on the floor like a child trying to piss off her mother, and run the water to fill up the bathtub with a lavender scented soap. I stand in front of the tub with my arms crossed, glaring at the water pouring out the stout as the transparent liquid turns bubbly. My ears perk at the sound of Baekhyun entering our room, his bedroom slippers making soft taps on the floorboard before stopping for a bit.

Just as I am stepping into the bathtub that is nearly filled, Baekhyun enters the bathroom with my clothes in his hands. I ignore him and settle down in the warm water, suddenly feeling even stuffier with the water surrounding me, like I have something heavy adding to the weight on my chest.

Baekhyun dumps my dirty clothes into the laundry basket and starts to walk over. I eye him cautiously, and the moment he bends over the bathtub and reaches his arm out for the tap, my right leg emerges from the bubbles to smack his hand away with my foot. He retracts his hand and looks at me in surprise and speechlessness.

“I’ll do it myself,” I snap at him with a deadly glare.

Baekhyun folds his lips inwards as he stands up slowly. He watches me lean forward to turn off the water before a flood happens. He stands there unmoving, simply observing me the entire time. I recline and rest against the bathtub, eyes shut so I don’t have to see the liar.

I know that it’s only a lie. One might argue that it’s not as if he cheated on me. (Well, I thought he did but I know Baekhyun wouldn't do that to me, which is probably why it was so hard for me to ask him about the lipstick stain that I now know belonged to Ruby.) But this isn’t just a lie. It’s a big, ing huge lie.

Baekhyun had always been a mafia leader even before he met me. It’s been three years since we first met and it is only now, today, that I found out about his secret that he conveniently didn’t tell me. When I thought I knew him the best, when I thought I was the closest person in his life, Baekhyun shows me that I am not, that I am actually clueless and stupid about his double life.

I take in a short breath and let it out, my eyebrows scrunching together in frustration. My ears perk at the sound of clothes being dropped into the laundry bag, making me pry my eyes open. To my surprise, Baekhyun is currently stripping. And when he is , I am amazed and horrified to see him walking towards the bathtub. I sit up quickly, making the water splash violently in the tub. Baekhyun leans forward to hold himself with the wall, his arm stretched out in front of him.

“Don’t you dare, Byun Baekhyun!” I shout up at him as he lifts his leg.

He stares at me with his head bent, looking over the bathtub and down at me. His black hair creates shadows on his features, making him look hotter and darker. The corner of his lip pulls up into a smirk and my heart starts to pound. His dark brown eyes twinkle with youthful mischief that I only see when he is with me. And then his foot dips into the bubbly water.

I am fuming as I watch him get into the bathtub, daggers shooting out of my eyes with the bull’s eye being Baekhyun’s face. Unlike the usual long baths we take together, Baekhyun doesn’t sit on the opposite end of the tub. Instead, he sits between the middle and the end of the tub so that he is close to me but not too much so that I have no space to stretch out my limbs. It is also good that he is sitting so close because then I get to slap the sole of my foot on his bare chest and give him a firm push. But all he does is grin and grab my leg, a hand on my calf and the other on the top of my foot. I try to pull my leg back but he holds onto it.

“Let me go!” I yell, pushing at his chest again.

Baekhyun chuckles in his soft, low voice that always makes my heart skip a beat. He the back of my foot as he stares at me with a deep gaze. “At least hear me out first, baby girl,” he says.

I keep glaring at him but stop kicking his chest. Baekhyun massages the back of my calf carefully the way I like it. “Hear, what?” I hiss, glancing down briefly at his pretty but rough fingers that are now massaging my toes. “How do I know you’re not lying to me again this time?”

“I’ve never lied to you.”

“You fu—”

“It was for your own good, baby,” he swears, quickly cutting my angry outburst.

“What good, Baekhyun?” I snap. “Nothing about it was—”

“Just give me 10 minutes, my love,” he pleads, my shin now as he looks at me apologetically. “I’ll explain everything.” I keep glaring at him, not saying anything because I am actually curious about this side of my husband that I have never known about before. Seeing that I am close to giving in, Baekhyun quirks a small, cheeky smile and jokes, “And if we have time we could even go way back to when I was a child and had constipation—”

“Byun Baekhyun!” I groan, shoving my foot against his pecs again with more force this time.

My husband laughs, his eyes crinkling into crescents and his lips stretching into a bright smile. It irks me that he is taking this so lightly. But I can’t seem to get too mad about it when I know that this is his way of cheering me up every time I get upset or angry at him. (It always works.)

Baekhyun clears his throat and brings my leg down from his chest to rest on his folded legs underwater. He carries my other leg that is uncomfortably wedged between the wall bathtub and his body, placing both my legs on his thigh as he caresses them underwater. I keep my eyes on him, watching him stare off to the side, trying to find a good starting point for his life story.

His face is now all clear of the youthful energy and the cheekiness. His pink lips are pressed into a thin line and his eyes are unreadable and dark. That’s when I suddenly realise that it is so extremely easy to see him as a mafia leader.

The thin lines on his face that can only come with stress and frustration. The dark, penetrating glare that I hardly ever see. The slight downward curls of his lips that he wears whenever he is in the presence of someone he isn’t acquainted with. The whole arm sleeve of tattoo. The big piece on his back.

How could I not have guessed it?

“My uncle was a mafia leader.”

I stop daydreaming when Baekhyun starts speaking, his first words already causing my eyes to flick up to him in surprise. But he is still looking away, no longer looking at me and giving me one of his impish expressions. He now rests a hand on my legs while the other is on the edge of the bathtub.

“My mother wouldn’t let her brother go near her children because she didn’t want us to turn out like him. But my uncle just kept sending us gifts anyway,” he murmurs. “My brother and I were his only nephews and he doted on us like we’re his sons even though we never got to meet our uncle since birth.”

I watch him carefully when he gets quiet. Baekhyun has never ever shed a tear before me and I wouldn’t pass an opportunity to see him cry. But he is as strong as he always is. He lets out a short hum and continues.

“When I was 13, I got an iPod as a present from my uncle. Back then it felt like I was only loved by him because my parents seemed to only push me to take more classes and for that, I was constantly bullied in school for being a nerd.” Baekhyun flickers his eyes to mine now, showing me that they’re shining with playfulness as his lips curl into a small smile. “Back then I was considered a prodigy because of my intelligence. Never would have thought, huh, baby?”

I never would have but I simply steel my face and give him a stink eye. He chuckles and reaches out to pinch my cheek, making me whine and slap at his hand. He is grinning when he drops his hand.

“I was, and still am, very good at tech. So I tracked my uncle down. He said, ‘Go home, kid’ when he saw me, like he already knew who I was. But when I told him I was bullied and beaten up in school, he stood there and listened to me. He was the first person to find out about the abuse I got in school. Then he finally stopped pretending and knocked my head, scolding me for being a pushover. He told me that he came by our school often just to see how me and brother were doing and saw me getting bullied a few times. So I begged him to teach me how to be tough like him.”

He has a ghost of a smile on his face, the memory of the first time he met his uncle playing in his mind. I can tell that he loved and respected his uncle a lot.

Baekhyun looks at me as if expecting me to relate to him, “And, you know, I’ve always thought that all gang leaders would be just like those in movies and dramas — rude, heartless, cruel. But my uncle was warm. He listened to my problems and taught me how to be brave.”

A soft, reminiscent smile graces his lips and his eyes turn all dreamy and dazed.

“He always brought me out to have good food and taught me how to fight like a man. When the bullies tried to beat me up, I showed them who’s boss and they never came near me again. And even though I had the bullies off my back, I still went to visit my uncle. He doted on me even more than he did before. I unknowingly got closer to him and his gang so that I became a part of his tribe.”

He pauses here for quite a while, finding it hard for him to continue his story. He swallows and glances down for a moment. The very action makes my heart ache. I have to resist the strong desire to reach out and comfort my husband, to pull him to my chest. But Baekhyun is strong. He takes in a deep breath and looks up with a plastered on smile.

“When I was 17, he got himself in a very bad rivalry situation with MK-14, which is another gang in town. He wouldn’t let me go with his team to fight even though I begged him to let me. Before he left, he told me that he loved me and that I was like a son to him. And that was the last time I ever saw him.” Baekhyun tears his gaze from the wall to focus on me. His eyes are shiny, not from mirth but from the unshed tears. “He was killed in a fight, backstabbed by one of his closest men. The second-in-command.”

My chest feels tight and my throat is closed up. My finger twitches. I want to hug Baekhyun so badly but my body won’t let me. It is painful to see my husband who has always been so strong and unwavering get so emotional like this. He swallows and sniffs, quickly looking away from me. He nods.

“Yeah. He died. When the other members found out who the traitor was, they killed him too. And since I was to inherit my uncle’s position after his right hand man, I ended up with the whole gang under me.”

“At 17?” I breathe softly, not quite wanting to say something, but too surprised not to say a thing.

Baekhyun smiles sadly at me. “Yeah,” he whispers. “My mother found out about my involvement in the gang when she saw me at my uncle’s funeral since everyone bowed to me and all that. She told me to quit and when I didn’t, she thought kicking my out of the house would make me listen.” He shakes his head. “Hyuk and Jae were entrusted with my uncle’s masters keys that I was going to inherit when I turned 21. But they gave them to me early so I had somewhere to stay. I also got all the money that he was left with, which was enough for me to live lavishly without having to work for at least the next 15 years.

“So obviously I wanted to dropout of high school, but Hyuk and Jae told me my uncle would have wanted me to graduate, so I did. But I never went to college. I dedicated my life to my uncle’s gang instead.”

“You never went back home? Is that why your parents didn’t come to our wedding?” I wonder quietly.

Baekhyun’s face twitches a tiny bit. He nods. “My brother doesn’t mind or care. But my parents hated that their prodigy son turned out to be a gangster.”

I purse my lips, feeling quite bad for Baekhyun. While I am always at loggerheads with my parents, I don’t think my mum and dad would ever disown me like that. But then again, if they find out that Baekhyun’s a gang leader, they most probably might do the same thing. Not that I would ever tell them about it. After all, I have always been on the defense ever since the first bring-my-boyfriend-to-meet-my-parents session.

After a while of silence, Baekhyun continues his story, “My uncle used a nightclub as a business front but I didn’t like the place and the music. So we moved to an internet café when I was 19. Stayed there until I was 23. Then moved to a mobile repair shop. Moved again a year later. I just kept moving because no business was to my taste. The gang kept growing and getting stronger. We became one of Seoul’s biggest mafia groups.”

I scoff under my breath and roll my eyes, which causes Baekhyun to chuckle quietly.

“Anyway, we moved to the café when I was 28. We all had to do barista courses and the worst thing about it was waking up early in the morning.” I can’t help the little smile playing on my lips because I can still remember Hyuk and Jae’s annoyed faces in the morning. “I was going to move a year or two later. But then…” Baekhyun tilts his head to the side slightly as he stares at me with the fondest, most loving smile on his lips. “But then you came, and you left, and I wanted to see you again, even if it meant getting all my potted plants destroyed—”

Baekhyun groans playfully at my little kick to his ribs. I roll my eyes at him when he grabs my foot and it as if trying to calm down an angry pup.

“I never enjoyed any female company, you know,” he tells me seriously. “Being in this trade, I had girls sit on my lap, I had them grinding on me for entertainment, even—”

“What’s your point?” I growl snappishly.

He cracks a grin at my jealousy. “You were different.” I hold my breath and hang onto every word he says now. “You were shy but playful. You were y without even doing anything. You made me feel like a man, not a mafia leader. Your entire being is just— It was, like— like home to me. It sounds so stupid but—”

“I understand, Baekhyun,” I whisper quietly, feeling my heart swell.

He blinks at me blankly for a moment before breaking out into the most beautiful, happiest smile. It makes the corner of my lip twitch upwards.

“I really, really liked you. Hyuk and Jae teased me everyday because I never came down in the morning but I started when you said you got the job at Nixon. You made it so easy to fall for you, too. The plant you made?” He shakes his head with a smile. “It was the cutest thing ever. I brought it home a week after that so I could see it on my bedside table.”

“It’s still on your bedside table,” I grumble, though my lips are threatening to form a happy grin.

Baekhyun beams at me. “It’s still so cute to me, and so thoughtful. I really couldn’t believe my luck when I found out that you actually like me back. I felt like I won the lotto.”

“Baekhyun,” I mumble with very red ears, nudging him lightly with my toe to get him to move on from this topic. He chuckles softly at my bashfulness. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were a gang leader?”

“Would you have gone out with me if I did?”

I pause for a moment, thinking about it. But when I take too long, he opens his mouth, about to say something. But I make a decision and quickly answer to his question.

“I would have.”

Baekhyun stops and stares at me, surprised by my answer. “You would?”

I nod, looking away as I mumble, “You would have been a thousand times hotter in my eyes.” Before Baekhyun’s lips are ripped apart by the wide smile growing on his face, I quickly ask, “So what’s the real meaning behind your tattoo?”

He is still grinning at me when he asks, “Which one?”

“The Chinese painting.”

“Oh. That was my uncle’s favourite painting. And I grew to love the quote because it is true.”

“The tiger?”

“The gang’s called White Tigers.”

I blink at him. “I got a tattoo of your gang on my body.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Which was why I got mad at you when you showed it to me.”

I purse my lips. Then I ask, “Why do you hate your gang?”

“I don’t hate it. It’s my life, baby.” He my shin. “I just hate being reminded of it when I am with you. Because it reminds me that I will never be good enough for you.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me even after we got married?” I ask quietly.

He nods. “The more I didn’t want to tell you after we got married. I didn’t want to have a taste of heaven and then have it taken all away from me. I know it’s selfish of me but I just can’t lose you.”

Baekhyun gazes at me with a look of utmost love and affection. My heart pounds so hard and so fast in my chest. It’s almost hard for me to breathe.

“I know it’s worse now that you found out this way. And I won’t blame you if you want a divorce,” he says softly, staring at me with eyes that seem to convey what an abyss of despair and sadness looks like.

My decision doesn’t need to be contemplated. I have thought about it after what happened at the café, and on the way back home. It took me only a second to come up with a conclusion.

“I’m not going to divorce you, Baekhyun,” I murmur, wanting so much to give him a consoling smile but all that appears is a blank stare. All the same, Baekhyun’s eyes light up with relief and happiness, and the undertone of his countenance brightens. I narrow my eyes into slits. “I’m going to stay with you and make you suffer for lying to me for all these years.”

“Torture me all you want, my queen,” he exclaims playfully, pulling his hands out of the water so quickly that droplets splash me in the face. I groan in annoyance and glare at him. But Baekhyun’s blanket will not be wet. He grabs my face with his wet hands and pulls me so close to him that I can see the bronze in his irises. “I love you,” he coos, rubbing the tip of his nose with mine.

Baekhyun pulls my face towards his, connecting our lips in a soft kiss. I don’t kiss him back, simply sitting there without refusal or acceptance. But when he kisses me for too long, I grunt against his lips and slap my hand to his chest, shoving him away to break the connection. Baekhyun is watching me with an affectionate smile, his eyes shining with tenderness. My heart rate starts to amp up. But I’m not letting him off the hook that easily this time.

So before my heart explodes, I look away quickly and mumble grumpily, “I hate you.”

Author's note:

I was meant to devote writing time to APA but i couldn't help it... i'm just.. so in love with this baekhyun???? SORRY TO THOSE WAITING FOR APA BUT I SWEAR THIS CHAPTER ONLY TOOK, LIKE, 4 HOURS IN TOTAL ok bye dont kill me pls i'm SOFT

xoxo